Even though there was a longggg waiting list for patients, I was able to get an appointment. It was more like a introduction conversation. We talked a bit about me and my problems and after that he immediately told me that I need help much more than some other people on the waitlist, so guess what. I have a therapist now.
He's very sweet and kind. I first was a bit afraid of him because he looked so serious and professional with his round glasses but after he smiled for the first time I was more than comfortable. I thinks it's like that with every person I meet.
Theo waited outside in the waiting room. Poor guy had to sit there for an hour. He insisted to come though. He said he doesn't want to let me down again.
I got four appointments per week now. I don't know if that's a lot but it's definitely less than spending months with doctors and therapists in one clinic.
My therapist has a room like it's his own living room. There's a bookshelf with lots of books, a little mustard yellow couch and a matching armchair, and a little couch table with magazines that are actually up to date and not from 2011.
It's really cozy, especially when I come there in the evening. He always turns on the little lamp in his shelf. It makes the room look like home.
I was there eight times now. And eight times Theo has driven me. I really have to talk him out of this because he can't drive and pick me up every time. He really got more protective of me. Not in a ‚nobody's allowed to speak to me' but in a 'I'm worried about you all the time' way.
A week ago I told him to come over and he thought something happened but I was just bored and home alone. He was there in less than ten minutes.
He was so stressed that day because he had a little fight at practice. I calmed him down by making out with him for hours. I even kissed my way down, hoping he would enjoy it and he did, until he knew what I was trying to do.
I could see it in his eyes that he never wanted something so bad but his stubbornness won. I guess I just have to be the first one.
And I'm absolutely ready for that, especially because it's dark right now. I wouldn't have half of the confidence if the lights were on. I don't even think he could touch me like he does right now.
His hand stops right before my waistband and goes up again. I need him to touch me so I grab his hand and lead it to the button of my jeans, making him stop kissing me.
"Fuck, I dare you." he warns, afraid I'm teasing him while his fingers play with the button. "We're home alone, right?" I indirectly tell him that I'm serious about this. I can't see him because the lights are off but I just know he's smiling from ear to ear. „Yes" he unbuttons my jeans and wants to take them off but I rather like to keep them on for a little comfort. He can still do it without me being naked. „Try to keep them on" I know he would like to rip them off right now but I think he's happy with anything that's just slightly sexual at this point. „Challenge accepted" yeah I definitely hear the smirk.
"That's not a challen-" I quietly gasp when his hand slips under my jeans and underwear. "It's a challenge for me because I'd like to do much more things than just giving you a massage" he begins to circle his thumb over the spot.
„I don't need more" I try to hold back a moan. „I know you don't." and the moan comes out, proving my point.
„You have no idea how much I missed that sound" he pushes one finger into me and slides his other hand under my shirt to stroke my skin. I know he's feeling my ribs, I hate that. „Don't" I grab his hand and stop it from going up and down my stomach. I instead bring his head down to my neck so I can feel him not just down there.
„No h-„
„No hickeys that can be seen easily, I know" he kisses his way down my neck again and pulls the collar of my shirt to the side, getting better access to my chest.
His free hand goes behind my back and frees me from my bra. Just as quickly as he took off my bra, his mouth was back on my chest. His tongue slides slowly and teasingly over my nipple while he curls his finger inside of me, making me grip his hair and him grunt which vibrates on my skin. Based on my reaction he does it again with the my other nipple, getting a similar reaction from me.
I lift his head from my chest and kiss him. His tongue slips into my mouth, deepening the kiss and making it even more intimate. „Did it feel good?" he asks panting. „What exactly?" everything felt good.
„This" he lowers his head and circles his tongue over my nipple again. I don't respond and just I arch my back because it feels so good. „Words, Lia" he demands. „Yes" my words come out as a loud moan.
I want to let out another pleasured noise but hold it back, hearing something that's not Theo's and I's loud panting.
„Theo" I say his name but accidentally moan it. He sucks harder on my skin and circles his thumb a little faster against my clit, making me unable to talk which is bad because I want to tell him something. „Theo" I call his name again but stop talking, enjoying the feeling he's making me feel. His head arises from my chest and looks at me a little baffled that I said his name twice.
„That good?" No. I mean yes but not that good, I mean I'm close, very close but I don't say his name twice to let him know.
