I wonder where this greed is coming from? I've never felt it before, it's weird.......wait....before?
before.....
that's right....
He raised me.
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You look at the wardrobe mirror. There where yoongi hung himself, he was hanging down the ceiling, as I screamed and screamed while jimin held me back. And Before he died, he looked at me and said-
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*GASP!!!
You jump awake, hyperventilating as you look at your side, finding yoongi fast asleep. It was still night. You remember him hugging you, helping you to calm down. "again?" you mumbled under your breath, grabbing your hair in frustration but quickly let go of it. The reoccurring dream came too often, it would pop up in your sleep randomly. The truth is, it was getting confusing. You couldn't tell if this was reality or the dream you just had. The house you couldn't bare to remember, because the thoughts of yoongi not being by your side makes you go absolutely insane. You wanted nothing to do with the dream, or the weird past which never existed to you. It was all becoming just a bad illusion to you.
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"what's wrong?" suga rubs his eyes, asking your well-being. "I-....had a nightmare" you hold your breath from crying, hearing his husky voice. Making you feel emotional. "yoongi......I love you" You say out of fear before it was too late, there was anxiety....slowly piling up inside of you. "Please stay by my side" without thinking you spout out words, which would be impossible for a stranger to feel. Me, who he just met....and spent a couple of days knowing each other. It was......ridiculous....to him.
Yoongi starts blushing by your sweet words, being disturbed from his sleep as he sits up to level with you. "I know we haven't been together much. I sound like a fool, but yoongi. I swear to god I have waited for you my entire life, I have those memories and it's weird." You directly stare into his eyes. He looks with confusion and excitement. "Yeh your right. We haven't been together much. I also feel a slight connection with you (blush) but I think you've mistaken someone else with me. I have never met you before so there is no way you would have past memories of me" He thought you confused him with a look alike.
You stay quite and silently nod your head, not being able to explain that he wouldn't know you but you did. The memories were there, but were they real? the amount of pain I went through craving for this man, how could it be all fake.
"Lets give this relationship more thought ok" He was willing to give it a shot, being attracted to you. "why" you demand, "Why not start right now" gripping his hand as you slowly go for a kiss. He stares into your eyes, that were eventually getting closer......and closer.
"This time.....this time you won't wither away and leave me right" I gently stroke his cheek, allowing my tongue to do its work by sticking it between his lips, licking him until he opens his mouth for a deep, sexy kiss. Yoongi holds the back of my head allowing it to happen, as we roll around our tongues together. It felt just right. The more good it felt, the more needy I got. Hungry for lust....just for this man. We breathe heavily while roughly kissing each other, holding each other as I started to unbutton his shirt. "Wait~" the kiss breaks with hefty breathing noises, he looks away for a bit to catch his breath, wiping his wet lips. He felt guilty, and afraid. "Do you actually like me?" He felt suspicious, he started to feel like something wasn't right....that you might run off whenever you wanted after doing this, which was just a imaginative fear. "I'm interested in you but....I don't think you should be doing this with someone who doesn't love you back" He backs away, breaking your heart in two. He didn't lie, he wanted to get close to you, but it wasn't like he was fully in love yet.
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The yoongi I knew, the one who raised me....told me he loved me. Its not the same.
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You soon find yourself regretting burning down the only memorable place you had only between you and suga. "Yoongi, I'm confused, are you real? or was he real...the one who loved me..." You start to cry in front of him, sad and confused. "Am I mentally ok? Am I creating illusions in my mind?" You ask him, but he had no answer except a worried look. "Hey, lets take it easy. I knew you were confusing me with someone else, I've never met you in my entire life. You wanna visit a doctor in the morning? I-" He stops mid sentence, being disappointed at the fact his worries may be right, that the person you truly love isn't him at all...so he decided to back away. "I knew it" He finished his sentence, but his feelings for you wanted to grow and bloom. He wanted to connect more with you, be with you....he felt a warm, fuzzy feeling he had never felt before. "You go to sleep, I'll get some fresh air outside" He stood up, getting out the door as you just stayed there feeling hopeless and lost. "what's happening to me?" You thought you were going mentally insane....perhaps some sort of memory distortion. "This has to be the yoongi I know, if the memories of the past I have are real then how can I see his alive face right now. It makes no sense" You laid down to close your eyes, quickly changing the subject in your mind. Thinking how can you start work, get a job to make a living, you wanted to help suga with his financial situation and get him to love you back. You were eager for this to work out just the way you wanted, "All I care about is the fact I love him, I don't care how...I don't care why or when...he needs to return my feelings back." You whispered yourself to sleep.
