hey! so this is a re-write of a one shot I wrote a month or so after I got into a car accident. everyone was fine, but it was obviously a very scary experience, and I had a lot of trouble riding in cars for months afterwards. the way that scar experiences riding in a car for this oneshot is how I felt afterwards
WARNING! This oneshot contains hints of car crashes and panic attacks. If these topics make you uncomfortable or cause you panic, I'd advise you don't read this oneshot, but it's your personal opinion.
but yeah new writing that's not from years ago :O
WC: 2.5k
"SCAR!"
Scar sighs affectionately and looks up from the towels he was folding, to see his boyfriend come skidding into the room. "Scar, I promise I looked in all the places you told me to," Grian whines, adjusting his glasses, which had slid askew down his face. "I just can't find it!"
Scar laughs and gets to his feet, saying, "You owe me one of your epic pancake breakfasts if I find it almost immediately." Grian runs back down the hallway and Scar follows him, barking a laugh when he sees the state of their bedroom. Clothes and blankets and pretty much everything in the room is strewn across the floor, including Grian's glasses case, which Scar carefully picks up from under a Concorp t-shirt. "See?!" Grian exclaims, throwing his arms and wings up in the air in defeat. "I've looked everywhere!" Scar steps past Grian, knowing exactly where to look, and opens the cupboard in the corner of the room. Grian groans as Scar reaches onto the top shelf and pulls down exactly what Grian was looking for; his one hundred SPF sunscreen.
"Are you kidding me?!" Grian cries, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Of course I didn't find it up there! I'm too short!" Scar snorts and lightly tugs on one of Grian's wings, saying, "Wings, Gri, remember?" Grian sighs heavily and leans dramatically into Scar, who laughs. "I'm hopeless, Scar," Grian drawls, and Scar lightly kisses the shorter hermit's head. "Lucky you've got me around, eh?" he jokes, stepping around the piles of clothes to leave the room. "Better get pancake mix on the way to the beach!" he adds, and Grian groans from the bedroom.
Maybe half an hour later, they're finally ready (in Scar's opinion; Grian's still running around in a panic trying to find things). "Scar, where's my sketchbook?!" Grian yells from the bathroom, and Scar snorts. "Probably not in the bathroom, Gri!" he calls back, and Grian sighs loudly. "I know, but it's not anywhere else!"
Scar shoulders the duffel bag full of their supplies. "Why do you need your sketchbook?" he asks, and Grian appears from the hallway. The shorter hermit shrugs. "In case inspiration strikes," he replies, and Scar shakes his head with a laugh. "Why don't you save the inspiration until we get back home?" he says, putting his shoes on. "I can't remember it for that long!" Grian exclaims, and Scar gives his boyfriend a smile. "Hey," he says, "it's just the beach. You don't have to worry so much, Grian." Grian hesitates, his eyebrows creased, before he sighs. "Sorry," he says, laughing a little. "You're right. Just the beach." He grins, bouncing on his toes in newfound excitement. "Let's go, then, to 'just the beach'!" Scar laughs and pushes open the door, Grian bounding past him onto the porch, towards-
Scar's heart falls through his high-tops.
The car.
He feels like facepalming. Of course we have to take the car. How could I forget? He catches himself before he can freeze up completely and forces himself to walk towards the car, ignoring how his hands are shaking. Grian knows that he doesn't drive, and he knows why, but he doesn't know that Scar is still terrified of being in a car. Scar numbly puts the duffel bag in the back and climbs into the passenger seat, barely hearing Grian's excited rambling. It'll be okay, he thinks, desperate to calm himself down before Grian notices. Just...don't think about it. Think about how fun the beach will be. Think about how happy Grian is that we're going.
Think about anything but the fact that you're in a car.
Grian flips the radio on and backs out of the driveway, and Scar tries to loosen the tight feeling in his chest. The roads around their house are easy for Scar to handle; slow, barely any cars, tiny. It's the big highway that Scar knows they have to take to get to the beach that terrifies Scar. It's the main way to get anywhere important in their area, unless you want to pay to take a train. Grian is talking about some movie he wants to see, and Scar is doing his best to follow the conversation and supply a response when needed, but it's proving to be quite difficult; his responses are clipped and short. Grian doesn't seem to notice, though. Even as they turn onto the highway and Scar has the sides of the leather seats in a white-knuckled grip, Grian doesn't notice. Scar doesn't know whether to be hurt or relieved by that; he's too busy panicking.
