Dedicated to timmycham , Its3_2 mybabies___bts
Third person's POV:
Ji ah was sitting in the living room but it was his living room. Knowing that Han seojun would be at another shoot, she agreed to have the piano session with Han Go woon at her home as the girl had gotten herself a keyboard.
Since Han Go woon started seeking guidance from her brother in singing, she has also been taking piano classes from Ji ah. That's why they were hanging out together during lunch at school today because That's when they practice with that big piano sitting in the school's music room.
"Uni! Uni!" Ji ah snapped out of it upon hearing Go woon's rather frustrated voice. "Yeah! Yeah! You're doing great! Spot on!" Ji ah said and Go woon ah gave her that Grinch glare. Ji ah had no idea what she was saying or asking and she just went with it but now she knew that she didn't go with it the right way as Go woon gave her that resting bitch face.
Ji ah: "What??"
Go woon: "I haven't even plugged it in yet! Because I can't figure it out and I guess that's what you're here for! To help me figure this out"
"Oh boy! I zoned out again!" Ji ah mentally panicked
Ji ah: "Sorry! I was just.."
Go woon: "Distracted! Yeah I know, because that's how you've been all day"
Ji ah can't deny it because that's what she's been doing since she laid eyes on him this morning at school. The way Han seojun stood by the window sill, sunlight enchanting his features and that severe work mode. Although his cold, indifferent demeanor hurt, she couldn't complain, can she?
"I think that's enough piano for today" Mi Hyang's voice cut in as She strolled into the living room and ushered Go woon-ah to her room. Ji ah was the culprit here and the worst part... they didn't even treat her like one. Ji ah flickered her gaze away from Mi Hyang's, she felt too guilty to make eye contact with her, Ji ah tried to gulp the guilt but none of it went down, so she stood up from the couch in order to leave.
Ji ah: "I... I should get going" she bowed and walked past Mi Hyang.
Mi Hyang: "You're more than just his girlfriend to me"
Ji ah stopped in mid tracks and turned around, facing Mi Hyang once again.
Mi Hyang: "You know that right?!" she inquired
Ji ah's gaze dropped down to her feet, guilt crawling in again, "Emmo!... It's not..."
"You call me Emmo and every time I happen to be around, you run away as if you've committed a crime" Mi Hyang cut in.
Ji ah: "I broke your son's heart, I think that qualifies"And silence fell upon them as Ji ah stayed rooted to her spot.
"Come here!" Mi Hyang tapped the empty space beside her and Ji ah hesitantly took the spot next to her on the couch. Mi Hyang took hold of Ji ah's hand in both of hers as she spoke again "How have you been?"
Ji ah forged a polite smile "I'm ok "
Mi Hyang: "If this is what you call okay? Then he's ok too" and Ji ah's smile dropped.
"I've never seen anyone so lost in his own home," Mi Hyang told her, she knew her son well enough, he never ever let any of his pain show but this time, it was so deep that he couldn't conceal any of it.
Mi Hyang: "He loves you, and you love him"
Ji ah: " I do, I do not deny that but he deserves better. You see... I'm not the kind of person someone should fall in love with"
That one statement was enough for Mi Hyang to understand where Ji ah was coming from, as she knew almost everything about her but Ji ah didn't have any idea about that.
After a few moments of silence, Mi Hyang broke it "When my husband passed away, I felt that I wasn't worthy of having this life. I forgot my kids, I forgot being a mother, and all I could remember was being his wife. Without him, the mere process of breathing felt like a crime."
Ji ah was now looking at her, trying to register that Mi Hyang was sharing THAT phase of her life with her. Her grasp around Mi Hyang's hand got tighter as she waited for her to continue.
Mi Hyang: "My life was like an endless loop of sadness but then your grandmother saved me, and I started to have these brief moments with her where my life wasn't sad every second of the day and after a while, those brief moments began to outweigh the sadness"
Everything that Mi Hyang said, Ji ah understood every single bit of it because Halmeoni saved her as well. She saved her, when she had no one, had no purpose, had no one to live for. But after she got in touch with halmeoni, Ji ah started living for her.
Mi Hyang continued "I've watched my son go through that same phase after he lost his friend and you... Ji ah-yah! You saved him. His sadness blossomed into happiness right before my eyes since you showed up."
These words tugged at her heart and her eyes shot open wide. Something inside her stirred because what Mi Hyang gave her credit for, was not something trivial.