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(rings)
"hello?" Jimin picks up the call while resting on his bed, "Hey its me" You call him in the morning when suga left for work. "Huh?! How did you get my number...wait this is not your phone" He freaks out, realising you called from yoongi's cellphone. "You plan to steal his phone and run away...you thief" He never trusted you. "shut up, I'm calling for work purposes. I know you can work me around somewhere for a few pennies" You get annoyed. "please, I'm requesting a job offer.....you rich ass" Asking him, and trying to be polite as possible which was so hard to manage with this guy. "Hahaha you're joking right? Me...?give you a job? Even if I did, I don't think I can stand your face for too long" He was enjoying dissing you, "(yawns) Its too early for my mood to drop dead so bye-" You interrupt him, "I'm sorry...for everything. I won't be like that anymore" Your genuine apology surprises him. "Hmmm" Jimin smirks a little. "If you're so sorry...why not live with me instead (grin) because the only thing that actually bothers me about you is that you're living with yoongi under the same roof. "I'll make the excuse for you, but don't get in between me and him" Jimin gives you an offer, as well a bonus..... ruining your day.
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I don't know why but I was feeling this fiery feeling in my heart....jealousy perhaps? I don't know, but the only thing I remember was jimin liking suga from the start, he would try to pin him down and take advantage of him whenever he had the chance to. "You want me to leave him?" Your eyes got darker by the second, filled with rage and sadness. "I'm not forcing you, that is.....if you want a job with a good salary. Its hard for someone like you that lacks in the skill department to actually fend for herself." He rubs it in, making you even more mad. "I need to think it through" You were talking calmly over the phone with him, holding yourself back from exploding. "Sure, sure take all the time you need. I mean personally you're living in a house that does not belong to you....without spending a single penny on it" The call ends, as you click the red button. "ASSHOLE!" your loving memories between you and jimin were fading, this new reality was getting to you.
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I want to make money for both of us, I'm starting to get ashamed for not doing anything after jimin's comments. In fact, I'm having thoughts like what if yoongi kicks me out of the house since he doesn't even love me back? But the real reason I wanted to consider jimin's offer was....
I didn't want him stealing my suga away from me, planning to make jimin mine so he wouldn't lay his eyes on him....not again. I can't afford to loose yoongi again, I'm scared and hopeless, anxiety is slowly making its way up to me. If I could focus his attention towards me, he won't bother suga anymore, and I don't care sacrificing myself for that. I just want to be with yoongi, and by the time I'm done with jimin, yoongi would have already fallen in love with me after all that time.
You started to over think, remembering the nightmare you've been having of suga hanging from a noose and jimin crying on the bed....but he wasn't actually crying.....he was always the evil one in my dreams. I was scared that might be true, what if jimin is plotting something to bring me and yoongi apart forever, what if he is a villian. I would see him holding me back and crying when yoongi would kill himself.....and because of him I wouldn't have the chance to get close to yoongi.
And before he died he said-
"I can't take it anymore"
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Suga killed himself because we were making out in front of him, and he couldn't do anything because he was just a living ghost......and absolutely shattered, depressed.
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I can't help but remember the times we would sit together on one table and have a good meal.
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Yoongi gets back home from work, it was pretty dark. "You're awake?" He sounded awkward. "I'm planning on getting a job" you were just sitting down, waiting for his arrival. "I basically don't do anything, and since you don't remember me. We are not even a family." You were blurting out nonsense from Yoongi's perspective. "You don't have to do a job. I don't mind you chilling in the house" He takes off his coat. "The thing is, I want to make money. Enough for only us two to live a decent house, seeing you live here like this and all that struggling you do makes me......upset" You let him know your intentions.
Yoongi felt touched by you, smiling a little bit. He would've easily said no to a friend who would want to help even a little but...you wanted to live him. It sounded pretty close to a real family.
"I would feel bad if you did that for me, Im fine the way I am, but....if you want to live me, in a decent house like you said. Then....I don't mind a little help" He didn't feel like a burden at all, it felt warm, and he felt excited for it to happen. "I'll also save up, for you....for us." He was eager for this to work out as you smile back, because it was for the the both of us.
"What if Im not the one you're looking for" He got closer to you. "You are, and I'm not mistaking anyone with you....got that. Believe it or not. You know what, I'll tell you something about yourself that you've never told me in your ENTIRE life" You sarcastic say the word 'entire' because yoongi had been using it against you.
"You love writing! You have it stacked up somewhere but don't have courage or the money to publish it" You clench your fist, scared to death you might be wrong about him. "y-your.....wrong I hate writing" yoongi looks at you all serious as your heart drops, "but you're right about the fact I write and it is stacked up (chuckle) I'm kinda shocked" He heads to the bathroom to wash up after leaving you speechless, while still not believing your ridiculous past story.
Did yoongi ever say he enjoyed writing?! or was he writing just for money, and the only thing he was gifted with.
You come to the realisation as you tap your head in embarrassment. "dammit, I got it wrong" You were starting to think of other things yoongi did, as a back up. Wanted to prove to yoongi, that you are telling the trusty.
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Jimin gets out of bed, ruffling his hair while thinking about your call. He sighs, "so annoying honestly". He grinned a little, thinking how fun it was teasing you.
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to be continued....
the book is short, and i planned this story to be romantic which i never write so i hope u enjoy the future chapters💜