we finish sid's walk and go back to soph's house to which sid flops in his bed as soon as the door opens. he was so tired bless him. he did spend about 45 minutes chasing birds on the field as me and Reece sat down and talked.
we could talk for hours, even though he's not a big talker like I said but I can tell he's getting more comfortable with me because he's talking to me more. or I was just choosing to talk about things he likes. who knows?
that confusing feeling is still there, and is only getting stronger. with all the sweet and kind words and the compliments and just the way he is around me. like I said before, I feel safe around him.
I want to know more about him, I feel like he's very closed off with his family life and his past. I mean, I know a bit about his dad kind of. well I've seen things about his dad and I feel like if I wasn't there to see what happened the other day when he was there or when his dad was there and he came back angry he wouldn't have told me those things, i think it was only becuase he felt like he had to explain himself to me.
I don't want him to feel like I'll judge him because I would only be supportive about whatever it is. I just don't want him to get mad if I mention something about it.
I guess i will just wait until he's ready to talk to me, whenever that might be.
"would you like me to make dinner?" he snaps me out of my thoughts as I hear him talk. I look up to where I'm sitting on the bed in the guest room. he's leaning against the doorframe in his famous jogging bottoms that I swear he wears every time he's just chilling. unless he has 10 pairs of the same joggers.
he has very good fashion if you think about. cargos, baggy jeans and joggers it's literally all I see him in.
"yes if you don't mind. can you cook? I didn't know you could cook" I sit up getting excited. I had literally no idea he could cook.
"yes I can. there's a lot of things I can do, you'd be surprised" he grins at me crossing his arms switching door frames he's leaning on, so now he's on the other side.
"ooo really? you literally never tell me about your hobbies" I frown at him to which he looks amused. grinning still.
"you don't ask" he shrugs, that grin still staying on his face.
"very true" I realise standing up to follow him out the door to the kitchen.
"I've never asked you about yours though, have I?" he asks me as I take a seat on one of the bar stools as he goes to the opposite side which means he's in the kitchen getting things out of the fridge to cook.
it looks like he's making pasta, he got out tagliatelle out of the cupboard, vegetables out of the fridge and cheese and double cream to which I'm guessing to make the sauce. oooo carbonara.
"no you haven't but you know pretty much everything about me. I'm pretty boring" I laugh at the comment I made as Reece starts boiling the water for the pasta and starts frying the onions and mushrooms and garlic it looks like.
"your not boring. you have a really good job for starters and your good at what you do. you read which is a hobby and you bake" he grins again at me, proud of himself for guessing all of those things about me.
"how did you know I baked?" I lean forward cupping my face with my hands as my elbows lean on the table.
"because of the amazing cookies you gave to soph the other week. still mad I didn't get any of those" he smiles at me before turning around again to cook.
"sorry about that, I'll make sure to give you cookies next time" I lean back into my chair smiling.
"you better" he replies turning around to talk to me and then turning back around to cook the rest of the veg that went in with the mushrooms and onions.
I like watching other people cook, it's satisfying almost.
✩ ✩ ✩
"this is so good omg" I compliment him as I stuff another mouthful of carbonara. which can I say must be the best carbonara I've ever had.
"Mr Aliso knows how to cook and he's amazing at cooking pasta so sometimes when I've finished my shift he will teach me a thing or two" he tells me to which makes me smile.
he's opening up to me little by little and it's really sweet.
"well this is bloody delicious" I compliment him again to which he chuckles and finishes eating his pasta too.
"have you got to go into work tomorrow?" he asks me taking mine and his bowl and putting them on the side ready to load the dishwasher.
"no I don't actually, I still have to work on a few more ideas until the meeting that's in a couple of days where I tell my ideas face to face with the company which is a bit scary" I laugh as I go and make myself a drink while Reece puts the dishwasher on.
"you'll do great" he tells me looking at me as he speaks but then looking back at the dishes he's putting in the dishwasher.
