"Don't go," I say the words I never expected to hear come out of my mouth, "I need someone to be here."
"y/n, I have plans."
"Cancel them," I practically beg, "I'll pay you."
"I need food."
"Uber Eats."
"I hate you."
"I hate you, too."
He sighs. "There's other people in this house to bother, you know?"
I glare at George now. "But I need someone to force me to work right now."
"I've been sitting in your room for the past hour, and you've done nothing," George points out, "Even Nick left."
I slump in my swivel chair. "Stay?"
"You're weird, and I've had enough." George shakes his head, going to walk out of the room.
I'm not surprised or particularly hurt that he left. I just wanted someone to hold me accountable.
I spin in my chair once before turning back to the list of things to fix. I took the liberty of moving them to a google docs, so I can check them off as I go. Now I only have to actually start.
I sigh, glancing at the door George walked out of. He said there are other people in this house, and I know exactly who he was referring to.
I grab my laptop and slowly walk to Clay's door. It's closed, so I can have time to mentally prepare.
It's been awhile since I've walked into Clay's room. In my head, it's not a space for me to be in anymore. I take a deep breath, not wanting to push any boundaries.
I know there's boundaries, though. I know he's in a relationship. I know he's really happy. I know that it would be wrong of me to think I could change any of that. And I repeat that in my head over and over again.
I get the courage to knock on the door. It's quiet for a second, and I feel myself regretting it already.
"Come in," a voice calls.
I open the door slowly, laptop in one hand, and peek inside. Clay's sitting at his desk, wearing sweatpants and a tshirt, and his face looks confused.
"Why did you knock?" he asks, "I don't think anyone actually knocks in this house."
I shrug. "I didn't want to bother you."
"What if the knock bothered me?" Clay squints his eyes.
I shake my head before glancing at my feet; I'm wearing my strawberry socks, which I consider to be good luck. "You're ridiculous," I mumble.
"Whatever." He chuckles. "What's up?"
I sigh, risking to meet his eyes. "I was wondering if I could get some work done in here?"
He smiles. "Can't focus?"
"Not one bit," I admit, "and George wasn't helping at all."
Clay laughs. "He never is."
Clay gets up from his chair. He picks up a pile of clothes from the bed and puts them in a basket. "Do you want the bed or the desk?" he asks.
"I'll take the desk," I say, knowing it's the safe route.
He motions towards the desk. "Be my guest, then."
I settle into his gamer chair. It's comfortable; I make a mental note to look it up later for my own room.
Clay's sitting on the bed and already working on his laptop now. I open my own computer and pull up the document. I know it's time to focus.
Clay's playing music from his speaker. He's always played his special playlist when he's trying to work. It actually relaxes me and takes me back eight months when I practically lived in this room.
The sense of comfort allows me to work with ease. I type on my computer; my surroundings disappear as my brain only thinks about what I want my code to do. The stress of getting everything done fades away, and I just do it.
I don't know how long I'm focusing on the computer screen until I hear Clay shifting behind me. I turn and see what he's doing. His laptop is now shut, and he's giving me a mischievous look.
"What?" I ask.
"Is Nick here?" he asks.
"No, he went out a while ago with Punz," I reply, "Why?"
"I'll be right back," he says before getting up and leaving the room.
"Where are you going?" I call after him.
I sit for a few seconds staring at the door before turning back to my code. I have one more thing to check off my list, and I want to get it done as soon as possible before I lose the motivation.
I click a few things and type in the new color value. I run the code one last time and smile at the finished project. Well, finished once Magnolia Kennedy approves.
I'm drafting the email with the new code attached to send to her when Clay walks back into the room. He's holding something behind his back.
"What did you do?" I ask.
He take his hand out from behind his back to reveal a bag of skittles.
My jaw drops. "You did not."
"Did what?" he asks, stepping into the room more, "If you mean take Nick's skittles out from his not-so-secret-hiding spot, then yes, yes I did."
I hold my hand out for some skittles, and he pours some out for me. "Thank you," I say.
"You know you're an accomplice now, right?" Clay asks as he sits down on the floor by the desk.
I pop a red skittle into my mouth. "Worth it."
He chuckles and eats some himself. "How's the coding going?" he asks.
"Good." I turn back to my computer and begin typing again. "I just need to send this email."
Clay waits patiently, eating skittles, as I finish everything up. I feel relief roll off me as I press the send button. I turn to Clay with a smile. "Skittle me because I just did that."
He holds his hand up for a high five before pouring the skittles into my palm.
We're quiet for a moment while we chew, then Clay turns to me. "We haven't hung out like this in a long time."
"No we haven't," I say absentmindedly. I mess with a string on the hem of my shorts.
"I don't know why I just thought of that," he begins talking, "Well, I know why I did. It's because I just realized we haven't had a moment like this in so long, and it's one of those things that you didn't know you missed it until it's there again."
My heart skips a beat, and I try to force it to calm down. "Well things are different now, Clay."
He sighs, knowing exactly what I'm referring to. "I know," he says quietly, "but we're still friends through it all right?"
I smile. It hurts a little, I'll admit, but isn't that exactly what I said when I walked into his room tonight. "Always," I reply.
"Wait, let me show you this record a fan painted me." Clay gets up from his spot on the floor and walks across the room.
We talk for a couple more hours. I sit on the floor next to him eventually 'to make it fair' is how he put it. I ensure there's room between us for my own sake, making sure this only nothing.
It's late at night when we hear Nick and George come back home from Punz's. They walk straight up the stairs without coming down our hallway.
I shake my head as we listen to them get ready for bed; feet stomping every couple of minutes. "Didn't even say goodnight."
"How dare they n-" Clay's interrupted by his phone ringing.
We both glance down at his phone which is face down on the carpet. He picks it up and clears his throat. He sets it back down without answering it.
Something heavy settles in my stomach, and I don't have to ask who it was.
"It's late," I whisper.
Clay sighs, settling his back against the desk. "Yeah, you're right."
"I'm going to head to bed," I say as I stand, "Thanks for letting me work in here."
I force my feet to leave the room. I didn't think it would be hard to leave with so much left to say.
"y/n," Clay says just as I reach the doorway.
I turn to see him; his eyes are glued to mine instantly. Energy prickles up my arms.
"Yeah?" I say so quietly.
"I had a really good time talking to you."
I smile. "I had fun, too." I pick my next words very carefully. I know one word more than needed will be me telling him that I love him. "Goodnight, Clay."
"Night, y/n."
I close the door behind me as I walk out. I stand in the hallway feeling guilty even though nothing happened.
I can't keep doing this to myself, I think, It's time I get over him.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
what are we thinking 'bout everything guys?
hope you're enjoying so far! have an amazing day :)