- Elenas pov -
We head downstairs where she says my room is too. First we get into a hallway where one of the walls are lined with books «we have a lot of books that are scattered in different places. You are free to read but I would like it if you came to me so I can see what book it is before you read it. There are adult books here that's not appropriate for kids, so we just want to make sure it's appropriate for you age» she says, and I nod. I actually love to read, and this house is filled with books everywhere.
There is also a reading nook here where there is a window bench with windows overlocking the city is as well as bookcases on the sides leading up to it.
«This is the playroom» she says as we head into a big room making me gasp. «You can actually access this room from upstairs too in one of the doors and come in on the second floor» she tells me that at the top there is a cool circle to read in and a wall lined with toys and kids' books. «The books here are books that has big letters so the twins can work on reading. But you're free to read those too. There are a lot of fairytales, barbie books, truck and science books for kids and more»
Here in the downstairs area, there is a slide leading from upstairs, ropes to climb, a table to draw, things to sit on and a big TV. It looks like a playground inside. I've never seen a slide inside before, it so cool. I'm in awe of everything I've seen so far, and I can't believe I'm in here at all, it's insane.
The next room is behind a sliding door and obviously a home gym but it's so big and I see there is another terrace at the end of the room. «This room has a bunch of exercise things. I don't know how you are with those so to start with, if you want to use it, I would appreciate if you got me or Joe so we can be here with you. It's for safety because the weights are heavy, and I don't want you to get hurt on any of the machines. But if you just want to use the ballet barre, the yoga mats or balls you are free to do it on your own if you want»
We continue to the next room which make me gasp, it's a freaking climbing wall inside a house with a foam pit below it. «This is one of the kids' favorite rooms because they are pretty active. We had this made when we renovated the house because they have always climbed on things and it made me nervous, so I made a place where you can do it safely» she says. In front of it there are two soccer nets, a cupped where I assume there are balls and then there are basketball hoops above the soccer nets. She tells me that the walkway I see over the foam pit has monkey bars bellow it and is upstairs connecting a door with the playroom. I've always wanted to go climbing, but first of all I'm scared of heights, but I've never had access.
Next, we enter a room that smells of chlorine and I gasp. It's a long pool inside their apartment. A freaking pool with an incredible view of the city. This is insane. «I don't know if you can swim Elena, if you can't swim, we will get you some lessons so you can be safe in water» she says, and I tell her that I can swim because I learned it in school. but she does say that they don't want me in here alone, again for safety reasons. I don't understand why they are so concerned with my safety; no one has really cared about that before. Why would they care so much about that when I'm not even their kid?
This room is Lillys room. Her name is actually Lilliana, but she likes to be called Lilly» she says as we enter a bedroom that's sophisticated, it looks like a princess could live here. «How old is she» I finally ask a question. «Oh, I forgot to tell you that. She is fifteen and a half. Yours and her room are down here so you have some more privacy from the twins» she says, and I nod again. Lillys room is such a pretty color, I don't know what it's called but I really like it. And her bed looks so soft, like a cloud.
«This is your room» she says about the room across from Lillys. They put my initial on the door because she said she wanted to make it easier for me to find it. «We didn't know what you liked and didn't have that much time to prepare. We can change whatever you like or what doesnt fit you. I went with a muted color scheme» she says and I can't believe she wants this to be my room. It's a huge bed, I've never slept in a bed that big before. One place I lived I had an air mattress, but most places I got a tiny and uncomfortable bed which I got used to pretty quickly. It did make my back pain a lot worse though which sucks. This room is so elegant, has a desk where I can do my homework, a vanity which I don't know what I will top with and has a lot of space. «I... are you sure this is my room... it's so big... and looks expensive» I didn't mean to say the last thing because it probably made her regret giving it to me.
«Money isn't a problem for us, we are fortunate and privileged in that, so you don't need to think about that. Just like the other kids you will get an allowance because that way you can learn to manage money which is helpful when you're an adult someday. we think it's an important skill» she says, and I freeze. They are giving me money? The makes me feel uneasy, I don't... I'm not used to that either. This is a lot to take in and I feel sick to my stomach right now. I see that Joe already put my ugly trash bag in here and I feel so embarrassed about that. I come into this beautiful house with a trash bag...
