[Belmont; Portia's palace]
(Enter Portia, Prince of Morocco and Bassanio)
Portia: Okay, guys.
Look. I'm not in the mood.
Just get this over with and I'll go shopping.
What you have to do is answer 3 simple questions correctly.
The person with the maximum number of correct answers will get married to me.
Easy.
Let's start.
Number one, where does a body of water sleep?
Prince of Morocco: In a lake...?
Portia: Nah, wrong.
Bassanio: On a seabed, of course!
Portia: Correct! I had no faith in you.
Now, next question.
Where's the English Channel?
Bassanio: I don't have a television, I wouldn't know...
Prince of Morocco: Above England, duh!
Portia: That's right. Dude, Bassanio...are you an idiot?
Next.
This is the last question.
Why do you not have to explain everything to Tommy?
Prince of Morocco: Because dogs are intelligent?
Portia: Wrong.
Bassanio: Tommy is so smart Hilfiger it out.
Portia: Oh, my God. Bassanio! Where have you been all my life?!
YES. We're getting married, babe.
Bassanio: Oh, fuck yeah.
(Enter a messenger)
Messenger: My lord, Bassanio. I have a letter from Signor Antonio.
*Reads the scroll*
Bassanio: Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
This cannot be happening!
Portia, look. I need to leave.
I borrowed some money from a cruel moneylender on my best friend's credit.
Because his conditions weren't met, according to the bond, my best friend is about to die.
Bye, love.
(Exit Bassanio)
*Phone rings*
Portia: Hello?
Shylock: Dude, your sorry excuse of a husband is a traitor.
*Tells her what Bassanio's intentions are*
Portia: That son of a bitch.
Shylock: Get to the Court of Justice. NOW.
Portia: Cool.