"I got a call from a damsel in distress?"
Eden rose her head from her cross-legged position on the carpet, smile lighting up her sullen face as she found Bucky's bright eyes glinting with humour from further down the hall. He strolled toward her with his hands tucked into the pockets of his leather jacket, maintaining her gaze with playful smirk on his lips.
"Very funny, Buck," she joked, breathing a sigh of relief. "Thank God you're here, I'm bored out of my skull."
He came to a stop in front of her, staring down at her from his massive height with a fond smile. His eyes softened as she offered him a toothy grin, her head tilted back against the door to look up at him, brown twinkling. Taking another step toward her, he hooked his fingers under her chin, gently holding her jaw while he continued to admire her. His gaze didn't leave hers as he slowly bent his knees, crouching down to her level with that same smirk, keeping her chin in his palm.
Eden's cheeks flamed at the intensity of his eye contact, following him as he dropped to the floor, his face dangerously close to hers. She swallowed nervously, locked on his steely blue, doe eyes wide and unblinking. The breath shorted in her throat as he pulled her toward him, meeting their lips in a tender kiss, so sweet it stunned her for a moment.
He chuckled softly as he pulled away, thumb grazing her cheekbone, admiration shining in his eyes as hers slowly fluttered open.
"Hi," she spoke, her voice a breathy whisper, corners of her mouth curved into a dazed smile.
"Hi honey."
He gave her one last peck before he rose to his feet, releasing her from his grip, and held out a gloved hand toward her. She took it with a grateful nod, using him as a propellant to hoist herself up, standing at full height in front of him (and still feeling tiny).
"Who let you in?"
"Some old guy who was leaving the building. I waited outside and he came out, took one look at me and held the door open," he grinned, lacing their hands together. "How long did they say maintenance would be?"
Eden sighed, shaking her head, glancing at her front door behind them before she replied, "Another hour or so. They get off at 5, so the guy had already gone home."
When she'd left the office almost two hours before, she was looking forward to a quiet, relaxing evening indoors with Saffy; she was going to order takeout, run a bath, have a glass of wine, the works. She thought about it all the way home, pondered over what food she was going to get, almost salivating as her starved brain ran through all the options. She could practically taste the monstrous burger she was going to order as she reached her front door, relief flooding her at the finish line, and she dug around frantically in her bag for her door keys, so impatient she felt like she could burst.
She couldn't find them.
After emptying the entire contents of her bag out on the carpeted floor, she let out a frustrated yell, realising they must have fallen out either in the car or at the office. Knowing that luck was never on her side, she trudged back down to the parking garage, dejected and annoyed, already sensing she wouldn't find them in her car - and she was right. Angry tears threatened to spill out of her eyes as she called maintenance on her way back up to her apartment, unable to hold them in when they told her she'd have to wait a couple hours for them to send somebody out.
Bucky received an emotional call seconds after she got off the phone with them, quietly crying in the hallway as she explained what had happened, not wanting to attract the attention of any of her neighbours. In true Bucky fashion, he left his apartment immediately to come to her rescue, sound of her tears spiking his chest, wanting to fix whatever was wrong with her as soon as he could.
Frowning, he draw soothing circles over her knuckles with his thumb, focus darting behind her to the crumpled bag angrily shoved against the door.
"You sure your key isn't in your bag?"
"I tipped it out all over the floor, there's no way it's in there." She shook her head, biting down on her bottom lip. "I had my car keys and the fob for the lobby door, but not my door key."
A soft mew came from behind the door, followed by the muffled sound of scratching against a hard surface. Face crumpling into a pained expression, Eden sank down to the floor again, hand splayed over the wood as she pressed her ear to the door.
"I'm sorry Saff!" She called, squeezing her eyes shut when Saffy let out a forlorn howl in response. "I'll be in there soon."
With a desperate groan she slumped forward, back against the door, bringing her knees to her chest as she shook her head. Bucky said nothing as he followed her movement, tall frame bending to sit beside her, legs straightened in front of him. He swung his arm over Eden's shoulder, bringing her to lean against him as he kissed the top of her head.
"You don't have a spare key?" He asked softly, brain scrambling for solutions to fix the frustration he could feel rolling off her.
"Penny has it, but she's out on a date so I can't get hold of her." Her voice was quiet, restrained emotion held in the words as she pressed her cheek further against his shoulder.
Nodding, he rolled his lips together, eyes aimed at his lap as he searched his internal archives for more appropriate fixes. If this was anyone else, if this was someone he didn't care for, he would grab the door and break the lock off himself, but he knew that would leave her with questions, questions he didn't quite have the strength or the courage to answer yet.