Every car that zips past them makes him flinch; he knows it's impossible to focus on every single aspect of their situation, but he can't help but worry about everything. If that red car had turned a second sooner, it would have hit us. If we were going a little bit faster, that bus would have t-boned us. What if one of our tires blows? We would spin off the road, and we would smash into that car over there and slide into the ditch...
Grian has fallen silent by now; perhaps he clued into the fact that Scar hadn't made a single sound in a while. The radio is the only sound that aids their silence, along with the slight thrumming of the engine and the whooshing of passing cars. Grian is humming along to whatever song is playing; Scar doesn't bother trying to figure out what song it is. He's too paranoid about a car to their right that could potentially hit them if it changed lanes.
"Scar?" Grian says, and Scar jumps, jerking away from the window. "Y-yeah?" he replies, forcing his shaking hands into his lap. Grian pauses for a second, his eyebrows creased. They stop at a light, and Grian briefly turns to Scar as he says, "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Scar barely stops himself from flinching; he knows something's wrong. "Yeah, of course," he says, refusing to meet Grian's sky-blue eyes. Because he knows that if he does, he'll crack and spill everything. Grian stays looking at Scar for a moment, longer, but then his attention is taken back to the road by the light turning green. "Okay, just making sure you know," he adds, and Scar nods tensely. It gives him a sick, guilty feeling in his chest, lying to Grian like that. But what other choice does he have?
Not long after that, traffic crawls to a stop, the stream of cars lined up far in front of them. Grian sighs and leans back in his seat, turning up the radio. Scar feels the tightness in his chest finally subside, and he nearly lets out a sigh of relief. As long as he ignores the fast-moving line of cars beside him, it's almost complete respite. Thank goodness, I thought my brain was going to overload with the amount of different outcomes to all these situations.
Just as he's starting to let himself relax a little, out of the corner of his eye, he sees Grian sit back up a little with a short inhale. And then he mutters something that completely spikes Scar's anxiety; something that sounds like, "gonna try to pull out here." Scar's heart leaps into his throat, but not in a good way. Before he even has time to react, Grian, whose eyes had been on the rear-view mirror for maybe thirty seconds, jerks the steering wheel to the side and steps on the gas.
They rocket out of the line of traffic, right out into the fast lane. Right out into where Scar's not prepared to be, at all. He lets out a terrified shriek, bracing his arms against the dashboard and the console, and Grian nearly jumps out of his skin. "WH-" Just as Grian is about to yell something, Scar cries, "STOP THE CAR!" Grian goes dead silent, and then takes a shaky breath and nods. He turns onto the next exit and onto an empty dirt road, where he pulls over into the grass. By now, Scar has tears streaming down his face and his heart is still racing. "Scar..." Grian begins softly, turning to look at the hermit beside him, and a sob escapes Scar's lips. "I'm sorry, Gri, I'm so sorry," he says, pressing one of his palms into his eye. "No, no, no," Grian rushes, putting a hand on Scar's arm. "It's okay, it's totally fine." His blue eyes are gleaming with concern, though, as he meets Scar's eyes. "What happened, Scar?" he continues, and Scar sighs shakily. "I- I'm really sorry, Grian...I lied about knowing that I could tell you everything." He blinks back more tears as he goes on. "I was- I thought it was stupid, I just- Grian, I'm still scared of being in a car." His voice goes quiet as he admits it, his hands pulling at the fabric of his pants. Grian is silent for a moment, and then Scar feels hands on his own, gently prying his fingers off the fabric. "Scar, you could have told me," he says softly, putting a hand on Scar's face and gently tilting his head up so their eyes meet. "I don't think that's stupid, not at all. I totally understand why it makes you uncomfortable; it makes perfect sense. Trauma isn't something that goes away just like that."