Before I can say anything else she opens a sliding door that leads into a freaking closet, a closet I can walk into. Not just a tiny dresser or a cubicle that's going to fall apart, but a room for clothes. There are actually already some things on hangers and in some cupboards. «Your case worker gave us your clothing size, so I went out with Ellie on Saturday to get some basic things, so you had something when you got here. But I will take you shopping soon so we know you have enough clothes» hearing her spend money on me makes me feel sick too, it gives my tummy knots, so many knots I want to burst into tears.
These people are dangling things in front of my face, and being so kind, but it will all get taken away from me when they realize how bad of a girl I am. Nothing good lasts forever, I learned that lesson the hard way. «Are you okay sweetie?» She asks me and lay a gentle hand on my shoulder, but it makes me flinch, so she takes it away. God, now she totally knows how messed up I am. This is really bad. «I'm... I'm fine»
«It's a lot to take in. Feel free to ask anything again or wanting me to show you around. It's a big apartment and sometimes even the twins who have lived here all their lives get lost somewhere» she says, and we reach the final room she wants to show me. Its big open space with game tables, a sitting area with a big tv and what looks like video games. A tiny kitchen with chairs and a wall full of books and games. «This is what we call the hangout room. The twins don't get to go in here alone because they are small and tend to get into trouble, but you are free to use it. It's mostly Lilly who use it because she is a teenagers and doesnt like hanging out with her parents much anymore» she says with a playful voice at the end, at least I think its playful. Its either playful or making fun of her, I hope it's the first one.
She asks me if I want to sit down with her, and I'm not going to argue with the nice woman, so I do. «I just want you to know that you can come to us with anything. If you want to spend time with us, play games, watch tv or just talk. We are here for you, and we are your family now. You don't need to talk about what happened before if you don't want to, but if you do want to, we are always here to listen. This is a judgmental free zone, and we are really happy to have you in our family. I know you have been let down by families before, so I'm not forcing you to trust us, but we will do what we can to show you that we want you to be a part of our family. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, but I need you to know that you're not alone. We are here for you and want you to be in our family. We want this matching to work out and have you joined our family permanently sweetie»
Her words make my lip tremble, but I refuse to let her see me cry. Whenever I cry, I'm called a cry baby because only baby's cry. she says things that makes me feel good feelings, but they also make me scared. For all I know she is lying to me, so I tend put trusting her and then she hurts me. I've never had a family, and I don't understand why someone now all of a sudden want to take me in. After all, I've always been told I'm broken, too much trouble and now I'm told I'm too old. No one wants to adopt a tween; everyone wants a baby or at least a toddler. The older you are the harder it is to get somewhere permanent in the system, I've learned that much over the years.
«And I know you have some medical issues, and we would like to take you to the doctor's office sooner rather than later to make sure we know what's going on. Your case worker said some things but also told me that they wanted to do further testing, but the state said no. we want to do those tests, so we know how to help you. I'm not going to force you into the doctor's office because I don't know what association you have with it, but I will be there with you if you will let me» they have told me for a while that I need some type of testing, but my case worker said that the state said no because they said it was too expensive. The medical treatment I've gotten have been mostly acute when I have had some sort of issue that has forced them to take me to the hospital, then I'm there and they do stuff for a few days before thy send me right back. I've been in the hospital at least once a month for years, so I'm used to doctors. I just don't like it because most of the times I'm taken to the hospital I don't get to go back to where I was before. Sometimes I do but mostly not.
«I don't want to be a burden» I mumble «you're not a burden. We want to help you, Elena. You are family and we always take care of our family»
She asks me if there is anyone from before I want to keep in contact with, if I have any friends or something. But I don't have anyone. At school I've never had people to hang out with because I was known as the orphan, no one likes broken kids that don't have a mom or dad.
I've had a lot of input today and I'm exhausted even though it's not late at all. The others haven't even come home from school yet, but I feel like I might collapse any second now.
***
5+ comments and 15+ likes for next chapter
Instagram: @caffeine_reading_writing
Instagram: Swiftielife__
Twitter: Swiftielife__