Nyx
You might not want to hear this, but they are replaceable. The ones who doubt you, the ones uttering those words. They are completely and utterly replaceable. There will be a day, a month, a year, where they are no longer plaguing your mind. Where they are nonexistent. Where you cannot even recall their face.
Their body will be hazy. Their face will melt in. Their voice will be just as wispy as echoes through the fog. They will simply. Not exist.
Don't be frightened by that idea. It's good. Find that comfort in the idea of their unimportance. In the idea one day someone else will hold in their place. Someone better. Worse.
People are replaceable. So why can't I find someone to replace them? Why do they still plague my mind. Fester on my memories. I tried the bodies. I tried the drinks. I tried bleeding my own blood. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing is replacing the feeling they made. Why isn't anything working?
I want them gone. Even now. I sit watching the glare of the orange in the sky. I sit here on my island telling you my story. My secrets. My everything. They're coming and I want you to know but how will I answer when they see the holes? When they utter the words I heard, seeing our meeting.
"Why didn't it work?" I don't know...I don't know. I tried. I tried. It didn't work. I don't know. The bodies, the drinks, the blood. Ask your beloved. They will answer with the third. Ask your friend of searching. They will answer the second. But when you ask me of the first? I don't know. It didn't work like I thought.
I kept searching. I will keep searching. I'm trying this, aren't I? I can't replace them. I can't replace the suffer they wormed into my brain. I can't suffer. I am a god. God's don't suffer, they prosper. I am prospering here, don't you see?
This blinding glare of sunset. My salty body. It's prospering. I'm prospering. I am.
"Why didn't it work?" It did. It did work. For the moment of warmth my thoughts would disappear. My worries would drop. My methods would work but only just. For the feelings they made in me would return. Why can't they just stay away?
They're coming. You're coming. Don't ask me. Change the fate I saw.
"Why didn't it work?" Why didn't your killing work the same as mine?
"Why didn't it work?" Why didn't your attempts for peace work?
"Why didn't it work?" Why didn't you stay with her?
"Why didn't it work?" Why didn't you see the move?
Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. Take comfort in their leaving. Take comfort in their replacement. They'll never be replaced. They will become replaced. Don't ask. Don't ask.
"Why didn't it work?" I don't know.
"Why didn't it work?" I tried.
"Why didn't it work?" Why can't they just die?