Yet. You'll tell her eventually.
Eden exhaled a deep sigh into the silence, stretching her knees back out as she reached up to Bucky's arm around her shoulders, squeezing his fingers with her own. She felt somewhat embarrassed, calling him in a crying mess and having him rush to her side, him witnessing her have a tantrum over something so trivial. To anyone else, losing your keys was at worst a minor inconvenience, but to Eden it felt like the end of the world, the relaxing plans she'd clung to all day shattered into nonexistent dust. The reactive emotion was difficult to explain, something she didn't like showcasing to others unless she had to, but in the height of her upset the only person she wanted to comfort her was him, and her rationality was too far gone to think it through before she dialled his number.
Breathing shakily, she brought her hands back down to her lap, picking at her thumbs before she began in a whisper, "I know it seems like I'm overreacting, but–"
"You aren't," he cut her off, taking one of her hands in his to blockade her nervous habit. "You're not overreacting, Eden. I'd be frustrated too."
She lifted her head to look at him, gentle smile on her features as she uttered, "Big tough Sergeant Barnes would cry if he got locked out of his apartment?"
"Oh, absolutely." He bobbed his head to affirm, mouth curving into a grin as she giggled. "I would blubber like a baby."
"Somehow I find that hard to believe."
Her eyes held his as they smiled at each other, a softness gradually replacing the humour in her brown. She craned her neck, meeting his lips with hers in a prolonged peck, her hand coming up to cup his cheek as she pulled away.
"Thank you for coming," Eden whispered, thumb stroking over the stubble littered across his jaw. A sincere crease formed between her brows, chestnut ablaze with gratitude, with affection so strong it seemed to pour out of her.
"You needed me, so I came."
Her eyes rounded at the words, beaming smile lighting up her appearance before she ducked her head away from his stare. A bashful hue began to creep into her cheeks, attempting to stifle her joy by biting down on her lip, but to no avail.
"What?" Bucky was amused by her reaction, untangling his arm from around her so he could nudge her playfully with his elbow. "What did I say?"
Shaking her head, Eden let out a gentle laugh, turning back to him with fond eyes as she replied, "You're just sweet, that's all."
He grinned at her, the faintest pink tint flushing across his face. His eyes trailed over her features, drinking her in, chest swelling at just how beautiful he found her. They hadn't seen each other since his appointment a couple of days previously, and although it hadn't been a long time he was aching to be near her like this again, so close he could breathe in the scent of her perfume, taste the floral mist on the tip of his tongue. Slowly he dragged his eyeline down her face, across the curve of her collarbone, resting on her chest where the buttons of her shirt began, his thoughts beginning to run wild.
After their eventful night last weekend, he couldn't stop reminiscing on the way she'd moaned into his mouth, the feel of her fingertips as she gripped his shoulder, tiny whimpers exhaled as he whispered into her ear; when he was alone his thoughts always drifted back to that moment, back to her sofa where she unravelled, surrendered herself to him completely vulnerable. She had awakened long-forgotten snapshots of his nights in the army, flashes of the curve of a hip, soft peach skin of strong thighs, curses whispered from cherry-red lips. He was a man possessed, hooked by the ecstasy of her crying his name, forgetting how addictive the sound could be; now he was reminded it was all he craved to hear.
Another desperate yowl from inside interrupted his unhinged thoughts, snapping him back to the present. His eyes darted back to Eden's face, which instantly fell into a guilty frown upon hearing Saffy's laments. Groaning, she buried her face in her hands, bringing her knees into her chest to slump her forehead against them.
Deciding enough was enough, Bucky rose to his feet with a clear of his throat, running a hand through his hair before he turned and brandished it toward her. "Come on."
She lifted her head, brow wrinkled as she replied, "What?"
"Stand up, come on." He motioned impatiently with his fingers, hip cocked to the side. "I can't sit here and listen to you and Saffy cry, let's go get something to eat."
You also can't sit here thinking about how much you want to fuck her, or you'll go insane.
"But I've got to wait for–"
"We won't be long, baby, come on," he told her, bending toward her to take one of her hands in his. "Aren't you hungry?"
Eden nodded as he pulled her to her feet, staring up at him with wide eyes. Little makeup remained on her face from the busyness of the day, dark circles under her eyes peaking between smudged lashes. She was exhausted, drained, devoid of any energy to decline the offer, and after her long day she just needed to be looked after. Exhaling a subdued sigh, she stepped into the comfort of his chest with her hands slipping underneath his jacket, clinging tightly to him.
