"i see trees of green, red roses too
i see them bloom for me and you
and i say to myself, what a wonderful world"
•••
season two, episode fifteen
"god, i'm starving. must be from the loss of blood." lorelai groans as her and rory walk to the diner.
"yes, that must be it." rory sarcastically replies to her overly dramatic mother.
"i'm getting pancakes with a side of pancakes. where's luke?" lorelai asks her daughter.
"i don't know. storage room?" rory answers her mother still not getting why it's such a big deal that luke isn't there.
"oh no." lorelai says while frantically looking around the diner for luke and emilia or even jess.
"caesar's cooking." rory finally realizes that luke missing is really bad and looks at her mother in horror.
"why is caesar cooking?" lorelai groans, not wanting anyone else to make her breakfast except for the grumpy diner owner.
"i don't know." rory complains as well.
"that's bad."
"his pancakes stink."
"they do stink."
"well, what do we do? resort to doughnuts?" rory asks purely out of desperation.
"wait here." lorelai gets an idea and leaves rory at their table.
lorelai walks up the stairs to luke's apartment and knocks on the door.
"hey luke, are you in there?" lorelai asks as she knocks at the door.
a faint "ow!" is heard from inside the apartment.
"luke, are you okay?" lorelai asks.
"stupid box! stupid lamp!" luke starts yelling and what sounds like throwing things.
"hey luke, are you being attacked by your possessions again?" luke opens the door and comes face to face with lorelai.
"hi."
"hi."
"whatcha doing?" lorelai asks.
"i'm looking for my supply ledger." luke tells the starving woman.
"is it going well?" lorelai rhetorically asks.
"it's going fine."
"you have a sock on your shoulder. is it helping you look?" lorelai points out and luke rips the sock off of his shoulder a little embarrassed.
"what are you doing up here?"
"rory and i are starving. we need you to cook us breakfast." she walks into the apartment and sees the mess. "oh my god." lorelai gasps out of horror.
"caesar can make you breakfast." luke tells the stubborn woman.
"what happened to this place?" lorelai asks as she ventured further into the room.
"nothing." luke grumbled.
"this is what i always pictured the inside of my head to look like." lorelai quips.
"see if you can find a brown leather ledger. emilia was going to help me but she had to run to the store for something apparently."
"i've never seen so much stuff. it looks like a white trash hearst castle in here."
"on second thought, i'll find it myself." luke grumbles to himself seeing as the woman next to him is being no help at all.
emilia walks in, more like runs into the apartment and throws open the door to the bathroom. she stands in the doorway and throws a small bottle of hair gel to jess.
"don't say i never did anything for you. also if you ever page me a 911 message about hair gel ever again i will kill you. i can think of six different ways right now." and she slams the door shut.
she turns around and notices the two adults in the room staring between her and the bathroom door in confusion.
"oh hey guys."
"hey...?" luke and lorelai both hesitantly greet her.
"what are you two doing up here?"
"i'm looking for the supply ledger. which you were supposed to help me with by the way." luke tells the girl in his annoyed tone.
"i'm just here to beg luke to make rory and i some pancakes."
"oh yeah, caesar sucks at making pancakes."
"hah exactly!" lorelai points at luke but he gives her a face so she changes the subject. "anyways, where'd all this come from?"
"jess. liz shipped the rest of his stuff last week. he finally unpacked."
"well, he did a very nice job." lorelai sarcastically points out.
"i know it's crazy now, but i just have to get it all organized, figure out where to put everything, buy another dresser, a portable wardrobe, some storage bins." luke tells the woman.
"can of gasoline, box of matches." lorelai continues.
"did i mention that caesar can cook you breakfast?" luke tells lorelai, trying to get her out of the apartment so he can actually focus.
"but he doesn't make the good fluffy pancakes like you do." lorelai complains.
"then order eggs."
"no! see, i had a near death experience today."
"really?"
"yes. i almost fell off the roof of my house trying to clean the rain gutters, so i have to have pancakes. please? i'll help you shower when i become a superhero." lorelai tells luke when jess finally walks out of the bathroom.
"you've been in there for two hours." luke tells him.
"yeah, well my hair just ain't bouncin' and behavin' today." jess says as he walks through the mess to get to the door, smirking at emilia at the mention of his hair.
"there are other people living here too, you know." luke tells the teenage boy.
"huh, learn something new everyday." jess leaves but stops at the door and turns to emilia."coming gallagher?"
"duh." she quips and follows him out the door.
"well, his people skills are really improving." lorelai quips.
"go downstairs. i'll be there as soon as i can." luke tells the woman.
