When I woke up again, we were outside. It was hard to believe that I'd slept all the way through the store, even while Mum was paying for the things that we'd picked out. It was a surprise to see that they were loading other shopping bags into the car as well; there were a couple of other stores on the retail park, and it seemed that Lindy had stocked up on toiletries at one of them. Had they really taken me around other stores without me even noticing?
Still, I couldn't imagine them getting me into the car without waking up. Real kids could probably do that, but – despite what I had told them – I didn't sleep that much deeper than usual. I glanced around, and saw that I was still strapped into my stroller, beside the car. It must have been the sounds of the doors opening that had woken me. Mum and Lindy were doing their best to get all their purchases into the car, and finding that there wasn't quite as much space in the back as they might have expected. I wondered about that for a few minutes, before I realised that they needed to leave enough space to get the stroller in as well. It was a big inconvenience, and I hoped that would put them off trying it again. Not that it was all bad... there was something a little exciting about knowing that anyone could see me and think I was a real baby. But the shame I felt now was past the point I could be comfortable with, and I didn't think I would want to try this again.
My diaper was wet as well. That was another thing to be embarrassed about. I shifted position slightly, examining the feeling of the soaked padding between my legs. I'd spent so long feeling worried or nervous about it; not really understanding my irrational craving to find out how a diaper felt, but promising myself I would never do something as gross as wetting them. And now I knew that it didn't feel that bad at all, just a slight warmth against my skin. I could feel it squishing around as I moved, like some kind of overstuffed cushion. And in its own way, it was quite a pleasant sensation. I guess it was similar to those corn pillows that you put in the microwave: firm, squishy, and slightly warm. It was a weird sensation, and something that would take time to get used to. But after so much experience, I thought maybe I could accept that I liked the sensation. I still wondered if it might be unhygienic, but I was sure that if that were the case Mum would have made a much bigger deal out of it.
I pretended to be asleep. I could explore how it felt to have that swollen padding between my legs without Lindy teasing me. I knew there were probably still people around, but there weren't so many of them around here and I could pretend I was all alone. I was a sleeping baby, and as long as I didn't move, there would be no need to talk to anyone else, or admit to myself that people were probably staring. It didn't make any sense, I knew that as soon as I felt better. I hadn't been embarrassed while I was asleep simply because I wasn't aware of the world around me; and that shouldn't continue just because I pretended to sleep. But somehow it seemed to work, so I kept on pretending.
"Right. I think that's everything," Mum said, and slammed the car door. "Now, let's see about getting our little baby inside. I'm afraid we haven't got a car seat for you yet, so you'll have to sit in a big seat for today. Won't that be fun?" I blushed and tried to bury my face in my hands, but cooperated when Mum reached over to open the buckles and let me out of the stroller. I let her help me into the car, and imagined what it would be like if I were small enough for her to actually lift me across the little gap. How it would feel to be carried, rather than moving myself. I thought that would make me feel like a baby more than anything else, and as much as I imagined that as a huge source of humiliation there was a little part of my mind insisting that I wanted it.
All the way home, Mum kept pointing out things outside the window for me to look at, like I was a baby in need of constant stimulation. She pointed out some cows, and asked me if I could moo like a cow; which took a lot of persuading, but I gave in and played along with the game. And then she wanted to know if I could remember the names of landmarks we were passing, or even types of buildings. When I was too embarrassed to answer a childish question right away, they were both talking like I was too dumb to know the answer, teasing me about how little I might be, and acting like "barn" and "mall" were new words.
I knew the word "beach" though, and I got into the role enough to cheer when we finally reached it. Home at last; no chance of strangers seeing as I was babied. And I was sure that after my earlier panic, Mum wasn't going to try humiliating me in public again. The rest of this punishment would be just between the three of us, and maybe any of our neighbours who Mum trusted enough to let them in on the secret. And while that was terrible, I was sure it was something I could learn to live with if I really tried.
Back in the house, I sat on the floor in the lounge. I didn't even try to get on the sofa; it was easy to assume that I was still a little kid, like Lindy had insisted on before. I picked up the dolls again, wanting to convince them that I was accepting my punishment. But after a glance over my shoulder to see that they were going out again to unload the car, I reached for my phone. It was sitting there charging, like it had been all day. I knew that I'd heard the buzz of a new message before we went out, and I hadn't even had a chance to see who it was from yet.
I managed to pick up my phone; that was possible even with the mittens that restricted my movement. I was holding it between my two hands, apparently unable to grip properly, but at least I could get it where I could see it. The screen came alive as soon as it felt movement; showing a giant animated clock inside a swirling heart, with a list of recent notifications scrolling past underneath. There was a message, and my heart leapt when I saw the icon come into view. A pink image of an envelope, and a profile picture beside it. A text from hugo. I tried to tap it, and then held my breath as I waited to see what it said. The icons kept on slowly scrolling, and the clock kept on turning. I tried again, and finally realised that the mittens could stop me after all. I tapped the screen, tried to swipe across, and my phone didn't respond at all. I knew there was some system to make sure that a pocketed phone moving against your body wouldn't result in accidental calls, but I wasn't sure exactly how it worked. What I did know, now, was that it seemed the mittens made my fingers not look like fingers from the phone's point of view.
There had to be a way I could do this, but right now I didn't see any options. And then I heard a sound behind me, and clumsily batted the phone closer so that I could try to hide it under my dolls.
"Such a sweet little baby," Lindy said, the slightly sadistic tone back in her voice again. "Are you okay playing with your little dollies while we unpack your new toys? I'll bring in some things for you later. Oh, but Mum says you need a diaper change once we finished. Silly little baby needs so much help now. If you need to make stinkies, you better do it while we're sorting the shopping, then you get a nice fresh diaper right away." She smirked and walked away, while I was still sitting there with my mouth open.
"I'm not that little!" I finally called after her, although I didn't know if she was still close enough to hear. Was she seriously suggesting that she expected me to use my diaper for that? There was no way I would ever go that far, even in those bizarre dreams, and I wanted to tell her that it was gross to even talk about it. But there was no sign of a response from Lindy, so I could only guess that she was outside on the deck already. Now I could turn my attention back to my phone; and while Lindy had been speaking, an idea of what to do next had already come to me.
I nudged the device across the floor, so it was lying the right way round. It was hard to manipulate anything when I couldn't move my fingers properly, and I was sure that if Lindy had seen me she would have gotten a good laugh at my frustration before running off to whine to Mum about how I shouldn't be allowed to hear from my friends. She wasn't there, though. So I had plenty of time to get the phone in a place where I could comfortably read it. And then I leaned down slowly, almost going cross-eyed as I tried to stare at the screen when it was only an inch away. It was harder than I had expected, because the icon I wanted to tap wasn't even visible on the half of the screen that filled my field of vision now. But I could only hope that my nose would be finger-like enough to fool whatever fancy technology protected the device from accidental touches. It was still made of skin, right? And just about pointy enough to tap a single point. I hoped I could get the right icon, but it was hard to see clearly when my eyes were so close. But I saw that the screen had changed, and then I could put my hands on the ground to push myself back again, and check out what I had achieved.
The banner at the top of the screen said "New message(s) from:" next to Hugo's picture. I had found the right notification. So it would be ready to show me the right message as soon as the phone was unlocked. I congratulated myself on managing to operate the technology in such a difficult situation, and smiled for a moment before turning to the next problem. How on earth was I going to scan my fingerprint when I couldn't get the gloves off?