What I have to let him know though must be said now. „Jay's-„ I want to start but he suddenly pushes his finger deeper into me and presses his thumb harder against me at the mentioning of his brother, cutting me off because he made me come with his hard pressure. I think I never came that fast.
„Fuck I'm sorry" his hand leaves me and grabs the side of my face that I let fall onto the pillow. „Did that hurt?" he asks worryingly. „Jay's downstairs with friends" I finally say my unfinished sentence while I try to catch my breath. „What?"
„And someone's coming upstairs right now" I always had a good hearing. „And we're both sweaty" I add another bad thing. „You more than I, sit up" he holds his hand out for me but I'm still not quite down from my climax. „You know damn well that I don't care if anyone comes through that door now. You can stay there and look like we just had sex" he knows how to get me up. „Help me up" I grab his hand and he pulls me up with a chuckle. I shakily sit down on the edge of his bed with my back facing the door as I hear steps coming closer to his room.
Theo gets next to me and smiles proudly. „Don't smile at me like th-„ I stop talking when his hands reaches to my jeans again. „What are you doing?" I slap his hand away right as the door opens. „Theo I'm downstairs with friends- hey Lia, so don't do weird shit" he greets me mid sentence. My voice would be too wobbly so I just wave without facing him. I then look down and see that my pants are still unbuttoned. He wanted to button them. I quickly do it myself before Jay can see it.
„You crying again?" Jay asks in a ‚not again' tone. „No" Theo and I answer at the same time. „She's just a little dizzy" Theo comes up with an excuse. „Should I get you some water?" he asks caring. „I'm actually better, thank you"
„Okay, don't come downstairs" he warns again as we're like totally embarrassing to him and his friends.
„I didn't know you were trying to tell me something, did I hurt you?" Theo gives me his full attention after Jay closed the door. „I finished Theo so no" I chuckle. „Sorry again, I just got a little confused when you basically moaned his name"
„I did not moan his name. That's just the way I talk when...you know" I blush at the thought of what he does to me. „Yeah I definitely know" his voice gets a bit lower and his eyes are focused on my lips.
„I'm a bit offended that you thought I was moaning his name" I climb onto his lap, straddling him and putting my hands around his neck. „At least I made you finish faster" his hands grip my hips and push them down, letting me feel him. „Yeah you did" I whisper as I move my hips forward.
He grips my lower hips stronger and pushes me back and forth, creating some friction between us. „I missed you" he groans into my ear. „Can I give you something ba-„ ugh he never lets me speak out my thoughts. „Definitely not today" he pushes me down onto the bed and gets on top, pressing his dick in between my legs.
„Are you comfortable with taking your jeans off?" he breathes against my neck. „You can't see me, right?" I ask back. „I wish I could" that's the perfect answer. „Yes I am" I unbutton my jeans and he pulls them off.
After that nobody took off anything because we were so focused on making out and the feeling of his dick pressing against me. I actually thought he'd...like...massage me again and I could give him at least a little back but no.
„Lia it's getting really tight in these jeans" he presses himself even stronger against me to make me come. „Then take them off" he actually wastes no time and sits up straight, pulling them down. „Good" I smile happily and sit down on his lap again.
I softly push his chest down so he's laying on his bed and I hover over him while I begin to grind on him.
„You're so beautiful" his chest rises up and down. „You can't even see me"
„I know how you look" he whispers in a hoarse tone, making me want to throw my head back.
„And how do I look?" I need to hear his voice. „Fucking horny" he lets out a little chuckle. „Speaking of yourself?" I slide my hand under his shirt, making him breath out loudly.
„I love it when you're confident" he brings his hands to my face and kisses me. „Don't ruin it" I don't like when it's being mentioned. „Sorry" he pushes his hips up, creating more friction. „Lia I swear if you're not done soon I'm coming before you" he struggles to say. „Maybe that's my plan" I lean down to his ear to whisper it.
„So you don't feel anything?" he stops my hips for a second. „I feel a lot, believe me" guess what, he doesn't believe me. „But it doesn't make you come" I don't know, I've never came like that but it sure feels like I'm about to. „You like that more, hm?" he slips his hand inside my underwear and immediately slides his finger into me.
