A week went by and everything felt as if nothing had even happened in the first place.
College was going well, even if exams were coming up soon.
I went to Mei’s place twice after classes. It was a bit further from campus than my place but the area she was living in seemed less noisy and chaotic than mine.
She had three roommates, all of which I met and were also really nice and cool people. They were all going to be at the Halloween party too.
Something I’d noticed was that all of Mei’s friends, and in general people she hung out with, were queer, which was great. I finally felt like I was in a safe space I could talk about anything in. Hearing some of their life stories and advice helped me to be more self-accepting, confident.
Mei herself told me about her growing up in a really conservative household, more or less like mine. Her family was on the verge of kicking her out when she came out to them, but with lots of time and patience not only they accepted her, but also became really supportive.
That gave me hope that maybe someday my parents would understand too, instead of just ignoring the whole situation.
I was overall having a good time, I felt quite relaxed and started to worry about stuff less and less.
One of the only problems I had was Sam. Well, not really a problem. But still.
I still was completely head over heels for her. At least I was finally able to properly focus during her classes, something I’d struggled with for the first weeks.
She seemed to have way more self control than I did. She just wanted to go back to acting like we did before everything happened, and it appeared to be easy for her.
We’d met out of college like three times, but each time she got remotely too close to me I couldn’t help but remind myself of our kiss and how it felt.
It took all of my strength to distance myself from her when that happened.
I just wanted to be able to kiss her again. Well, not only kiss her. Whatever.
And I know she wanted to too, because I caught her staring at my lips a few times. But she was so confident that she didn’t even appear bothered by the awkwardness of me noticing.
I didn’t understand how she could act so relaxed after we basically admitted we liked each other. Maybe it was better that way.
“What are you doing for Halloween?” I randomly asked her one day, as we were sitting on her couch while eating pizza.
“Probably getting wine drunk alone here. Unless you wanna stop by” she shrugged.
“Oh, uhm, I’ve been invited to a party. Even though the idea of going doesn’t feel really appealing to me” I laughed.
“You should go. Enjoy your youth while you can”
“Oh come on, don’t act like you’re fifty years old” I joked.
“That’s how I sometimes feel like” she said, picking up her glass and sipping the dark liquid inside it.
“Well, you certainly don’t look like it” I shrugged.
“Thanks for the compliment, I guess” she laughed.
I loved hearing her laugh, it somehow made me really happy. Her usual voice was kind of deep sounding, but her laugh made it seem as if it was suddenly higher than it actually was.
As much as I wanted to accept Sam’s invitation I knew it wasn’t a good idea for us to be alone and drunk, seeing how it ended up last time. And she probably wasn’t serious about it anyway.
A few days before the party I went to Mei’s place, since she had to show me the costume she’d found for me. Which didn’t exactly end up being something I’d be usually willing to wear.
“Nope. I can’t go outside dressed like that. What’s it supposed to be anyway? ” I asked as soon as she showed me the outfit.
It looked more like a bikini to me. Not that I had anything against people who wear short clothes. It just wasn’t for me, I didn’t feel comfortable in them.
“It’s a devil! Come on, just try it on at least” she said, jokingly pouting.
“I’ve never seen a devil who dresses like this” I scoffed, taking it in my hands. “Well, I've never seen a devil. But fine. I’ll try it on and then we’ll see” I added, walking towards the bathroom.
The costume was basically a red vest top that covered your skin until your underboob, a pair of high waisted black and red shorts, which were also long enough to just about cover your butt, and a red headband with horns attached to it.
Once I’d put it on I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like I almost didn’t recognize myself. I barely even saw what the skin between my breasts and legs looked like, since I’d always cover it up.
“Woah, you look amazing!” Mei screamed in a definitely too loud voice as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom.
“Well, I don’t feel amazing” I said, trying to cover myself up with my arms as much as I could.
“Who looks amaz- Oh! Look at you! You look so hot ,girl!” Alex, one of Mei’s roommates, also screamed as he stepped out of his own room, probably having heard us.
“I feel uncomfortable. I mean, I like it. Just not on me” I said, looking at myself in the mirror that was hanging from the wall in the living room.
“I get that,” Alex said, walking towards us across the corridor. “But sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is good for your self confidence, you know? I used to be scared to wear anything that wasn’t a boring old t-shirt but hey, look at me now”. He was wearing a top that was basically the same length as my costume, and looked better than me in it for sure. But I got his point.