"You sure that will be okay?" She mumbled into his shirt, soothed as he placed a kiss to the top of her head.
"Yes, honey, it'll be fine." He pulled away from her, cupping her cheeks between his hands. "Let me take care of you, let's go."
Before she could think about it any longer, he grabbed her hand and ushered her toward the elevator, relieved as she obliged and stepped inside without complaint.
They wandered a couple of blocks away to a little sushi restaurant wedged between a late-night fast food place and a grocery store, bare noticeable unless you knew it was there. Eden was a regular visitor, making a run for food after work whenever she was too tired to cook, having stumbled across it when she first moved to the neighbourhood.
The place was relatively busy compared to usual, a handful of businessmen and a few couples packed into the tight space on wicker chairs, great platters of sushi covering their tables. Bucky stared in awe at the bustling kitchen ahead of them as they were taken to their table, shocked by the chefs in full display. His eyes shone as he watched a woman work, her face stoic with concentration, hands quick and skilful, a complete perfectionist.
"Yeah, she's very good," Eden told him, following his gaze as he distractedly held out her chair for her. "I'm surprised you even agreed to this place."
He turned his attention back to her, head cocked to the side before his face fell into a frown. "Why's that?"
"Sushi seems a bit too modern for you, grandpa," she joked, nudging his leg with her foot as he took the seat opposite her.
"Good one. Sam actually took me to a nice place last year. Been hooked ever since."
She smiled at the mention of Sam, leaning forward on her elbow, placing her chin in her palm. "He sounds like a good guy. How'd you meet him?"
Bucky stiffened at the question, gaze shifting to the tabletop as he traced a finger over the patterns in the dark wood. The guilt that permanently resided in the shadows crept out from a murky corner, grinning with malice while he tried his hardest to shove it back into obscurity. Every time he was with her it became more blatant, stronger, distracting the sparse positive thoughts that bounced around the walls in his brain, until he could ignore it no longer. He thought through all the possible scenarios, imagined the worst and best case, working himself up for honesty, but when it came to forcing the words out of his mouth they remained stubbornly gripped to the base of his throat.
"Through a mutual friend, uh... The guy I told you about," he muttered, turning his head behind him to look back at the chef, avoiding her warm eye contact.
Eden immediately picked up on his reluctance, having spent enough time around him to know when he didn't want to talk about something. She decided to push him a little, reaching across the table to take his gloved hand in hers as she asked, "Was Sam angry at him like you were?"
The touch forced him to face her again, meeting her kind stare before his eyes darted down to their twined hands. He blew a breathy sigh out of his mouth, shaking his head as he answered, "Not in the same way."
"That must've been hard for you, if Sam wasn't feeling the same."
He knew she was just being kind, he knew she was just trying to make conversation and get to know him better, he knew there was nothing but innocence in her intent, yet still those negative voices started up a quiet murmur in his brain. They picked up on the slight shift in the tone of her voice, the way she leaned toward him across the tabletop, the questions pushing him to say more, and they told him he was just another patient, another case with a sad backstory for her to fix and send on their way. Rational thought was silenced as the negative chatter became louder, twisting Dr Raynor's words into nasty taunts; she is a therapist and you are just another fuck-up who needs fixing.
Bucky glanced up at her with a dismissive shrug, distant haze beginning to settle over his blue as he replied, "A little, I guess."
"Do you ever talk about him with Sam?" She probed further, unaware she was backing him up to the edge of a cliff face.
"No, not really."
"Why?"
His jaw was taut, eyes narrowing into guarded daggers as he pulled his hand away from her. Sitting back in his chair, he crossed his arms over his chest, deliberately exaggerating a sigh as he said curtly, "I just don't."
Eden's face formed a gentle frown, the burn of compassion in her eyes unfaltering. She watched him for a moment, trying to read him as he fidgeted impatiently, leg bouncing while his gaze landed anywhere but on her.
"You okay, sweetheart?" She asked him in a quiet voice, a sense of foreboding turning her stomach as he started to inspect the menu, still refusing to look at her.
He nodded, rolling his lips together as he pretended to read through the dishes, eyes scanning far too quickly to be convincing. His guard was sky-high, trying to barricade all those negative thoughts inside, hoping they would start to shut up if he ignored them for long enough.
Unconvinced, she started to chew on the inside of her lip, placing a hand on the top of his menu to get him to look at her. As he obliged, the creases between her brows only deepened, finding an irritated glare ruining his features, eyes blockaded with hardness, preventing any of her soft Bucky from peeking through.
