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[Shay POV]
It has been 2 weeks after my mother's burial ceremony. And, the pain of missing her is unbearable. Up until now, I just can do nothing other than wallowing in tears.
I had lost my appetite.
I had lost my sleep.
I even had lost my strength to going further.
Mom is my strength. My motivation. My inspiration.
She is my everything.
I just can't imagine my life without her, but now, she's really gone. And, I didn't know how should go on.
"Son. It is time for us to go back to our home. My leave is overdue and I need to get back to work." Spoke Dad from in front of me.
I was sitting on the bench under the shady tree which located in the compound of my grandparents house, when my father approaching me.
"Home? Which home?" I asked in monotone.
"Our home in Phillbergh" Replied my father.
My brows furrowed on the mention of it. "What?! I thought- I thought that we gonna stay here." I was stuttering out of shock from the news I just received.
"Besides...mom has gone, dad. She's gone. I just can't stay there anymore." I continued and simultaneously, tears begin to pool in my eyes, just at the remembrance of the ac
incident that had befallen upon my mother at that house.
"Shay...son...that house in Phillbergh has already become our new home. We can't just abandon it."
"If you want to leave, just leave. I'm staying here. Just let me stay here with grandpa and grandma. I can't get back to that house anymore...after that incident." I was insisting. However, that wasn't the sole reason why I don't want to go back there.
I wanted to stay because my mom is here. So, it is more convenient for me to go and visit her whenever I miss her.
"Shay, please don't do this to me. I thought that we had an agreement before. And you also agree to it. You had agreed to move to Phillbergh and we will start our new life over there." Dad still do not give up on persuade me.
I wiped the tears off my cheeks with my hand before said, "That was before...when mom is still alive. But now, she's gone. There's nothing left, dad. There's nothing left. It is better if we stay here, closer to mom. And it is more convenient for us to go and visit her." I made an offer to my dad for him to change his mind.
"Shay... your mother, my wife. She will always remain in our hearts, our minds and our memories. Whenever we miss her, all we have to do is think of her. Think about all the good memories we had with her. Because, in our memories she alive."
By listening to what my father had said just now, my mind started to open up a bit. I can think more sense into it.
"Aren't you coming with us, Shay?" Asked a small voice belongs to my little sister named Stella who just showing up and standing right beside dad.
My eyes anchoring towards her face instantly upon hearing to her voice.
"Ella..." I whispered her name.
"If you not coming with us...I would surely be lonely. Who would play with me? Who would talk to me? Who would accompany me whenever dad is busy with works? Can you please be with us?" She's only 9 yet, she's so good with words. Words that spoke sense into me.
I was bitting my lower lip, trying to muffle the cry. It was so stupid of me to think only me.
I was so selfish.
Little did I know, I'm not the only one who suffering from losing mom. Dad and Ella also suffering as much as I did.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so selfish. It is so stupid of me for thinking of leaving both of you, my family. I'm sorry." I said it with a deep regret for behaving like that.
Just at the right moment, the tears was overflowing and there's nothing I could do to stifle it any longer.
In that very moment too, I felt warmth surround me. At the fall of a hat, I lift up my face just to watch both of my beloved person were embracing me.
"It's okay, son. There's nothing you should apologize for because I've never blame you for anything." Said Dad while patting my back softly.
"I love you, Shay." Said the little Ella.
The tears making it difficult for me to speak any word. All I'm capable of doing is holding them back in my arms and a short replied, "I love...you...too."
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(One day before going back)
"Can I have a sit?" Asked a familiar voice. Spontaneously, I shifted my gaze towards the voice source.
"Sam." I spoke that person name which I clearly recognize.
He pursue a smile towards me before took a sit on the green ground floor next to me.
"I hope I'm not disturbing your alone time."
I let out a tiny chuckle before replying, "You already did."
"Oh, really?! Then, I should leave. I'm sorry for-
"Hey, hey, it's okay, Sam. I'm just kidding, okay. You can stay... I don't mind." I said with a giggle.
Sam was giggling too.
"You got me this time, Shay."
