The lights are screaming in color and the music is thumping the loudest bass ever. I can feel everything through my chest and it's making me feel so alive. Every turn I see nothing, but good vibes and good times.
Beth has taken me to my first gay club and there are just so many beautiful women. There's no stress and no worries about being here, it's just a fun time.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. I feel free and happy. I feel like I am on top of the world and nothing can take that away from me anymore.
I look across the crowd to see Beth standing on top of a table dancing away to the music and just being herself. Something I am proud she has helped me accept about myself. I walk towards her table and then get on top of the table next to her. She looks at me and smiles as I begin to dance with her.
"You're awful at this." She states.
I laugh at her as she steps onto my table and places her hands on my waist. I place mine on hers as she moves hers up to my neck.
"Short hair suits you." She says.
I forgot that not too long ago I cut my hair. I never had short hair before because Samuel liked my hair being long, but I had it cut right up to my shoulders for the first time ever.
"Thank you."
She then leans in and kisses me. Every time we kiss it just feels right. I can't express how happy she makes me with just being myself.
The following morning, I wake up in Beth's bed with her arms holding me close to her. I admire her beautiful sleepy face and can't believe that this is how I get to wake up. I smile admiring her.
"You know I am awake, right?" She whispers without opening her eyes.
"I know that now."
She smiles as she opens her eyes and looks into mine. "Look at you. Did you enjoy your night?"
"I haven't enjoyed anything as much as I enjoy everything I do with you."
"Everything?" She smirks.
"Everything."
"Even this?" Beth says as she pulls the sheet over head and begins to go down on me.
My mouth drops as she starts doing what she is doing to me. "Yes, ma'am."
"Just tell me when you want me to stop." She says from under the blanket.
"You know I don't want you to stop."
"So I won't." She says as she continues.
Later on, Beth and I are putting boxes in the back of her car without talking much. It's not like I did ever move in with her, I was just staying here until I figured some things out. I never did get anything else from Samuel's apartment, but that's because I already had everything I needed. I talked to the school board about getting a dorm and they told me there was a single room dorm still available just for a cost that surprisingly wasn't too much. I didn't pay for it, but when I explained to my parents that Samuel and I broke up they were more than happy to do so.
Beth closes the truck to her car and looks over at me and weary smiles. I smile back at her and wrap my arms around her.
"This isn't the end. We're not saying goodbye." Beth states. "So there's no need to cry, tissue."
I laugh a little. "I know, I just didn't expect this to be as hard as it is."
"You're only moving into the dorm and I can visit you whenever you want and you can come over whenever you want. Nothing is going to change between us. Everything is going to be okay."
"I know, I just am going to miss every morning waking up to your adorable face."
"We are still going to have mornings like that, this is good for you. To be on your own without anyone there. No Samuel, no parents, no me. Avery Geden all on her own being the college student she was meant to be."
"I know."
"It's going to be okay."
"I know."
Beth then wipes away the tears on my face. "No crying. Big girls don't cry."
I laugh a little. We then hop into her car and we begin to drive to campus. The car ride is quiet other than the low music Beth plays on the radio as we drive there.
We pull up to the other side of the campus and we begin to bring all the boxes to my new dorm room. The dorm is smaller than the apartment, but still perfect. There's a twin size bed with a little desk beside it, a dresser big enough for all of my clothes, and a cute little bathroom. Beth helps me unpack and organize the dorm.
When everything is unpacked we find ourselves sitting on the bed in silence just enjoying each other's company. I rest my head on her shoulder and sigh. She places her hand on my thigh and comforts me.
"See, look at this. All on your own." Beth says.
"I am not on my own." I look up to her. "I still have you."
She faces me. "You will always have me."
I lean in and kiss her. I can't express how much I like her.
"Is there any way I can take you out on a date tonight?" Beth asks.
"A date?" Beth has never asked me out on a date before, we just end up going out. "Like a real date?"