"You know we can talk about something else, Buck," she told him, grace and warmth laced in her tone. "It seems like you don't really want to talk about this right now."
"Gee, what gave you that idea?" Bucky retorted, words dripping with angry sarcasm, barricades failing as the artillery flew out of his mouth.
Hurt flashed across her appearance, abruptly withdrawing back into her chair while he eyeballed her with an icy stare.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Eden's voice held a gentle shake, wounded eyes shining under the lights.
"Nothing."
"No, Bucky, what is that supposed to mean?" She pressed, trying to keep her volume controlled, trying not to rise to his bitter mood and stay calm. The second she bit back, she knew the conversation would be finished, and regardless of that she didn't want to bite back anyway; Bucky was special to her, someone she enjoyed having around, someone she didn't want to argue with if she could help it.
"Drop it, Eden, it's fine." He waved a dismissing hand toward her, unable to look at her face for too long without feeling guilt creeping through his body.
"Obviously something has bothered you, why–"
"Will you stop with the fucking psychobabble for one minute? I don't wanna talk about it," he snapped harshly, one fist smacking onto the tabletop, not loud enough to attract attention but forceful enough to make her jump. His mind was overrun, nasty voices working their magic, pulling his strings and removing any lingering tenderness still inside him. He could already feel the stirrings of regret in his stomach, skin starting to crawl uncomfortably at the blatant distress in her eyes, but now he had unleashed those hateful voices he couldn't stop their continued attacks.
Heart racing, she tried to maintain his eye contact, ignoring the severity clouding his pupils. She knew this tactic, she was an expert in this response, and though he was trying his hardest to push her away, she knew better than to take the bait. "I'm just trying to talk to you, I thought it would help."
"I don't need your help, Eden, I'm fine."
"You don't seem fine." She attempted to placate him with her stare, reaching over the table to place her hand gently over his.
"Maybe because you're breathing down my neck asking so many goddamn questions," he fumed, snatching his hand out of her reach and angrily crossing his arms over his chest. Inside the rational, feeling part of him watched helplessly as self-destruction reigned, handcuffed by those sinister doubts that grinned wickedly with glee.
Ouch.
Eyebrows raised, Eden stared at him for a few seconds, unable to believe where they had ended up after the sweetness he'd shown her when he first came to her rescue. She scanned his face, trying again to coax out any of that forgotten kindness with wide, pleading eyes, but he quickly dropped his head to stare at his lap, completely avoidant.
With a bitter smile on her face, she pushed on her feet to slide the chair back, swallowing down most of the things she wanted to say, choosing rationality over emotion. She grabbed her bag from the floor before she stood up, eyes not leaving him as she announced, "I'm going to go."
As much as it pained her to do so, she couldn't just sit there, quiet and hurting, while he continued to fire unnecessary shots her way, snapping jibes chipping away at her already crumbling happiness. She didn't deserve it, and she thought high enough of herself that she knew it was time to leave, despite the dull ache in the middle of her chest.
"What?" His head flew upwards, face screwed with confusion. "What are you doing?"
"I'm leaving. I'm not going to sit here and let you say mean things to me just because you're irritated. I'm understanding, but I'm not an idiot," she told him sternly, turning away from him to head toward the door. "I'll wait at my apartment by myself. Please call me tomorrow when you've calmed down."
You've really fucked it now, haven't you?
Bucky watched with fearful eyes as the back of her short frame began to retreat away from him, unsettled panic surging through his body. Quickly the feeling amplified, spurring him to rise to his feet and scramble desperately after her, his heart lodged in his throat as he told himself how fucking stupid he was.
"No, Eden, please, wait!" He grabbed her shoulder, slightly too harsh in his chaos, jolting her around to face him.
Caught off guard, she eyeballed him with a placid fury, although even that melted away as soon as she locked her gaze with his; he looked vulnerable, guilty, weak as he stood above her, like a remorseful puppy who accidentally bit you after too much roughhousing. She could feel the gentle shake of his hands as he ran them over the tops of her arms, blue of his eyes bursting with desperate emotion. The restaurant faded to nothing around them, angry crease between her eyebrows gradually becoming softer the longer they stared back and forth.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," he whispered, voice thick with remorse. "Would you come and sit back down, please?"
Bucky pressed a kiss to her forehead, fingers trailing down her arms until they came to wrap around her hands, squeezing them softly. Eden let out a quiet sigh, internally waging war with herself, not wanting to give in but not wanting to see that tortured look on his appearance for much longer; she was conflicted, her feelings for him keeping her feet stuck to the linoleum floor, ignoring the loud shouts of pride telling her to storm away and not look back.
