Warning! : Suicide, and physical abuse are on this chapter, if your not comfortable to read it just skip and proceed to next chapter.
MURIEL P. O. V
"Saan ka galing?"
I hear a voice coming from the living room when I glanced on that direction I saw a figure sitting one of the couch. I was about to go upstairs when suddenly someone caught my attention. Madilim ang bandang iyon it is because the light is off. Hindi mo talaga makikita kapag hindi ka sanay sa dilim.
It's already 11 p.m I'm sure I check the time before coming in. So what the fuck is he even doing here? Ano ang ginagawa niya dito? Is he suppose to be in his house now?
"What are you doing here van?" I ask my best friend. Parang kanina pa siya naka upo sa pwesto niya, as if his waiting to someone.
''I'm the one who is asking you first lady'' saad niya sabay turo sa couch na nasa harapan niya. Gestured me to sit right in front of him. I sigh before stepping towards him.
"Again I ask you. And this time don't tried to answer me with question.. where were you the whole time?" Van ask while looking at me straight on the eye.
''Steve house.'' I'm tired already to answer his question. All I want is to go upstairs and lay on my bed mattress. I'm so exhausted because of the things I done earlier.
"Are you okay now?" he ask. but now in a soft voice with a hint of concern. He's always like that he maybe look strict. But his always has a soft spot for me. And that put a small smile on me but I'm making sure he couldn't see it. As if I let him.
"Yes.." I answered a bet sleepy. Mukhang napansin niya iyon dahil nagtanong siya.
"Tired?"
''Hmm..'' I only let out a small moan to answer his question. I was fighting my self not to close my eyes because of the sleepiness.
''You should go upstairs to get some sleep. Carlo told me bukas na kayo papasok. And you should not sleep late dahil nag a-adjust kapalang sa panahon rito.'' pangaral pa niya tumango lang ako saka siya tinalikuran para pumunta sa itaas para matulog. It may seem rude pero sanay na naman siya sa akin. So I'm sure its just nothing for him.
I opened the door of my room and switch the light on. Saka ako dumiritso papuntang banyo. I could feel the dry sweat of my body, dahil sa pinaggagawa ko kanina. I maybe tired physically but mentally? I doubt that.
Nang makapasok na ako sa banyo, saka ko pinuno ng tubig ang bathtub. I use the hot water to give me relaxation while taking a bath, I also put a little amount of body wash. I even light the candles near the tub to put refreshing feelings. And turn off the light. It gives me an aesthetic feeling because of the dim light coming from the candle's lightening.
Saka ko tinanggal isa-isa ang suot kong damit. When I'm done taking off my clothes. And completely naked. Pagkatapos ay I went on the tub.
My body fall into the hot water and the bubble's began to float around me, and touching my skin delicately.
I could feel my body muscle relax when it touch the water.
And I think of tomorrow will be the start of are mission. Just like what van said earlier. Bukas na kami papasok. Just like Mr. Lopez daughter we will also taking the business for course.
Kagaya ng plano, we will using another names starting tomorrow to cover up are real identity as the underboss of the organization, even though no one really know us here, it's better to be caution than nothing.
No one really know us being a underboss, aside kong isa kang membro ng organisation. Pero hindi kami dapat mag kampanti. Just like what uncle rick said when were still kids, walls has its own eyes and ears. Even tho no one recognised us in the outside world of the organisation, may mga mata at tinga parin naka sunod sa amin. Will its reasonable because in the first place hindi rin naman kami isang normal na membro lang nang organization, we five are the heir and heiress of the throne. Taga sunod ng mga yapak ng namumuno. Its are job to continue their legacy.
And besides sanay na kaming magpanggap na ibang tao, its part of are life. All of my life pili lang ang nakakaalam sa totoo kung pangalan.
I just stay at the tub a little more to get some relax. Saka ako nag bihis. I only wear a pair of silky pajama to have a comfortable sleep. And blow my hair to get dry before sleeping.
I get my phone to see the time, and it's already 1 a.m. Hindi ko man lang napansing napatagal pala ako sa lood ng banyo I only took a half bath, but it takes me more than an hour to finish. Maybe because of the relaxing feeling it give's me.
I put my phone at the bed side table and turn off the lamp. Now the only source of light of my room is coming from the veranda. Manipis lang ang kurtinang naka tapis rito kaya kahit patayin kopa lahat ang ilaw sa lood ng kwarto, maliwanag parin rito sa pwesto ko. As if the moon share it's light on me.