My giggles continue before it slowly depleted when we both stopped talking for a mere second and letting the nature filled in the quietness between us.
The birds are chirping.
The river is flowing.
The wind is whistling.
The greens is dancing.
Sam cleared his throat before spoken, "Actually, I saw you by your mother's grave just now. And then, I followed you here."
"You did? Why didn't you just greeted me at the cemetery then?"
"It's just... I don't want to disturb you."
I pulled a smile. "So, what are you doing at the cemetery? Visiting your sister?"
"Yes, I did."
Sam's little sister had died due to the heart disease that she was born with. She's only 7 at that time and she is the only sibling of Sam.
He was completely devastated once he got a call from his father about his sister death. Luckily, I was there by his side to help him go through those hard times.
"Are you still feeling the pain, Sam?" I asked him.
He was looking at me being confused of the question that I asked. I wasn't being clear enough with my question.
"The pain of losing your sister. Does it still hurt?" I emphasize it.
The moment went away with silence. Sam was throwing his gaze into the small river that was flowing with clear water, right in front of us.
"The pain will remain as long as we didn't let them go, Shay. And to answer to your question just now... right now, I am doing fine. Because, I know she's already in a better place now." He answered and then turned his face facing mine.
I was stunned for a moment because I'm trying to process the thing that was coming out from his mouth just now.
"The pain will remain as long as we didn't let them go."
Am I able to do it? Am I able to let mom go?
He gave a pat on my shoulder. "It's okay, Shay. Take your time...I know it is not easy but I'm sure you will get through this."
"Thanks, Sam."
We both exchanged smiles.
"So, I heard that you're not staying anymore. Is that true?" He asked.
"Yeah. That's true. I'm sorry I didn't inform you sooner because things has been quite hectic these few days."
"Why the sudden change of mind? I thought the other day when you tell me that you're staying here for good...you've been determined about it."
"Yes. I am. But, the thought of leaving my father and Ella...I just couldn't do it to them. They need me as much as I need them. That's why I had made up my mind to give a chance to myself to start a new at the new place."
Sam was looking glumly and commenting nothing upon that. He was being silent. I didn't know what's going on with him. He was acting weird about my decision of leaving this place.
"Sam? Are you alright?" I asked being concerned.
He doesn't respond to me and not looking at me either.
"Sam? What's wrong? Please say something..." I asked once again because nervousness had been crawling over me.
"You know what Shay...the other day when you told me that you're staying... I was overwhelmed. For a moment, I was having the thought of us getting back together-
Before the absurdity going even further, I need to stop him. "What are you talking about, Sam? Us getting back together?"
Yes, you're correct. Sam is my ex-boyfriend. He is also my childhood best friend.
Yeah! That is the perks of being a gay boy having a male best friend.
"Yes, Shay. Why not? I still love you, Shay and I'm sure you feeling the same too. Besides, I've broken up with Jane. I'm sorry it took so long to realize how much you meant to me, Shay. And, I'm willing to do anything to fix our relationship. I promise!" He was being determined even his voice sounds convincing.
But, worry not. I am not tolerating a cheater.
"Sam." I called for his name with a monotone.
He kept on being persistent by holding onto my hand. "Shay, please. Please give us a second chance."
"Sam! You need to listen to me!" I raised my voice to make him stop from pestering me.
And, it did work. He did stop and focus on what I was going to say.
"Sam. The things between us had ended a year ago. It ended when you chose Jane over me...and you have made it super clear that you want the things between us over. So, there's no fixing it. The reason why I was being nice with you because I still treasure our friendship. You're my best friend, Sam. And, it will remain as it is until forever. But, if you keep acting like this...I don't know whether our friendship should continue or not."
Just after that, I pulled my hand from his grip and left that place with my bicycle. I didn't even looking back, I just cycled as fast as I can leave Sam behind me.
I was so proud of myself for not getting shaken by his sweet words. It is because the old Shay who was so indulge in Sam's love has gone. Thus, this new Shay is risen. The new Shay which a lot more stronger and wiser in handling about the love stuff.
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Sat. 011022. 23:33