A waitress brushing past them broke their emotive bubble, Eden clearing her throat awkwardly as she took a step away from him, dropping their hands. Running her fingers through her hair, she inhaled a deep breath, eyes fluttering closed, her shoulders moving with the action. As they opened again she still found the wounded puppy in front of her, chest swelling with feeling for him, a final push for her to give in.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" She asked, eyes narrowed, unmoving from his own.
Relief flushed through his body, almost dizzying as the panicked adrenaline started to retreat. He nodded eagerly, a half-smile raising the corner of his lip as he watched her expression clear, guard dropping just enough to put him at ease.
Wordlessly he led her back to the table, one hand locked around her wrist, scared if he let go she would bolt out of the door before he could stop her. They took their seats again, ignoring the concerned stares from the tables around them, pretending their skin wasn't itching from the watching eyes.
Bucky forced a nervous cough out of his throat, glancing at the floor before he leaned over the tabletop to take her hands in his. Shoving those lingering negativities into his depths, he met her gaze, clinging onto the minute strength left inside him.
"I'm sorry, honey, I really am." A tremor jarred his words, eyes gleaming with sincerity as they burned into hers. "I'm not good at staying calm when something bothers me, but I promise I'm working on it."
The admission provoked Eden's nurturing response, limp hands springing into life to grip his tighter. Solicitude settled into the creases of her face, one thumb stroking atop his gloves as she asked, "What's bothering you?"
He sighed, immediately feeling his limbs tense up, discomfort swimming at the bottom of his gut. Honesty had never been in his nature with her, especially after his autonomy was ripped away for so many years, but every time the fear swallowed him whole he retreated back to her chestnut brown, safety scooping him out of its jaws. Slowly he was becoming more accustomed to speaking his feelings, the battle uphill as ever, but gradually easier nonetheless.
"Dr Raynor the other day, she uh..." he began, swallowing as a stubborn lump tried to block the words from escaping. "She said I might be more drawn to you because... because of your job."
Eden blinked at him, eyebrows meeting in confusion. "What does that mean?"
"She said, for someone like me who's... For lack of a better term, fucked up, I'd be looking for someone who I know can deal with all my shit." He paused, eyes averting to their looped hands, fidgeting to dispel his nervous energy. "You, being a therapist, means you're more than capable of doing that - you're kind, you're understanding, you're safe. It's better for me to be sure you can help me."
She nodded, listening intently with a pensive expression on her features, letting him play with her hands to distract himself. Slow realisation began to settle inside her, cloud of bewildered hurt clearing as her nature took over. The need for a deeper understanding was automatic as ever, knowing there was almost always a reason behind his outburst; rather than immediately lashing back or placing blame, she always sought calmness, brain tailing off to find meaning in the madness.
"Do you think that's true?" Eden asked, slightly apprehensive, a bolt of panic across her iris that she was glad Bucky missed. Painfully she realised the element of truth in Dr Raynor's point of view, the wise words a rarity coming from her. She was grateful some of her advice was useful to him, and not just the usual incessant barrage of negativity designed to crush his self-esteem, but with this came new worries, ones she had deliberately forced herself to ignore until now.
"I don't... I don't know," he admitted, the words drawn out. "I don't think so."
As he met her eyes, he rapidly figured out that was the wrong answer to give, noticing the glimmer of disappointment that she failed to conceal.
"Maybe at first that was part of it, subconsciously, but it's so much more than that now," he scrambled to fix his response, stop the searing bubble of guilt rising higher and higher inside him at the look on her face. "I like you for a lot of reasons, Eden, please don't think that–"
"I know, Bucky, I don't think that," she soothed, rescuing him as he failed to mend his clumsy words. "I'm just having trouble understanding what that has to do with what just happened."
"I... I guess she made me feel bad, when she said that. Guilty, even, that I could be using you to feel better. I don't want to take advantage of you, in any way." His voice became smaller with the last sentence, a self-conscious flush rosying his cheeks, knotted rope of fear constricting his chest. Jaw clenched, he inhaled a deep breath, lungs expanding to force the threads to fray, release the tightness keeping his body rigid. "And when you started trying to talk to me, help me out and get me to... Get me to express myself, it just made me feel bad again. Like I'm..."
Bucky tailed off with a small sigh, face crumpled with frustration, dropping his head back to the tabletop as his courage faltered. He wished he could just speak, just be fully honest and rush out the whole story so there wouldn't be this weighted anchor in his core, always dragging the truth back just as it began to surface. Once the whole truth was out there, once she knew all the details, all the shrapnels of pain lodged deep underneath his skin, he knew he would feel weightless again, bob above the waves like he was supposed to around her.