"how long is that?" lorelai asks.
"i don't know." luke says to her.
"an estimate." lorelai begs.
"i don't know." luke says yet again.
"ballpark figure." lorelai keeps bugging him.
"i-"
"off the top of your head."
"will you-"
"did i mention that i almost fell off my roof today?" lorelai yells at him.
"i'd lie down if i could find the bed." lorelai sees the supply ledger and picks it up.
"oh, is this what you're looking for?"
"yes, great, thank you."
"not unless you make me the pancakes."
"give me the book."
"give me the pancake!" lorelai starts backing up and holding the book above her head.
"come on." luke agrees and grabs the book from her hands.
"thank you."
"you sure you weren't almost pushed off the roof of your house today?" he asks her as they walk down the stairs.
•••
lorelai, rory, and emilia are all walking in town wanting to get ice cream when lorelai spots luke sitting all alone in the diner watching tv.
"hey." lorelai turns to the two teenage girls.
"what?" they both ask.
"luke." lorelai points to the diner and they all see luke.
"what's he doing?" rory asks her mother confused.
"i'm not sure. hey, will you go get the ice cream and make sure they give us a ton of maraschino cherries?" lorelai tells the girls and heads off towards the diner.
"okay."
"thanks."
•••
luke is sitting at a table watching a very small television set as lorelai knocks on the door.
"hey."
"hey, what are you doing?"
"oh, uh, emilai, rory and i just hit the video store. now we're on our way home to eat a large amount of something you would not approve of."
"sounds good." luke says blandly.
"what are you doing?" lorelai asks, somewhat worried about the grumpy man.
"oh, watching tv." he tells her.
"ah. wow, that's cute. is this the first time it's been away from its mother?" lorelai jokes.
"it's a very good tv." luke tells her, not very convincingly.
"hm, black and white, coat hanger antenna, really bad reception." lorelai sarcastically lists off.
"it's fine." luke grumbles.
"don't you have a fully grown tv upstairs?" lorelai asks.
"yeah, well, jess is upstairs." luke tells her like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"so?" lorelai asks, not really getting it.
"so when jess is upstairs, that means the stereo's blaring and the place is a mess. i just needed a little privacy." luke tells the woman.
"so you came downstairs." lorelai prompts.
"yes."
"to sit on an uncomfortable chair in an empty diner that smells like onion rings." lorelai says.
"yes."
"calgon, take me away." lorelai quotes.
"it was very peaceful until two minutes ago."
"hey luke, do you ever think that, uh, maybe you should get a bigger apartment?" lorelai hesitantly asks the man in front of her.
"i don't need a bigger apartment." luke quickly denies.
"that place upstairs was your father's office. you turned it into an apartment. it was never meant to be lived in."
"it's fine." luke argues.
"it's too small for two people, three people sometimes. it's too small for one person if they have any kind of life."
"we'll make due, we just need to organize." luke shakes off the idea.
"no, you don't need to organize. you need to move." lorelai tells him.
"i like my apartment."
"it's not just your apartment. jess lives there also. so does emilia." lorelai tells him.
"jess is fine. so is emilia." luke replies.
"are you sure? because he could be pinned down under a box for a year in that place and you wouldn't know it until the neighbors started to complain about the smell." lorelai quips just as rory and emilia walk in.
"hey luke." "hey lucas." rory and emilia greet at the same time.
"rory, perfect, get her out of here. go."
"what about me?" emilia throws her hands up.
"we all know full well that you won't do squat to stop her. you would join in with her." luke exclaims.
"yeah, you're right." emilia agrees after a beat of silence.
"fine. i'm leaving. think about what i said." lorelai directs forwards luke and beards the girls out of the diner.
"oh, hey, did you ever hire anybody to do that work for you?" luke asks before they get out the door.
"what?" lorelai aks confused.
"the rain gutters." luke reminds her.
"oh, no, not yet. are you offering?" lorelai jokes.
"no, actually, i was thinking about jess." luke tells the woman.
"uh, jess?" lorelai responds, surprised.
"yeah, he's always looking for a little extra cash. he doesn't make that much here, and, you know, i hate to think of where else he might try to get it, so..." luke tells the gilmore.
"huh." lorelai responds hesitantly, still in shock.
"i mean, you don't have to pay him the same as would someone else, and you save a little, he keeps busy."
"yeah, well, maybe. um, i actually have to check with a couple of people i'm supposed to hear from, but if they can't do it, then sure." lorelai tells the diner owner but they all know that she doesn't want to let the teenager do it.
