- taylors pov -
After our little talk in the hangout room, I take her back to her room to show her the last bits of it, first her bathroom. «Towels are in the cabinet as well as washcloths. I wasn't sure what hair products you use, but they told me that you had blond hair so I got the same I use but we will figure out what's best for you and what you like. Same with body wash. there is toothbrush, toothpaste and a hairbrush there. As well as hair ties and div bathroom stuff that I figured could come in handy. If you run out of anything, just tell me and I will fix that» I tell her. I show her where the extra toilet paper is in her room but also tell her that the cleaning lady comes Monday through Friday to take care of cleaning and refilling that stuff, so she doesn't need to worry about running out.
«Here is a hamper that's split. If you could put towels and washcloths in one of them and clothes in the other, it would be helpful so it's easier for Clara to do the laundry» I tell her and show her where it is. I don't know what kind of laundry situation she is used to, so I just tell her what goes on here. «She changes the sheets once a week too so no need to worry about that. If you spill anything on blankets or anything like that you can just put it in the hamper too or give it to me and I will deal with it. It would be nice if you made your bed just like the other kids but don't stress about it»
Eventually I will set the same expectations as I set for the other kids, obviously age appropriate, but she just moved in so obviously we are going light right now. We want her to be a part of the family in every way and that includes the things the other kids do too.
«You mean I don't do my own laundry?» She asks timidly and I shake my head «If you really want to, I'm not going to stop you. But the other kids don't do it, so you don't need to do it. I won't make you do something they don't have to do. You're our child too now and we want to treat you like we treat them. With respect, love and reasonable expectations»
We aren't against discipline as long as it's reasonable and the exceptions are as well. We expect the kids to keep their room tidy, throw away their trash, do their homework, put their clothes and towels in the hampers, if they take out toys, they need to put it back and other things like that. If they do that, they get their allowance, but if they don't, we have a reduction system accordingly to the task. It's our way of making the kids responsible and earn money. If they want something up and beyond that they are free to ask and we will discuss it with them, most of the time we tell them to save if it's something big, or we will negotiate something they can do to earn extra money. How to handle money is a big thing that kids need to learn, ever as young as the twins. Obviously, expectations to them are different than the once we set to Lilly though.
For Lilly she gets a set amount of money each week transferred to her debit card. before each season we do shopping together so she gets everything she needs clothing wise, but if she wants random things between that she needs to get it herself, she has more than enough money to do it. Sometimes I do get her pieces, but I try to limit it to teach her how to prioritize her money. My parents did that when I was a kid and it made me value money way more than most kids probably do. My family had money to buy me whatever I wanted, but they taught me important values with the use of money. The twins' moneys are in cash for now because they are too young for debit cards. They have wallets for it and piggybanks too. If they want a toy when it's not their birthday, they need to use their allowance. It's obviously less than what Lilly gets though since they are younger and don't have the same need as she does. Elena will fall somewhere between them.
Our bank has this debit card that's made especially for kids, so Elena will get that because it's easier to handle than cash in our eyes, and safer. But we will probably need to teach her how to use it because I don't think she has used one before, one thing at a time though. We don't want to throw everything at her at once because that would be too much for anyone. But the last thing I want to show her is her phone because it's good to have it if she is too scared to go upstairs to our room if she wakes up at night. That way she can call or text me or Joe so we can go check on her. If I was her, I would probably be too scared to go upstairs to someone's bedroom, so when I was out with Lilly on Saturday, I got a phone for Elena too.
«If you need me at night and don't want to go upstairs you can call me on this phone. It's yours so we have a way to get in contact with you if we aren't at home, and a way for you to get in contact with us. My number, joes' number, the number of our assistants if we are at work and isn't answering our regular phones and Lillys number. Don't hesitate to call our assistants at work if you need us. My assistant is my best friend from when I was a kid, and she is excited that you're joining our family» I give her the phone that we already set up and she looks at it with big eyes. It's an iPhone because that's what the rest of us have too. «I haven't had a phone before» she says.
«Now you do» I was going to caress her back or something to comfort her, but I don't know how she is with physical touch. She already flinched once, and I don't want to make that worse.
«What do you want to do before the kids come home? Do you want to watch some tv, hang out in your room or hang out with us?» I ask her and she hesitates. «Can I... would you mind if I stayed here for a bit»
«Not at all, explore your room or take a rest. It's a lot to take in at once. Call me or come upstairs if you need me. We will be in the living room or kitchen» I give her a smile before I head out to find Joe.
Joe is waiting for me in the living room with a latte that Daniel probably made. I didn't have time to get more than a shot of espresso this morning, so now I'm craving some more caffeine. When I'm at work I get Starbucks delivered, but nothing tastes better than the coffee that Daniel makes. We have this fancy machine he uses with fresh coffee beans. I don't really know how to work the machine, so we have a keurig I use when he isn't here. It sounds like a privileged problem though, so I'm not going to complain about it. I can sort of use the fancy machine, but not as well as Daniel so I don't really do it.
«How did she react to the tour» Joe asks, and I shrug «I don't really know. She said a few sentences here and there but other than that she seemed to just take in what I was saying. It's probably not like anywhere she has lived before, so it's probably an adjustment. She asked for a moment to just take it in and stay in her room. I did give her the phone though, but I stopped at that because I don't want to throw too much at her» I tell him what I told her about the different rooms and stuff.
«Its... scary to have a new person here but also exiting. I'm so excited to get to know her and give her the family she deserves. Every child deserves a family and a place to call home. It pains me that it's not the case» he says. We have organized this thing a few months ago where we donate presents to the system to give to kids on their birthdays and are going to have a thing where we donate Christmas presents too. It's not that much, but at least it will hopefully put a smile on some kids faces. Some of it is donated from us personally and some is a collected effort at work and with our family.