Beth laughs at me. "A real date."
"I would love that."
"Awesome." Beth stands up from the bed and looks down into my eyes. "Wear something cute."
Beth then leaves the dorm without saying another word, leaving me with this excitement about this. Beth and I have never been out on an official date before. I don't know why she would ask me out for one unless she has something planned. Wear something cute?
The sun hasn't set yet, when I find myself standing outside the dorm building wearing a cut pink sweater dress with matching pink boots. Even though we live in California, it's still chilly in November. I still don't know what Beth has in mind for tonight, but I am on the edge of my seat.
Beth pulls up and gets out of her car. As she walks over to the passenger side of the car I begin to admire her outfit. She is wearing a white sweater and black shorts with a white belt. Her hair is slicked back and her makeup is spot on. I can't express how beautiful this girl is. She opens the passenger door and gestures to me to get in.
"Your charity awaits, princess." Beth says.
I smile and I hop into the car. Beth gets back into her driver seat and we begin to drive. She turns up the radio to leave no room for us to talk about anything. She doesn't want me to ask her about her plans for tonight. She wants me to be surprised and not figure it out.
We pull up to the beach and I look at her a little confusedly. She smiles at me as she gets out of the car and walks over to the passenger side to let me out. As I get out of the car, Beth takes a hold of my hand and starts to lead me to the sand.
I have never been to the beach before and I never thought I would go in November of all times of the year. Even though I am wearing boots, I can feel how soft the sand is and how cold it is. The ocean is beautiful, like nothing I have ever seen before, so peaceful. Beth leads me to a purple blanket with some lanterns by it.
"What is this?" I find myself asking.
"You told me how you've never been to the beach before and how you've always wanted to watch the sunset, so, here we are." She pauses as she looks down at her watch. "In about fifteen minutes we are going to see the sunset over the water and as it does we are going to light our lanterns and let them fly."
I can feel my heart becoming warm at how thoughtful this date is. I don't know what to say, I just find myself kissing her.
"You're amazing."
"I can be when I want to be."
We sit on the blanket and look out into the ocean. I rest my head on her shoulder and admire the view. I can't believe how perfect this date really is. Beth really wanted this to be perfect for me and I think I am falling in love with her.
She looks over at me and pulls back my hair and smiles. "You're beautiful."
"You are."
She smiles. "Can I tell you something?"
"Anything."
"Ever since I met you that day you were late for the campus tour, I always had this thought about you in my head." She pauses. "You were just something different. I have lived in this town all of my life and I might for the rest of my life. Everything here is just the same. Yes everything here is unique, but everything is the same. I saw you for the first time and thought how different you were from everything I have ever known. You're amazing in every way." She pauses again. "The thought I had of you since I met you was; I can't wait to make that girl my girlfriend." She pauses and smiles. "So, Avery Geden, my tissue, will you be my girlfriend?"
My eyes widen and a smile appears on my face. "Beth King, a thousand times yes, yes, yes, yes."
Beth smiles as she leans in and kisses me. I didn't expect her to ask me out and make things official. I kind of always thought we were dating already, but I guess not? I don't know, but I am glad I know now that she and I are on the same page about it.
Our kiss deepens, but Beth pulls away and points out into the ocean. "Look."
I turn my head to watch the sun set into the ocean. So beautiful. Beth then hands me one of the lanterns. We light them and set them off into the bright night sky. So amazing. We watch them float into the sky and away from us. They're free and above everything else.
I turn my head back to Beth and kiss her on the cheek. She smiles at me and then kisses me before laying me down on the blanket. She runs her hands down my body and well, you can figure out the rest.
Beth may not be my forever just like how Samuel wasn't my forever, but I do now know that I am never going to let someone else tell me what I am or who I am. I am never going to allow someone else to have control over me and bend me to their ideal shape for me to be for them. I am going to love myself for who I am and hope that whoever is my forever will love me for who I am, either they are a man or a woman.
The End