"great, just let me know." luke tells her.
"i will. bye." lorelai says and all but pushes the two girls out the door in front of her.
•••
luke walks up to the apartment on a rampage, jess is asleep and his music is blaring.
"jess?" luke calls but clearly he can't be heard over the music so he turns it off. "how can anyone sleep through that? it's like the huns are attacking and you're just well, you're oblivious and that's why you can just lie there while the rest of the world is going-" luke rants and in the process knocks over his little television after throwing his arms in the air out of frustration. "great! dammit! dammit! dammit! dammit!"
"whoa, geez, what the hell?" jess sure up in bed, confused at all the commotion going on around him.
"i can't stand it, i'm going crazy. this place is awful. i can't live like this anymore." luke rants.
"just relax." jess tries to tell his uncle.
"i can't relax. i can't sleep. i'm having nightmares about being chased around by boxes with arms and they tackle me and pile clothing on top of my face and secure it around my head with packing tape, and i'm just lying there choking while you're sitting in the corner laughing, putting gel in your hair with a switchblade!" luke animatedly explains.
"should i be putting a tongue depressor in your mouth right about now?" jess quips.
"we're moving." luke blurts out.
"what?" jess asks confused.
"tomorrow." luke states.
"what are you talking about?" jess asks.
"i'm talking about you and me going out, getting a paper, and finding a new place to live." luke finalizes.
"but i..." jess starts but quickly gets interrupted.
"no buts. ten o'clock tomorrow morning i want you up, washed, moussed, and ready to leave, end of story. now go back to bed." luke tells his nephew but jess gives him a look. "what?" luke asks, confused.
"i need the music on to sleep." jess tells his uncle almost sheepishly and luke just sighs and turns the music back on.
•••
the next day, luke and jess start looking at apartments first thing in the morning just like luke said. they walk out of an apartment building and they are arguing about the pros and cons.
"forget it." jess says.
"why, what was wrong with that one?" luke asks.
"it was pink." jess tells him like it's obvious.
"we can paint it." luke replies in the same tone.
"you mean i can paint it." jess grumbles.
"we can paint it together." luke corrects him.
"great, then we can hold hands and skip afterwards." jess quips.
luke sighs and asks jess "fine, which one do you like?"
"the one before." jess says.
"the one with the two fridges?" luke asks, almost appalled.
"no." jess denies.
"well, the one before was the one with two fridges." luke informs his nephew.
"no, the one we saw before was the one with the cat." jess corrects.
"i hate cats." luke says with distaste.
"well, i don't think the cat came with the place." jess sarcastically replies.
"yeah, but it had carpeting which means it's always gonna smell like a cat." luke tells him.
"clean the carpet." jess says.
"paint the pink." luke quips and jess sighs before changing the subject.
"fine, the one next to the bank."
"too many windows." luke says.
"what?" jess asks confused.
"six windows all on one side, three o'clock in the afternoon we're sitting in an oven." luke replies.
"so we get curtains." jess says.
"well, you'll have to help me put them up." luke tells him.
"great, then we can hold hands and skip afterwards." jess quips again.
"stop saying that." luke grumbles.
"you know what, i don't care. pick whichever one you want." jess blurts out.
"i'm not picking by myself." luke tells him.
"you're the one who wants to move." jess retorts.
"oh, so you like living the way we do?" luke asks sarcastically.
"fine by me." jess replies with a touch of malice in his voice.
"no space, no privacy." luke lists off.
"i got plenty of privacy." jess replies.
"yeah, because i'm sitting downstairs in the dark watching a two-inch tv." luke retorts.
"hey, you're the one with the problem, you make the choice." jess tells him.
"jess, come on." luke sighs.
"i have to go." jess says giving up.
"we got three more places to look at." luke tells him.
"i'm supposed to be at lorelai's in twenty minutes, remember?" jess reminds his uncle.
"oh, yeah." luke realizes.
"i mean, if you want me to bail on her, fine."
"nah, you go. i'll look at the places all alone." luke assures jess.
"great idea."
"i'll take some polaroids and you can take a look at them later." luke says nonchalantly, almost like he doesn't care about jess' opinion on the matter although that is the complete opposite.
"take a polaroid, paint a still picture, whatever you want." jess tells his uncle, seeming like he doesn't care but deep down he does.
"jess, come on." luke sighs.
"hey, nobody asked me if i wanted to move to stars hollow, but i'm here. pick whatever place you want and i'll be there too." jess tells his uncle as he starts backing up to leave for the gilmore house.
