PTSD. There is a good chance that she was suffering from PTSD. Jack didn't want to burn his hands on this diagnosis without a proper valuation from a psychiatrist. Which she understands. After her small talk with Jack, she felt different, like it makes sense to her or something. Robyn kind of felt relieved. She hasn't been herself since the crash and she knew it. It did scare her a little bit, the possibility of having PTSD, potentially having nightmares, or maybe something worse having to relive the crashes.
Her eyes were settled on the deep blue ocean in front of her. It took a lot of resistance to keep her seated on the beach and not jump in and go for a quick swim. It's the first thing she would miss if they get rescued.
"ROBYN!?" A young voice called out for her, disturbing her peace. Robyn blinked her eyes as she turns her head to the voice. It was Olive.
"Olive?" Robyn says, a little bit confused since she saw Olive leave with John and Boone like an hour ago to hunt for boar. "Is everything okay?"
Olive is trying to control her breathing the second Robyn noticed her. She took a few steps closer. "Something.. Something is wrong with the pregnant lady." Olive says in between taking small breaths.
"Where's she?" Robyn raised to her feet. "What's wrong with Claire?"
"I think she's in labor. I can't find Jack." Olive says.
"Weren't you suppose to be with Locke and Boone?" Robyn asked as she follows Olive.
Olive stopped as a loud groan fills the air. "I was, but, I forgot my water bottle so I headed back and that's when I found Claire."
"Where did you go!?" Claire screamed at the top of her lungs while rubbing her belly. "You weren't supposed to leave me!"
"I found Robyn!" Olive shrieks with joy, completely ignoring Claire's meltdown. Which Olive did probably on purpose. "Do you need me to find Jack?" Olive asked.
Robyn kneeled beside Claire, grabbed her hand, and gave it a hard squeeze. "Did her water break yet?"
"I don't know! I will get the doctor." Olive yelled a bit too loud. Which to Robyn sounded a bit like Olive was panicking and with that being said she was gone.
"Oh, this is just perfect!" Claire squeezed Robyn's hand hard. "I can't have this baby here. I can't."
"Hey," Robyn lays her free hand on Claire's cheek and looked her in the eye. "You can do this, Claire. It will be over before you know it."
"Do you know how to deliver a baby?" Claire asks calmly. Her contractions must have passed because her breathing also calmed down. Robyn gently removed her hand from Claire's cheek and took a seat near her while still holding her hand.
Robyn didn't want to lie to Claire, but, she also didn't want Claire to have false hope. As far as delivering babies go Robyn didn't know a thing. She did read a thing or two, but, never witnessed an actual birth. "No, I almost missed the birth of my nieces. Which was bad because I was their godmother."
Claire chuckled. "Thank you."
"For what? I didn't do anything yet." Robyn looked down at her feet as Claire squeezed her hand softly.
"Robyn, you have done more for me than his father ever has. You didn't give up on me when Ethan took me. You stood up for me when Jack thought I was lying. I don't know how I ever could thank you." Claire says. Robyn couldn't say a word so she smiled instead.
"You and I would be good friends if we met under different circumstances." Claire says.
Robyn chuckled. "We still can be friends. We've got a lot of time on our hands." There's no way we will get of this island anytime soon, Robyn thought to herself.
"I found him. I found the doctor." Olive's voice echoed in her ears. Robyn pulled her hand out of Claire's before getting up on her feet. Jack immediately walked over to Claire, gently brushing his shoulder against hers.
"I se-" Robyn's eyes instantly fell on the person who was behind Jack. Her mind couldn't comprehend why he was here. "Nice glasses, Potter."
"Who?" Sawyer questioned.
"Oh," A warm flush rushes through her body, traveling up to her cheeks as she looked away knowing how stupid she sounded. "You don't know who Harry Potter is?"
"Are you comparing me to a dorky wizard, sweetheart?" Sawyer asked. Robyn couldn't help, but, to look down at her feet.
"He isn't that dorky, but, yes." Her hands were feeling a bit clammy as her heart started to beat faster. Robyn was convinced that it was hearable for everyone around her. She couldn't place her finger on why she was feeling this way out of a sudden. "What are you doing here?"