“Okay, valid” I sighed. “I guess it is a party, after all. And everyone will be dressed up”
“Exactly! Look, our outfits are quite revealing too and you don’t normally see us around wearing that kind of stuff. Well, not me at least” Mei laughed.
“Can’t even contradict you on that one” Alex said.
“Okay then. Just because I like y’all and want to make you happy” I said as I jokingly nodded my head.
“Yess!” they screamed in unisone, as Mei hugged me. The voice volume of everyone in that flat was always higher than anything I was used to.
“Alex is right, you look incredibly hot. You’re gonna pull so many girls. Or boys, I guess. Or whatever” she raised an eyebrow, reminding me of Sam’s expression when she’d say stuff like that.
I laughed, trying to hide the fact that I could “pull” as many people as I wanted to but I couldn’t care less if they weren’t Sam.
There were a few days of classes left before a small break. I was happy to get a bit of a pause but not so happy at the thought of having to do exams when we went back.
On Halloween day, the first day of break, I’d arranged to meet up at Mei’s place in the afternoon, so that we could get ready and go to the party together. I’d been in New York for more than two months but still struggled with the whole subway situation. I didn’t want to risk finding myself in the wrong part of the city.
As I was leaving my building and opened the front door I suddenly found myself in front of no other than Sam, who I supposed was just coming back from somewhere. It never occured to me that in more than two months we’d almost never bumped into each other there.
“Why, hello there” she said, taking her sunglasses off and placing them in her black handbag. “Where are you off to?”
“Hey” I smiled. “I’m going to Mei’s house to get ready and stuff”
“Oh. Right. Well, have fun then. Don’t drink too much at the party. Even though you wouldn’t even without me telling you, knowing you”
“Sure thing” I laughed. “What about you, enjoying your break?”
“Just because students don’t have class it doesn’t mean we don’t have to work” she chuckled. “I was just coming home from some paperwork organizing in my office. It’s quiet there since most of the professors around are old men who seem scared of me for some reason”
“Oh. Sorry to hear that” I said, actually not knowing if what she’d told me was supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing.
“No, it’s okay. I enjoy it” she said as a smirk appeared on her face. The same smirk that made me feel as if my body was suddenly on fire each time I saw it.
“Well, you’d better get yourself going. Wouldn’t want you to be late because of me”
“Yeah. I should. Bye then!” I smiled, trying to resist the urge to tell her I wouldn’t mind anything happening because of her. In fact, I would have done anything that had to do with her.
“Hope you enjoy your party” she said as she opened the door behind me and entered the building, probably unintentionally brushing her hand on mine, causing shivers to cover my body for an instant.
I shook the feeling away and managed to get to Mei’s place, after an about twenty minute subway ride.
I’d promised that I’d do everyone’s makeup, since Mei always insisted on telling people how good at is I was. I’d actually always enjoyed doing my makeup and learning stuff about it, as well as doing other people’s makeup.
I’d say my style was not typically feminine, quite androgynous if you wanted to define it, but having makeup on never failed to make me feel way more self-confident.
After doing Mei’s, Alex’s and their other two roommates' makeup I did my own, trying to match everyone’s costume color scheme. Mei and Alex were doing the classic Joker-Harley Quinn couple costume. Except Mei was Joker and Alex was Harley, which I found pretty cool.
I started to grow more confident in my costume, feeling almost excited to wear it. Mei pointed out how well it went with my hair color.
When I was younger I hated having ginger hair and always would say I wanted to dye it when I was older, but I ended up changing my mind and realizing how much I actually love it. And other people seemed to like it too, so that’s that.
The party was supposed to start at 7pm, but according to Mei it was common sense to not arrive completely punctual, so we left the flat at that time and arrived at 7:30.
She’d told me that the party was at her friend’s house, and that this friend was definitely richer than us. But I wasn’t expecting a house as big as it actually was.
It was a two floor house in the New York suburbs. As soon as you entered it you could see the backyard and the pool through an enormous glass door.
Way more people than I could count were already invading every space of the house, dancing to some loud music that was playing on the speakers, laughing and talking in both big and small groups.
The whole crowd appeared to be more diverse and inclusive than I ever was used to, which was also really cool and exciting to me.
“Told you you’d be amazed” Mei laughed, probably seeing the expression on my face.
“Damn” was the only thing I could say.
“Yeah, I know” she said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. Alex and her other friends had already disappeared in a group of people. “Let’s get the fun started, then” she said, dragging me through the crowd in what looked like the living room.