When I opened my eyes, I was on hospital bed surrounded with draperies. After asking the doctor what happened to me and how I reached here, he told me that someone found me unconscious into my car. That doctor was papa's friend and because papa was out of country he couldn't contact him. He didn't want me to leave but I didn't want to be there for any more second. After convincing him that he won't tell any one I left from there.
My whole body was still shaking so I went straight back at home. When mom was gone, I was completely broken. I did everything to get my mind off her lose. Then I saw Nandni. I started becoming a new person. I wanted to become a good person for her. But to her my existence never mattered. Then looking at her attraction towards Sameer, I realised I couldn't make myself enough good to deserve her. I started building a wall around me because I was afraid of getting lost into darkness again. I didn't want to be a person, I was before meeting her.
When I pulled Elina into my messed up life I tried to forget nandni and to move on. I thought one day those painful and heavy feelings around my heart to disappear but it didn't. I thought some day I would be happy into my own life without her but with every passing day, that emptiness was killing me.
Nandni was breaking those walls that took years to erect. When I had buried my every feeling, now she had found a way to enter. If keeping her around was bringing something so peaceful, then pushing her away was equally painful. She was becoming addiction and for selfish reasons I wasn't able to stop myself from going towards her again and again. There was a time when I was dying into my own darkness but she came like a ray of light. I thought if I lost her I will lose myself as well.
I got up and started being ready. She was going to marry a person who was much better than me. He will keep her happy. I wanted to see her for one last time. I wanted to see how was she looking into her bridal dress. I'm sure she must be looking, world's most beautiful bride ever. After reaching her home, many times I thought to go back. I struggled hard for not going to see her but at the end when all of them were busy in arrangements, I started finding the room where she was getting ready.
I looked around wildly, until I saw the source of my sleepless nights and fierce possession. In the last room at the end of corridor, I found her standing against the window. She was facing her back towards me. As I entered in her room, I saw suddenly her whole body got stiff. I could see visible change in her breaths. Suddenly those were fast and deep. Was she aware that it was me who just came inside.
Unknowingly I stopped really closer to her. I closed my eyes when her familiar scent filled my senses. Her dress was hugging her curves at every right place. Then I realised how breath taking she was looking. I know, I shouldn't have come here but I just wanted to have a last glimpse of what I couldn't have.
I didn't let her go because I wanted to sacrifice my love for my brother. No. Infect I kept myself away from her, for her own happiness. I remained away from her because she never liked me. It was sure, with me she wouldn't be loved the way she deserved. Isn't it better for her to live with the only person who makes her happy. Perhaps I was only capable of giving pain and tears.
"Damn...!" I cursed under my breath when suddenly I felt so possessive towards her. Without looking back she asked me angrily why I was here. I was speechless. My heart flip-flopped at the prospect of her question. I stood looking at her silently, until I gathered my nerves. This wasn't how I planned this visit. I was supposed to see her and then leave.
"I was missing you. Couldn't breath without seeing your one glimpse....!" I tried to put those words into sarcasm but she wasn't aware that in real that was the exactly my condition. At one hand I wanted to hate her, for getting married and at the other hand I was looking for her like a crazy lover. I was an entirely gone case.
Without giving me chance to step back, she abruptly turned around. She straight bumped into me and spilled whole glass of water over my shirt. She got panicked and apologised. Why I was standing so freaking close to her. I was entirely shocked and already pissed. When I really shouted at her, she came back into her hungry tigress mode.
Like usual we both exchanged hot sentences. At the end, it was me who was losing my temper. For some odd reason my feet started moving forward towards her. She moved back until her back pressed against the window. Placing both hands against window, my arms were caging her. Her wide and bright orbs were holding me prisoner. This close, she looks even more beautiful. Her skin was looking so flawless and soft that for once I wished to touch her. I couldn't snap out of her spell of beauty until she slipped out of my arms and stood at quite distance. Leaning against the window, my gaze moved at her like marking my territory everywhere it touched.
"So you bought this dress...!" My heart lurched, when I looked at her from head to toe. Why was she wearing that dress when I already told her that it was piece of crap. Couldn't she buy anything else. Under my hungry gaze, she didn't look as confident as she was few minutes before. Talk about your proud ego, when you clearly see how your mere presence affects your girl. There was a mixture of thunderstorm in her eyes which was pulling me closer.
Then that moment came when lives of all of us was going to take completely horrible turn. I received call of our one driver. As I picked the call what he told me was completely shocking.