Apart of me want to reach the container of my sleeping pills to get some sleep, but also apart of me don't want to. So I close the letter. Which the second option came on my mind.
So I look up on the ceiling. It just a plain white ceiling so pure color but easy to be stain.
While looking up on the ceiling memories of my past flash on my head.
No matter how hard I stop it, memories of the past keep of repeating itself. Like a broken video clip or a boomerang. No matter hard you trow it it's always comeback where it came from.
And it suck! As if your inside of a circle no matter how hard you move forward you always ended up in the same spot you start. No destination. No ending.
Sometimes I came up of thinking ending my own life. What if I end my life now? Does all my suffering would be gone? I'm sure father won't get hold of me anymore. I don't need to fallow all of his command.
No more suffering, pretending. And all of it no longer fear. I can all by my self. Baka sakaling tapusin ko na ang lahat ay maka takas na ako sa mapait kong kapalaran.
I don't know but my body get hold of its self and move on its own. Like it has its own brain to fallow. I unconsciously step my foot on the closet and open the door. When I'm already inside I move a few more step near the drawer and open it.
Ibat ibang klase ng kutsilyo ang bumungad sa akin. I grimace on it. Memories of my father flash on my mind levitating me. Vivid memories.
"You insolent and useless child! You should do it!"
"B.. But father I c-cant...'' I tremble as I look at my father cold and menacing eye also looking down on me.
Pak! ''useless brat!'' I felt like my whole world crumble because of the hit he give. I can feel shed of tears forming but I held it, afraid he might turned into anger again because of how weak I am.
''tied her, and don't you let her eat or drink. Just wait for my order. that's her punishment for being so weak.'' after that, someone drag me towards the basement and tied me. just like what he said.
His angry because I can't kill the man infront of me, he ordered me to kill the man because he said it's a traitor. And he want me as his only daughter to kill the traitor.
But I can't. While looking at the man kneeling in front of me begging not to kill him. I fell sympathy for the man his face is full of blood because of beating. That's why when I refuse his command he immediately burst into anger.
I look at the person who is tiding me. And speak a small voice.''Can.. you not make it tight mister? It's hurt...'' he glanced over me I saw pity on his eyes while watching on my situation. Before nodding.
Just like what I request he didn't tied me tightly, enough to not leave a mark on it.
Hours had past but no one come in, just like my father's order. they didn't give something to feed on me, even just a drop of water. To freshen up my throat. I'm so exhausted and drained. I don't know what time or how long I've been staying here. But all I care about is my arm are starting to get hurt because of the position, my hand was hanging on my both side like a prisoner. And my toes are getting numb of kneeling I'm sure it bleeding at this time.
I want to close my eyes to get some sleep, but I can't, because darkness surrounding me. No one is with me right now. I'm sure because that what father say to them leave me alone in side the basement. Which I consider as a prison.
Tears roll down my face like waterfalls down to my neck. Small sob escape my lips while my shoulder tremble violently because of controlling my sob to not get louder afraid I might wake father upstairs and get another punishment.
I know I'm being paranoid but who could blame me? I'm just afraid, nine years old girl impression inside the basement alone, for being a so weak as father said.
Starting this hours I promise my self ill do whats father desire, to not get any punishment from him.
*******
I flinch when someone from the other side open the door. How long I've been here? one day? two? I don't know. All I know I didn't sleep the whole time. Its the first time they open the door since they bring me in this basement.
I could hear faint foot steps coming towards my direction. I didn't open my eyes but I'm awake, it just that I don't have enough strength to even open my eyes.
I felt the rope loosen up, and because of the weakness my body droped on the dirty floor.
The person who untied me, help me to get up. ''young miss you better get on your feets before the don see you in this state! You will get your another punishment if that's happened!'' Even my knees are trembling I forced myself to walk straight like nothing happened like I never get a punishment from my father.
My body wants to fall, but i regained consciousness and stay still. Not now! I dont want another punishment, I just came out a minute ago! i dont want to go back, I just cant! I'm all alone again if I go back there. A-and... Ill get scared of the dark again.
*******
I was now standing at the same room where father wants me to kill the man last week. While facing the door earlier I was fighting my self not to let out any of my emotion. And now I was facing the man who I tied me last week on the basement.
