"Can you tell me a little bit about these dreams, Clarissa?"
The therapist sat across from me, folding her hands in her lap all proper like. Miss Parks. She had bright blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair, wearing a suit that would make me squirm. I hated suits on women. I hated everything about this woman. She was so incredibly irritating I just wanted to take her out with the nearest chair. I know she didn't want to help me; she was only here to make money. Like everyone in the world.
"I don't like them."
"Why don't you like them?"
That's the single most stupid question I have ever heard of in my life. That's like asking someone why they don't like Adolf Hitler.
"Oh, I dunno, I guess because I don't look pretty in them," I snapped back sarcastically. This was a huge waste of everyone's time and money. Why couldn't I just leave? I saw her scribble something down on her clipboard but didn't care. I couldn't care less what she thought of me. Hopefully after this session I wouldn't have to see her ever again.
"Can you describe these dreams to me?"
"No."
She leaned in, making me smirk. She was so impatient it was funny.
"Miss Coligan, please. This is the only way that I can help you."
I sighed, figuring I had nothing to lose except my dignity. Oh, wait, lost that a long time ago. So why not?
"This first one was about me and my ex-boyfriend. Then it cut to a seen where some boy got shot by a really big guy. The second one was after the.. incident where Talon knocked me out."
She scribbled something else down on the clipboard. "When you say Talon, do you mean James Taimlon?"
"I guess so. How the hell should I know his real name?"
Miss Parks paused, then said, "Can you describe your relationship with James Taimlon?"
I groaned. This was getting worse and worse. "I gambled with him once. I didn't have the money. He chased me down. He beat me up. Is that simple enough for you?"
"If it's not too much, would you be able to give me the details of the night he beat you up?"
What, did she think I was pansie or something? 'If it's not too much'. Well, screw you, I'm not weak.
"It's not too much, thanks. After the concert I ran out into New York City. He pulled up in a red van or somethin' and told me he didn't like it when people don't have his money. His two friends, I don't what their names are so don't ask, grabbed me and started to take me to the car. Then Harry Styles.. I don't know where he came from, but he kind of just appeared. They got into a fight. I guess Harry won because they drove away and we met up with Louis Tomlinson on Madison."
Miss Parks nodded and jotted something else down on her clipboard. "And what happened after that?"
"I went to Louis' room and stayed this night."
"Do you have an affair with Mr. Tomlinson?"
"No!" I answered a little too quickly. "I just stayed the night and slept. God. We're just friends."
That's what he wanted, right? He wanted us to be only friends. And that's all we were, now.
There was a long silence, the only sound was the scribbling of a pen that was in her hand. "Do you think you might still have feelings for Mr. Tomlinson?"
I hated that she called him 'Mr. Tomlinson'. His name was Louis. Louis Tomlinson.
"No."
She raised an eyebrow, not looking too convinced. Did I have feelings left for him? He saved my life, almost sacrificing his in the process. He held me tight and understood the things I was going through, even if he didn't know why.
"Maybe," I whispered, not being able to make eye contact with her. I love Harry, though. At least, I thought I loved Harry. I don't really know what love feels like anymore.
"Claire," Miss Parks started, "what is going on with you and Mr. Styles?"
I shot up from my seat, slamming my fists on the table. "My name is not Claire! Don't you ever call me that again!"
I only let certain people call me Claire. Anyone can call me Clarissa. Anyone can call me Clairedy, I couldn't care less. But only people I gave to craps about could call me Claire, and Miss Parks wasn't one of them.
She was not affected by my outburst, which made me more angry. She should be scared of me. Scared that I could hurt her, because I could. Easily. And in the state of mind I was in at that moment, I really wanted to hurt her. Crap. Now I understood why I needed a therapist.
Miss Parks got up slowly and left the room, telling me she'd be right back. I sat back down, my anger seeming to simmer. I dialed Jonah's number.
"Get me out of here. Now."
He hung up. "What the hell?" I shouted out loud. To prevent me from breaking a window, I scrolled through my phone to see that I had a new message.
Harry: Having fun?
I grunted. Personally I'd rather be burning in a pit of acid.
Me: Tons. Where are you?
He answered almost immediatly after I sent it.
Harry: Having lunch with boys. Wish you were here. ):
Me: So do I. This therapist needs to be fired.
Harry: What is she talking to you about?
Me: Nothing right now. She left. Weak little thing couldn't handle my 'attitude'.
I shoved my phone in my pocket when she entered. Technically I wasn't supposed to have my phone with me, but did anyone really think I was going to obey that rule? I think not.
"Miss Coligan, you can leave. Your brother is here to pick you up."
Thank the mother of God. I was so happy until I found out which brother was taking me home.
Robbie smiled weakly at me, walking me out to his car. We didn't speak until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Why did you do it?"
Robbie's head jerked to mine, looking caught off guard. His eyes returned back to the road, but he was still in a faze.
"I d-don't know. I wasn't thinking straight."
I know what that felt like, but Robbie was as straight as a ruler.
"Cool. Now tell me the real reason."
"Mum had a heart attack," he answered quickly, his words slurred. "I had to be distracted."
Mom.
Mom hit Jonah.
