𝚃𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚊'𝚜' 𝙿𝙾𝚅:
𝙳𝚎𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚒𝚝,𝙼𝚒
(𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛)
❦
After killa came back with my food the other night. We did have sex, I wanted to sleep but he just kept going on about us being together so we have to have sex.
I honestly don't wanna be with him anymore but every time I try to break up with him it turns into a big ass argument.
I think I'm going to talk to esse about it since she has the most experience with this stuff. And because she's the only one that knows about us.
Essence 💜
Me:
When are you coming home?
Essence💜
Im on my way now,, why??
Me:
I just wanna talk to you about something.
Essence 💜
Ok give me like 20 mins.
You loved "ok give me like 20 mins."
❦
The house has been real ghetto since esse left. Belinda keeps calling esse a hoe and being fast. Niyah and Drew are fighting, my mama and daddy are arguing all time.
I don't know if it's about esse, or something else I just hop that they lay off esse and try to see things from here pov.
I started to get thirsty so I walked downstairs to get some apple juice. I just bought a whole jug yesterday and I only had one cup so far.
But when I looked in the refrigerator my fucking apple juice wasn't in there.
"Who touched my damn apple juice." I yelled walking into the living room where everybody and they damn mama was at.
"I had a cup." My mama said.
"Oh that was yours?" Fifty dumb ass asked.
"I fucking hate yo ugly bum ass." I said starting to tear up. I really wanted my apple juice.
"I know yo ass ain't bout ta cry ova no nasty ass juice." Trey said laughing.
"The only thing nasty is yo community ass dick." I yelled.
"Go get my sister another juice so she can shut tf up." Drew told fifty.
Ion like how he tryna shut me up.
"Ouu, can I have some?" I asked my daddy cause he was eating Coney Island.
"No, where yo sister?" He asked
"Which one."
"The ugly one." He said like that was any help.
"They all ugly." Drew mumbled.
"I'm a baddie not ugly." Esse said from behind me making me jump.
"Where did you come from." I asked cause she scared tf outta me.
She Shrugged her shoulders then passed me a bag of food.
"Atleast somebody loves me." I shouted so everybody could hear.
"Girl fuck you, and why you ain't bring me no food?" Trey asked esse.
"Cause I ain't know you was gon be here." She said handing mama a bag of food too.
"Thank you baby." Mama told esse, and esse just nodded her head.
"Come on." I told esse letting her know I was ready to talk.
We went upstairs to her room instead of mines. I sat down on her vanity chair and she sat on the bed.
"So I need um advice on something and since your the only that's knows I wanted to ask you about it." I said slowly eating my food.
"Ok, im not the best with advice but I can see what I can do." She told me with a small smile. You could kinda see her bottom braces that were pink with purple rubber bands.
"Basically me and killa have only been talking for a year but I don't feel like we are ever going to be in a relationship anytime soon." I explained.
"Well first have y'all had sex before, and when was the first time?" She asked.
"Yea, when I was 14." I said embarrassed.
"Was it your idea or his?"
"His, I didn't even want to have sex with him I wanted to wait but he keep trying to guilt trip me so I just gave up and let him."
"Ok, continue." She told me.
"So now the only time we talk is when he wants to have sex or when he wants something from me. I just feel used. And every time I try to tell him how I'm feeling he just makes everything about him like my feelings don't matter." I explained starting to tear up once again.
"And every time I try to break up with him, it turns into a big argument and"
"You feel bad so you have sex with him thinking he would stay and change but every time he leaves and continues to do him." She finished off. "I know the feeling." She told me with a sad smile.
"And because I know the feeling I need you to stop feeling guilty and break up with him. Your young there's a lot of other people out here for you, don't stay in a toxic relationship if you don't have to." She explained.
"Is this how you and Kaiser's relationship was?" I asked cause I was curious.
"Yea, I'm was your age too. But look how it turned out, I let him get away with so much shit it's not only hurting me mentally and physically but it's also hurting my family."
"I feel like I'm failing you as a sister cause your following in my footsteps and that's just going to hurt you in the long run. I don't care how hard you may think it is I need you to cut him off, before it too late."
"It's not that easy." I told her trying to slowly ease in the pregnancy topic.
"Why not?"
"It's just not." I mumbled trying to back out my original plan.
After a few minutes of silences Essence finally looked at me like she knew what I was trying to say and the only that was going through my mind rn was ....
She knows, she knows, and I know she knows and deep down she knows.
"Your pregnant ain't you..."
"I do-don't know what to do." I chocked out, not holding my tears back anymore.
(⚠️- tw)
She came and sat down next to me and pulled me into a conforming hug.
"It's okay." She whispered.
"Do you wanna keep it?" She asked me.
"Would you?"
"Well I didn't have a choice, I had 3 miscarriages and when my baby did make it to full term he came out sleeping." She was also crying at this point.
"They made me take a picture while holding him , I still have it if you wanna see." She suggested.
"Can I?"
She pulled out her phone and took the case off. She pulled out a picture and handed to me. She look young, her face was covered in tears and sweat. She was by herself holding a baby boy that look so pale. He has a head full of hair though, at least my nephew didn't come out like a alien.
"How old we're you?" I asked cause she looked a little younger then she is now.
"I was 15 my 16th birthday was less than a month away. It's crazy how I'm only 18 but some much had happened to me you would think I was at least 30." She said with a small laugh.
"Would you try again in the future?" I asked thinking about something.
"Even if I did the chances of me carrying to full term are slim."
"I dont think I wanna keep it but if I do can we stay with you I want you to experience what's it like to have a kid..."
"I love you but don't do that if your not ready for a kid dont just have one because you feel bad for me. Having a kid takes a physical and mental toll on your body don't put yourself in that situation if your not ready." And she claims she don't give good advice.
"Would you go to California with me to get a..you know. I mean you don't have to cause it might"
"Of course I'll go with you. I'm not going to get mad at you cause you chose to do what's right for you. Yes I may not be able to have kids but don't give you future away trying to make me happy." She said drying her tears.
"What was his name?" I asked her referring to her baby, while handing her back the picture.
"His dad wanted him to be named after him, so it's Kaiser but I didn't want to give my baby his full name."
"Girl I know you ain't gate keeping my nephew name." I said making us both laugh.
"Kaiser jace Jackson, it don't flow but I wanted jace in his name. I wanted to call him KJ or Jace."
"Awwww. I wish I could have meet him" I mumbled more to myself. "Me too" Esse whispered.
"Essence and Tiana bring y'all fast asses down here now."
What the hell we do dis time.