How came? Thus father know that I requested on him last week? But it was only the two of as.
Suddenly father give me a gun. ''My dear I want you to kill this traitor for me, could you do it for me.. Right? Dont you dare disappoint me these time muriel.'' from a sweet father he become again as a demonic father that he really is.
I stared down at the person who become my friend last week. He was also looking at me smiling even his face can't be recognized because of the bruises I can say his smiling on me because I could see on his eye.
''kill him!" the don shout made me flinch. I point the gun on the man's head with trembling hands. I don't want to do this, but if I don't do what father want me to do I'll probably get my punishment. I don't want to go back on the basement with no food for days. But also I don't want to kill the man infront of me, I just can't.
If I dont do it ill be back again, alone in the dark basement.
No! I cant! I don't want to go back! I refuse to.
I want to cry, my hand was trembling of fear. Fear for my father, fear for the man's life. And fear I might go back if I dont do it.
''Come on child, don't make me lose my patience. Kill him!, or you want to get your punishment?" No! No! I don't want to, I don't want to go back there.
I tighten my grip on the gun and look at the person infront of me. I see him nod at me I don't know what is he referring for that. But all I could hear was the loud bang coming from the gun on my hand.
Sorry...
I want to voice it out so that he could hear it. But i know i mustn't do it because father might hear it and I could get my punishment. And I don't want that to happen
...
I watch as my blood dripping on my wrist down to the floor. I couldn't feel any pressure or pain when I cut my own wrist. Funny to think but even a sharp knife cant hurt me anymore.
I'm i really this numb? Even I hurt my self I wont feel any sign of pain. But still it helps me to destruct my self.
Just like other people they hurt there selves to avoid the pain, guilt, fear, and sorrow they felt. And I'm also one of those people.
...
I woke up feeling the pain on my wrist were I remember cutting it last night. I sigh... I even saw the dry blood on the floor.
Nakatulog pala ako sa loob ng closet. Or should I say I pass out after cutting my wrist. Whats new? Its always happened. Napabuntong hininga nalang ako saka bumangon. And do my routine.
Naligo lang ako saka nagbihis, I wear any thing I feel, hindi naman required ang uniform sa university. So I just wear the dress I want to wear today.
Pagka tapos kong mag bihis ay tinuyo kona ang buhok ko. While drying my hair I glanced to my wrist through mirror. Mahahalatang bago lang because it looks fresh. Kahit hindi gaano kalaki ang cut nito still mapapansin parin dahil mamula mula ito.
Matapus kong ituyo ang buhok ko I open one of the drawer where the first aid kit was saka ako kumuha ng isang bandaid. I place it on my wrist were my cut was. When I'm done putting it on. Saka ako pumili ng rilong susuotin to covered it up. Nang masigurong hindi na ito gaano kahalata ay lumabas na ako.
I'm sure they were all in the dining area having some breakfast, kaya dumiritso na ako.
Nasa hagdanan palang ako ay may nakasalubong akong katulong. She look like she's in a rush. Hindi panga siya titigil kung hindi pa niya ako napansin.
"Whats wrong?" I ask. Napa intag pa siya, kaya naataas ang kilay ko but my face is still on it's poker face.
"Ahh... Si maam grezilda po kasi pinapakuha yong gummy bear niyang nasa kwarto, pinamamadali niya kasi ako, kaya ako tumatakbo." Saad niya habang humihingal pa. Tumatakno kasi siya kanina ng makasalubong ko siya.
Napailing nalang ako saka ko siya hinayaang magpatuloy. zilda really has the habit of eating gummies, simula bata palang kami. When we ask her why she always eat gummies she just lough at as and said its her favourite. So we just let her.
Nang maka rating ako sa dining area naroon narin ang apat naka upo sa kani kanilang mga pwesto. Kaya umupo narin ako sa sariling pwesto. Pagka upo ko palang ay may lumapit agad na kasambahay saka inasikaso ang platong gagamitin ko, hinayaan ko nalamang ito dahil I'm used of it.
Pagkatapos niyang ayusin ang mga iyon ay kumain agad ako. Silence developed the hall dining area, walang nagsasalita sa aming lima. Tanging ang tunog lamang nang mga kubertos ang natatanging ingay sa loob ng hapagkainan. Its not a awkward silence. Sadyang ayaw lang naming magsalita habang kumakain.