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"Manik sir I came with Sameer sir at this bar. He was drinking continuously. And now in his drunken state he wants to drive. I'm not able to handle him any more....!" as he finished I just left from her room. Before exiting I stopped for one last time and looked back. At the same time she also turned around. For a moment our eyes met, before she jerked her face ahead. Saying good bye silently I left from there.
Asking where Sameer was I took one of our cars. That bar wasn't very far away from here. So I reached there in few minutes. Looking at me driver came running towards me. His face was completely pale and his hands were shivering.
"What happened and where is Sameer....!" I asked hurriedly jumping out of the car.
"Sir he...he took the car. I tried to stop him but he didn't listen....!" driver told me. He was looking really helpless.
"What he said. Where was he going....?" I asked, my voice laced with tension.
"H...he was crying and before leaving he called Abhimanyu sir....!" his words just snatched the earth beneath my feet. In his drunken state did he tell everything to Abhi.
"Sameer what you did.....!" I raced my car towards the direction, driver told me that Sameer went.
"Please be safe...!" I was mumbling, my heart was hammering against my chest. I was at some distance when I saw Sameer's car. I was shocked when I saw someone else also chasing his car. I accelerated the speed of my car and as I was going closer I could clearly see that whoever was at bike, was trying to stop Sameer. When I came closer I noticed it was Abhimanyu.
That day it was heavily raining. Then at front of my eyes, car's tyres slipped and Sameer lost the control over steering wheel. Side of the car hit against the bike. It flew in the air before it fell into deep fields besides the road. Sameer's car also stopped when it hit against one pole of street light.
As I reached closer, coming out of the car I ran towards Sameer. He was unconscious but wasn't having any injury. Then I ran to see Abhimanyu but I found him no where. I knew that Abhimanyu have fallen deep down somewhere. I called his name many times but I found no reply. I asked driver to call the ambulance and I came back towards Sameer. In that one minute I knew what I needed to do. I won't let Sameer suffer more than what he was already going through. I pulled his unconscious body from car and threw into the passenger seat of my car. I asked driver to take him home.
"Sir I can't leave you here. What if something happened to Abhimanyu. It would become hit and run case....!" driver was blabbering like he wasn't in his senses.
"I will handle it. You just go away. Take Sameer at home. Go....!" I pushed driver towards my car. He started car but before he could go away I asked him for one last favour and he nodded his head with loyalty.
"Promise me you won't tell any one that it was Sameer who caused this accident.....!" I asked him hurriedly. I knew I don't have much time because ambulance would be here any time.
"But sir how can I...!" driver was on the verge of tears but I held his hands into my shivering one's.
"Please promise me. You won't say any thing ok.....!" I pleaded helplessly and he nodded his head. He wiped his tears away before taking U-turn he took Sameer away. I once again tried to look for Abhimanyu's body but I couldn't reach him. I called his name every where that may be he could give me any hint that where was he. When I didn't get any response, my senses were alarming that something dreadful was waiting for us. After half hour when ambulance recovered Abhimanyu's body. They took him immediately into hospital.
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After few hours she was sitting at front of me. Abhimanyu was dead. She was crying and I kept looking towards her helplessly. I was numb. Looking at her devastated look, my chest hurt and head was pounding painfully. When she looked up towards me, I couldn't bear that resentment into her eyes. That hint of uncertainty and blame in her stare made me frozen dead.
"Mr Manik Malhotra it was your car that caused this accident....!" So they asked me the exact question, which one I was waiting for. I looked straight into her eyes. I could clearly see a dark tint in her gaze. I don't need her words to tell me that she already had considered me murderer of Abhi and responsible for every thing dreadful happening in her life.
Abhimanyu was gone. I live here or behind the bars, no one will be affected. She hates me already but I know Sameer loves her so much. He will take care of her. She would be happy with him. They both will be happy. I know my brother could help to pull her out of this pain. So taking a quivering deep breath I had decided what I needed to do.
"Yes it was my car....!" and saying those words, I killed my last hope with my own hands. That look of pure devastation in her teary eyes, hunts me to this day. I looked away when that emptiness in her eyes filled with loathing and abhorrence. I couldn't see all those emotions into her eyes for me.
"you hate me this much that see where you brought me"
"I wish I would have never met you"
"I wish I have had saved Abhi from you"
"How could you be so cruel"
"Why you punished me this way"
"Why"
How I could've told her that, I didn't hate her. Even if I tried, I wanted to but still I couldn't. Her each word made me hate my own self. Still every night I listen her those screams into my nightmares. Her each word still feels like a stab in my heart.