I blush slightly and look away as I drink the drink I just made.
after he's finished doing the dishwashing I decide to go to bed because of how tired I was. It's not quite often I go to bed late, I'm just not used to it.
"good night, I'll see you in the morning" he nods at me smiling before turning away and heading to the living room getting the duvet ready for bed.
I do still feel quite bad for him sleeping on the sofa when I have the bed upstairs.
I look away and head to bed, falling straight asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.
I didn't get much sleep last night. some nights if too much is on my mind I won't, thoughts will just be rushing around my head all night.
It was also raining so that was another reason to why I didn't get much sleep. you would of thought it would of sent me to sleep but no. I like to stay awake and listen to it.
willow still isn't up, I'm pretty sure she's still in bed which makes sense as it's only 8am.
we're getting closer and more comfortable together which I've noticed. and I like it.
I like her company, I like having her around, I like her talking about random things all the time because I like the sound of her voice. I like her smile, her eyes that you could stare into for days. and I'm not like that to people, well to many anyways.
I like her.
It took me a fucking while to realise because I just felt these complicated feelings but I guess all of those thoughts did me well.
and it's not like I've had a girlfriend before either. yes I've had a few flings but not a committed relationship because I didn't think I was capable of one and I'm still unsure of that but I've never felt strong feelings before like I do.
I could blame not thinking Im not able to be in a commited relationship becuase of my mum or dad because she didn't commit, she left and look where that left my dad but i have to remind myself I'm nothing like them. never will be.
I'm not ashamed of them of course, there my parents and I love them even though sometimes they don't deserve the love. I just wish things happened differently.
I've wished that as soon as it happened and always think what would things look like if she stayed? if olive didn't die? If dad didn't become an alcoholic but you can't change the past.
✩ ✩ ✩
I get up from where I've been sleeping all night and put the duvet back in the storing cupboard, all folded ready for the next time I use it.
I go upstairs to the bathroom, and change in the bathroom and brush my teeth and all that. poofing my hair out on the way out.
I go downstairs and its just silent because she's still not up. and sids not either, he sleeps with willow. every time she goes to bed he just follows and snuggles up to her like he does every time she sits down. it is sweet to be fair.
I make scrambled eggs for myself with fried tomato's on top. I did some for her as well and put it in the microwave so it would stay warm for a little bit so then she have it when she wakes up.
I wanted to get up early this morning, maybe go out for a walk to think or something or go and read somewhere. I did want to see if dad still isn't home and if he isn't then I guess I know it's one of his disappearing acts. the ones that last for about 3 weeks not like I'm concerned because he always comes back it just means I have the house to myself for a bit.
I finish making breakfast and sit on one of the breakfast stools and eat what I made, staring into space as I sat. I do that quite often as weird at it is.
I put willow's food in the microwave and leave a note on the microwave telling her there's food in there.
I fill sid's food bowl up with his breakfast and fill up his water bowl so he has it for when he wakes up too.
I unload the dishwasher from last night, putting everything away so the kitchen is clean.
I like cleaning sort of. which I guess might not be usual for boys maybe? I don't know. I've just done it since I was young so it's just habit.
I finish everything in the kitchen and put my trainers on leaving, trying not to make too much noise so I don't wake them up.
I don't use my car as I go to mine, I just decide to walk as I wanted to have a walk in the morning anyways.
It's about a 20 minute walk, there's a way you can walk where you walk aside the canal so I'll go that way. not many people walk that way, especially in the morning.
✩ ✩ ✩
I open the door, still not knowing if he's in there because he was probably the last one to leave or come back and he always leaves the door open. he forgets to lock it when he leaves or when he comes back. probably because he's always drunk so he forgets to do things like that.
I close the door behind me walking through the hallway to the living room and kitchen. a mess. empty whiskey and vodka bottles, instant noodle packets scattered around the kitchen.