"Like you're what?"
He rose his head with a sad smile, blue drowning with unspoken grief. "Like I'm another one of your patients, and you're just trying to get me to talk."
Eden's heart sank to the pit of her stomach, her affection for him building a lump in her throat at the hidden melancholy etched all over his face. The anger she felt from before had entirely melted away, replaced with an empathy that was so intense she had to blink away the stirrings of tears in her eyes; when he was honest, devastating as the truth may be, it always overwhelmed her with feeling, feeling for him that affirmed just how much she had grown to like him over their time together. Seeing him like this, steel blue ignited with hurt than ran deeper than she had ever delved, sent a pang straight through her, her heart bearing the brunt of the force, and she was desperate to soothe him to make it go away.
Softly smiling, Eden reached a hand across the table and cupped his cheek, her thumb smoothing over his skin before she whispered, "You know that's not true, right?"
"I know that, deep down, somewhere I guess. But today it just..." He shook his head, averting his gaze the way he always did when he opened up deeper, unsure he would ever believe her. "I had so many thoughts in my head and they were... They were just..."
"Too loud to ignore?"
"Exactly."
She nodded in understanding, unfortunately knowing all too well how difficult those negative voices were to brush off. Her touch was gentle as she tilted his chin back to meet her eyes, emotion blatant on her face; she had never been good at disguising them, especially when it came to someone who made her guard tumble down so easily.
"I get it, sweetheart, believe me I do. I'm sorry you felt like that, and I promise you I'm not trying to analyse you or get in your head like I would with a patient," she reassured him, the words soft but strong. "You are too important to me and I want you to talk to me because you want to, not because I force it out of you."
"Thank you, honey." Bucky's smile didn't quite reach his eyes, that shred of deep-rooted doubt preventing him from trusting her 100%. He brought her hand to his mouth, peppering kisses over her knuckles as her words appeased the loudest fears rearing in his mind, the others still quietly chattering in the background.
Breathing deeply, she briefly glanced away before she looked back to him, now more of a hardness in her face. "That being said, you just can't speak to me like that."
He nodded wordlessly, feeling a regretful shame creeping through him, attention diverted to the wood once more.
"I know it's hard for you, God I really, really do, but regardless of how wound up you are you can't take it out on me. If you need space from me, or you need me to stop talking, just say that. I won't be mad or offended and I will give you whatever you need to calm down. Okay?" Her voice was delicate, so delicate, the words full of respect and compassion and the utmost regard for him. He felt unworthy, so deeply undeserving of her, the feeling stronger right now than ever. Guilt kept his eyes fixated on the table, body stiff as he held the breath in his lungs, feeling like one wrong move would shatter him whole.
"I'm sorry. I'm really–"
"It's okay, Buck, you don't need to be sorry," she interrupted gently, seeing him wear the burden on his face. "I know it's going to be hard for you, but I like you, I like you so much and I want this to work. And it can't if we talk to each other like that, it just can't."
Her voice cracked slightly with the 'so much', as if the confession had been sat on her tongue for weeks and had finally managed to escape. His eyes flickered up as she said it, pained expression softened to disbelief. The corners of his lips threatened a smile, the affirmation that he still had her affection just what those remaining voices needed to calm down for a moment, however brief it may end up being. That fire in his hearth raged with warmth, flames kissing his insides, a welcomed feeling as he returned to his chestnut home again.
A brief silence rang between them, the lack of intense conversation allowing for the sounds of the restaurant to trickle back into their focus. They had forgotten their surroundings, and as both of them snapped back into the outside setting they glanced around, almost bewildered to find themselves there. The switch back to reality was relieving, their highly emotional bubble finally burst, allowing both of them to breathe a little easier again.
Lowering his voice, Bucky scooted forward in his chair, eyes earnest as he told her, "I'll try to be better, I promise. I'll keep trying for you."
"Thank you."
With that, the altercation was squashed, a brief blip in their joy before they returned to beaming like teenagers at each other. Smiling, she drifted forward in her seat, one palm flush with his cheek, and pulled him to her lips. The act was tender, slow, full of meaning for him, a kiss she needed to feel just as much as he did. His lips curved against hers, causing her to let out a gentle giggle before she pulled back. She lingered inches from his face, head tilted to the side, cheeks rosy while her eyes glittered with admiration. His expression mirrored hers, staring at her with a lovestruck grin, lost in a haze of her again. They were both obvious as ever with almost sickeningly elated faces, two people in the beginnings of falling in love and unable to hide it from anyone.
