Haven smiled bitterly when they stopped at the road near to a sea which was perfectly black sand.
Napakakulimlim din ng kalangitan, a little foggy at madilim para pa nga yatang uulan.
May mga nagtataasang ding malalaking formation rock sa paligid niyon.
At hindi pwedeng gawing paliguan ang dagat bagamat hindi masyadong maalon ay talagang hindi pwede dahil na din sa lamig at ang kasing itim ng uling na buhangin niyon ay ang isa pang nagbibigay kilabot sa kanyang katawan.
Mabuti na lang at nakasuot siya ng boots at makapal ang sole niyon. Tinignan niya ang suot nila ni Aries kung tutuusin para na silang may couple shirt, same outfit.
Pagkatapos siyang dalhin kanina ni Aries sa isang restaurant pinakain lang pala siya nito ng ice cream! To brighten up her mood daw!? Ginawa pa siya nitong bata. Ayun nagutom ito at kumain na din.
Nang matapos sila dumaretso na sila sa black beach.
"Aries, what are we doing here?
May balak ka na naman ba'ng itapon ako sa dagat na 'yan?"
"Silly. You always think that I'm going to hurt you."
"Hindi nga ba? Kung saan-saan mo naman kasi ako dinadala, siguro naman marami namang ibang
magagandang lugar dito sa Iceland." reklamo niya.
Nangunot ang noo nito sa sinabi niya.
"For me this is the most beautiful place in Iceland."
So ito ang sinasabi nito kanina na black beach.
"Give me your hand," sabi nitong iminuwestra pa nito ang isang kamay nito sa kanyang harapan.
Tinitigan niya lamang iyon nang hindi siya kumilos at ito na ang nagkusang kumuha sa kamay niya at inilalayan siya nitong maglakad papalapit sa baybaying dagat.
"Aries, anong gagawin natin diyan huwag mong sabihing maliligo tayo?"
"Will you stop interrogating me? Sumunod ka nalang." sabi nitong ipinagpatuloy nila ang paglalakad hanggang huminto sila ng nasa malapit na sila sa alon ng dagat.
"Have you been here often?" kapagkuwan tanong niya.
"I wouldn't say that often." When she didn't reply he added, "Never with a girl before."
Hindi niya alam pero parang napaka-special niya sa sinabi nitong iyon na para bang siya pa lang ang unang babae na dinala nito doon at hindi si Eloise.
"But Aries, why did you bring me here?"
Humugot muna ito ng malalim na buntong hininga at tumanaw sa karagatan.
"This place is something meaningful to me." makahulugang sabi nito.
Nakita niya ang lungkot sa mga mata nito at punong-puno ng misteryo iyon.
"What about?"
"This place is my comfort zone." tinignan niya ito.
"I-I don't understand,"
"How will you define the place?" he asked nang hindi pinansin ang sinabi niya.
"Malungkot, madilim, parang walang kabuhay-buhay…ang baybaying dagat." mabilis na sagot niya.
"Exactly, this is me, my world." nangunot noo siya sa sinabi nito.
Ibig bang sabihin nito na ganun kalungkot ang buhay nito?
Madilim? Walang kabuhay-buhay?
"You can ask me anything again. I told you dinala kita dito para makilala mo ako ng mabuti." sabi ulit nito nang hindi siya sumagot.
Humugot muna siya ng malalim na buntong hininga.
"What does people live? I really wonder that, you know." pag-umpisa niya.
"Hmn, interesting." maikling tugon nito.
"Hindi lang iyan ang itatanong ko,"
"Go on,"
“What makes a body propel itself around and breathe and react to things. They build beautiful strong things, and terrible things, and they love each other and hurt each other, and they think. And they die. It seems like too great a capacity for something that's just an accident, that doesn't mean anything."
He was watching her with bright eyes but he made no reply, so she went on.
"What would be the point to people, if there weren't any-soul? Haven't you ever considered how peculiar it is, these forms of flesh going around the world, but being so—so small, really, and easily destroyed. At bakit may mga taong gusto pa ring mabuhay kahit alam nilang nasasaktan at napapagod lang sila?" mahabang sabi niya.
Huminga ito ng malalim at saka muling tunanaw sa baybaying dagat. "To begin with you, I don't say there isn't a soul. I say it's never been proved to my satisfaction and it's the difference between believing and not believing." sagot nito.
"So in short hindi mo pa napapatunayan iyan?"
