the conversation me and jj had might've been my biggest mistake yet. things between the two of us have gotten slightly awkward. we're still friends, but it's on the same level and me and theodore, my classmate. freya keeps faulting me, but i did what was right. me and ethan talked things out. we're still dating, but that might've been a dumb move. he did cheat, at the end of the day. i didn't tell him i kissed jj and- yeah. that was just information that wasn't needed.
i walked into school, feeling eyes on me. it felt like the old days. the times where jj outed me to a very homophobic school. i moved my hand up and down my arm, power walking. i wasn't wrong, pretty much everyone was looking at me. i walked into the male's bathroom, resting my hands on the sink. what could've possibly happened?
one of the stall's toilet flushed, someone leaving. i turned around, looking at who it was. i was relieved by the sight; it was josh. 'josh! hi!', i smiled. 'oh, hello simon! i didn't think you'd come to school after the video got leaked.', josh shrugged, washing his hands. 'what video? is that why everyone was looking at me?', i stressed. i don't want to be thrown against lockers again, i don't want to be bullied again. this is giving me flashbacks i just didn't need.
'i don't have the video, it got shown to me. the video got airdropped by a person with the name 'Accept, You Need To See This'. i declined, but people got curious init?', josh explained. i held onto that name, maybe i could do something with it. 'josh, can you just fucking tell me what was on the video?', i groaned, holding the top of my head. 'okay. it was ethan, prior to the party. he was there with a few girls — including gee. they were all taking turns to kiss him. one of the girls asked about you and he simply said: 'fuck simon, man. being gay is not me. not no more'. the girls laughed and then they kissed again. someone in the house filmed it and airdropped it, i guess.', josh explained.
his words pierced into my heart. did he really say that? 'simon, don't cry. he's not worth the tears.', josh stepped closer to me, hugging me awkwardly. i know josh isn't the biggest hugger, so i appreciated his hug. i didn't realise i was crying until i saw a few wet spots on josh's white jumper as we pulled away from the hug. 'i'm sorry this happened, simon. i'm sure jj'll handle it.', josh comforted me.
'i don't want him to. i actually don't. josh, was he the one who punched ethan up at the party last weekend?', i asked josh as he nodded, not being sure if i was supposed to know that. 'okay, thank you. bye josh, you're the best.', i sigh before leaving the bathroom. i walked around, people looking at me again. when i was walking towards my first class, i ran into ethan.
'hi baby.', he smiled, snaking his arm around my waist. 'don't fucking touch me.', i hiss, tugging his arm off of me. 'what?', ethan sounded confused. ''fuck simon' no? fuck off, then.', i roll my eyes, stepping away from ethan. he stood there, eyes widened.
***
this class was the worst of em all; biology. we have timetables and i was seated next to jj. when i walked into class, i saw jj there. he was slumped in the chair assigned to his desk. he had his airpods in. i stepped foot into class as our eyes locked. he rolled his eyes and his focused his gaze on his phone again. i truly did fuck up, but i did what felt like the best. turns out, it wasn't. because ethan doesn't care about me. all he cares about is his reputation.
i sat down next to jj, placing my book and all my necessary items on the desk. 'hi, jj.', i sigh, pulling out my phone as well. he took out one airpod and faced me. 'two airpods in means don't chat to me, init?', jj said before putting the airpod back in his ear. i let out a deep sigh. 'can't we just be okay for this class? i thought you weren't still pissed at me.', i said, looking for eye contact. he took out his airpod again. 'i'm not pissed, bro. being pissed isn't worth my time, especially not when it's being pissed at you.', he said, ending with a chuckle.
i didn't know whether that was a good or a bad thing. 'so, we're good?', i ask him. 'why wouldn't we be? nothing happened that would make us be any different than last week, mate.', he laughed just before ms. aydin entered the classroom. i know it was my idea, but i didn't like this. i didn't like the fact that we were actually gonna pretend like we didn't make out in his house. but i guess i brought this upon myself. i made that decision, he didn't.
ms. aydin started to teach as jj asked me a nostalgic question. 'is she usually this chirpy?', he asked me, a small smile on his lips. 'no, not always.', i answer after a long silence. i had a question he didn't answer that day, too. 'why are you even talking to me? you were disgusted by me just two years back.', i asked him, but this time i was gonna let him talk.