I go upstairs to see if he's in bed and he's not. he's not here. at least when I clean up it will be clean for a couple of weeks until it gets ruined again.
I go around the house tidying after his mess, it's mostly in the living room and kitchen but the bathroom is a bit messy this time.
I walk into my room to see if he's done anything in there. sometimes he does but if the doors shut then sometimes he doesn't.
I look around and see a frame on the floor, facing down. I pick it up off the floor and see what frame it is as I've got quite a few in my room.
olive.
me and olive.
this was taken about 6 months before she died. she looks so healthy and happy in this picture when the last few moments I spent with her she didn't look like her happy usual self.
she looked drained. pale. and still she had a smile in her face, not as enthusiastic as it would have been usually but it was still there.
I took her pumpkin picking in this picture and she insisted to take a picture of us both on this mini camera she got on her birthday. she found the biggest pumpkin and she said she had to have that one, she wanted her big brother to carve the scariest face on the pumpkin for Halloween as mum and dad were working for Halloween.
so that's what we did, we carved pumpkins and then later on took her trick or treating. she dressed up as a pumpkin herself and wanted me to paint her face bright orange. she was definitely the best dressed, she wanted me to wear a costume but I had to decline with that one.
that was one of many times I can remember of things we did together, because mom and dad were always working they wanted me to babysit her but it was never like that she was my mini best friend and always will be.
I don't know if he went in here and pushed the frame on the floor or if it was the wind from last night or the night before.
I pick it back up and put it where it should be, on my bedside table.
I miss her so much. so so much. It's not been one day where I haven't thought about her, things we did together pumpkin picking being one of them.
✩ ✩ ✩
I finish tidying everything up and it's better now. cleaner and tidier.
now everything's done I just grab a couple of jumpers for tomorrow and the day after and lock the door, walking back to soph's house.
they are probably up by now, as it's 11:30. I spent quite a while at the house, i hardly ever have the time for myself there because he's either there or when he's gone I'm working so it was nice.
nice to think about memories of her in a good thought without thinking in a bad thought when dad is there.
I get back to sophs, opening the door and hearing willow talking to sid like usual. it's so cute to hear her talk to him the way she does. it's like she treats him like a proper little human, it's adorable.
"go get the squeaky pig then and we can play fetch with it" I hear her say as I walk further into the living room. taking my shoes off and putting them by the side of the door and taking my jumper off as it's quite warm in here.
I get into the living room and see sid running up to willow with a pink toy pig in his mouth. waddling over to her and dropping the pig so she can throw it which she does.
"oh hey" she notices me swiveling on the sofa as she's sat cross legged while she was playing with sid.
I just nod at her, smiling as I go and sit next to her. lounging into the corner of the sofa.
"you okay? you wasn't here when I woke up" she tells me throwing the pig for sid once more as he repeatedly brings it back.
"yeah I just went for a walk and back to get some more jumpers. I made you breakfast though, it was in the microwave" i reply to her, messing with the tassels on my jumper that hang.
"yes it was so good, thank you" she smiles at me that smile that gets me every time.
we start conversation, her telling me how sid sprung up awake in a really good mood showering her in kisses as she waked up and about how she's always wanted a dog and what breeds she's always wanted. she also told me if I wanted dogs and she would de friend me if I was a cat person.
I am not a cat person. obviously.
we never had pets growing up, olive just had a goldfish but it passed away when we went on holiday and there was nobody to feed it. she was deverststed, we had a funeral for the fish too.
princess plump she called her because she said it was quite chunky but didn't want to call it fat even though it was humongous because she fed it too much because she thought it wasn't being fed enough.
being cut out of thought we hear loud footsteps walk through the door, coming towards us.
her eyes widen as she looks back at me in pure fear, she thinks we're being robbed.
I just shrug because this has happened to me so many times. the amount of times eli has stormed into my house without knowing is uncountable I'm telling you.
and I was correct. two seconds later he comes skipping in with his hands on his hips.