"I killed Abhi....!" I mumbled, like whispering to my own self. May be every one took these three words as the confession of my sin but for me it was question, which I wanted to ask her. One last time I wanted to ask her that really she thinks I'm this much cruel and heartless to kill someone.? To kill her Abhimanyu.? But looking wrath and detestation into those eyes I got my answer. Without protest or any guilt I presented myself for whatever punishment this world will choose for me.
I never expected that papa will come at police station to bail me out. Because he never done such thing. For one moment I thought he really care about me. But he made me really angry when he announced that he had decided that I will marry her. How he could do this without asking me or without knowing what Nandni wanted. Because as far I know she hates me this much that she would like to die instead of marrying me. I won't b able to face her hatred every day. I didn't have this much strength. I was tired.
He always thrown his decisions at us. He never cared either we wanted to do something or not. Same like he sent my mother away when she pleaded that she didn't want to go. But now I would never let him control our lives. Not any more. So I told him that I love Elina because I would never let him play with Nandni's life.
Papa ignoring everything still had done what he thought was better. He called whole media. I was upstairs looking down at every one gathered into living room and when I saw Nandni and her father entered inside, I knew what was coming next. Looking at every one, her face got drained of any colour. She wasn't looking ok. Like she didn't eat and sleep since days.
I knew she would be helpless at front of every one as much I was. If she didn't want to marry me, I won't let any one to force her. She was already going through so much. It was her life and she had full right to decide that what she wanted to do. After deciding what I have to do I went straight into the room where she was.
Simply I wanted her to say No and that's it. We both would be free from this arrangement. I never learnt how to plead and ask like a normal person. No one told me how to describe inner pain without harming other's emotions. No one was there when I felt heavy burden of unwanted matters but there was no one to share those crushing feelings. At the end I became the person that I'm now. Who don't ask, but just throw the orders. Who's so domineering that can't listen No for anything. If someone didn't give me what I wanted, I will snatch it. And I tried to do the same with her. I didn't ask what she wanted. I didn't give her any choice. I straightforward threatened her to step back and say no for this engagement. I told her that her life would be miserable if she said yes. And every passing day proved that around me she was really suffering.
"I would never forget that you killed my Abhi....!" MY ABHI, her words stirred up a storm in my chest. Even she wasn't aware that her hands were trembling. Her voice was weak and shaky. But those eyes were having that fire which can burn anything on it's way. I knew whenever we would be together, there would always be a force of destruction.
Without giving attention what she was saying I moved closer. Heartbeat pounded into my ears as something just warmed my insides. I wanted to hold her shivering hands for once. I raised my hand up to touch her face. Something in my eyes must have made her unsettled because she was suddenly so nervous. Her eyes which were few minutes ago clashing with mine, now were lacking of that confidence. She flinched away as I raised my hand up to move a strand of her hairs away from her face. A sharp pain pinched my heart. She was scared of me.
I could see into her eyes that I was nothing more than a murderer, a beast, a killer. Painful smirk appeared at my face while thinking, my father wanted me to marry this girl who even scared of my simple touch. I told her to say No at front of media so that we both would be free from this unwanted relation. I could do this myself but here I became selfish. I left the decision completely at her. I gave her full right over her life. It was her choice. To run away from this devil's life, otherwise if she stayed, I will keep this princess caged into my walls. No matter if we were destined together or not, then I will write our own fate where she would be mine forever. But what she did, it was completely out of my expectations.
I was standing at door, waiting when she will announce that she didn't want to marry me. But when she said yes, I was shocked. I'm sure hundred percent that she wasn't agree then why she didn't refuse. How could she say yes. Did she say yes because I asked her to say No. Was this just a game of revenge. Was everything just a war of hate Was this a way to humiliate a person whom she hates so much.
At the same time when my eyes were throwing daggers at her she looked up and her shocked eyes met mine. My heart was beating so fast that my chest started paining. Turning over my heals I left. Finally papa won. He didn't care what I wanted and same like him she was playing sick games with my emotions. Both are responsible of my every pain and misery. Both are same, heartless and selfish. But the worst thing was that, I love these both selfish persons beyond every sick reason. My madness of obsession won't hesitate to let them snatch even last ounce of happiness from my life.
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Finally it was the day when I was going to be engaged with Nandni murthy. Since the day Abhi died I didn't contact Elina. She was calling me day and night but I didn't want to talk to her. After getting ready I went in the hall and every thing was perfect except my own self. I was going to do something so horrendous and there's no going back. There was huge burden at my heart and it was sinking with every breath.
