I've never been so eager to leave the practice room and head back to our trainee dorms. Even Binna eyes me curiously as I race to the bus stop and tap my foot eagerly while we wait for the bus.
I look at my watch which currently reads 10pm. The timing could not be more perfect. I'm so excited that I count down the minutes to calm myself.
Ten minutes for the bus to arrive. Fifteen minutes to reach our dorms. Five minutes to walk to the night market and meet Jiho at our tofu stall. I smile to myself. I can't believe I just referred to our first meeting spot as 'ours'.
"Are you, okay?" Binna asks and I whip towards her. For a moment I forgot she was even there.
"Umm, yeah. Yeah," I clear my throat feeling embarrassed for some reason. "The weather's just really nice tonight."
Binna frowns and looks up at the darkened sky. Tonight is colder than usual and she tugs her scarf tightly around her neck. "You sure you're not going through some sort of breakdown or something? The exhaustion getting to you?"
I giggle at the absurdity of her words making her look even more alarmed. "Of course not. We finally got the routine down without Mr Lee berating us for something ridiculous tonight. Don't you think that's enough cause for a smile?"
I watch Binna's face light up and relax slightly. Thank God she bought that.
"Yeah, it was pretty satisfying to see him annoyed because he had nothing to criticise." Her hair whips in her face and she pulls it back just as the bus arrives, it's large front lights illuminating how tired she looks.
I probably look the same but I skip up the steps energetically with Binna laughing from behind.
"The way you're acting. It's like you just found out you're debuting."
"Like the saying goes 'Fake it till you make it." I chide making her laugh again.
"I like this new Jina. You better be staying for the long term. I could use this kind of motivation," Binna teases and we find two empty seats by the back.
My knees keep shaking, jittery with excitement once we near our dorm rooms. We stop by the corner and I all but fly out of the bus. I'm about to charge to the market when I stop in my tracks. In all my excitement and planning I'd completely forgotten about Binna being here.
What would she say about me going off into the night alone?
"Aren't you coming up?" I see her pause by the staircase that leads to the upper floors, her arm perched on the landing for support.
I stare at her, my thoughts racing a mile a minute before I settle on the only excuse I can think of. "I think I'm going to take a walk. I'm too wired. Need to burn some energy if I want to get a wink of sleep tonight."
Her perfectly shaped eyebrows raise and she stares at me incredulously. "You want to go for a walk now? At this time of night?"
I shrug my shoulders trying to seem nonchalant about it. "Yes, why not."
"Fine," She mutters. "Let me just put my bag upstairs and then we can go."
"NO!" I blurt out quickly and she looks at me like I've been possessed by a ghost. "I mean I want to go for a walk alone. Just to clear my head and stuff."
In all our years of knowing each other, this must be the first time I've ever told her not to follow me somewhere. I remember Yiren, our diet and weight manager calling us the couple who's always been joined at the hips.
Binna's frown deepens ever so slightly and there's no mistaking the hurt on her face. I feel a stab of guilt when I see this but I don't know what else to do. Meeting Jiho is already risky enough, I can't drag her along as well.
I don't think I have the guts to even admit to meeting him to her. Binna doesn't know about my new budding 'friendship' with one of our company's hottest idols and I'm not ready for her to know yet.
Or anyone for that matter.
"I'm sorry, it's just," I trail off, the rest of my words engulfed by the gust of cold wind that breezes past us.
"No, no. It's nothing to be sorry about," Binna says quickly, trying her best to look unbothered but the concern on her face is apparent. "I just don't think it's safe."
I wave her off quickly, my heart swelling because she's always been the sweetest. "Come on. We're in one of the safest parts in the city. You heard Kim, she goes to the night market for late night snacks too."
Binna nods slowly. "True. Okay, don't take too long. If you're not back by midnight, I'm calling the police."
I grin in agreement and wave her off. "I would expect nothing less. Now go up and shower. I'm going to need the bathroom once I get back."
"Says the person who always hogs the washroom," Binna mutters and then she waves at me before running up the stairs.
I let out a breath. Phew, that was a close one. Realising I've just wasted ten extra minutes, I take off down the cobbled stone footpath and reach the night market within minutes.
The bright yellow lights here contrast greatly with the night sky and even at this hour the market is bustling. Vendors shout out their offers and everyone is smiling and happily eating. It is the most addictive atmosphere with the mixture of tasty smelling foods and concoction of voices.
"Hey there stranger." Jiho is standing right by the tofu stall, a packet of deep fried food already in hand. He's all covered up in his baggy hoodie and mask but it's easy to recognise if you really look. He holds his arms outstretched, looking happy to see me.