"hey bitches" he announces himself like always, jumping on the sofa, sitting a little bit too close to me for my liking which is why I move away.
"you scared the living day lights out of me jesus lord" she says holding a hand on her heart. smiling knowing we're not getting burgled.
"well I came to tell you that I met a real hot guy and now we're friends so we're all going bowling, quinn is busy and felix has gone with Sophie to see her grandma" he says grinning ear to ear dragging willow up and attempting to drag me up but I shrug him off getting up myself.
I just sigh and follow them both out the door, putting sid in his bed which he looks pretty happy about because of how tired he is.
✩ ✩ ✩
we get to the bowling alley and Eli said his 'hot friend' is meeting us there because he's a classy man that drives himself in his fancy car.
his words, defiently not mine.
willow just laughs as eli rambles on about how good looking this man is and he fell for him as soon as the eyes met.
his words, defiently not mine. once again.
we walk inside and ei speaks to the man at reception, showing his booking to which he leads us down to isle 3.
we go down there and there is a man already down there. guessing it's the 'hot man'
and I'm guessing I'm right as ei goes rushing over there trying not to be too excited as he brings him in a big hug.
me and willow walk down the stairs as we meet the mystery man.
they both break their hug and the man turns around to which he's can now see what he looks like.
are you fucking serious.
"Ren!" willow exclaims running up to him hugging him, as he laughs and hugs her back.
they break apart and ren sees me, he runs over to me to try and bring me into a hug also to which I just go stiff and wait until it's over.
"scary guy! hey! missed you" he talks, being too excited for my liking.
I just nod, bringing my lips together in a straight line.
"you guys know each other?" Ei gets confused, pointed at all of us slightly.
"yep we do. I met them at the libary, me and willow became friends and this guy thought I was hitting on her and became jealous" he snorts and looks back at eli to which he laughs with him.
"that's Reece for you" he replies going to the stand where we put our names in for the bowling round.
"excuse me?" I question, crossing my arms frowning as I walk closer down the aisle to which eli just shrugs.
✩ ✩ ✩
we finish round one and I won of course. Im amazing at bowling better then all of them, of course.
Eli was a close second but I won against him and ren and willow are shit. although I'll never tell willow that she's rubbish at bowling. I told ren though.
"how are you so good, this is so not fair" willow complains as she hits none again, as the ball goes down the side.
"do you want one of those kid things, where they roll it off the stand?" I tease her grinning as she flares at me frowning.
"actually yes please" she changes her tune, attempting to grab the stand which is on the side which she falls to do because it's quite heavy.
I just snort and grab it for her putting it in front of the aisle. she grabs the ball and lines it up in the middle before rolling it off and waiting with her hands on her hips to see what happens.
she hits 4 pins this time and she celebrates jumping in the air as she makes herself back to us which makes me laugh.
"did you see that? absolute pro" she grins crossing her arms once again.
"no I'm the pro" ren says as he walks past her as he goes for his turn.
"did you hear that? he's so rude" she gasps and turns to me.
"yeah he is" I mutter to which she snorts nudging me slightly.
✩ ✩ ✩
we finish bowling and it was actually really funny to just see ren wind reece up the whole time, I'd pay to see that. and also it was really sweet and funny to see how much eli likes ren. I don't know if ren is gay, maybe he is? I'm not sure. I know eli is because he goes on about the men he's been with 24/7 but I haven't spoke much with ren so I'm not sure.
bowling was good though. Reece won though, absolutely fuming. I mean I didn't come last which is very good for me. Ren came last, I came third and Eli came 2nd and Reece was first of course.
I'll blame it on that I don't go bowling much.
we get back and decide to make dinner together tonight. he said he would do it again but he made breakfast so I said I'll help him.
Enchiladas. yummy.
Reece gets all the stuff out of the fridge and cupboard. like chicken, wraps, vegetables and stuff to make the sauce.