Entering into hall where people were wrapped into expensive designer dresses, my eyes stopped at one girl who was wearing a simple baby pink long gown. For a moment I forgot that how mad I was at her. For few seconds I wanted to keep looking at her. She was drinking water. Her slim fingers were clutching glass in tight grip like her life was depending on it. She hadn't still been looking alright since I saw her last time. She wasn't ok.
When I came to know she was going to marry Abhi, I tried to move on. But I was so busy on helping sameer to get through this heartbreak that I entirely forgot about my own heartache. Just looking for once at her, I felt like I was never moved on. I just didn't know how to. My heart was still stuck at the point when I saw her for the first time. When for the first time, I felt flutter of some emotions into my frozen dead soul.
Her wandering eyes caught mine and suddenly her expressions became stunned. As our eyes locked, her stunned posture was describing state of horror, shock and disbelief. I noticed how her emotions turned harsher. A spear struck my heart. Her wrath was blazing like a fire of power which can burn everything inside of me. Why was she angry at me when it should have been me. It was me who was being played by her. I hate how simply she made me forget how to breath until she shifted her eyes away.
During whole time, I tried to ignore the reason of this gathering. Every passing minute had been torturing me to death. I wanted to be alone for sometime. Before exiting from hall, I caught one last glimpse of her and then left. Walking through dimly lit corridor I found myself standing at balcony. Coming out here I inhaled fresh air like I needed only this. Then I listened announcement in very faint voice. They were asking for the couple of the night to come for dance. I chuckled starkly. How these people wanted to prove that Everything was so normal and fascinating. When in real it was totally abhorrent and nightmarish.
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My chain of thoughts was broken when I listened fast steps like someone was running. Standing in the darkness, when I looked at my right side it was Nandni. Running all the way she came here. Bending down she placed both hands at her knees. She was gasping air to fill her lungs like she was running from something so unnerving and grisly. I was confused when suddenly the realisation came slow and late but clear. A smile appeared at my face. Knowing very well that why she was here. She was running away from me without knowing that already I was here. And see our luck she had come to me herself.
She kept looking into distance. Silently I went closer. Sensing presence of someone, I could see how tensed her body became. Then she turned around slowly. I stared at the most gorgeous lady standing at front of me with eyes wide and jaw hanging open. Of course she wasn't expecting me there. Managing my steps slowly towards her I covered the distance between us. But she abruptly stepped back. At one hand she was ready to marry me and at the other hand she can't even let me come closer. Interesting but I won't let her play hide and seek games around me. Perhaps I should show her that how it will work when she would be my fiancé and then later my wife.
It pulled the string of my heart when I slipped my arm around her waist and hair rising shiver caused goosebumps at her flawless soft skin. Without giving her time, I pulled her into my arms. My eyes uncontrollably moved at her throat, the way she gulped the lump. How I wished to ease those fluttering pulses at the base of her throat. The way her hands against my chest were trembling I felt proud to make her feel the way I wanted. What she thought she would marry me and then she will scream that stay away from me and every time I will follow her orders silently. No I will teach my girl that from now it wont work this way. I gave her chance but she herself chose this.
She tried her best to get free but more she was resisting me, more I tightened my arms around her. Then she yelled something and talk about wounded men's ego.
"I said keep your filthy hands to yourself....!" that's it. I lost even last bit of my patience. She was running because she didn't want to dance with me and now I will tell her that who was in power. Then I took everything into my hands and we danced. Like a perfect couple. At the end after swirling her around I threw her feather-like body over my one arm. Her back arched in this way that each curve was on display. I could feel her hammering heart against my chest.
Her breathing was heavy and lips slightly parted. I don't know what came into my mind. Leaning my face down I was going to kiss her. After that what happened, made me really shocked. Pulling herself over her feet, she slapped me. Leaving me there shocked and humiliated she ran away. First time someone slapped me and I let that person walk away without facing my wrath.
"Damn you Nandni Murthy. Damn you....!" I roared into the night. Standing alone at balcony I was trying to control my demon. I felt raw. My emotions weren't functioning right. Everything around me was hazy, almost like a nightmare. Her a simple slap had broken my soul into thousand pieces that may be no one could bring me together ever.
Without thinking what would be consequences I left from there. That night if I would've remained around her for any more second, I had done something really dreadful. I was continuously receiving calls from everyone but I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to face her. But later I came to know that even in my absence Dadi Jan made her wear engagement ring. Even if I wanted to accept it or not, now she was my fiancé.