•••
emilia is sitting in the living room with rory and lorelai as they test out their new alarm clock that makes animal noises. emilia suddenly gets nervous when there's a knock at the front door.
"i'll get it." emilia almost immediately says as she gets up to go answer the door. "hey."
"here." jess greets her by throwing her a cd.
"the shaggs?"
"trust me."
"you're acting like i don't already love this band but lucky for me this cd is missing from my collection. anways, you're very punctual."
"yeah, well, it was this or continue apartment hunting with luke." jess informs the girl, who he swear he just fell a little bit more in love with.
"right, how's that going?"
"i don't know. luke flipped out last night as you saw and next thing i know, he's dragging me all over town banging on pipes and measuring square footage. it's crazy." jess rants.
"a new place might be nice. more space, maybe we'll both get our own rooms."emilia quips.
"you change your hair?" jess who was intently staring at the girl, suddenly asks her. apparently the lack of segues is a family thing.
"what?" emilia asks confused.
"your hair looks different." jess informs the girl.
"so, segue's not your thing, huh?" emilia quips.
"is it?" jess asks again.
"it's the same as it was yesterday when i saw you. why?" emilia asks, still confused.
"just looks different." jess tells the girl.
"bad different?" emilia realizes that he's flirting
with her and starts flirting back a little.
"hey, ducks!" is then heard loudly from the living room. both jess and emilia silently cursing the gilmore girls for ruining the moment.
"they just got a new alarm clock." emilia explains with a laugh.
"huh. bet i know what the lead story in the stars hollow gazette's gonna be tomorrow." jess sarcastically says and emilia hits his arm as lorelai walks to the front door to greet jess somewhat reluctantly.
"hey, did you hear the ducks cause they're great. lorelai then turns to jess "oh, you're here, terrific."
"so, um, would you like to come in?" emilia awkwardly asks the boy and gives lorelai a look telling her to try a little harder.
"oh, yeah, come on in. sorry, it's just...so excited about the ducks that, uh...do you want something to drink? you have good timing cause we shopped yesterday, and in addition to a case of maybelline fresh lash mascara, i also bought some of that new, uh, freaky coke with the lemon in it. it's very addictive." lorelai rambles.
"you can sit, you know." emilia tells the uncomfortable boy with a slight laugh who gives her a slight glare in response. "no thanks."
"so, what's new?" lorelai asks the boy.
"not much." jess responds.
"jess and luke are looking for an apartment." emilia tells lorelai.
"oh, you guys see anything good yet?" lorelai directs to jess.
"nope." jess responds dryly.
"well, you know, there's some really cool places over on peach. or on plum. hm, orange. basically, any of your fruit named streets are pretty nice. okay, well, i guess you should get started. um, there's a ladder right out front and some buckets and gloves and stuff on the porch. you need anything else, just walk against the wind." lorelai nervously rambles.
"come on, i'll show you." emilia tells the boy to give everyone a break from the awkwardness and follows herout the door.
"i'm trying." he's insists.
"well, keep it up." emilia tells him with a smile.
•••
once they get outside, emilia turns to jess and starts grilling him.
"question." emilia prompts.
"yes?" jess asks.
"you come over. you seem to have a very firm grasp of the english language. you put together several full sentences, even using a couple of words that contain two or more syllables, and then lorelai appears and suddenly we need a thought bubble over your head to understand what you're thinking. can you tell me why that is?" emilia asks the angsty boy.
"the verbal thing comes and goes." jess quips.
"i would really appreciate it if you would try to get along with lorelai." emilia tells him.
"i took the coke." jess replies.
"i know." emilia sighs.
"personally, i think it's a little crazy to put lemon in coke but i took it anyhow." jess jokes.
"hey asshole, stop it." emilia tells him.
"ooh, stern face." jess smirks.
"look, i went out on a limb for you trying to get lorelai to give you the benefit of the doubt, okay? so i don't think it would hurt you to try to be nice. i like having you around and in order for that to happen, i need the both of you to get along."
"you like having me around, huh?"
"shut up."
"why?"
"why did i tell you to shut up or why do i need the two of you to get along?"
jess simply shakes his head and smirks at the girl.
"whatever. all i'm saying is that i need you to try a little harder. i mean she's basically my mother so if you care about me at all, you will take that into consideration and you will be mildly polite to her. can you just do this one thing for me?"
emilia finishes her rant and looks up to jess who doesn't say anything for a minute and just smirked.
"what makes you think i care about you?"
"jessica mariano, look me in the eye and tell me right now that you don't care about me. you can't bullshit me."
jess doesn't say anything but looks at her with a small smile.
he doesn't answer her original statement and states a simple "okay."