"For me this is my explanation, the matter of what makes people live and breath—why to me it's no different than what makes a car go. The spark gets the gasoline burning we go, man or machine, on our way till the gasoline runs out. So ibig sabihin hindi mabubuhay ang isang tao kung hindi ito kakain kung hindi mo ito bibigyan ng enerhiya." he explained.
"What's the spark?" she said quietly.
Aries studied him for a long reflective moment. "What a nice question." he said but he did not try to answer it. He seemed a little helpless.
Muli itong tumanaw sa baybaying dagat habang ang dalawang kamay nito ay nakapamulsa sa suot nitong pants.
"My life isn't that wonderful...I remember hating to go to school, because I'd get some darned fool idea that people scared of me. I've been traumatize of what happened to me. I'd run yelling when I should have stayed and fought, and then fight when I was only making a fool of myself. Walang sinuman ang nagnanais na makalapit sakin but when Eloise presence she comforted me. Si Eloise ang nagbigay liwanag sa madilim kong mundo…pero simula 'nung minahal niya ang Daniel na 'yon...muli akong hinihila sa dilim." malungkot na wika nito.
Ngayon niya nakita ang Aries na dati ang buong akala niya hindi ito nakakaramdam ng lungkot kumbaga kampante lang ito sa buhay nito bilang isang mayaman at mauturidad na tao.
She smiled bitterly.
So si Eloise ang dahilan ng pagbabago ni Aries? Kaya pala madaling nahulog ang loob ni Aries kay Eloise. Dahil si Eloise ang tumulong kay Aries ng mga panahong malungkot ito. Wala pala siyang karapatang husgahan ang asawa niya sa mga nangyari dito noon na kung anuman iyon at natatakot siyang alamin na kung anuman ang mga ibubunyag nito.
"For how long have you been doing that?"
"Till my brother died, I guess. But even before that, I'd started working on this - survival; I called it to myself then. Still do for that matter. I was always worrying about things. What would happen if this happened, and what would happen if it didn't happen, and if it did happen, what would people think of me. I was the purest concentrate of worry and conceit."
"Conceit?" she shook her head.
"Sure it was. Funny, though. I'd meant to keep it a secret all my days. When my brother died it was more than sadness I felt. Absolute emptiness. But—well, I was a part of him, a part still living remembering him...I guess there isn't anything I won't tell you."
Tell me you love me, couldn't you tell me that?
Haven’s glance fell. It was like Aries to say that. They never did talk the two of them. That there were probably such, they knew each but knew too that it no longer mattered. And yet it was wonderful to know that this place had known neither of them in a mood like this, without someone else, but her.
"I've heard your brother hasn't found yet? Pero paano kung buhay pa ang kapatid mo?" tanong niya dito.
"That's impossible. He was gun shot at...darn! Ayoko ng banggitin pa 'yan."
Tumango-tango naman siya at nauunawaan niya ito. "Was he older than you?" hindi napigilang tanong niya.
"I don't know,"
"W-Why you didn't know." kinakabahan na tanong niya.
"He looks exactly like me," mahinang sabi nito.
Nagulat siya sa rebelasyon nitong iyon.
"You mean kambal mo siya?"
Aries nodded.
Parang nagka-calculate lahat ang utak niya sa sinabi nito. "Aries! Paano kung 'yung sinasabi ko sayo na si Marco Madrigal ay kapatid mo kasi magkamukhang-magkamuk—"
"Shut up! He's dead. I saw it with my own two eyes so don't ever mention it to me again that he was alive. I have learned to accept it even though I was badly hurt for him. And that fucking Marco, it was just your illusion or maybe your lover." galit na sabi nito sa kanya ng hindi tumitingin.
Natahimik siya sa sinabi nito hindi niya pinansin ang huling sinabi nito na lalaki niya si Marco.
Pero mas alintana niya ang sinabi nitong nabaril ang kapatid nito parang bumalik sa kanyang ala-ala ang pangyayari noong siya'y ma-kidnap!
Nakakita na din siya ng bata noon na binaril at kitang-kita niya kung paanong tumalon ito sa dagat mula sa yate at binaril ito doon.
Napayakap siya sa kanyang sarili nang muling maalala iyon!
"It wasn't just like that. It took a lot of thinking and a lot of effort to forget. But it worked, eventually. When my brother died," he said in a low voice, "it became no effort anymore,” huminga ito nang malalim at muling nagpatuloy.
“When you lose someone you love very much, you begin to see that things just really aren't terribly important." muli niyang nakita sa mga mata nito ang lungkot.