«Our whole family is going to adjust. but I think she is going to be a match. We got all the information they could give us beforehand, we talked to the kids about adoption for months and we are financially capable of handling a child with medical needs. Not to mention that we have room in our hearts for another child» I say before snuggling under his arm.
We wouldn't have taken her in if we didn't feel like she was a good match and like we could handle it. The last thing we wanted to do was given a child false hope because they don't deserve that. It must be hard to be in their situation, and we didn't want to make that more complicated.
«I love you, Taylor. And I love our family. She belongs with us, I'm sure of that. It will be hard, but the best things in life isn't always easy. We have been through a lot, and maybe that makes us more fit to take care of a child that has been through a lot too. You know trauma, maybe that can help her feel less alone»
I'm not going to disclose what I went through because I don't want to put that burden on her. But hopefully I can use what I know about recovery to help her in hers. We don't know every detail about what happened to her, but we know some and it breaks my heart knowing that she has gone through pain that no child should go through.
**
I went and got Elena to eat lunch with us, so she timidly walked with me upstairs to eat. «I don't know what you like. But Daniel made ciabatta with different things that you can put on. And we have apple juice, orange juice as well as regular milk, almond milk and chocolate milk» I tell her as we walk into the kitchen where Joe is waiting for us, and Daniel is putting the finishing touches on the food.
Her eyes widen when she sees the food and she mumble something I don't hear, but she probably didn't intend for me to hear anyway.
We sit down and I hand her a ciabatta «what do you want to drink» I ask her before pouring myself some orange juice and Daniel gives me another latte. «Thanks Daniel» I tell him. He knows I love a second latte with my lunch.
«Orange juice maybe? If that's okay» she bites her lip and I pour some for her. «You can get whatever you want. We have more than enough food around here. Whenever you are hungry you can eat something. There is always a bowl of fruit on the counter that's free to grab» I tell her about the drawer in the fridge that I call the snack drawer that's between the upper side and freezer of our fridge in the kitchen. There we have string cheese, hardboiled eggs, veggie sticks and hummus ready to go. We do prefer them to not snack right before a meal, but we won't get mad if she does, I make that crystal clear.
«If you want cereal that's in the pantry ready to go too. i will show you the shelf that's free for all of you to grab. we prefer it if all our kids don't eat sugary snacks all day, so we keep that on another shelf. If you want that instead just tell me or Daniel and we will get it for you if it's not too close to a mealtime» it's hard to know how strict boundaries to set for her. With our other kids its firmer, but I don't want to put too much pressure on her from day one. We need to take it one step at a time.
«The other kids do that too? They can eat whenever they want?» She says and look up at me with her big blue eyes. «Yes, we don't want any of you to go around starving. Everyone needs food for their bodies to function and their tummies to be happy. Like I said we prefer to not snack right before a meal, preferably not closer than an hour before so their tummies are ready for food, but we won't get mad if you're really hungry and need something»
I know some foster kids are used to food being a punishment and being restricted. Thats something I learned when I talked to another foster family that is in James and Augustine's class. I found out about them fostering a boy named Eduardo during their kindergarten year, so I kindly asked if I could talk to her when we decided that we wanted to foster to adopt. Thats what they did with Eduardo, and I wanted to know what kinds of things to look out for. Food is a big thing, so I wanted to make sure it was easy access to it and that Elena knows she doesn't need to go hungry. No matter what any of the kids do that breaks a rule, we would never limit food as a punishment.
We talk a little bit more about her favorite foods, but she says she doesn't have any.
«How do you feel about going to school?» I ask and she tenses. I heard from her case worker than there were some instances where she had landed in the nurse's office at school with some sort of injury but refused to tell them anything about it. My guess is that she was bullied, and someone did something bad to her.
«Am I going back to my old school?» She asks and I can see her biting her lip again. It's probably a nervous habit she has. «No, we are enrolling you in a different school that's close to home. Lilly attended that middle school, so we are familiar with the staff and teachers there. It's a safe place and we trust them» I tell her.
She also used to live far outside the city apperently so that's way too far to get to school. We don't want her to commute over an hour when she is being bullied there too. Maybe a fresh start would be good for her.
«Is it okay to start school maybe on monday? We don't want you to fall to far behind. And we would like to take you to visit the school this week, so you know what it looks like» joe asks her, and she takes a second before she nods.
«It's okay to disagree Elena if there is something you're not comfortable with. We won't be mad. But if you think it would be good for you then that's what we will do» getting into a routine is aperently good for them when they have moved. School is something they are used to, even if it's a new school. According to the case worker she has moved schools a lot too, almost as often as moving houses, so sadly she is used to that too.
«There is a car that will come here in the morning that will pick you up and drive you to school. A man named Brendon will come with you because he is there to make sure you're safe at school. Because of our jobs there are sometimes people that wants to get close to our children on the streets and stuff like that, so we want to make sure you're completely safe. He won't follow you around school, but we will show you where you can find him»
I'm a little nervous to tell her about the reasons why the kids have bodyguards, but I don't want to lie to her either. Having bodyguards is sadly a reality of our lives because they keep us safe. It's for her own protection and that's what I want to make clear to her. She will obviously also get to meet him several times before she goes to school with him. I'm also a bit unsure about how she will do with a male bodyguard, but if it becomes an issue, we will get her a female one instead. I just picked him because I've known him for years and I trust him completely with my kids. He has been Lillys bodyguard since she was four years old, so he is practically family at this point.
I wish I knew what she was thinking. But I guess it will take some time before she warms up to us. Her life is changing and that must be scary.
***
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