A MONTH LATER
el continued her cycle of forcing herself on the bus and leaving at the same stop, never more.
she cursed at herself for how she still haven't overcome the bus, going further than 6 stops but it is what is.
but she had gotten skinner though and that made her smile a little at least.
as of right now, she weighed 93 pounds and the happiness she felt when she smiled in the mirror in the morning was why she continued.
no matter if her smile was tired, or weak, she wanted to smile.
a way she found to make herself to sleep peacefully without nightmares were to take sleeping pills along with aspirins to cure the headaches and the sharp pain she always felt in her heart and stomach.
but she was beginning to think that she was getting addicted and was starting to rely on it.
she was getting more and more tired by the day.
hiding away on the roof this time, she found a shaded spot and sat there with her music sheet on her lap, trying her best to distract herself.
but as time passed, she somehow found herself losing interest and the only thing interesting her as of the moment was looking over the edge of the railings.
it was high but she could climb it.
she looked down, seeing how it was high but not too high. "will i die?" she asked then stilled when she realised what she had just asked out loud.
el, don't think of such thing. you'll get better and leave to heal from whatever was happening.
sitting back down, she pulled up the sleeve of her sweater up to check out the dark purple bruises and the cuts she made herself.
"what did i do wrong?" she mumbled to herself.
why did he hit her?
her eyes tipped down and she curled up with her arms hugging around herself before she gently hit her head back on the wall repeatedly.
one day, she felt like she was on top of the world being an upcoming scientist but the next.. she dreaded each second and wished that she disappeared, no matter how and no matter if she needed to do it herself or not.
♬
"el," leo called out to her right before she left the school.
she hummed tiredly, turning around and avoiding his gaze. "did you need something?"
"no, baby," he tried to cup her face, "i wanted to—"
she moved away with a small flinch. "i need to pick up my sister from school," she mumbled. "maybe another time,"
his mood suddenly changed drastically. "you're blowing me off for your fucking sister!?"
el held onto the strap of her bag, looking down to the grass below her feet without emotion.
"okay," she whispered, looking up slowly before walking away with a little weak smile.
"fucking come back here," he whispered lowly, gritting through his teeth as he pulled her back by the arm.
"what?" she asked weakly. "let me go. i really have to pick her up,"
"you will not blow me off for that fucking brat sister of yours. i am your boyfriend," his nails dug into her arm, hurting her but also not letting anyone see.
her eyes looked down like it was closed, sucking up to the pain.
"say something, are you stupid?"
she took a deep breath. "let me go."
he let out a loud scoff, letting her go with a small shove making her stumble over her feet.
she hurried away quickly, walking down the few blocks to pick up ava from school.
"el, you're late," ava said and el put on her best smile and grabbed her sisters hand. "i'm so sorry, ava. i had to chat with my teacher," she said then leaned down to kiss her hair.
"oh," ava said as el swayed their hands.
"el... can i have a lollipop?" ava asked, looking up with a small frown.
el smiled, opening her bag to hand ava one in her favourite strawberry flavour.
"thank you," ava hugged her side, "i love you so much,"
el smiled weakly. "i love you too,"
"finish that before you get home. don't let your mama see," el said, referring to ava's lollipop and she nodded. "don't worry, they won't know,"
el ruffled her hair, smiling as she held ava close protectively.
when they got home, el took ava's school bag, leading her upstairs as el set up her homework. "okay, give me your uniform and start on your homework," el said quietly and gently.
"but i don't wanna change,"
"ava, you only have two and the other one still hasn't been washed yet. i'll quickly wash and dry them for you," el said softly and ava nodded slowly, pulling off her uniform as el handed her some clothes to change into.
"okay, call me if you need anything," el kissed her cheek as ava smiled widely.
grabbing all the laundry, el walked downstairs to the laundry room and placed everything in.
she had no idea where her mother was but she knew brenner was at work.
as she waited for the laundry to be done, she went and started on the pile of dishes in the sink because no one would do them except her.
after the laundry was done, she placed it into the dryer and went to dry the dishes too.
