"Mommy!" Lindy called, raising her voice so that Mommy could hear from wherever she was in the house. "Baby Sally needs changies!" I blushed furiously, and tried to hide my face in my hands. For a second I'd been perfectly happy to tell her that I had an accident, a baby who didn't know any better. But now I knew just how embarrassing those words were, and I couldn't believe that I had been so eager to say them. What had happened to me? This was so much more than the intense relaxation and habit forming I'd gotten from the original set of meditation recordings. This was more like some kind of hypnosis; the way it worked in movies, where you could take over someone's mind and make them do anything. That couldn't be real, could it? But the last few minutes had challenged my scepticism.
"Aww, did my little baby have an oopsie?" Mum said with a little laugh as she entered the room, and I found myself nodding automatically before the blush took over. Lindy nodded too, as if any more confirmation was needed.
"Yeah, she's a soggy little baby," she said with a smirk. "So little, maybe she can't even tell. She needs us to take care of everything for her. Make sure you give her that special surprise, we don't want her to miss out."
"That's enough, Lindy," Mum answered. Her tone was level, but I could still tell that she was serious there, and that Lindy was close to some line that she had been warned against crossing. There was still something Mum had decided to surprise me with, I knew, besides the mittens that she'd already shown me. And Lindy was impatient to see how I reacted to it.
"Fine," Lindy said, and pouted. Even when they had me thinking like a baby, it was hard to take her seriously as a big sister when she still had so many childish mannerisms. "I'll go to my room and get changed for tonight. While Sally gets changed changed, to let her know what a baby she is. I hope she enjoys her new..." And then she must have seen the fuse ticking down in Mum's eyes, because she trailed off and hurried out of the room.
"Now," Mum said. "Are you going to be a good baby for me, and let me change you into a clean diaper for the evening? How long will you be able to keep it dry, I wonder?"
"Can I..." I mumbled. I didn't know if I was allowed to ask even, but I knew it was worth trying. Mum didn't really want to hurt me. In her mind, punishment was always and only about making sure that some sin wasn't repeated. And making me miserable wouldn't have any effect beyond what they'd already done. In fact, it wouldn't have surprised me if this punishment was mostly performative. My own conscience was enough to stop me hurting my sister, and if I'd really done what she suspected me of, she would know that guilt would be the thing that stopped me doing it again. Most of the reasoning behind this treatment would be to convince Lindy that justice had been done, as well as to discourage her from taking her own revenge.
It would have been a good plan, if Mum's understanding of what I'd done had been accurate.
"Hmm?"
"Can I go potty, Mommy? Please? I promise I'll be good, I just can't..."
"You need to use your diapers, baby. That was the rule. If that's too much for you, we could try to find an alternative. But it wouldn't be giving the right impression if I stopped your punishment as soon as it reached something you might not like. Would it?"
"Okay," I nodded, and closed my eyes in resignation. I needed to use the bathroom; I was already starting to get uncomfortable. But I was sure that I could hold out for a day or more if I had to. I would just hope that either Mum or Lindy thought I had suffered enough before I reached my limit. A little discomfort would be an adequate punishment, wouldn't it?
"Now, did you make a mess in your diaper? I don't think you did. And that's not good. I think it would be much more comfortable for you if you go before you get changed. Then your diaper is clean for the rest of the night, you see? You want to do that, don't you? Poop for Mommy, just let it go, and then I can clean you up." I shook my head, and I could sense Mum's disappointment. But I knew she really cared, so I didn't honestly believe she would make me wait until it was really uncomfortable.
"Are you sure, baby?" She asked again. "You can do it now, or after your change. But if you wait, you're not going to get another change so soon. That's something Lindy really wants you to experience. So maybe you'd be better just letting it happen?"
I shook my head again. I knew I could have explained why it was such a problem, but it felt so much easier to communicate in gestures. Just like a little baby, I guessed. I might have wondered if it was the hypnosis making me act like that, changing all my instincts. But I think that hadn't lasted so long. It was just that if I imagined myself as a baby, the thought of messing my diaper wasn't quite so disturbing. I wasn't going to let it happen, I would wait as long as I possibly could, but if I pretended I was a baby Mum's insistence didn't disturb me quite so much.
"Okay, honey. Let's get you into a nice clean diaper, then. You can change again in forty-five minutes after. Can you count that high? No, I don't think you can. But you won't be too uncomfortable, and you can let me know later if you would have been comfortable waiting longer for a change. I don't want you to get a diaper rash, baby. You know that, don't you? But I gave you the choice of going before your change so you wouldn't have to sit in a stinky diaper. So I can only guess this is what you want. It's so hard to understand a baby's thoughts sometimes."
I must have been blushing like a stop light then, but it felt like the positive side of embarrassment. Just a little exciting, with anticipation to enhance the feelings. The thought that she was going to embarrass me more because she didn't know what I wanted; because I was too much of a baby to tell her; was making my heart race. And I knew that if there were some way to incorporate that kind of talk outside of a punishment, I would be happy to feel this way in future. When Lindy wasn't aware of it, of course. The way my heart raced when she talked to me like that, it was almost enough of a thrill to overcome my disgust at what she was actually suggesting I would do. There was no way that I would ever go through with it, but the idea that I was too young to have the choice felt so good, and I'd probably enjoy it right up until the moment I had to tell her that I would never, ever actually use a diaper like that.