Mom is horrible.
I hate Mom.
Apparently Dad and I were the only ones in the freaking family who still didn't like her.
"Did she die?"
Robbie slammed his foot on the breaks right in front of a stoplight.
"Dammit, Claire!" he shouted, his fists gripping the steering wheel. "Can you think of anybody other than yourself?"
"Wha-"
"No, she did not die. I don't care that you still don't like her but the rest of us still do! She made a mistake, and that was years and years ago. Why can't you let go of it? Why do expect us to forgive you for your mistakes when you can't even forgive someone else?"
I didn't answer.
"That's what I thought. You're so selfish, Clarissa, and it makes me sick. You're just like Dad. Me, me, me, all of the time. But fine. You go live in your own little world and let me know when you snap back to reality. We'll all be waiting for you."
I didn't answer. I didn't answer because I knew he was absolutely right.
"You're killing us. You made Jonah and Lucas cry. You know they never cry. Coligans don't cry. Max is flunking out of college. And it's all your fault. You keep disobeying everything and cause all sorts of touble. You need to cut it out. You don't just stop living because you're under pressure."
"My birthday is next week. I'll be eighteen. I can move out if that would make it easier for all of you," I suggested softly, staring out into space.
"And just who would you move in with?"
I hadn't thought about that. "Harry."
"Fine. Move in with Harry."
I felt a huge lump form in my throat. He didn't want me anymore. I was causing pain in my family. Everything was all my fault. No tears came out. I had cried myself dry this past weekend.
As if on cue, my phone vibrated in my pocket.
Harry: You don't have an attitude. Just a colorful personality. What's going on now?
Me: Robbie's taking me home.
I didn't bother telling him about what just happened. That was way too much pressure on him. Besides, Robbie wasn't being serious. Or was he?
Harry: Can I come? (:
Harry: I want to be in your pants.
Harry: Sorry. That was Louis.
Harry: erhtiorehgnla
Harry: Sorry about that too! They're all on my phone!
I would've laughed but I was too miserable to feel anything other than sorrow.
Me: Please come over.
Harry: Is everything okay?
Just dandy, darling, just dandy.
----
Everyone was in school right now. When I went back to school I'd be the celebrity. I didn't want to ever go back to school, but the doctor said I would be able to tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day that the boys were leaving.
Harry would be charged with manslaughter. Butterflies fluttered crazily in my stomach. No way was I going to think about that now.
I glanced at the clock. 5:37 PM. Thunder rolled outside, shaking the house. I only barely heard the small knock on my bedroom door over the thunder, and Max and Lucas screaming at each other downstairs over a ping-pong match. Jonah was nowhere to be found, though Robbie insisted that he was fine, just out of town with some friends. As always.
"Cwaire?"
We had to babysit my cousin, Charlie, today. His parents were out on vacation and his sister was voluneering at an animal shelter. Being five years old, he was utterly cute but never left you alone. I called this side the 'good side of the family'. Goody-goodies were what they were, but I still loved them.
I opened the door and asked, "Yes, Charlie?"
"I'm scared."
I pulled him into a hug and sat him on my bed. "Awe, don't be scared. It's just noise."
"Why do you have a band-aid on your head? Did you get a booboo, Cwaire?"
I giggled. He was too cute. "Yeah, I got a booboo." The doorbell rang right after I said that.
"Who is that?"
"I dunno, Charlie, why don't you go answer the door and see, like a big boy?"
Excitedly, he hopped off of the bed and raced down the stairs. I followed him, slowly because of my bruises and cuts and whatnot. As soon as I saw paparazzi at the window I knew immediatly who it was.
Charlie opened the door to reveal Zayn and Harry.
"Gee, Harry, kids already? You two sure take it fast," Zayn said with a smug grin.
Harry ignored him and stepped inside, kissing me on the forehead. "Hey, Beautiful."
"Is he your boyfriend?" Charlie asked me, rather loudly.
"Yes," I answered, unable to look away from Harry.
"Do you kiss a lot?"
I ruffled Charlie's blonde head. "Go bother Luke." Charlie laughed and took off down the hall, shouting, "Cwaire has a boyfriend!"
I laughed at Harry's confused expression. "Sorry, that was Charlie. He's my cousin."
Zayn seemed to be getting a kick out of this.
Just a moment later Max came skipping - yes, skipping - down the hall with a ping-pong paddle. "Aye, Malik! Care to join us?"
Zayn smacked Harry's bum and said, "Get some, Styles," before joining Max.
I couldn't help myself, I started laughing. "Where's the rest of the boys?"
Harry smiled. "They're booked for an interview. And now that Zayn's busy.."
He kissed me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Therapy was the worst thing I've ever expirienced," I said once he pulled away.
"Only a few people can handle you, I suppose."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Only a few can handle your fiesty personality, that's all."
I laid my head on his chest. "You're one of them."
Robbie came out of the office which a bunch of paperwork.
"You're not," I muttered under my breath towards him.
"Oh, look who it is."
"Robbie, go away."
"Shouldn't I meet the man you told me you were going to move in with?"
Harry backed up, an incredibly confused expression on his face. "What?"
And from there everything when spiraling downhill.