"el!" ava shouted. "i need you!"
el quickly dropped the plate in hand, not caring it dropped to the floor as she ran upstairs to ava's room.
"what's wrong? are you okay?"
ava nodded and looked up, "i hit my toe."
"oh, ava," el walked in to pick her up and then she sat down on the bed with ava on her lap. "let me see.." el mumbled and cradled her like a baby.
el smiled and kissed her forehead. "i'm sure you'll be fine,"
"i know,"
el chuckled, rolling her eyes playfully before hugging her like a baby. "i love you so much, ava." she whispered as ava beamed into el's shoulder. "love you too,"
el continued to hold her, leaning her chin down to ava's head as she sighed.
she was going to miss ava when she was gone.
♬
el picked up the pieces of the broken glass as her mom, brenner and ava sat behind her at the dining table eating dinner.
she had gotten in trouble for the glass once her mother came home.
el just avoided her gaze like usual, telling herself that the mother that homeschooled her was still in there, just drugged by the love she had for her husband.
ava tried to come to her defence but el just shushed her with a weak smile.
she dumped the glass in the bin and cleaned the countertops before letting out a small tired sigh.
"el, come eat dinner with us," ava said and el shook her head quietly. "i'm okay, ava."
"but el—"
"leave her be," brenner said. "she's ungrateful,"
el looked down to the floor, putting the cloth away before she walked out of the kitchen/dining room and up to her room.
unlocking her phone, she went through her emails to see if there were any acceptance letters but when there were none, she frowned and set her phone away.
checking the time, she bit down on her lip before she went to lock her bedroom door.
grabbing her bag, she pushed up her window and climbed on carefully, climbing down with the pipe before she quickly ran out to the street.
as she walked further, she pulled out some aspirin from her bag, swallowing a handful before she hugged herself tight and followed down the path.
she pressed a hand to her chest, feeling a piercing pain before she trailed the hand up to pull on her hair.
when a bench came into view, her legs began to stumble over the other as she tried to walk closer to sit but before she could make it, she felt her vision blurring.
she sucked in large harsh breaths, felling her legs give out before she fell down, her head dropping tiredly.
just hold on, el.
but did she want to hold on?
through her squinted eyes, she made out the buildings around her till those blurred too.
"oh my gosh, miss? miss, are you alright?"
she couldn't hear who was asking, let alone see.. so she decided she would just close her eyes.
♬
she woke up in the hospital, laying on the bed with a iv in her. her eyes opened slowly, taking her surroundings as a nurse came to her.
"you were lucky someone was by you. you could have died, sweetheart," she said gently as el tiredly roamed her eyes around the room.
"oh," she whispered. "why?"
"you have malnutrition,"
"oh,"
"sweetheart, is there—"
el cut her off. "no. i just forgot to eat.. finals and stuff really stressed me out," she said and the lie came out so convincing.
but not convincing enough.
"okay," the nurse said with a pitied smile, "i wanted to call your family but you don't have anyone down in your contacts."
el took it into her hands to have her mother and brenner's number and contact to be removed everywhere.
they'll have no link to her unless they pull out the birth certificate.
"when can i go?" el asked. "i have to go home,"
"you need to stay the night just in case you collapse again. we also need to get you healthy again,"
"no,"
"honey—"
"no," el said firmly, tears in her eyes that didn't fall.
"did you fall?" the nurse asked her randomly and el furrowed her brows. "what?"
"your arms. did you fall?"
"huh? oh, yeah. i'm clumsy," el mumbled with a shudder breath. "really really clumsy."
"can i call anyone for you?" the nurse asked in concern but el shook her head. "i just need to go home. i have school tomorrow,"
she did have to go to school but that's not why she needed to leave.
she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that she made it into the hospital but didn't die.
she looked away from the nurse, tears streaming down her face silently as she covered her face.
inhaling a large breath, she tried her best to push away the tears before she turned to the nurse. "when can i leave?"
the nurse smiled, knowing el wouldn't change her mind. "i'll get you a form."