„Theo trust me, I'm already on edg- shit" I prop myself up with my hands on his chest. „You can't enjoy the things I give you, can you?" I kiss his jaw. „No" His thumb puts pressure on my clit, letting my head fall into the crook of his neck. "Theo" I moan into his ear. "If you keep moaning into my ear, I'm gonna come undone" he suddenly pushes another finger into me, hitting my g-spot. "Fuck" he breathes into my ear after I let him with my voice know that I'm done.
"You really needed that, huh?" He teases me. „I hate you" I whisper out of breath. „Of course you do" he kisses the side of my head. „You're really dumb" I smile to myself. „You want a roast battle?" he asks challenging.
„You could've gotten really, really good help and you decided against it even though you wanted it"
„Just shut up already" he rolls us over so he's crushing me. „Your stomach just growled" he lets me know. „No shit" not like it's my body. „Let's get something then" he gets off of me. „I'm still sweaty and you have a problem down there" I smile at the bulge.
„I can-„
„Lia" he warns. „Okay okay" I give up.
„I'm getting you something, any wishes?"
"Are any oven potatoes left?" Theo's Mom cooked for us before she went out with her friends. I don't know if Theo told her but I sensed that she knows. I didn't ate the delicious looking meat because it had an intense smell. Not a bad one, I just can't have it when I food smells really strong.
Back then she always asked if anything's wrong when I didn't eat much or didn't want to eat a particular food. Today she told me 'don't worry, Jay's going eat it later' like she wanted to make sure I'm not feeling bad about it.
"If Jay didn't eat them, yes" he leaves the room.
I stand up from his bed and walk over to his nightstand, seeing on the way my bra on his bed and giving myself a face palm. Jay probably saw it.
I grab my phone and unlock it to a message from my Mom. 'Are you sleeping over at Theo's?' it reads.
My Mom spoke with my Dad. I don't know how exactly the conversation went but she told me they agreed on getting a divorce. She phrased it very nice but I of course know it probably wasn't an agreement.
I'm glad she didn't tell me word for word what happened. I honestly don't care. What I care about is that they're getting a divorce. I know this stuff will take some time but I'm ready for that. I want to get away from his negativity and also from his abusive self.
My Dad said he won't move out of the house which I expected because that man won't do anything for us. My Mom and I are searching for apartments now that are obviously near by. We both want to get out of that house as fast as possible.
I'm home sometimes but right now im I'm mainly staying at Theo's. I of course feel bad for my Mom because she can't escape that easy from him but I have to take care for myself for once. My home doesn't feel like home anymore and I don't want to spent my days at a place that reminds me of bad times.
I also kind of feel bad for Luca. He basically missed everything that happened which is why he was really overwhelmed when I called him and told him everything. And with everything, I mean everything. How Dad's treating me, my relapse, the divorce, etcetera.
He said he'll come home as soon as possible to help with our new apartment that we'll hopefully have by then. I think he was a bit glad to hear about the divorce thing. He wanted them to split for years now.
"I had to fight for these" Theo gets through the door, snapping me out of my rewind. "They were about to eat them and I couldn't tell them why I need them that desperately which made me look really stupid" I laugh at his little story while I text my Mom a thumbs up emoji back.
"Theo Mom told me I can have the leftovers. Give me the plate" Jay bursts into his room. I guess he just stole them instead of fighting for them. "You already get the meat, shut up" Theo gets on the bed with me. "Yeah and I want the potatoes too" they're arguing like typical siblings.
"But you can't have them" Theo teasingly smile at him. "Why the fuck are you so desperate for those potatoes. You already had them at dinner" I feel like I'm not suppose to be here which is ironic since he grabbed the potatoes for me.
"He can have them" I whisper to Theo. "What, no" he shakes his head. "Oh so now you're blaspheming?" Jay crosses his arms over his chest and looks at me. "I wanted the potatoes but you can have them" I chuckle because I know his remark wasn't serious.
Jay stretches out his arm but Theo stays stubborn. "I don't want to give them to you. Lia wants them"
"Are fucking stupid? She said she doesn't want them" Jay's about to go off any second. "Yeah she always says that. Fuck sorry" Theo looks at me.
"No it's okay, since I'm basically living here he should know, he's like a second brother. You can have them, Theo's just acting out a little because I have an eating disorder." I smile while his face drops. "Shit I'm sorry, you can of course have them. Could've told me sooner" he glares at Theo. "Not my place to tell" Theo raises his hands in defense.
