TW: Toxic Relationships, Drunkenness, Sexual Assault, and Cheating (but he deserves it)
Ship: Hajime Hinata x Nagito Komaeda (and Nagito has a nameless abusive boyfriend but that's not really a ship lol)
Perspective: Nagito Komaeda, third person
inspired by the Taylor Swift song of the same name (+ several of her other songs)
Also reminder the legal drinking age in Japan is 20
Nagito's boyfriend wasn't a good person. At first the luckster was fine with it, he isn't a good person either, but at a certain point it gets to be too much. He wasn't physically abusive but he was manipulative and didn't take 'no' for an answer. Nagito's nonexistent self esteem was what stopped him from standing up for himself. If he's lucky enough to have someone interested in him how could he be picky? Every time Nagito bit his tounge his world got a little dimmer and by the time his 20th birthday was coming to an end everything looked dark and dingy.
He had convinced him to party with his boyfriend's friend group and not his own. Everyone Nagito would invite wasn't available on the day of his actual birthday and his boyfriend didn't want to reschedule. It was his 20th afterall, the first day he was legally allowed to drink! Except he didn't want to drink. He had trauma when it came to alcohol. Did his boyfriend listen though? No, of course not, he never did. So he spent his birthday choking down disgusting alcoholic drinks and trying not to have a panic attack while the sounds of his boyfriend and his friends circled around him as he got increasingly more intoxicated. The feeling was uniquely terrible, the room was spinning and he was having an even harder time understanding others than usual. Then him and his boyfriend got a cab home and he was his regular pushy self and-
He needed to get out of there. Now.
Nagito layed completely still until he was absolutely sure his boyfriend was asleep. He moved slowly and silently, putting his clothes back on and gathering his phone and keys. He exited to the living room and took a breath. Checking the time it was just after 3 am. Hajime would be long done with night classes but not be asleep yet. He always went to Hajime's apartment when he needed a break. His brain was still fuzzy from the alcohol when he pulled up Hajime's contact and texted him to please come pick him up. With that he grabbed his large jacket and sneaked outside.
Hajime pulled up in his shoddy hand-me-down and Nagito opened the passenger door as soon as it stopped moving. Hajime gave him a small smile.
"You know this is the 10th time you've had me come pick you up in the middle of the night?" he asks half-jokingly, trying to cheer Nagito up.
"I didn't know you were keeping count..." he mumbles as he locks his seatbelt.
"Yeah, and if I were keeping count how many times you've slept on my couch in the last 5 years I'd have asked for help with rent, you freeloader." he teases as he pulls out of the side road Nagito's house was on. After Nagito doesn't tease back he looks over with a frown.
"What's wrong?" he asks earnestly.
"I just want to be sober again as soon as possible..." Nagito groans, feeling the car moving way too strongly.
"Well when we get back to my place you can have some of my canned bread as you chug water." Hajime offers. Nagito rubs his eyes.
"You've only been 20 for a few months, why are you already an expert?" he questions.
"I'm a university student, Nagito, you really think I waited 'til I was 20 to drink?" Hajime laughs.
"Okay, we're here, you need help?"
Nagito shakes his head 'no' as he unbuckles his seatbelt and moves to exit the car, but then falls back down into the seat after getting hit by a wave of nausea.
"...Maybe" he croaks. Hajime gives a tsk and walks around his car to Nagito's side. He gently helps him out and keeps an arm around him as they enter the apartment building, quickly swiping his keycard for access.
"I know you prefer the stairs but there's no way I'm carrying you up 2 flights." Hajime sasses as he presses the elevator button in his apartment building. Nagito looks at the ground with empty eyes.
"That's okay. I've been through enough bad luck today, I doubt anything worse is gonna happen." he says quietly. Hajime frowns.
Hajime returns with a glass of water after the 5th time of refilling it. After filling his stomach and rehydrating himself Nagito was just sitting on his couch in despair.
"Are you gonna make me ask?" Hajime sighs. Nagito looks up but says nothing. Hajime sighs again. "What the hell happened to you today? It's supposed to be fun turning 20!" He sits down next to the luckster and sets the water on the table in front of them.
"I just... can't do this anymore. I thought my life was getting better, that I didn't destroy everything I touch... but..." He stares at his hands. "I don't think he loves me anymore. If he even did in the first place." Hajime places a hand on his back. He knows exactly who 'he' is in this situation.
"Why don't you just break up with him? I've seen you getting worse these last few months, you're obviously miserable with him." Hajime offers. Nagito locks eyes with him and bursts into tears.
"Who else would have me?" he quietly sobs. Hajime pulls him into a hug.
"I would. I'm always here for you, you know." He rubs his back supportively. Nagito fights for steady breath over his sobbing.
"I'm sorry, I'm such a goddamn mess-" Nagito starts.
"Shush, none of that." Hajime inturrupts.
"It's just- I've tried so hard to be happy with him, a-and I was at first! But..." He breaks down onto Hajime's chest. "He keeps pushing me to... to do things I don't want! I didn't want to drink today, the smell makes me nauseous, and I can tell now I hate the feeling... and.. and..." Nagito takes a big shakey breath but doesn't finish the thought.