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Ji ah was now sitting in the therapist's office, with Mi Hyang's words still ringing in her ears. The door creaked open and her therapist rushed in huffing, "Sorry! I kept you waiting, it's just been one of those days" she excused herself and collapsed on her chair.
"By the way how did that commission work of yours go? You were pretty stressed about it" Her therapist asked as she looked through her file. Ji ah blew out a steady breath to take her mind off of today's events as the session began.
it's been about 20 minutes and it was going pretty well, just the routine stuff until the next question.
Doctor: "Let's take a change of course here! you told me that you came here with one lesson that you won't care about people's opinions then what changed?"
Ji ah: "Well, I came here and nobody knew so I got tempted to keep it that way"
Doctor: "So you're saying that if someday people here find out then you'll move again to some other place where nobody knows and the cycle will repeat itself"
Ji ah: "No! That's not what I meant! If finding out changes their behavior towards me then they are the rotten ones"
Doctor: "If that's how it is then why did you break up with your boyfriend?"
Ji ah never talked about him, she didn't tell her anything then how did she know? "Who told you?" Ji ah asked.
Doctor: "No one"
Ji ah: "How come you know that I had a boyfriend?" Han seojun booked these sessions for her, did he tell her? Ji ah thought to herself.
Doctor: "When you had that panic attack, a guy stayed by your side all the time, he registered you for these sessions, and he even stopped by to know how you are dealing with this therapy."
Ji ah: "OK I get it! But it still doesn't explain the break-up part"
Doctor: "The glint you both had in your eyes isn't there anymore plus if you two were still together, he would've been here with you for every sitting"
Ji ah went silent, her gaze dropped down to her hands resting in her lap and she started fumbling with them. She didn't want to have this conversation, not right now, not ever.
"I purposely avoided this topic but I think it's about time that you talk to me, why did you do it Ji ah?" her therapist repeated her question.
Ji ah stopped fidgeting and lifted her head up to look at her doctor, "Because he is not just some people. His opinion matters and I can't see him changing like other people, I'm scared because I don't want him to turn out as rotten as the others. So I ran away, to avoid every possible situation that'll lead me to open up to him." she sighed, her shoulders slumping with it.
Doctor: "Do you really think he's that kind of a person?"
That question forced Ji ah to recall everything that happened in his room a few days back, he bought her cards and kept them, turned into an anonymous follower to encourage her without giving her a chance to doubt herself.
Ji ah: "Deep down I somewhat think that he's not but that's not the only point he'll become a potential target because of me and I don't want to burden him with myself! this healing I don't know when will I heal"
Doctor: "Healing doesn't have to be a lonely experience Ji ah. This fear that surges through your veins all you need is something merrier to mask it."
" I'm not saying that it'll disappear, the fear will resurface from time to time but it'll be minute, almost insignificant that's what healing is and that boy can help you heal"
That's exactly what Mi Hyang told her today. Both of these women telling her the same thing on the same day!? Was that some kind of signal? Even if it was, then why was she still so unsure?
Ji ah: "Why am I still skeptical then?"
Doctor: "You never trusted him, you don't love him."
Ji ah: " I do and that's the reason I'm so scared."
Doctor: " Ji-ah the only person we trust in our life is ourselves. when it comes to trusting others, it means that you're trusting yourself that you'll handle the heartbreak when that person will betray you. That you'll be ok to deal with it and let go of that person."
JI ah: " If that's what trust is then why is it so hard to let go of him?"
Doctor: "Because he never betrayed you! You're assuming that he will but to find out you have to face him. You took a risk of falling in love and now you're running away without even facing the consequences.
Tell him everything and see what happens. what is there to lose any way you're already broken up? Remember oohs are temporary but what ifs are forever."
It all made sense to Ji ah now, She could see it now, if Han seojun does turn his back on her then it'll be easier for her to let go, and she'll get closure. May even start hating him a bit and if the opposite happens... her heart was about to explode with that one possibility.
Ji ah wanted to know, she wanted to know right then and there and that was not possible by just sitting in that gloomy office.
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"Where is he?" Ji ah yanked her hair in frustration, getting out of the hospital, the first thing Ji ah did was to call Han seojun but that guy was not responding.
Ji ah called Han Go woon to find out about his shoot location and decided to run her way there. The crew was starting to pack up at the studio when Ji ah reached there.
She stood awkwardly there for a second not knowing what to do or who to ask as there was no sign of Han seojun but a super pissed photographer.
Guess the shoot's over! Just when Ji ah was about to leave, the photographer turned around and their eyes locked in the weirdest way possible. He was giving off "don't piss me off vibes" as Ji ah stood there, fumbling with the hem of her sleeve.