"okay you start with the sauce and I'll do the chicken" he tells me and I nod getting the frying pan adding all the spices and tomato purée into the pan.
he gets the chicken on, adding seasonings to that too.
It's attractive that he can cook. there I said it. we've all been thinking it.
we add the chicken to the sauce and let it simmer while it cooks together.
"I think we're a great cooking team" I tell him patting my hands on my trousers, crossing my arms after grinning.
"I agree" he tells me leaning on the counter the other side opposites me, also crossing his arms.
we finish cooking the enchiladas and plate them out, him having 2 more than me because I get full way too much.
we sit down together eating our enchiladas, me having about 4 glasses of water with it because of the spice and Reece taking it like a pro and having a sip of water. how he does it I have no idea.
"these are so good. where did you learn to make these?" I ask him laughing taking another bite trying to not make it fall out of its wrap.
"Mr Aliso again" he laughs with me, finishing his last enchilada. wiping his hands on the paper towel that's on the counter beside him.
he takes his plate and mine, now that I've finished also and goes to clear it out and put it in the dishwasher.
"hey no I can do that" I tell him standing up and going to do the dishwasher because he did most of the cooking.
"no it's okay, it won't take long" he says just carrying on putting the dishes in the dishwasher.
"are you sure? you cooked though" I tell him feeling bad because he made breakfast and dinner the night before and did the cleaning.
"it only takes a few seconds and I quite enjoy it" he replies laughing at his confession.
I just nod thanking him, stepping back to go to the cupboard where sid's things are getting his food out ready to do his tea.
I put the right amount of stuff in his bowl and as soon as he hears the food hit the bowl he comes running over.
I tell him to sit and he does and then put the bowl on the floor and he scoffs it straight away.
I laugh at him and turn away seeing that he's finished with the cleaning, putting the tea towel down that he used.
"what do you want to do now? Netflix maybe?" he asks me leaning on the counter behind him.
"actually i saw this series on bbc iPlayer that looks really good that we could watch. It's just that bbc iPlayer isn't on the tv so we would have to watch it on my laptop" I tell him picking up sid's empty bowl up from the floor.
"that sounds fine"
"we could watch it in my room if that doesn't make you uncomfortable? It's just we would both be able to see it better" I look down at my rings as I speak, becoming nervous suddenly for some reason.
"no I'm fine with that" he smiles at me, running a hand through his fluffy hair.
we both get changed and just get ready to get comfortable. I brush my hair and put it in a low plait, some of the front strands falling out of it.
I get to my room first and get in the bed, sitting in the corner under the duvet giving him enough room to get in next to me.
I log into my laptop and get the series up, I saw it on Instagram someone giving a review on it and it looked really good.
Reece comes in soon after, sliding in next to me. sitting next to me, our legs touching slightly.
"you ready?" I ask him, looking over to him and wait for him to nod before pressing play on the laptop.
✩ ✩ ✩
we're now on episode 3 and we're quite close now, our hands touching every time one of us moves.
and everytime it does happen, I feel my face heat up. I like this though, how comfortable we are with each other. it's not awkward or tense it just feels right.
"do you like it so far?" I ask him looking up at him because I'm lying down at this point and he's still sitting.
"mhm" he mutters, looking down at me for a second but then looking back at the screen that's placed on my lap.
I smile at him being so concentrated and then turn my attention back to the screen myself.
we carry on watching the episode, messing with the rings on my fingers twirling them around my fingers.
"I just need the toilet" his voice scares me, making me jump slightly as it was just the laptop playing.
I just nod and he laughs from me jumping from his voice.
I twist around as I'm lying down facing the window looking outside at the tree's blowing from the widn side to side.
I love tree's.
is that weird? I think that weird. that's very weird. I'm a very weird person.
I just like the different kinds of trees, how they are all different and how they change in every season. the way their leaves get fuller in some seasons and in some seasons there's just none.
It's nice.