'i never was, minter. you just never let me explain.', he sighed out. 'mr. olatunji and mr. minter, i'm gonna need you two to stop interrupting my class and keep quiet. otherwise, one of you's gonna have to swap seats.', she scoffed before i nodded. 'she's a bitch, i can tell.', jj whispered. i knew what he was doing; changing the subject. 'so go on, explain?', i cut to the chase. 'i don't have to explain anything to you, simon. and if i decide i do want to, it wouldn't be during class.', he whispered, cutting the conversation short. i took a deep breath before talking again.
'well technically, i do deserve an explanation.', i crossed my arms. 'why's that?', he argued. 'okay, mr. minter. please follow along and move yourself to this table.', she sighed, tapping on one of the desks against hers. i rolled my eyes and picked up my stuff, moving myself. this conversation was gonna have to wait. unfortunately, i don't have time to wait. so after this class, i'll pull him in the male's bathroom alone to have a chat.
***
'right, guys. so make sure to finish every single question i provided for you. you may now leave my-', she said, being cut off by the noise of people getting their stuff and leaving. when i tugged my rucksack around my shoulder, i noticed jj walked past me. i took this chance to grab his arm. 'what?', he turned to me, looking down on me. 'follow me.', i simply said, not letting go of his arm. i pulled him into the male's bathroom — which thankfully was empty. i locked the door of the bathroom and pulled him further into the bathroom.
'what are you doing? i bet your boyfriend wouldn't like you being in a room that's locked with me, prince.', he smirked. the word prince made me smile for once. 'listen, we're alone. nobody can listen right now. i need that explanation. you basically ruined my life without telling me why.', i crossed my arms, looking up at him. 'i didn't ruin your life? cameron did. and if you would've just heard me out, you would've known that.', he argued, scoffing.
'right. somehow cameron ruined my life when you opened your mouth about it. that was private information. you didn't react well to it by fucking running that mouth of yours to cameron! you knew how homophobic that guy is. yet, you still told him about it.', i confronted him. 'i didn't mean to tell him, simon.', jj reported, making me laugh. 'course you didn't. you just so happened to tell him i'm gay when yous two have plenty to talk about.', i said. i was so ready to leave.
'i can expl-', he started. 'no, i'm good. i don't know why i didn't want to lose the person who made me lose myself.', i scoffed. 'will you just shut up and let me explain?', he raised his voice. i find myself stepping back, the sound of a male's voice being raised scares me. i cross my arms, letting him talk.
'simon, i never truly meant to out you to cameron. when you told me about it, i didn't react well. and i has my reasons behind it, simon. i told cameron because i needed advice. i never specified who. he started guessing, because i didn't tell him who. and when he said your name after a few guesses, i gulped. and i guess he understood you were the one.', jj explained, looking anywhere but me.
'why would you need advice for that? and why the fuck would you ask cameron for advice? of all people?', i cross my arms. 'you wouldn't understand, simon. now i'm off, give me the keys.', jj demanded, sticking his hand out. 'i'm not giving you shit.', i said stubbornly. he walked closer to me, us being a few inches apart. i looked up at him, gulping at the sight. him towering over me like this is kind of scary. some part of me wanted to lean in, kiss him. but i can't.
i hold the eye contact, not giving him the keys. jj leaned in closer, one move away from our lips touching. 'give me the keys, minter.', he said, his tone low. i was too nervous to reply. i pushed the keys into his chest, stepping back slightly. he cleared his throat, holding onto the keys. 'thank you, prince. bye now.', he messed up my hair as he walked past me, opening the door.
he has this impact on me, and i don't know what it is.
***
filler ep!
also, early ep, because i'm on a plane tomoz xx
- sarah 🤍