"okay?" emilia asks.
"i can't guarantee that it'll work, but i'll try." jess assured her.
"thank you."
"you're welcome." jess smiles at her. "i should probably get to work." jess tells the girl who quickly agrees "right. sorry, go ahead."
throughout the entire conversation, jess' eyes never strayed away from emilia.
•••
lorelei is standing in the kitchen thinking back to what emilia told her. she doesn't want to upset the girl anymore so she decides to give jess a chance.
which results in her staring at the open fridge.
lorelei decides not to back out no matter how much she wanted to, takes several containers of chinese food out of the refrigerator, and walks outside.
"jess? hey, jess!" lorelei yells towards the boy over the loud music to get his attention.
"sorry, too loud?" jess slightly winces and apologizes as he turns the music down a little.
"oh, no, it's fine. uh, it's just...i got a ton of leftover chinese food in the kitchen. i thought you might like some lunch." lorelei nervously rambles.
"no thanks." jess almost immediately responds.
"okay." lorelai says slightly discouraged and turns to go back outside.
jess sighs and remembers what emilia told him earlier.
"chinese sounds great."
"really?" lorelai asks surprised.
"if you're sure you have enough." jess says hesitantly.
"there's plenty." lorelai reassured the boy. "rory, emilia, and i decided to take on the entire chicken column last night."
"ambitious." jess quips.
"well, it's all out on the table, so come in when you're ready." lorelai informs.
"i'm ready now." jess says quickly.
"okay, then i'll see you inside." lorelai tells him and heads back into the house.
•••
when jess gets inside, lorelai starts explaining the food situation to jess as there's enough food to feed an army.
"so, um, basically everything here is chicken. you've got garlic chicken, kung pao chicken, szechuan chicken, chicken in brown sauce, which looks and tastes remarkably like the szechuan chicken except it's got these red peppers in it and if you eat them, you die. plate?" lorelei very quickly explains to the just as nervous teenage boy.
"i thought i'd, uh..." jess hesitantly asks the very hyper woman and gestures washing his hands.
"oh, soap's on the counter." lorelei tells him noticing how he was awkwardly holding his hands in the air.
"so when was the last time you had those gutters cleaned?" jess asks the oldest gilmore girl as he dries his hands.
"it's been awhile."
"yeah, i found an 'i like ike' bumper sticker up there." jess quips.
"is it really bad?" lorelai asks.
"well, it won't be be by tomorrow." jess reassures her.
"i like hearing that." lorelai replies.
"so you guys aren't too hot on vegetables, huh?" jess sarcastically asks.
"what are you talking about? there's green pepper in the kung pao." lorelai jokes with a slight laugh.
"my mistake." jess responds with a slight laugh.
"so, are you a healthy eater like luke?" lorelai asks.
"no. no one's a healthy eater like luke. yule gibbons wasn't a healthy eater like luke." jess basically complains.
"wow, it's been ages since i've heard a good yule gibbons reference." lorelai nods her head in approval.
"many parts of a pine tree are edible." jess quotes.
"that's right. god, i wonder what the research process was like to get that information." lorelai wonders.
"i'd say fairly painful." jess quips.
"huh. here. so how's school?" lorelai asks, not able to hold herself back.
"it's still there." jess quips, not wanting to discuss school but not wanting to come off as rude either. lorelai notices the mood shift and quickly asks another question.
"you on any teams or anything?" lorelai asks him, trying to make small talk.
"no, no, no." jess quickly denies.
"not a jersey guy?" lorelai asks.
"no, definitely not a jersey guy. though the thought of throwing a ball at some jock's head isn't entirely unappealing. look, i'm not really good at this small talk thing." jess tells the older woman.
"you're doing okay." lorelai assured him and offers him the egg roll container. "cold egg roll?"
"why not?" jess takes a bite and suddenly makes a face that causes lorelei to lightly laugh at the boy.
"bad?" lorelei jokingly asks, realizing that maybe this boy isn't as bad as he seems.
"oh yeah." jess immediately nods his head and lorelei lightly laughs at the boy, finally realizing why emilia likes him so much.
•••
jess is reading and listening to music as luke walks in and takes a sledgehammer out of the closet. he walks across the room and swings the sledgehammer through the wall, then hands it to jess.
"that's your room. finish up. we'll hold hands and skip afterwards," luke says mockingly to jess.
joey ramone's "what a wonderful world," a sledgehammer, and emilia laughing at the top of her lungs can faintly be heard outside of the diner on the otherwise quiet street in the small town of starshollow.