"here we are now, entertain us
i feel stupid and contagious"
•••
season two, episode twelve
lorelai and richard walk in to the diner. emilia and luke are behind the counter.
"well, this is it, luke's." lorelai awkwardly tells her father.
"you know, when i was in college, there was this horrible little diner across from my apartment building. it was run by this terrible little couple, they were very angry. they would fight, break plates, curse, and i went in there every morning for three years and i had the most dreadful breakfast, just awful. i really miss that place."
"morning." luke greets the pair.
"hey. um, luke, you remember my father?" lorelai says to luke.
"oh yeah, nice to see you again." luke greets richard.
"nice to see you. this is quite a place you've got here." richard greets back.
"it pays the bills." luke awkwardly replies.
"always a plus in business."
"dad, do you know what you want?"
"oh, i already ate." richard tells his daughter.
"you did? when?" lorelai asks surprised.
"oh, i had breakfast at home. i get up at 5:30 every morning." richard reveals.
"wow. why?" lorelai asks him.
"well i've gotten up at 5:30 for as long as i can remember." richard tells her.
"yeah, but that was when you had to work. now you can afford to get a little crazy, get up at quarter to six." lorelai jokingly suggests.
"go ahead and order lorelai." richard tells his daughter with a sigh.
"okay. i'll have a banana, pancakes, side of bacon, and lots and lots of coffee." she tells the grumpy diner owner.
"coming right up." luke tells the woman and walks away.
"you didn't order any grapefruit." richard practically accuses.
"yeah, i don't really like grapefruit." lorelai tells him.
"oh, i always start my breakfast off with half a grapefruit." richard reveals.
"hm, do the florida people know about you? because anita bryant left this huge gap that has yet to be filled." lorelai jokes.
"it's important to start the day off correctly, lorelai. a grapefruit is brain food. it has vitamin c and folic acid and it helps with your digestion. it really is a terrific fruit." richard rants.
"i feel like you're about to break into song." lorelai jokes again.
"i'm serious about this lorelai." richard reprimands.
"i know you are but i still don't like grapefruit." lorelai insists.
"well, there are many things in life that we don't like, but the benefits they bring us far outweigh the temporary discomforts we have to endure."
"okay. hold on a sec." lorelai sighs and walks up to luke and emilia at the counter.
"hey, i need a grapefruit." lorelai tells luke.
"what?" luke asks.
"yeah. before my pancakes this morning i need half a grapefruit, uh, preferably one that tastes like a donut." lorelai explains to luke.
"i don't have grapefruit." he tells the frantic woman in front of him.
"how can you not have grapefruit?" lorelai asks, exasperated.
"i've never had grapefruit." luke tells her.
"i need a grapefr...listen, i have my father with me all day, and so far there's been no major drama or yelling or ugliness but there will be if i don't somehow find a way to get half a grapefruit for breakfast this morning." lorelai rants.
"i could go next door to doose's and buy a grapefruit." luke suggests.
"i would be eternally grateful." lorelai tells him.
"i'll be right back." luke tells her.
"thank you." lorelai thanks him.
lorelai walks back to the table, dragging emilia with her.
"dad, have you met emilia before?"
"not officially. she was at the dinner party, correct?"
"yes, i was. it's very nice to meet you mr. gilmore." emilia says and shakes his hand.
"nice handshake." richard compliments the young girl.
"thank you, mr. gilmore. i'm sorry but i really have to get back to work. jess went upstairs to get something 20 minutes ago and he hasn't come back yet." emilia tells the two gilmore's.
"no worries dear, don't let us keep you." richard smiles at the teenager.
emilia goes back to working behind the counter. richard turns to his daughter.
"did you get a grapefruit?" richard asks her.
"yeah, the grapefruit is coming."
"oh, you won't be sorry."
"so listen, i was thinking, um, maybe after we're done here, you might like to walk around town a little, see the sites. and then rory usually gets home around four. the two of you can hang out at the house until i get off work and the three of us can hook up for dinner. how does that sound?" lorelai explains.
"very sensible." richard nods his head approvingly.
"well yeah, i had to make up for my shoes." lorelai jokes.
"is that your second cup of coffee?" richard asks his daughter.
"uh, third. why?" lorelai asks.
"no reason. that's a lot of coffee first thing in the morning."
•••
rory and paris get off of the bus.
"i think i got rabies." paris complains.
"it's just a bus, paris." rory tells the girl next to her.
"it smelled." paris continues to complain.
"it smelled like a bus." rory tells her.
"i'm gonna have to burn my clothes when i get home."
"you know paris, you have a car. we could've driven." rory points out to the very grossed out girl next.
"we have to get the feel of the small town world. you're not going to get the feel of a small town world in a bmw. is there something crawling in my hair?"