She would understand when I had waited as long as I possibly could, wouldn't she?
And then she was carrying me again, trying to pretend that she could lift me easily. It must have been a real effort for her, because I wasn't the size of a baby anymore, but Mum was making so much effort to let the role seem real for me. It really made me think that she wanted me to be happy; and I knew this wasn't something she would do just for a punishment. Was she trying to let me know that she suspected Lindy's lies, but not quite enough to change the punishment? Was this a sign that she felt that the punishment was enough, but that she wanted to make it seem more extreme for my sister's benefit, in order to prevent her seeking "revenge"? Or... I gasped and held my breath for a moment as I thought of it... was she trying to soften the blow of whatever the next phase of the punishment would be? I knew there had to be something else after she changed me, something that she was certain I would hate. So could this little bit of tenderness be a way to help me cope with the most extreme thing I would be subjected to? I knew I should be terrified by the possibility, but somehow I couldn't take it seriously. Even with the vague threat of not allowing me to use the bathroom for some still-uncertain length of time, it wasn't enough to diminish the thrill I somehow felt when I couldn't stop her treating me like a baby.
Mum produced a plastic keyring from somewhere; the kind of thing that jangled and clicked as you shook it. Something that would completely fascinate and entertain a baby. It was so easy to imagine myself being small enough that this kind of distraction would occupy my full attention, so I let myself play along. Yes, it was embarrassing. But having my diaper changed wasn't a punishment anymore, and there was a part of me that loved being treated as if I didn't understand what she was doing for me. I didn't understand it, but it felt good.
She took off the soaked diaper, and spent a long time cleaning me off with baby wipes. Then she fetched a bowl of warm water and a soapy sponge; I guessed that I'd been in the same diaper for so long that she wanted to make sure I was properly clean. Mum didn't tell me what she was doing, but she kept up a kind of commentary in baby talk. Telling me nothing useful, but reminding me just how small and helpless I was. After I was washed to her satisfaction, a buzzing trimmer made sure that I was hairless down there, and then she was rubbing baby oil into my skin. It was kind of like a spa treatment, I imagined. And I knew that I couldn't object to the care she was taking to make sure I was comfortable.
"Tank you," I mumbled, and gave a little giggle. The speech impediment was just an affectation, I could have talked normally if I'd wanted to, but this scenario was so comforting. I could almost forget that this was supposed to be a punishment. And of course Mum knew that; this would in no way be appropriate for what I was accused of, it was way too far. But Lindy didn't know that there were some parts of babying that I enjoyed; so Mum could punish me to a degree that felt fair to her, while at the same time letting Lindy believe that my punishment was much more severe than it actually was. There was no way she would want to be caught with a bowl of water after seeing all of this. And maybe that was a big part of why Mum was going so far with this; to deter my sister from following up on this little feud any further.
"Such a good girl," Mum said. "Now, be a good baby for Mommy, okay? It might not feel very nice, but when you make a decision you need to live with it. So the little baby might be a little bit sore, but it's better than making yourself ill with your stubbornness."
I would have spoken up then, and asked what she meant. Even the excitement of some unspecified punishment wasn't enough to let me just wait and see when she said something like that. But as I opened my mouth I heard giggling in the background, and my eyes darted across to see Lindy standing just outside the doorway; peeking in and trying not to let Mum know that she was watching. Whatever this next accessory would be, she was really eager to see me in it. And that alone told me that it would be more restrictive than the mittens. But couldn't she wait until I had a clean diaper on to start watching? I didn't want her to see me like that, even if she was in the wrong position to see much.
I gasped in surprise then, and Lindy laughed even louder. Mum's gentle touch, massaging baby oil and rash cream into my skin, had suddenly changed. I felt two fingers pushing inside my butt, and for a second I panicked, wondering what she could possibly be doing. Then the fingers withdrew; there was no pain because of the lubrication provided by the baby oil. But I could feel that there was something left inside me. What was it? I started to wriggle in position, reaching down with my own hands in the hope of taking it away, but in just seconds Mum was pulling the fresh diaper up and fastening the tapes around my waist.
"Shhh," Mum said, while my mind was racing trying to put the pieces together. "It might be a little uncomfortable, but I don't want a constipated baby, do I? Now, would you like dinner while we wait for it to kick in?"
"You can't do that!" I yelled, finally making the connection, and realising that the only logical option was some kind of suppository. Given her description, it must be something to make me use my diaper, but why would she even do that? It wasn't fair, and it took me right out of the comfortable baby headspace I'd been floating into. "No! That's messed up, you can't–"
"Shhh," Mum said again. "Maybe you need a little help to relax now, to make it a little more comfortable." I wanted to yell that I didn't want it to be comfortable; that this couldn't be happening. But I lost the thread of that conversation as soon as I heard the wind chimes playing that particular melody. I didn't pee, because I'd already gone, but there was still a wave of comfortable sleepiness too powerful to resist; and the last thing I was aware of was Lindy's manic laughter before I sank back into dreams of a crib in a peaceful forest, hands trailing in the stream to remind me how good it felt to let go like a baby.