"Take them potatoes. I don't want to be treated any differently" I deny. "Stubbornness runs in the relationship, hm?" He shakes his head smilingly and walks out of the room.
"You could've given them to him. He didn't eat dinner" I punch Theo's shoulder. "I know your eating habits at this point Lia"
"What's that suppose to mean?" I take it as an insult. "Would you have eaten anything else if I told you there weren't any potatoes left?" He asks back. "Probably not. I love how your Mom made them."
"See. If you're hungry you need to eat something" I hate when he's right. "Don't quote Richard" Richard's the name of my therapist. I don't call him Richard when I'm in a session. I don't even know his first name but he looks like a Richard so I named him that. It makes him less serious. His actual name is Mr. Ackerman. Doesn't sound that nice, right?
"But he's right." I grab a potato and eat it. "Good job" Theo praises me. "Theooo" I whine. I told him many times to stop praising me but he thinks it's good for me. "That's my name...the name you-" he already begins to smile so I cut him off. "I dare you to say something sexual" I give him a death stare but he just chuckles.
~
"My Mom just texted me. She's already packing her things. We don't even have an apartment yet" I throw the blanket off my body and stand up. "Sorry, didn't want to wake you like that"
"I was already awake" he yawns with his morning voice. "You want to stay or go to your Mom?" He sits up straight. "I don't know." I shrug. „I think you should go. The faster you packed your stuff, the faster you can move in when you got an apartment" he intertwines his hands behind his head.
„Can you come too?"
~
As we enter the house, we already see some boxes in the kitchen, filled with plates that my Mom inherited from her Mom.
I see Dad on the couch, watching tv. After I hesitated for a second I greeted him. I don't know why but after he apologized, talking to him is awkward. I think he's embarrassed for apologizing, for showing his "weakness".
Me and Theo go upstairs to me room which has also a few boxes in it. "Mom?" I call out for her. "Oh you're here, didn't even hear you" she calls back from the bedroom of her and Dad. Not long after she gets into my room, fretting Theo with a soft 'hey' and a smile.
"I'm packing all my decorations, pictures and stuff I'm very sure I won't need until we got an apartment" she lets me know, giving me indirectly some tips on how to start packing. "Okay, I'll do the same" I let her know and she leaves the room again.
"We" Theo gently grabs my hips from behind. "Hm?" I ask confused. "We'll do it" he corrects my sentence. "Oh, you don't have to though. I just want your company. You can relax and sit on my be- what?" I chuckle when he raises both of his eyebrows. "Shut up" he smiles down at me and softly pecks my lips. "Rude" I walk away from him so he can't see my blushing cheeks.
"I know you're blushing" I should've seen that coming.
For that comment I made him go through my closet and put all the clothes into the boxes that are for the summer. It's starting to get cold. To be honest I love the cold weather. I like being cold more than sweating.
I also like the cold weather because that means my birthday is coming closer and closer. And Halloween and Christmas. There are just so many events when the cold weather starts.
"Should I put this in here too?" Theo asks and holds up a sports shirt. "It's a T-shirt so yes. I think I won't wear any shirts until summer again" shirts from my closet. Theo's shirts I'll definitely wear as sleep shirts. "It's a sports shirt, I thought you could wear it for PE" he folds it and puts it into the clothing box.
"I'm not allowed to participate" I remind him whereupon he looks like he's about to apologize so I shake my head to stop him.
"I'm done with your clothes, should I check your underwear now?" He reaches to the bottom drawer where my underwear is. I don't even know why he knows where I keep them. "I dare you" I hold up my index finger. "Nothing I haven't seen before" he smirks while slowly opening the drawer, revealing my underwear. "Really?" I walk over to him and close the drawer. "I love annoying you" he pulls my body close to his. "Didn't even notice" I smile at him sarcastically.
"How far are you with the bo-" Theo quickly steps away from me as the door opens. "Your Mom made something to eat. Thought I let you two know. I don't know how far you are with that therapy shit" he comments and leaves the room again.
"God I'm so glad you're staying at mine" Theo kisses my forehead before talking my hand and leading me downstairs.
~~~
Hey, wanted to let you all know that I got exams and tests again and I'm also sick so don't expect quick updates. Sorry :/
Love you all <33
Ps: this story is getting closer and closer to its end. :))