"all right, so we're here now, where do you wanna go?" rory asks her frantic friend.
"i don't know, where's the bad part of town?" paris asks rory.
"uhh, over there." rory randomly points.
"what?" paris asks confused.
"uh, people - they're very upset with the color of that fence."
"come on."
"this is the town paris, this is it. it's not seedy, it's not rundown, it's just stars hollow." rory explains.
"well, where's the local bar ?" paris asks.
"in woodbridge." rory deadpans.
"why aren't you helping?" paris whines.
"i'm trying, you're just looking for something that's not here."
"what's this?" paris asks as they come up to luke's.
"luke's diner."
"diner. okay, good, good."
paris and rory walk in and sit at the counter. paris starts looking at a menu.
"what are you doing?" rory asks the blonde who is being very obvious.
"trying just to blend in, fade away, observe." paris tells her from behind a menu.
"hey rory. coffee?" luke asks rory.
"thanks luke." rory thanks the man.
"who's your friend?" luke asks while glancing at the weird girl.
"angela landsbury." rory quips.
"oh."
"you're the owner here?" paris asks luke very suddenly.
"yup. you want some coffee angela?" luke asks the teenager.
"no thanks." paris says quickly.
"okay."
"so, you run the diner, huh?"
"oh boy." rory sighs.
"you get a lot of truckers through here?"
"truckers?"
"yeah. you know, guys on the road for weeks, lonely, looking for company, a little pick me up. things like that."
"what's she talking about?" luke turns to rory.
"your guess is as good as mine." rory tells the diner owner.
"it's pretty common knowledge that diners are breeding grounds for prostitution and drug dealers."
"what?"
"have you ever seen anything like that going down here?"
"have i ever..." luke trails off in disbelief.
"what about that guy over there? what's his story?"
"reverend nichols?" luke asks confused.
"reverend nichols, huh? what is that, like dr. feelgood?"
"rory, how much do you like this person?" luke turns to rory again, finally fed up with paris' interrogation.
"do what you gotta do, luke." rory tells the older man.
jess comes down the steps into the diner with emilia right behind him.
"hey, where'd they come from? what's up there? is that where you keep the girls? you got yourself a little cathouse up there?"
"wow, i think she got you uncle luke. you better give up now."
"maybe the other girls and i will finally be set free from this hell hole." emilia looks to jess with fake hope written all over her face.
"do not add to this insanity."
"an innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this."
"jess!"
"i wanna be good, life's just not letting me."
"shut him down! shut him down! shut him d-" emilia starts chanting and paris is frantically writing stuff down.
"rory, get her out of here."
"okay, let's go." rory tells paris as she pulls her towards the door.
"why do you need me to leave? what have you got to hide?" paris yells in luke's direction.
"paris, let's go!"
•••
rory walks past the video store, which her picture is in the window. as she stares at it, jess and emilia walk over to her.
"nice picture, ror." emilia says to her best friend.
"gee, thanks." rory thanks her best friend sarcastically.
"you're very popular right now. i bet if you burn a few books, they'll probably make you mayor." emilia jokingly says.
"this is ridiculous." rory says while staring at the picture.
"i don't know, bet you have a lot of supporters on this. pat buchanon." emilia tells rory.
"jerry falwell." jess adds in.
"kathie lee gifford." emilia says.
"bye." rory says and turns to leave the two troublemakers.
"aw, come on, it's a little funny." emilia tells her embarrassed friend.
"no, being the poster girl for censorship is not a little funny. the only videos not behind that curtain are bambi and dumbo. i mean, they actually had a meeting earlier about whether or not babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher."
"it's a crazy world we live in." jess says.
"and where did they even find that stupid picture?" rory continues ranting.
"probably miss patty and it's the people who are stupid. the picture is cute." emilia tells her.
"i'm never gonna be able to leave my house again."
"well, at least you won't starve." jess says while looking at the bags of food.
"i can't look at it anymore." rory says and starts to leave.
"relax. i don't think it'll be around very long." emilia tells her.
"why?" rory asks.
"just a guess." jess tells her as him and emilia start to walk away.
"jess! emilia!"
"enjoy the food." jess tells the girl.
"come back here." rory shouts after them.
"why?" emilia asks.
"i'll give you both an eggroll." rory offers her friends.
"yes?" emilia asks as she walks back over to rory with jess.
"what did you two do?" rory asks the two teens in front of her.
"nothing much. just wanted to make sure whoever rented dumbo or bambi gets a little surprise." emilia says.
"what kind of surprise? what did you do?" rory frantically asks.
"you owe us some eggrolls." emilia tells her as her and jess walk away.
"blech." rory says as she glance at the picture in the window before heading home.