"So much, huh?" He teased her, his voice gruff, a smirk playing on his mouth, pretending the words hadn't lit him up inside.
She giggled, shaking her head fondly before she pecked his cheek. "Don't push your luck, Sarge."
They ate dinner in romantic bliss after that, laughing and teasing each other over avocado maki and salmon sashimi, Eden amazed at his lack of knowledge and Bucky astounded by her abundance. Their legs tangled comfortably together under the tabletop, neither shying from physical affection, always keeping their hands on each other in some way or another, lost in their own world as they always were.
Bucky kept a protective arm over her shoulder as they headed back to her apartment, Brooklyn streets still busy despite the later hour. She nestled safely underneath him, occasionally glancing up at him with a simpering smile, looking away whenever he tried to catch her. They made the short walk quietly, not feeling the need for words as they fit themselves together, tiny touches enough after the emotional evening.
As they reached Eden's building they both came to a slow stop, glancing up at the modern exterior with an air of disappointment between them, knowing the night was coming to a close. She looked back to him first, offering him a gentle smile as she moved to stand in front of him, wrapping her arms around his waist. His attention shifted from the apartment block to her, using his free hand to tilt her chin upward before he stooped his head to kiss her.
Her lips opened unexpectedly, a heat on her tongue as she dipped into his mouth, desperate for more of him after their candied, restrained dinner. He met her with the same intensity, holding her face between his palms as he quickened his pace, gut stirring with awakened lust that he'd kept at bay the whole evening.
Eden pulled away abruptly, biting her lip as she placed a hand over her mouth, knowing she couldn't carry on like this on the street. Her skin was warm, face painted in a scarlet flush, pupils dilated as she stared up at him.
"You want to come up?" She asked gently, pressing herself tighter against him before she nuzzled into his chest.
Bucky hesitated, hormones yelling at him to go upstairs while rationality gave a disapproving shake of its head. He pecked the top of her head, torn between doing what he wanted to do and what he knew he needed to do, arms locked gently around her shoulders.
"Can I be honest?" He met her eyes as she lifted her head, thumb stroking over the red of her cheek.
"Always."
"I think... I think I just need some space tonight," he admitted, lips upturned into a smile to soften the rejection. "I want to come up, believe me I do, but I think the best thing for me is to have a little time to clear my head."
Eden's face immediately fell into a worried frown, words rushing out as she replied, "Are you sure? Whatever's wrong, you can come up and we can talk about it, you don't need to–"
She tailed off as she noticed his amused smile, stopping short when her brain caught up with the words flying out of her mouth. Letting out a gentle sigh, she buried her face in his shirt, annoyed with herself for not realising what she was doing, not taking his openness into consideration even though she had been asking for it all this time.
"You're telling me exactly what you need and I'm still trying to get you to talk," she mumbled, embarrassed with herself, eyes remorseful as she met his again. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head gently, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he reassured her, "You're learning me too, doll, it's okay."
"Be careful, okay?" The question was almost a plead, hint of worry in the words as her brows drew together. "Text me when you get home, so I know you're safe."
He nodded in agreement, mentally planning to send her a text about twenty minutes after he left her, knowing full well he'd be walking around the city until the early hours of the morning.
"Goodnight Buck." Her head craned to meet his lips with hers again, a farewell kiss that was very tame in comparison to the one they'd just shared. She stepped away, jutting her bottom lip out in teasing sadness, laughing when he mimicked her, brows furrowed exaggeratedly.
Lacing their hands together, Bucky admired her for a moment with a half-smile tugging his lip, eyes lowered as he drank her in. It took all his rationality not to change his mind, throw her over his shoulder and storm up to her apartment, the playful glint in her eye almost luring him in. He brought her knuckles to his mouth, pressing gentle kisses against her skin before he reluctantly let go, sure if he stayed any longer he'd abandon all reason.
"Goodnight honey."
Turning away, he blew her a final kiss over his shoulder, grin pulling at his mouth when he heard her giggle in response. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he began to walk away, unable to contain his smile, sunlight bursting through his centre.
She waved goodbye in front of the glass door of the lobby, lingering on the sidewalk until his broad frame disappeared from view. A gushing smile remained on her face the entire time, dreamy haze settled around her, like she was floating above the concrete on a cloud.
