The final stretch of finishing the first draft of code is the hardest part. Every change you make is now small details. Shifting the header three centimeters left and changing the hue of blue I'm using. Any of these little choices could be the last thing you change until your employer sends it back.
It's also when your eyes don't notice mistakes in the code anymore. After staring at the same combination of letters and words and numbers, everything seems to be normal. A misspelling of a common word can be easily looked over.
That's where I am in my new project. It's been a couple weeks of working on it, and I'm proud of what I'm so-far going to send back to Magnolia Kennedy. I just have to get these droning final details all sorted out.
I'm home alone now which I've learned is the optimal way to get things done. No Nick knocking on my door to pester me with simple questions, only to have to call George into it in order to argue his point. No Clay walking in to ask me about some video idea or to ask if a certain Minecraft code is even possible. It's just me and my computer.
Well, that is until I hear the front door open.
I don't bother listening to whose footsteps I hear. I just keep working on the code. I need to get this finished.
I persevere through the lines and lines of code for another twenty minutes before I finally get to have my sigh of relief.
I've done it. I congratulate myself in my head for it. My first big project for my first big company is finished. Now all I have to do is send it into headquarters. How exciting.
It takes two minutes to do it, and then I stare at the monitor with nothing to do. I try to remember what I did for fun before coding took over my entire life.
My mind finds itself wandering to Gemma. I know from Instagram that her and coffee shop girl are still married, and from what they put on social media, they're actually really happy. In their own, weird and crazy way.
Gemma and I weren't super close or anything, just roommate-friends. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt for her to be so out of my life now. I could reach out and ask how she's doing.
I just don't want to.
She left my standing all alone when she ran off and got marries. Didn't have my back or anything. What would I have done if I couldn't have moved in with this boys? What if she was all I had? I would've been homeless, that's what.
I let out a huff, angry now when I should be happy and relaxing. I look around my room for something to do, only to come up with nothing.
Then a knock sounds on the door.
I stare at the door for a second, knowing that someone would usually just let themselves in after a knock. Except, the door doesn't open.
A second, more hesitant knock follows. This time, I get up to open the door.
Natalie stands there in jean shorts and a light orange tank top. "Hi," she says with a smile.
"Hi," I repeat back, unsure why she's standing in front of my door. Yeah, she's over all the time, but usually Clay's here too.
"Clay's stuck in traffic, so it's going to be a long wait," she explains, but I don't say anything back. Sometimes she'll come over early before Clay's home, so it's not an uncommon occurrence. Usually, she says hi to us roommates if we're in the kitchen or living room, but then she goes into Clay's room to wait. "Um," she continues, "his room is just really messy, and I could really use some company."
The words come out of my mouth before I can control it. "Oh, well come on in then."
I open the door wider for her to come in, and I'm greeted with a grateful smile.
It's not that I don't want to hang out with Natalie. I'm just not sure we have that much in common. Well, we actually have one common interest that I can think of, but I don't think secretly having feelings for her boyfriend would be a great conversation starter.
"Are you working?" she asks, "I really don't want to bother you."
I shake my head. "Nope, just finished," I quickly pick up a dirty shirt and throw it in the hamper before putting my hand on the back of my desk chair. "You can sit wherever."
She glances around the room, quick to realize the only seating options are my bed or the swivel chair, which I'm currently holding hostage.
We make eye contact, both realizing this is going to be as awkward as we make it. I take a deep breath. Be happy for your friends, I tell myself. My brain flashes to Gemma. And it's time to make new ones.
"You can sit on the bed, it's okay," I wave it off. I let Nick and George sit on my bed, so it's certainly seen it's darkest days.
She hesitantly sits down on the bed and clicks her tongue three times. I slowly sit at my desk chair, resisting the urge to check my email since I know Magnolia wouldn't have responded that fast. Instead, I focus on the edge of my desk. There's a part that seems to be more worn from where I lean.
"How's the big project going?" Natalie asks, "Clay said that it was like your big break."
I glance up from watching the desk and meet her eyes. They seem genuine, not wanting to know because her boyfriend mentioned it or because it's all she knows about me. She wants to know because it's something important to me.
"It's going really well," I say, "I actually just turned in the first bit of it, so that's exciting."
She shifts her body weight to a more comfortable position. "That's great! Is it a local company?"
"No it's in New York, but I can work from home." A sense of guilt runs through me as I realize I know next to nothing about Natalie. I guess now's the time to change that right? "You're still in school right?"
"Yes for teaching." She smiles just by talking about it, and I know the feeling of loving what you're doing. "Almost done except for the big test."
"When's that?"
"I take it in two weeks," she explains, "I should be studying, but I can't focus in a room by myself and just-" she stops herself from talking as if she's worried she's talking too much. "I'm just stress is all."
I feel bad. I don't know who told Natalie that talking about herself is bad, but I nod my head for her to keep going. "It's okay if you need to rant about something for a minute."
"It's my roommates," she admits, "They're loud and like to party and I can't focus. I love living with them, but sometimes I need some quiet." She gestures her hands in the air before letting them fall into her lap. "And Clay told me to come here to help with it all, but then I just got stuck thinking about how important this test is..." She sighs. "I'm just overthinking, like, everything."
Usually I would reach out and give her hand a squeeze, but I don't want to test those boundaries. "It'll be worth it in the end," I reassure her, "Everything that takes hard work is worth it in the long run."
She nods once. "You're right, you're probably totally right."
"What grade do you want to teach?" I ask.
"The little ones," she answers, "first grade."
"Really little then." I laugh. "What makes you want to do that?"
"I've always liked little kids." She shrugs. "I taught gymnastics when I was a teenager too."
Oh, she's like a good person, I think to myself.
"Well, I'm glad that you-" The door opens with a knock. I turn in the swivel chair to see my interruption was Clay.
"I was wondering where you wandered off to." He's smiling at the sight of us two hanging out in a room. "I didn't know you were going to steal her, y/n."
"I just might," I joke as he walks past me to stand by my bed, "You are totally interrupting us, dude."
"Yeah, go away." Natalie swat him away when he tries to hug her. "Let us have our moment."
"What about your studying?" Clay reminds her.
Natalie pouts like a little kid, and Clay chuckles her reaction. He squeezes one hand on her shoulder, and I am once again reminded of how well they work together.
It brings a sting to my heart that I had forgotten about. I push it aside now though. I feel like I made a friend today, and I can't let my feelings get in the way of that.
"You go ahead and study," I say to Natalie, "We'll have all the time in the world once you're a teacher."
She sighs dramatically. "I guess I'll start studying again."
Clay gives her his hand and half-drags her off the bed. They walk out of my room together.
"I'm going to find a way to make sure my students never have to study," I hear Natalie mumble on her way out. "You'll remind me of that in a few years, right?"
I don't hear Clay's response, but I laugh at the statement either way.
Natalie is nice. Natalie is funny. Natalie is a good person.
How come I have to be in love with her boyfriend? I can't compete with that, nor would I ever want her to be hurt; she doesn't deserve it. Clay's my friend, and I think maybe that's what we're always supposed to be. Maybe it's just right person, wrong time.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
in all honesty, i really do love Natalie. if this weren't a dream x reader, i would be 100% be rooting for them and their little background story... i mean, come on, who doesn't love a good childhood friends to lovers?
anyways.. have an amazing day!