I look in the mirror for the millionth time, realizing I haven't been on a date in so long. I tug at the edge of my shirt in hopes that it'll magically fit perfectly.
I glance around my room to find something to help. My eyes land on the piece of paper from last night. The one with Magnolia's number on it. I shake my head and grab it. In two weeks I'll officially tell her I'm not taking the job, but for now I shove it into my top desk drawer.
I look back into the mirror. Maybe I need a different mirror.
The bathroom door is open. I peek in to see Clay hanging up to the phone. He sighs, holding his head in his hands.
"Hey," I say as I walk in with a knock.
He glances up only to stop and look again. His jaw slacks while he tries to think of something. "Hey," is what he says in one breath.
"Hi," I repeat, "Whatcha doing?"
He watches as I check my hair once more in the mirror, hoping it's not scraggly like it is when I first wake up.
"Um, I was getting ready." He clears his throat. "Where are you going?"
I furrow my brows and look at him again. "A date? We talked about this yesterday."
"Oh." He fidgets with his hands. "With who?"
I smile, realizing he wasn't paying attention last night. I decide to mess with him. "Oh you know, Nick and I thought we'd give it another shot."
Now it's his turn to have the confused look. "What? No you wouldn't."
I sigh. "Well, I wanted George to come hang out with me because all the fighting really just gets to me." I turn to him, realizing he's closer than I had originally thought. I swallow once. "You know what I mean?"
My voice came out more unsure on the last sentence, and he smiles at that. "You're messing with me?"
I laugh nervously. "No?"
He smiles, and I swear he's leaned closer in the past ten seconds. "Yes you are."
I shake my head. "Promise. Nick and I are going to... get it on."
Clay laughs and takes a step back. "That's actually disgusting, y/n."
I smile and also step back. Checking the mirror quickly confirms the flush of my cheeks.
"Who's it really with?" Clay asks, nudging my side.
"Um, his name is Ben," I say, "He's Maggie's older brother."
"Maggie as in.." he hesitates to say it.
"Yeah, that's the one," I answer for him.
He nods, leaning in again. "Well, I hope you two have fun." He straightens his back and walks past me out the bathroom door.
I watch him leave, not even noticing my jaw had dropped in the span of that conversation. I look in the mirror once again. Not only am I nervous about my date now, I'm also nervous at whatever just happened with Clay.
I check the time. I'm not sure where Ben is staying, or if he even still lives in our hometown. I make a mental note to ask tonight.
I walk back into my room to make sure there's nothing I'm forgetting, also noticing I'm ready a little earlier than I planned.
I walk into the kitchen, seeing Clay again. I pause before he can see me.
He's gripping both hands on the counter like it's going to run away any second now. His head hangs low although I can't see his facial expressions. He picks up a glass and takes a sip of a dark liquid.
I sigh, turning back to my room. I press the call button before I'm even able to comprehend what I'm doing. All I know is that Clay needs someone right now.
"Hey y/n," Ben greets me when he answers the phone, "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, um, listen Ben," I begin, "Something just came up, and a friend really needs me right now."
He sighs. "You're canceling on me."
"Uh-" My brain forgot this was Ben Thatcher. Ben Thatcher knows me better than most people. Ben Thatcher has been through hell and back with me in our teenage years. I can't lie to him. "Yes, I'm sorry, Ben," I say finally
He chuckles, and because he's Ben Thatcher, he knows exactly what to say next. "Are they important to you, y/n?"
"Yes," I say instantly. He didn't ask if it was as a friend or more, but I don't think he cares. I don't think I know myself anymore either.
"Take care of them, okay?" he says, "Make sure your friend's alright."
"Thank you, Ben."
"Next time I'm in town, we're catching up, though," he tells me, "You got that?"
"Got it."
I hang up the phone and walk back into the kitchen. I stand still as Clay pours another drink. He must've heard me because he speaks without turning around.
"She's going to Georgia next August," Clay says gruffly, "Without me."
"Oh Clay." I walk to the counter next to him. "It's going to be okay."
"I know it will." He takes a sip before looking at me. His eyes search for something in my face, but I'm afraid I can't give it to him without knowing what it is. "I just need tonight to be upset," he explains, "Does that make sense?"
I nod. "It does."
Nick and George decided to have the movie night at Punz's house, so it's only Clay and I in the house right now. Clay takes another sip.
"You going on that date?" he asks pointedly before bringing the glass up again.
I shake my head. "I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."
The glass pauses at his lips. He sets it down carefully and looks at me, once again searching. "Thank you," he says softly
"Anytime," I say, copying the words he said to me when I was stressed about work.
He picks the glass up again and brings it to the sink. He pours the dark liquid down the drain and turns back to me. His eyes are dark and upset.