Lost in her Bucky daydream, she hummed quietly to herself as she rummaged in her bag for her key fob, back turned to the street. A shadow darting in her peripheral vision, followed by the scuffling of shoes on the concrete, captured her attention, surge of panic in her stomach as she whipped her head around. It took her a moment to locate the source of the movement, finding nothing beside her, spinning around to the sidewalk with her eyes scanning wildly. Quickly she landed on a dark shape hidden between a couple of bushes a few metres away, heart thumping in her chest as she took a couple of steps closer to discern the figure.
"I can see you, you know?" She called, trying to disguise the fear in her voice, hoping if she confronted them they would leave her alone.
The ground fell out from underneath her as the person sheepishly came forward, the light of the street lamp illuminating their features. Dread filled her insides up, bursting through to her expression, her face dropping with shock and fear. The panic was almost dizzying, heart hammering so hard against her ribs she feared she would pass out.
"Benjamin?" She asked breathlessly, her voice cracking. "What are you doing here?"
Clad all in black, Benjamin pulled his hood down, revealing a stoic, unaffected expression, a complete switch from his usual nervous appearance. He ran a hand through his limp hair, gray eyes blank and stony as he stared at her, calm and collected.
"Hi Eden, I just–"
"You can't be here. You can't come to my apartment." Eden refused to listen to him, a subdued terror clawing at her despite his relaxed demeanour, her gut screaming at her to run inside. Nausea churned in her stomach, legs like jelly as she forced herself to look at him, ignoring the crawl of his eyes on her as best she could.
"I just wanted to talk about our session earlier, I had something else I forgot to say," he replied calmly, slipping his gloved hands into the pockets of his hoody.
"How do you know where I live?" She spoke the words like they pained her, voice trembling as she backed up against the door. One hand tucked into her bag, fingers clenching around her phone, prepared to start running and call the police or club him straight in the head with it, whichever was necessary first.
A flicker of anger went across his face before he returned to his unnerving emotionless features. "I saw you going inside one day when I was out for a walk. I wanted–"
"No, no, no, you can't do this." She shook her head, waving a disinterested hand at him as her voice became louder. "This is super inappropriate. Please leave."
Turning away, she began sifting through her bag with shaking hands, vision fuzzy as she tried to find her key fob so she could get the hell away from him as fast as possible. She could barely hear anything over the roaring of her heartbeat, swallowing the terrified lump in her throat, screeching alarm bells inside her head. The terror was unlike any she had felt before; her instinct was telling her she was unsafe, telling her she needed to get out of the situation immediately. Bucky sprang straight into her mind, wishing he had come inside with her, wishing she'd listened to him when he told her about his concerns; now, standing here with the danger right outside her apartment block, she felt like a fucking fool for dismissing everything he said.
Benjamin stepped toward her, hand reaching out to touch her shoulder as he rushed, "Wait, Eden, please just let me talk–"
"No, Benjamin, get the hell out of here right now!" She yelled as his fingers brushed against her, snapping around and shoving him away, as hard as she could. He stumbled back on the sidewalk, lanky frame almost toppling over with her force, holding his hands up in surrender. Overwhelmed, her breaths came heavy and ragged, warning in her eyes as she glared ferociously at him, the hostility a complete diversion from her usual softness.
"You cannot come to my apartment at 9 o'clock at night just to talk to me, that's insane!" She spat, unable to keep her emotions in check, fright and anger spilling out of her. "Go home."
"But–"
"Leave. Right now." The caution in her voice was severe, an unspoken threat that conveyed just how serious she was. Her eyes locked on his, unblinking, daring him to challenge her further, the adrenaline keeping her from crumbling. For a brief moment he tried to call her bluff, his lifeless eyes questioning her, but quickly he realised she wasn't backing down.
"Alright. I'm sorry." Hanging his head in defeat, Benjamin finally scuttled away down the street, concealing himself with his hood once more.
Eden did not move, standing firmly in front of the door with her furious scowl unchanged as she watched him like a hawk. When he was finally out of view she cracked, scrambling for the fob in her bag before she crashed it against the keypad. Her vision was spotty as she pushed the glass open, not sure how she managed any strength in the height of her panic, staggering inside before she shoved the door closed behind her.
Safe in the lobby, her body finally succumbed to the fear, knees giving way as she crumpled into a heap of terrified sobs, somewhere deep inside her feeling like this was only the beginning.
a/n: :)
how we all feeling after that? rollercoaster of emotions, i am tired from the drama of it all xoxo
thanks sm for your patience while i figure out my schedule <3 appreciate all the love more than you know
please don't forget to vote & comment <3 i love reading everyone's reactions lmao
em xxx