"Seeing a baby get born," Sawyer says. "How are you doing?"
"Me?" Robyn rubbed with her hand the back of her neck. Her eyes couldn't focus on one spot as she keeps pulling at the top of her shirt.
"It must be pretty scary to deliver a baby." Sawyer's eyes were fixated on Robyn who couldn't seem to concentrate on their conversation. Her breathing started to get louder by the second.
"Kinda," Robyn waved both of her hands in front of her face. "I need to go." She stormed off.
Sawyer followed her into the jungle. He didn't shout her name or demand her to stop running. Robyn infinitely would because no one could run forever. Once she felt safe enough she stopped and huddled over and leaned against a tree. Her breathing was out of control as she stopped. Robyn kneeled to the ground down the ground. Hot flushes raked her body up and down. She couldn't control herself anymore. Her body was shaking to the core.
"Hey, look at me," Sawyer kneeled in front of her and placed his hands on her cheeks. "Breathe with me, okay." Sawyer pulled his nose up to breathe in and opened his mouth to breathe out. Robyn followed his instructions and quickly after a few deep breaths her heart rate came down.
"That's good." Sawyer moved his hands from her cheeks to her shoulders, keeping her seated against the tree.
"I-" Robyn blinked a few times as she straightened her back, to sit a bit more comfortable. "I don't feel so good."
"I think you had a panic attack." Sawyer says calmly not wanting to upset her. "Do I need to get Jack for you?"
"No." Robyn didn't want Jack to see her like this. If he heard about the panic attack he would put her on some pills.
Sawyer nodded and reached his hands out to help her get up on her feet. Robyn gladly took his hands in hers and pulled herself up. "Are you okay to walk?" Sawyer didn't dare to let her go just yet, afraid that she might fall.
"I think so." Robyn took a few steps forward while still holding into Sawyer for support. "Thank you." Her eyes travel up to Sawyer's.
"You're welcome." He smiled, something Robyn hasn't seen Sawyer do often. It made her insides melt knowing that he cared. "Was this your first panic attack?"
"Not really." Robyn sighed deeply. As they reached the beach they for some reason kept walking toward the tent where Sawyer was staying at.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. Did she want to? If she did Robyn needed to tell him about the car crash too. Something she didn't think she would ever tell Sawyer about.
Robyn took a seat on one of the airplane seats Sawyer carried out of the plane before they burned it down. "Have you heard of PTSD?"
"Jack thinks that might be the reason why I still can't remember anything from the plane crash." Robyn says, laying her hands down on her knees as she squeezed her eyes shut. Sawyer took a seat beside her. "After I told Jack about the things I have been through it wasn't a puzzle to him anymore. I've had panic attacks before. Right after the car crash where I lost my baby. When my father passed away. The plane crash and-" Tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Ethan," Sawyer added to her sentence. He took her hand in his and squeezed it softly. Robyn nodded. For the first time in a while, she wanted to tell her story. Dr. Horn would have been proud of her.
Robyn wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry that I made fun of your glasses. They're cool." Her mouth corners curled up into a smile.
"I forgive you, sweetheart." Sawyer bumped his shoulder playfully against hers.
__________________________
Robyn's eyes slowly fluttered open. Her eyes were met with a bright flickering light coming from a burning fire. A warm blanket from the airplane was draped around her small body. For a moment she totally forgot that she had fallen asleep in Sawyer's tent. Robyn stifled a yawn as she pushed her body up to sit, swinging her legs over the edge of the airplane seat.
"Here," A steaming hot cup of water was held in front of her. Robyn carefully wrapped her hands around the cup. "How did you sleep?"
"Pretty good," Her eyes travel down into the cup, and to her surprise it's a cup of tea. "How did you get your hands on tea?"
Robyn brought the cup to her lips and took a tiny sip of the tea trying not to burn her tongue. The warm liquid warms her heart. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but, this is probably the best cup of tea I ever had. Do you happen to have coffee?"
"I traded my last coffee for a fish from Sun and Jin." Sawyer says with a smile. "Do you know that you snore?"