Habang nag pupunas ng bibig ay nag salita si carlo. Katatapos lang naming kumain nang magsalita siya'.
"Here are the identities you will used for now..." pagkasabi niya non' ay, may inabot si butler orland sa kanya na isang envelope, saka niya sinunod ibinigay kay' frank na siyang katabi lang ni carlo, sunod naman ay kang adnan. Hangang sa may tig isa isa na kaming hawak na envelope.
"Open it, nandyan lahat nang kaylangan natin. Fake birth certificate, name, birthday, address and all we need. Basahin niyo lang diyan." So i open mine. Just like what he said, all we need to fake are identity are all here. But one thing napa agaw sa attention ko is the name I'm going to used. Its my second name tanging sila mommy lang ang nakakaalam tungkol dito, so how come nandito ito?
When my father got me ang tanging gamit ko na ay Muriel Helmsley. My first name and father's surname.
Before nong buhay pa ai mommy my full name was Muriel moreen furgar. Noon 'yon but when she died my father changed it into Muriel Helmsley.
" Amh... Carlo why does my second name here?" Biglang nagsalita si grezilda sa gilid ko, kaya napalingon ako sa kanya. So, I supposed hindi lang pala ako ang may second name nagagamitin.
Nang tignan ko ulit si grezil ay napansin kong nanginginig ang kamay niya, nasa ilalim ito ng misa nakapatong sa pagitan ng mga hita niya kaya ako lang ang makakapansin nito dahil ako lang naman ang tanging katabi niya. The boys are on the opposite side of the table. So tanging kaming dalawa lang ang narito.
Kaya hinawakan ko ang isang kamay niya, napaintag naman siya. "Are you okay?" Tanong kopa hindi kasi normal ang panginginig niya parang takot na takot siya, I know that kind of reaction, because I'm used to be like that.
Tumango naman siya, "Are you sure?" Tanong kupa ulit sakanya. Lumingon naman siya sa akin sabay ngiti. Kaya tinignan ko siya ng seryoso.
"Yup!, I'm fine" saad niya popping the 'p', kaya tumango nalamang ako. she's always like that, we don't really know whats on her head kong ano ang iniisip niya. She always smile on us parang walang problema. At yan ang kinatayakutan naming mag pinsan.
"Yeah, about the name... Hindi ako ang pumili niyan, the boss are the one who choose that." Bumuntong hininga pa siya bago magpatuloy. "Wala akong kinalaman tungkol diyan... Why grezil? You dont want to? I could chance it." Tanong paniya kang grezil. Kaya napatingin naman kaming lahat sa kanya.
Umiling naman siya sabay ngiti. That smile again. Why you always smiling grezil? " No need, I'm find with it... By the way where's my gummies?" Saad niya, saka tumingin sa katulong na nakasalamuha ko kanina. May inabot itong isang pack nang gummies. Kaya kinuha niya agad ito saka binuksan para kumuha.
No you're not fine grezil, I could see earlier kung paano ka nanginig nang makita mo ang pangalang gagamitin mo..
Tumingin lang ako sa kanya. I sigh, how could I read whats on your head grezil?
...
Nasa sasakyan na kaming lahat, naisipan naming sabay sabay nalang kaming pumunta sa university gamit ang iisang sasakyan.
Si frank ang nasa driver seat nagmamaniho habang si carlo naman ang nasa passenger seat. At kaming natirang tatlo ay nasa backseats.
Its the day were gonna start are mission. Kung tutuosin ay pwede isa lang sa amin ang gumawa ng misyon. Killing someone is a very simple task for us. Hindi na kailangan kaming lima rito. kaya nakakapagtaka, what are they up to? Ano ang gusto nilang ipagawa sa amin? I know there's something, hindi nila kami papapuntahing lima rito para lang sa wala. I know killing Mr. Lopez daughter are just an excuse para papuntahin kami rito. Were not born yesterday para hindi mahalata ang kinikilos nila.
Kagaya nga nang sabi ko, madali lang ang pinapagawa sa amin, pwede nga lang ang mga tauhan nalang namin ang gumawa nito. But they choose us instead.
But the thing is bakit hindi nalang nila sabihin sa amin? Are they playing games with us? May pinaplano ba sila?
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@YLLESAPIT