"Are you guys done already? That was a quick one! Impressive!" She was trying not to offend him.
"Who are you? And what are you doing here?" He asked obviously annoyed
Ji ah: "Nevermind I just came here for Han seojun"
"That punk just left in the middle of the shoot after hearing that stupid song! Who cares about an all-boys band anyway Aish! That little..."
The photographer was just talking to himself because Ji ah was hooked on the word "Song?"
"What song?" She voiced her thoughts without even realizing and a crew member played the song excitedly, taking out his earbuds as he was listening to it and then it dawned on her.
It was that song, she told Han seojun that it was "His Song" and now she knew where to find him.
Ji ah: "How long has it been?"
"You just missed him by a couple of minutes or.." Ji ah didn't listen to what he said afterward as she rushed out of the studio.
She took a cab to Move entertainment, praying all the way "Don't do anything wreckless! Just don't!" She kept saying while dialing his number but he was still unresponsive.
As they neared the building Ji ah could feel her stomach drop and her heart was in her throat. She felt nauseating like she would throw up any time now, something was off.
She could see the huge building now but the crowd gathered at the signal crossing was impossible to ignore. There was an accident!
Ji ah paid the cab driver, getting out of the cab she began to move towards the crowd. Why was she merely walking and not running? She didn't know herself either.
Gulping down the huge lump in her throat she pushed her way through the crowd and anyone could see life leaving her eyes when they fell on Han seojun sprawled on the ground.
Suddenly it felt difficult to breathe and she started heaving, frozen at her spot. Was he going to die? Him too? "Call the ambulance!" Someone shouted and the next moment she was kneeling down beside him, taking hold of his face with her shaking hands. Hot tears cascaded down her face, blurring her vision.
Was he hallucinating? Yes! That must be it because there's no way that Ji-ah was cradling his face, telling him "Look it's me! I'm here! You're gonna be alright!"
It can't be her. But the fact that at this moment, all he could see was her. It seemed so funny and ironic that he couldn't hold back the sheepish, loop-sided smile to emerge on his face.
"Han seojun! It's me! I'm here!" Ji ah told him. Through her clouded vision, she saw him smile and a grateful chuckle escaped her mouth which soon turned into a sob when she saw his eyes shut close.
He had some scratches and there wasn't any blood but the fact that Han seojun was struggling to stay awake was enough to scare the living daylights out of her.
He can't leave her, not now, not ever. Not when she was finally ready to cross all the hurdles.
Han seojun closed his eyes due to the unbearable pain he was feeling. A smile still plastered on his lips when he heard her sob and a tear collided with his cheek. That's when he realized that it was not just his head messing with him, she was there.
The next thing that flashed through his mind was to let her believe that he was ok. Han seojun opened his eyes and met with the sight of her tear-stained face. Han seojun feared that Ji ah will blame herself for this mishap. She'll think that people around her always end up being hurt.
He didn't want her to think like that, not even the slightest. With the little strength left inside him, Han seojun lifted his hand to her cheek, merely touching it. "I'm not going anywhere" he managed to speak that much and his eyelids began to drop again.
Ji ah let out another painful sob and held onto his hand on her cheek. "Don't you dare close your eyes! Stay awake, please! Please!" She desperately urged.
And that's the last thing Han seojun heard before his world went dark. "No! Seojun- ah!" She cried "Han seojun!!!" Ji ah shook him, desperately trying to get a response out of him but he was nothing but a limp body.
Sirens could be heard as the ambulance finally arrived and that's when Ji ah noticed that a few feet away lay another body.
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"Can't you just be a little careful? We were so scared!" Go woon-ah scolded her brother while stepping into the elevator. Han seojun put on his goofy smile and danced, standing before them as the elevator closed taking his family along with it.
As soon as they left, he turned around to go back to his room when he caught sight of the man he hated the most. Lee su ho's father, was probably off to check up on his son so Han seojun decided to wander around for a bit. He didn't want to witness their father-son reunion or whatever.
Han seojun turned sideways, ready to walk away when he caught a glimpse of someone from the corner of his eye, her head popped out, and the rest of the body was hidden behind the wall.
Of course, he wasn't shocked, he knew all along that Ji ah was there. She had been there all this time, she was the one to inform his family. He wasn't fully unconscious and remembered her face vividly when he was being carried on the stretcher and he was glad that it was not a mere hallucination.