"...and what? What is he making you do?" Hajime asks, trying not to assume the worst, but then Nagito looks up at him with such a weak frown and he knows. Hajime makes a face of pure fury. "I'm going to fucking murder him."
"No!" Nagito gasps. "No, it's not what you think, he never forced me-" He grabs Hajime's sides and moves to stand up. Hajime pushes him back to a sitting position.
"I had another friend go through this exact fucking thing and I'm not letting you convince yourself this isn't what it is." Hajime sternly says. "Sex without affirmative consent from both sides is rape, no matter the context." he explains. Nagito's face goes pale at just the use of the word.
"E-Even so, he-" he starts. Hajime stands up and looks down at him.
"Are you really going to defend him?!" he cuts off. "Nagito, everyone thought it was weird when you started dating someone so much older than you. But we kept our mouths shut when you danced with the devil at 19." Nagito's brain goes to static from the yelling. Hajime notices his expression and stops himself.
"I-" he sighs and sits back down. "You know I'm not mad at you right? I'm pissed off at that asshole who took advantage of you, who's STILL taking advantage of you." He grabs Nagito's face and looks him in the eyes. "You need to promise me you'll break up with him. You deserve so much better than him." he demands. Nagito sniffles and gives a small nod.
"You deserve... so much better..." Hajime emphasizes, cheeks flushing in realization of how close their faces were, how he was cupping his cheeks and gazing into his eyes. He speaks without thinking. "I could give you so much better, Nagito." he gently lets out. "I'd treat you so well. More than you'd ever think you deserve. Because you deserve so much more than you think you do. You're my favorite person, you know? I care so deeply for you. I don't like seeing you so unhappy. I just want you to be happy." He lays out his heart, not thinking about the consequences.
"You know what would make me happy?" Nagito asks lowly, pupils blown out and with a newfound confidence of knowing he's going to break up with his boyfriend soon and that Hajime's words were most likely laced with something stronger than the friendship they've held for so long. Hajime raises his eyebrows just slightly, awaiting an answer. Nagito leans in to kiss him. Hajime accepts without question. The kiss is slow and soft but growing into something passionate quickly. Nagito crawls over Hajime and lightly pushes him back onto the couch. He cages him in with his legs and keeps kissing him as long as he can before gasping for air. They stare at each other as they catch their breath.
"Have your eyes always been... so bright and green?" Nagito asks. Hajime raises his eyebrows. Nagito lays his forehead on Hajime's own and looks in his eyes from the closest possible angle. "My world's been so dim lately. But your eyes are so bright. I want to memorize every detail, chart every constellation. That greenish hazel is the only color that doesn't feel muted to me right now. You're such a beacon of light, a beacon of hope. I've been feeling like I've been dying but just a few kind words from you have saved me..." He closes his eyes. "...I love you, Hajime."
"Where the hell have you been?!" Nagito's boyfriend yells at him as he walks in the front door a few days later.
"Hm, I wonder... how about we play a game, where do YOU think I was?" Nagito asks with an air of confidence the other had rarely seen from him. The other man is taken aback and takes a moment to think.
"I mean... it's pretty hard to guess with your luck. You couldn't have been in the hospital, I'm your emergency contact. Could you have been kidnapped again?" he asks with very little concern for his safety, more of a curiosity. Nagito smiles.
"Nope! Wanna try again?" Nagito offers like a game show host. His boyfriend scowls.
"Well I know you wouldn't just up and leave for days at a time of your own free will without telling me. You're too nice of a person to put that kind of stress on someone you love, right?" he questions leadingly. Nagito just chuckles.
"I don't know, am I that nice? I always thought what drew us together was how we were both unfixably flawed." he says.
"And what's THAT supposed to mean? Look, I'm not sure what made you so upset, but words can do some serious damage." The other retorts.
"Oh I know that very well." Nagito crosses his arms. "You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love..." He looks down sadly "the slowest way is never loving them enough." His boyfriend cycles through a few differnt facial expressions before landing on indignation.
"Are you saying I don't love you enough!? I put so much effort in this relationship!" he shouts. Nagito flinches before steadying a glare with a smirk at the other.
"That's not an untrue statement. I mean, manipulation does take considerable effort for the general populace." he says. His boyfriend scoffs.
"Oh come on, YOU'RE calling ME manipulative-" he starts.
"Yes, I am." Nagito inturrupts. He beams with a faux innocent smile. "But that's not to say I was the naïve child you probably expected from me. I was aware of a majority of the manipulation you've been putting me through even before a friend helped open my eyes. I just thought I deserved it! Oh, what an easy target I make! Is that why you pursued a suicidal teenager at your grown age?" he questions.
"I-I thought you were fine with our age gap-" his boyfriend stutters, completely thrown off gaurd.
"I really thought I was! Again, an effect of the bright red target of mental illness that is my fragile mind. I finally get why you're okay with being with such a wretched creature as I. I'm easy to control. Or at least I WAS." he emphasizes, narrowing his eyes.
"Is this some shit your dumbass friends put you up to?! God knows what bullshit they've filled your head with after getting pissy they missed your birthday! Who was it, huh? One of the ultimates?! Fucking HINATA?!" he yells. Nagito chuckles lowly then angles him a glare that could kill.
"Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?"