"Then will you say, "Either I'll lose my life or I won't? You don't believe in the soul, and you've convinced yourself that nothing is important—"
"Haven!" he exclaimed. Nagulat siya sa malakas na pagtawag nito ng pangalan niya!
"You're misinterpreting the entire thing. I didn't say I didn't believe in the soul; I said I don't know!"
"O-Okay, but when do you stop missing him? I should think—it must be so terrible missing someone, and knowing there's nothing to do, that he'll never come back."
Tinignan siya nito sa malungkot na mga mata. "You never stop." he said flatly. "When someone you love dies, you miss him all your life. You feel lonesome and somehow—defrauded. At hindi lang isang tao ang nawala sa akin. She was really important too and I've never heard anything about her anymore."
She? Did he mean na hindi lang si Eloise ang babaeng importante sa buhay nito?
Hindi na siya nagsalita at ayaw na niyang alamin iyon dahil baka masaktan lang siya.
"P-pero ano ba talaga ang gusto mong mangyari? Kung bakit dinala mo pa ako sa lugar na ito?"
Tinignan siya nito. "In short gusto kong malaman mo na ganito ang mundo ko, madilim at punong-puno ng misteryo. You belong to my world."
Haven watching him seriously, unbelievingly. So ikukulong siya nito sa madilim nitong mundo?
"Are you really serious about keeping me in your life?"
"I told you I'm serious, why you always asking me that question? You have nothing to do with that. I'll keep you because you are my personal interests too."
Nangunot noo siya. "Personal interests? What makes you think I'm your personal interest?
"You owe me, remember?"
"You can't claim me on that ground!"
"Shut up! Ayoko ng marinig ang anumang pagtutol mula sa bibig mo, sumunod ka na lang." galit na naman ang mukha nito na kanina lang para itong nakakaawang tignan.
"Why don't you let go of Eloise instead? You see, it isn't matter of fitting a woman to a physical ideal only. You need a woman who is personal, emotional, temperamental fit to you, if only there is the personality fit." hindi niya alam kung ano ang pumasok sa kanya na masamang espiritu at nasabi niya iyon!
Salubong ang mga kilay nitong tinignan siya.
"Then who's that woman you? Tsk, it was no good, somehow. There was something missing. You are a beautiful woman, but I did not feel any touch of true love." he said sarcastically.
Tila nasaktan siya sa sinabi nitong iyon at anumang oras parang luluha ang mga mata niya. Tumanaw siya dagat at muling tinignan ang madilim na kalangitan at maging ang bungahin ay maitim.
Para sa kanya parang sinumpa ang lugar na iyon. May ilang mga taong natatanaw siya na naglalakad pero malayo sa kanila.
Sinasadya talaga ni Aries na dalhin siya sa mga ganoong lugar.
Ang sabi lang nito noon na dadalhin siya sa kapuluan pero hindi niya ine-expect na dito siya nito dadalhin.
She could no make longer sentences and her expressions grew more and more complicated.
"Let's go home. Maaga pa tayong babalik ng Pilipinas bukas." sabi nitong tumalikod na at nagsimulang maglakad.
So isang araw lang sila ni Aries sa iceland para ipakita lang sa kanya ang comparison nito sa sarili at buhay nito sa black beach? Ibang klase talaga ang mayaman anytime mag-desisyon ito kung kailan nito gustong lumabas ng bansa.
"Aries, do you know how you can win Eloise’ heart?" sabi niya at huminto ito sa paghakbang at sinulyapan siya.
"I know what I'm doing,"
"But..."
"What?"
"Can we extend another day staying here?" napakagat labi siya sa sinabi.
Hindi niya alam pero kumakapal na ang mukha niya kay Aries kung kaya't kung anu-anu na lang sinasabi niya.
"For what?"
Napagtanto niya na mahal na mahal nga talaga ni Aries si Eloise
She was willing to accompany him in his dark world.
"Let's have a date just like lovers do. I mean let's pretend...and I'll help you how...how you can win a woman's heart. I know it sounds funny but—"
"I won't...I can't pretend..."
Napahiya siya sa sagot nito nagsisi tuloy siya sa sinabi niya. "A-Aries.."
Tumalikod ito. "I think talent mo na yata 'yan but I don't...I won't be happy with that set-up. It’s a waste of time." pagkasabi niyon muli itong naglakad.
Nakakasakit ng damdamin ang mga sinabi nito.
Ilang kurap sa mga mata ang ginawa niya upang pigilan ang luha na anumang sandali ay papatak, huminga muna siya nang malalim bago sinundan ito.