Robyn chuckled. "Yes, oh my gosh. That's so embarrassing." She could feel the warmth of the blush as it crawled upon her neck.
"It's a cute snore," Sawyer says. Robyn couldn't believe what she was hearing. No one, but, literally no one has called her snoring cute.
"Sure." Robyn couldn't help but laugh. She didn't believe Sawyer for a bit. He got up from his original place and strode over to her.
"I mean it." Sawyer took a seat beside her. The warmth of his breath rolls over her heated cheeks. Sawyer pulled a wrinkled envelope out of his pocket. He opened his mouth to speak, but, no words rolled over his tongue. He seemed nervous.
"Are you okay?" This time it was Robyn's turn to ask him this question.
"You told me something about your past and I want to do the same thing," Sawyer placed the envelope on Robyn's lap. "I wrote this letter to the man who killed my parents."
Robyn didn't know what to say or do. She never thought that Sawyer would open up about his life before the crash. Robyn practically didn't know anything about him. Neither did he about her. Robyn picked the envelope up, carefully tracing her fingers over the postal stamp. "Are you sure you want me to read this?"
Sawyer nodded. Robyn took a deep breath before opening the envelope and taking out the letter he wrote to his parent's killer. She unfolded the letter, her eyes flew over the letter scanning each word with caution. Robyn could tell by the handwriting that it was written by a child who approximately was around eight years old. Water pricks at the corners of her eyes.
"My name isn't Sawyer, but, James. I took his name when I was old enough to search for that bastard. My intention with this letter was to find him one day. Instead, I became him. I'm no better than him." Sawyer's face fell. Well, James's face fell. Robyn folded the letter and placed it beside her. Robyn wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a big hug. Her face was buried in his neck.
"We all make mistakes." Robyn whispers into his ear. "Thank you for telling me." Robyn gently pulled away from the hug.
"You're not gonna ask why or what I did?" Sawyer questioned.
"No, I don't need to know. It's up to you if you want to go into details or not. You didn't ask me about my miscarriage which I appreciated because most people want to know what happened." Robyn looked down at her hands. It's probably for the best that she didn't know what he did before the crash. They were all different back then. Now, they are just a group of strangers surviving together.
"You're-" Sawyer wanted to say something, but, got interrupted by Kate who enters the tent.
"Kate?" Sawyer pulled his arms back and stepped to his feet. Robyn wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.
"Sawyer, I need all your alcohol. Now!" Kate opened her backpack, ready to fill it up with alcohol.
"What happened?" Robyn asked as she dropped the blanket from her shoulders, watching Sawyer put small bottles of alcohol into Kate's backpack.
"It's Boone. Locke said that he fell off a cliff while they were out hunting boar. It's bad." Kate pushed a strength of her hair behind her ear. "You need to come too, Robyn. Claire is in labor."
"I can't," Her heart started to beat faster because she knows what Kate was asking of her. "I can't help deliver her baby."
"Why not!?" A flash of irritation crossed her gaze. Kate took a step closer to Robyn, to isolate her in the already small tent.
Sawyer decided to step in between Kate and Robyn. "Robyn doesn't have to explain herself to you, Kate." He calmly says. Robyn couldn't bring herself to look Kate in the eye. She's grateful for Sawyer stepping in, and helping her.
"Claire wants you to help her through the birth of her baby, Robyn. No one else, but, you." Kate says.
"Okay," Robyn sighs as she stepped away from Sawyer's protection. "I will do it. I will help her." Kate's eyes lit up upon hearing that Robyn changed her mind.
Sawyer gently grabbed her wrist. "Are you sure? You don't have to do it."
"I want to, Sawyer." Her eyes travel up to his. His eyes told her he was afraid of her having another panic attack. "I need to face my past one way or another. I will be fine."
"I can come with you." He offered.
Robyn leaned towards him, smiling up at him. "I need to do this one on my own."
Sawyer nodded, letting go of her wrist. "Okay. Good luck, cupcake." Robyn quickly hugged him and whispers a 'thank you' under her breath before letting go of her safe haven.
Robyn followed Kate through the jungle.