I hear Reece come back and get back into bed, lying down this time it sounds like. I don't move though. I still stay facing the window not knowing what would happen if I do turn around.
I feel him mess with my hair as it would be behind me because I'm facing away from
him.
"your hair looks pretty when it's like this" he speaks quietly, as he takes his hand through my plait tracing it.
I smile into the pillow, looking down as I feel his hands trace my hair.
I contemplate wether to turn around, still feeling nervous but I do anyways.
I twist myself until I'm facing him, the duvet up to my neck.
we're very close now, if one of us was to move our noses would be touching.
it's nice to see what his eyes look like from up close, there even more beautiful. more detailed from this close.
and all of his other features that I can see perfectly too.
I feel his hand move the hair that's fell infront of my face and placing it behind my ear messing with my hair again.
"your beautiful, you know that?" he tells me staring into my eyes. making me look down again blushing like mad but still smiling.
"I do now" I reply, speaking quietly trying not to squeak my words out.
I look up to meet his gaze and I see that his eyes flicker to my lips and then back to my eyes, me doing the same.
my mouth goes dry, unsure on what to say but good for me he starts talking.
"i um- really want to kiss you" I hear him speak just about because of how quiet he was.
"me too" I reply, still speaking quietly like he was.
although both of us had talked neither of us move, his vibe seems to suddenly change. he seems nervous now, like there's something holding him back.
"I- just" he stutters not finishing off his sentence, looking down at the sheets beneath him.
i can definitely tell somethings holding him back, he wants to tell me but it's difficult i can tell.
"what is it" I try and reassure him that it's okay, bringing my hair to the side of his hair. twirling and messing it around like he did to my hair.
he meets my gaze finally, after quite a bit and then speaks.
"scared. im scared" he admits trying to hold my gaze but then looking down again.
he seems vunerable now, like he's admitting something that he wasn't expecting himself to admit.
"of what?" I quietly talk again, meaning if anyone else was in this room only us would hear each other.
"being vulnerable" he tells me, his voice trying not to crack.
"why?" I wonder, I want to know all about him. and he's slowly letting me in. I want to know the good, the bad, the everything. and he's slowly letting me know that about him.
he sucks in a breath before looking up at me and finally talking.
"most people leave" he admits looking down straight away which makes my heart slightly crack as soon as he says it.
he thinks I'm going to leave him. he thinks as soon as he lets me in I'm going to leave.
"look at me" I clear my throat, lifting up his chin so he looks at me.
"I don't even think I could leave you even if I wanted to" I tell him, a warm smile sitting on my face. this makes his eyes soften, I can still sense he feels vunerable but not as much it feels like.
he keeps his eyes on me, his daze travelling down to my lips like they were before.
his hand cups my jaw as we move closer to each other. I keep my hand at the side of his hair, messing with the poofy curls he has.
it feels like forever until one of us caved in to make the first move but then suddenly I feel his lips on mine.
electricity jolting all through my body, I feel like I'm on fire and it feels amazing.
he kisses me with so much emotion that I love, that safe feeling coming through like with every time I'm with him.
I feel him smile in the kiss which makes me immediately smile too. it's like his smile is contagious as you don't see it that often. although it makes me feel special that's he's smiling whilst kissing me.
we break away, smiling like idiots still and I'm just glad he doesn't look tense like he did a few minutes ago.
"I liked that" I admit, speaking first which makes him chuckle.
"me too" he smiles at me, moving strands out of my face again.
we just stare at each other, his hands going through my hair and mine messing with his too. his hair is super soft.
"I should probably go downstairs to bed" he tells me which makes me frown but I try not to show it. even though he's said that, neither of us move.
"or you could just stay here the night?" I get nervous again, looking down at my rings.
he lifts his chin with his finger like I did with him.
"I'd like that" he smiles again, which makes my frown disappear straight away.
I sigh in content and move my head to his chest to which he sighs too. he continues to smooth my hair out with his fingers which sends me to sleep in minutes.