I hold out my arms, and Clay walks straight into them. He has to lean down a bit, but he holds me tight, not saying a word.
I wait until he's ready to let go. He takes deep breaths before finally pulling back. "Want to watch a movie?" he asks.
I follow him to the living room. "Nick's going to be very upset with us for watching a movie."
"Whatever," Clay mutters with a smirk thrown in my direction.
We sit on the couch, closer than we usually would be. He puts on a movie I'm pretty sure we've both seen. It takes ten minutes before he finally moves from his spot.
He lays down, his head facing me, and sighs. I keep my eyes focused on him instead of the movie. His seem to watch anything but me or the TV. Finally, he turns his head to look at me.
"We broke up." His voice is thick. "Natalie and I broke up, y/n."
My heart breaks in half for him. Nobody ever wants to see their friend in pain, and here I am watching his heart crack.
I reach my hand out and run my fingers through his hair. It was something Maggie had always done when I was sad.
He moves closer to me so that his head lays in my lap. I push my feelings aside. Just for tonight. Tonight's about helping Clay.
"Want to talk about it?" I ask softly.
He sighs once more; his voice isn't as thick when he speaks again. "I didn't think we were going to get married or anything," he says, "I mean, we talked about it, but we weren't in that serious stage of our life yet." He shakes his head absentmindedly. "We had agreed."
"Moving states for someone is that stage of life, though."
"It is," he agrees, "and I wasn't ready for that. Everything in my life is here. Nice and settled."
"It's a very nice life."
He smiles weakly. "It was."
We're quiet for a moment before he moves his head to meet my eyes. "If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?" he asks.
His words make me smile. When we first started hanging out, he would ask me that all the time. Sometimes I would answer Paris, Venice, or anywhere in Greece. He would smile, then ask what would stop me.
"Right now, it's you and money," I said.
He rolled his eyes. "Wow, I'm so honored and glad that I'm the only thing keeping you from Paris."
"What can I say, Clay?" I joked, "You truly keep me grounded."
He's staring up at me; his eyes are slightly red from holding in his tears. I wish I could tell him to let it out, not to hold anything back, but I don't want him to know I noticed.
I continue to play with his hair. "Where would you be, Clay?" I ask.
He sighs, staring past me and to the ceiling. "I think somewhere far away from here."
"Why's that?" My voice is barely above a whisper now.
"Just to be away from the memories."
We're quiet for a moment. My hands tangled in his hair as he lays in my lap; his own fingers mess with the edge of a blanket.
He meets my eyes again. "You never answered my question," he says, "Right now, where would you rather be?"
I don't even have to think about it, not since my phone call with Magnolia Kennedy last night.
"Right now I only want to be right here," I say softly.
He lips upturn before he turns his head back to the movie. We stay quiet throughout the rest of it although I don't think either of us are actually watching it.
When the credits roll, neither of us move, neither of us talk. I'm scared to break the silence, so I just continue to stare at the words roll by on the screen.
The silence is only partially broken when Clay sniffles. He sits up from his spot, wiping his eyes. I fix the blanket onto my lap better. Clay reaches over the couch for the remote and turns the TV off. The dark swallows us.
"I think I'm going to head to bed," he says; his voice holds no emotion.
"Okay."
He stands and walks out of the room. I count to ten before getting up as well. I pause outside the kitchen, listening at what sounds like Clay grabbing a bottle and walking down the hall.
This time I just count five seconds and walk. I can see Clay close his bedroom door when I walk into the hall.
I pause outside my door, knowing I won't knock on his door. I give him his space for now as I walk into my room.
I don't want to be too much noise, so I just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.
They broke up, is the only thing my brain can process right now. Clay is no longer with Natalie.
Perfect Natalie. Kind and beautiful Natalie. His childhood best friend Natalie. His girlfriend Natalie.
Now his ex-Natalie.
I let out a shaky breath. Things feel like they shifted tonight, maybe not in my favor, but they're different. Because for the first time since I realized I had feelings, Clay is single.
I roll only my side, watching the light under my door that's illuminated from the kitchen. I forgot to turn it off.
I can't tell Clay how I feel. Not now, at least.
Not ever, y/n, a voice in my head says, This isn't the time to be thinking about it.
My heart breaks as I remember his low smile tonight. I love his smile, always have. It upturns in the best way, and it lights my day up when I see it.
Music begins to play from Clay's room, vibrating the walls again. I won't reach out again tonight, but I will be there for him in a heartbeat if he needed me. Everyone knows I would drop anything for him. I canceled on my date without even knowing what was wrong.
I sigh, realizing the true reality of the situation: My heart belongs to the boy with the smile.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
this was supposed to be happy chapter but it's like not lmao... anyways they're broken up..
also i LOVE reading your reactions and all that so please comment and vote!!
have an amazing day <3