If this were a romance movie I would run straight into his arms and collapse against his chest. I blush at my thoughts and try not to look at the black Celine hoodie covering his broad, very inviting looking torso.
"Are those for me?" I eye the packet of food in his hand, licking my lips as my stomach churns with hunger.
He tucks his hand behind him and smiles at me teasingly. "No, they're for my very pretty friend that I've promised to be platonic with. Sadly I can't stop thinking about her. If you help me with this problem I'll give you the tofu."
I roll my eyes at his statement, my smile so wide I feel my face might crack from it.
Did he just say he can't stop thinking about me?
I don't know what to reply to that so I whip around and try to grab it instead but he turns his body just in time. I'm out of breath with laughter as he moves his hand all over the place making me almost jump for it.
He's so tall, I'm obviously not going to reach the food.
I cross my arms over my chest and pout. "Fine. I'm not that hungry anyway." I lie.
Jiho scoffs and his eyes crinkle mischievously. "Did I mention that she's a really bad liar?"
"You're evil," I say and turn around but he grabs my arm pulling me back towards him. My feet lose balance and I nearly fall into his arms.
My head whips around in paranoia as I quickly take a step back to steady myself. I could have sworn I thought I saw someone staring at us.
Jiho senses my unease and he immediately stops teasing. "Just kidding. Here." He places the packet in my hand.
We leave the market almost immediately, the crowded area now overwhelming.
"You're not eating anything?" I ask feeling like the glutton here.
"Nah, I had some fried squid while waiting for you and now I'm full. You're the one who should be eating more with all the calories you're burning every day."
I nod with my mouth full. Why can't Firefly share his logic? If they could only incorporate food with actual taste into our diet plan, I wouldn't feel like I was starving all the time.
"So tell me. How's it going? You ready for the big day?" He asks and I feel self conscious under his penetrating gaze, especially since there's some sauce running down my chin. I quickly wipe it away and swallow down my food.
"It's tiring but also really exciting and really nerve wracking. I'm scared but at the same time this is what I've been working towards for so long. Like my dreams are so close I can almost touch them."
Almost. The 'almost' is the grey area that scares me the most.
"I get it," He replies and then chuckles. "Sometimes when I look at you it's like I'm looking through a mirror that brings me back to 2013 when we first debuted."
"Any words of advise, sunbae?" I cock a brow at him and he smiles endearingly.
"I think you're doing pretty well already. You just need to believe in yourself. That's what I struggled with before our first big performance."
His words resonate so deeply within me that I have to stop and look at him. "I couldn't have worded it any better. It's my biggest worry. I don't feel like I'm good enough. Like I'm giving enough emotion. It's a surprise to even hear you say I'm doing well."
Jiho turns serious when I say this. "I mean it, Jina. You're already doing so much more than I did as a trainee. You're bringing in more publicity to the company. You're juggling your appearances as well as practicing all day everyday. I think it's amazing."
"It's not because of me. It's because of Dalia," I admit, my heart feeling heavy at the mention of her. What I would give to see her alive today. For her to watch me debut as an idol just like she did.
Even in death her fame has managed to rub off on me, gaining me attention I would never have gotten other wise.
The publicity to our company is because of her, not me.
"You must miss her," Jiho states the obvious softly.
I mean we weren't even close towards the end of her life but yes, I do miss her. In fact I miss her every night when I come home from a long day of practices and watch her Tokyo dome performance for motivation.
I just nod solemnly because I don't feel like talking about her. I haven't heard from Hyeon ever since he snuck the burner phone in my pocket. Our investigation has come to a stand still and I feel guilty for not doing more about it even though there isn't really much to do till I speak to him.
"I'm sorry for bringing it up," Jiho says, noticing the change in mood and I quickly regain myself.
"No, it's fine. It's just a sad topic," I reason and he nods.
We fall into a comfortable silence as he walks me back to our dorms and I thank him for the night time snack.
"You're spoiling me, you know. I'm not supposed to be eating any of this." I turn to him before heading up. Being with him makes me feel so comfortable and happy, I don't want to leave but it's nearly eleven.
"Please, you're so fit you can afford to eat the entire cart of food," Jiho exclaims making me blush profusely.
I hit him on the arm playfully and he clutches his side, pretending to be hurt.
"So I'll see you again?" I ask him hopefully and his eyes light up.
"I mean if you insist," He chides and I hit him again. We laugh and I am about to leave when he speaks in a soft and vulnerable voice, no more teasing smile on his face. "To be honest Jina, I'd like that very much."