But the fact that she was hiding behind walls like a stalker and didn't come rushing to see him as soon as he gained back his consciousness was a turn-off. If she was still not willing to come to him then she had to stop sticking around.
Han seojun knew that it might be because of the self-blaming habit she had but whatever the reason may be, it couldn't be more than his life or death. Exhaling with disappointment, Han seojun made a beeline for the corridor.
Ji ah poked her head out again, scanning the area but Han seojun was not there anymore. Phew! She almost got caught there. Sighing, she closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall. She didn't know why was she hiding. Ji ah was dying to see him and talk to him but she feared that he might still be mad at her and treat her with the same cold behavior.
Exhaling again, she opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was a hospital gown. No, actually it was a broad chest, covered in the hospital gown. Her eyes slowly traveled up his chest, from his collarbone all the way up to his chiseled jaw which was partially covered with a patch.
Ji ah paused there on purpose, mustering up some more courage to meet his eyes. She noticed him gulping, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down and her eyes flickered to his lips and then to his eyes on their own accord
She was staring up at him like she wanted to throw her arms around him. Like she wanted to kiss him. "And believe me, if she did either of those things right now I would more than welcome it." Han seojun thought to himself.
She was standing with her hands at her sides like she didn't know what to do with them. She lifted her right hand and brought it across her chest, squeezing the bicep of her left arm. Her gaze shifted to her feet.
"You're okay." Her voice came out extremely unsure of itself. Han seojun was not sure if she was asking him a question or making a simple observation but he nodded anyway. She blew out a soft breath, and her relief was something Han seojun was unknowingly anticipating.
Her gaze lifted up again to meet his and Han seojun was not sure what was happening at that second, but they both simultaneously took a quick step forward. Neither of them stopped until her arms were wrapped around his neck and his one arm was wrapped around her back, the IV stand stood forgotten beside them and they both gripped one another in a desperate hug.
Ji ah tilted her face toward his neck and inhaled the scent of him. It immediately brought tears to her eyes and her body started trembling from the impact of her silent cries. The only sound audible at the moment was her sobs and Han seojun's grip around her got tighter.
He buried his face in the crook of her neck, holding her a little closer and they remained like that, clinging to each other until her tears subsided.
They let go of each other but remained close enough and could still feel each other's hot breath.
"For the day I met you I knew you'll get hurt eventually that's how it always ends up with me" she managed to speak through her hiccups. "that feeling of never seeing you again..." She sniffled, she just couldn't stop any of it.
Han seojun was feeling so many emotions all at once. Happiness and gratitude that she cared so much about him, sorrow at how vulnerable she was, and remorse because it seemed like she was going to leave again.
The fact that any of them could die at any moment and she was still facing trouble in expressing and accepting the love they had for each other because her brain gets caught up in the caution zone is insane. It made him sad.
They were still at square one, he failed once again...
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything that feeling of never seeing you again I don't want to feel like that ever again I'm sorry I pushed you away" her words halted his train of pessimistic thoughts. He was not expecting her to say that
Ji ah was hysterical, she was at her wit's end "I know I can't get another chance and that you don't want me anymore but I don't hold it against you..."
He cut in "I want you.... - he paused - I do but I want all of you"
"I don't mind that" she instantly replied.
Their lips met each other halfway in a hungry kiss. This time it was different, needy, and passionate. Ji ah was cradling his face with her both hands and Han seojun pulled her closer with one arm, his other arm wrapped up in a cast got somewhat squished between their bodies and he winced.
At once, Ji ah moved away from him, her forehead creased. "I'm sorry! Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Her concerned voice brought a lazy smile to his face. He slowly walked closer toward her as her back collided with the wall.
Han seojun plastered himself against her "That's better" saying that, he leaned in, and the faint smile on his lips disappeared as their lips reconnected. She kissed him and he kissed her, she smiled in between and so did he.
They didn't stop until her brain started screaming "You are in a hospital!!" And she pulled away, Han seojun groaned in protest, his eyebrows pinched together when he fluttered his eyes open.
Ji ah chuckled at his expression, her eyes gleamed with happiness, and she could feel herself glowing. Ji ah cupped his cheeks "Han seojun??!" She called him in an inquiring tone
"Hmm," he responded with a not-so-pleased face. She found it so cute, and pinching his cheeks together she spoke up
"I love you too, Seojun-ah!".....
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My internet is super shitty, I'll add in the photos and gifs later. For now, enjoy the writing, don't forget to hit that little star below and also share your feedback. It keeps me going. Until next time! Happy Reading! _Max