Scar sniffles slightly and nods, wiping away some of his tears. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he says, and Grian shrugs slightly. "It's okay. If you didn't feel comfortable telling me, then that's totally fine." He smiles a little, adding, "But just know that I won't judge you for anything, right? Just how you don't judge me for my fear of teddy bears." Scar chuckles lightly, and Grian's smile grows. "Ah, there you go," he encourages, "there's my Scar." Scar blushes, and asks, "My Scar?" Now it's Grian's turn to go red. "Well- ah, sorry," he laughs, and Scar snorts. "S'fine, I don't mind," he sniffles with a chuckle, wiping away the last of his tears.
They sit in silence for a moment, and in that quiet, Scar begins to realize how lucky he is to have Grian. He's got a partner that cares about him, and his feelings, and always knows how to make him laugh, knows how to crack a good joke- the list goes on. It's incredibly sappy, Scar knows, but there really isn't anyone like Grian that Scar has ever met. Maybe it's because he's fuelled by his thoughts, or maybe he just wants to, he puts his hand over Grian's, leaning over the stick shift until he's maybe an inch away from Grian's face. A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of Grian's lip, teasing a dimple out of his left cheek. Scar leans forwards and gently presses their lips together, smiling into it when a hand hooks behind his neck and pulls him closer, mind wiped clean of any thoughts about the car and instead filled with sweet fluffiness, like cotton candy. They pull apart after a moment, and Scar closes his eyes again with a laughing exhale as Grian presses another kiss to his forehead. "Thank you," he whispers again, and Grian squeezes his hand as he replies, "Any time, love."
Scar leans back, wiping any sticky remains of his tears off his face, when Grian asks, "Are you ready to go now, or do you want to wait longer?" Scar looks past Grian to the multicoloured streaks of cars racing down the highway, and like always, he feels that tugging anxiety pulse through his heart. But having Grian next to him, his hand firmly in his partner's, the anxiousness ebbs back, replaced by a steely determination. "I'm ready," he says, straightening up and giving the highway a look that's almost challenging. Grian smiles, almost looking proud. "Right, wanna choose the music?" he says, and Scar lights up, leg bouncing excitedly. "Disney!" he shouts, and Grian laughs. "I shouldn't have even asked," he sighs, opening Spotify on his phone.
A couple minutes later, they're back on the highway, screaming out the words to the songs from Moana which is blasting from the car's speakers, hands joint over the stick shift. Any time that Scar begins to stutter or trail off because he's panicking about another car, Grian simply screams louder and more obnoxiously, effectively dragging Scar out of his daze. It's a good system, and it keeps them going until they finally pull into a rare open parking spot at the beach half an hour later. Voices raw and still laughing, they clamber out of the car, and Grian is all excitement as he grabs all their stuff from the trunk. "Let's do this!" he exclaims as he appears around the side of the car, ripping his shirt off. Scar's eyebrows shoot up as he fights a blush back from his face, and he can't help but quip, "Jeez, Grian, take me out to dinner first, yowza." Grian's smile falls from his face and he deadpans, "Scar, we've been dating for five months now." Scar snorts and Grian pokes his side, smirking. "Try not to stare too much," he teases, and Scar looks away, his face burning.
Scar walks along behind Grian as the excited hermit bounces down the boardwalk, rambling on about something to do with crabs, and he smiles. He really is something.
And as Grian turns around and gives Scar a wide, overjoyed grin, Scar realizes two things. One, how madly in love with this man he is (every time he thinks he can't love Grian any more, Grian finds a way).
And two? He's not scared for the ride home.
Scar returns Grian's smile with matched happiness and runs up to walk beside him, linking their hands together. He laughs as their walk turns into a run as they race down the sand, both giggling like children as they splash into the water up to their ankles and spray each other. Scar spits out a mouthful of water and decides enough is enough after Grian splashes him in the face with his wings yet again, picking up his shorter boyfriend and whirling him around as Grian's happy shrieks echo in his ears. Scar laughs and slows their spinning, enough so that Grian can cup Scar's face with his hands and kiss him, both tasting like saltwater but not caring, bathed golden in the setting sun, too happy to remember what happened earlier.
I'm lucky. I really am.
them <3
remember to drink your water and that'll be all from me!