Even for next few days I didn't talk to anyone. I knew I left my family to face insult. They would have been answerable to every one that why their son was absent at his own engagement but who damn cares about what people think about my family. They were no where at any fault.
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After few days our college was going to start so all were back including Sahil bhaie. He had some business meeting so he will also live with us for next few days. He was really angry at me. Obviously according to him I was doing wrong with Nandni. He didn't talk to me. Infect no one talked to me. Of course my own siblings were in Nandni team. Great achievement Manik.
During all miscalls I received message from Diya auntie that Dadi jan wasn't well and she was admit in hospital. My all promises went to hell and next morning I was on my way to see her. I couldn't wait a single more minute away from her.
When I reached at front of her room first of all guards stopped me. When I lashed out at their stupid pranks I came to know they were not joking around. It was Dadi jan's order that I wasn't allowed to visit her. But I was also his grandson if she was stubborn I was champion into this thing. I kept sitting at bench, exactly at front of her room.
Finally it was evening when she allowed me to come inside but now she had other plans to torture me. She wasn't talking to me. She wasn't telling how was she. Infect she didn't even look at me.
"Dadi jan please talk to me. Please....!" reaching out I held her old wrinkled hands but she pulled them away. It broken my heart but I knew I deserved her anger. She was hurt. I made her embarrassed at front of so many people.
"I'm sorry....!" I apologised for every thing. This time she shifted her glaring eyes towards me. Now what I did wrong because she was looking even more angry. Sometimes she makes me really helpless. I don't know how to handle her tantrums.
"It's not me whom you should apology. You should say sorry to Nandni....!" she said in very calm tone but I could sense her order hundred percent clearly in that simple statement.
"I will never say sorry to her....!" I snapped, suddenly my anger was being out of control.
"Then you can leave young man....!" she replied casually. Damn. This lady could kill an army with just daggers-like glares. Taking deep sigh I tried my luck once again.
"Dadi Jan you don't know why I left, so don't judge my actions. Ok....!" I said looking away helplessly. Why these all ladies just want to torture me. If I remained around them, they all gonna make me crazy.
"Yeah exactly I don't know what came into your dumb head that you left at engagement night. Leaving all of us embarrassed at front of every one. And that poor girl. What was her fault....!" she muttered, disappointment was there in her eyes. I wished to die before making her ashamed as being of my grandmother. I didn't want to make her embarrassed but what about, her POOR GIRL did to me. Damn that GIRL slapped me. Dammit no one born at this planet to slap me but it's her fault that today dadi Jan was angry at me. If I found her somewhere, I'm gonna teach her a good lesson.
"Will you tell me why you ran away like a coward....!" she snapped at me when I remained silent for next few minutes. How I could tell her that I forced her to dance with me. How I could express what I felt when I saw she was running away from me. How to explain her that my ego was hurt. And at last how to tell her what I went through when she slapped me. She reminded me once again that I was most hateful person into her life. Several moment were consumed in silent battles before She chuckled angrily.
"See you don't even have any answer for my questions. You can leave now and don't show me your face until you apologise to her....!" she said stubbornly and I felt to pull my hairs. I was busy into my own tearful thoughts when someone entered. Miss Nandni murthy was here. Great. I groaned in pure anger and looked back towards Dadi Jan. She was already glaring at me with clear warning. Did she call her here....?
Looking towards Nandni, I couldn't help from recalling everything happened at balcony. That dance and that slap as well. When she came and sat beside Dadi Jan my eyes remained stuck at that delicate twinkling ring in her ring finger. The reality struck me really hard, which I was avoiding and ignoring since the day she was announced as my future wife. Can you imagine that sometimes in pure pain, you feel cured and happy. That wasn't a ring, it was a knot of my name which was binding her with me and suddenly I felt proud. For a moment I wanted to forget that we both were together forcefully. I know she would never wear this ring happily.
I don't know why she is punishing herself and more she was punishing me. I still couldn't understand why she said yes for this engagement when she hates me so much. After all I was just a murderer. I know she won't live into this engagement. She won't accept me but what about me. Would I be able to bear that pain once again. I didn't have strength for losing her once again.
I remained out of her way because I thought she deserves much better than me. But now when she had pulled me into this mess at the name of engagement I feel trapped and helpless. Sometimes holding on something forcefully makes your hands so much wounded that at the end you feel, it's better to let it go. Though everything was clear but was I ready for the day, when she would leave me all broken and entirely damaged. May be no. She will always be there blooming into my soul, even she would have been gone.
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