"Dungeon. All of you. 7 years, no trial," you pointed at a small cage made out of toothpicks, watching as 3 rats marched in like prisoners of war. You felt no remorse over their imprisonment- this had to be done.
For context, the rat pack had split into two factions after a game of blackjack gone wrong. Now the entire house was a warzone, Ratticus stepping up to lead one side of the battle while Ratricia led her army as his opposer. Unfortunately for both of them, you'd stepped into one too many rat traps and had finally decided to put an end to their feud.
Julius had made a valiant attempt to save his General but ultimately failed in the wake of your mighty power: opposable thumbs. You threw them all into the toothpick dungeon, giving Rat Reynolds a fork before placing him as their prison guard.
With that all out of the way, you called out to Maison, hoping to talk to him for a little while.
" 𝚈𝚎𝚜 , 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 ? " He replied through the walls, a near sultry tone seeping into his reverberating voice. You blinked in confusion.
"Maison...are you okay?" You asked, slightly perturbed by his odd demeanor.
" 𝚈𝚎𝚜 , 𝚢𝚎𝚜 , 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 . . . 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 . . . 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 , " he replied smoothly, voice still brandishing a deep timbre that wasn't usually there.
"...What?" You weren't sure how to respond to that- he'd never even talked about knowing anyone else in the Valley.
" 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚎𝚎 , 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 , 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜 , " he began slowly, still speaking from the walls, " 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚖 , 𝙸 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚎 . . . 𝚊𝚑𝚎𝚖 , 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕 , 𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢 . "
"..."
" . . . "
"OH!" You exclaimed, suddenly understanding his implications. Your face turned beet red.
"Oh my goodness I am SO sorry for asking, I probably could've lived a happy life without knowing that," you groaned, facepalming. Maison laughed lowly through the walls.
" 𝚁𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢 , 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢 ; 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖 , " he sounded genuinely apologetic but you were unbothered- Maison was still Maison no matter how you communicated with him.
"Aye aye cap'n, sounds fine to me. Tell me a story or something, I'm bored," you huffed, leaning against the warm wall and poking your finger into it to annoy your best friend.
The wall shuddered under your touch, making it all the more entertaining to just keep poking it. You could feel Maison's eyeroll. He eventually gave in, telling you about the first topic that came to mind.
" 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 , 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 ' 𝚁𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝙶𝚞𝚢 ' ? " He waited on your response as you dug through your memories for any kind of recognition of the term.
"You mean like a regular guy? Just a normal dude?" You asked, confused.
" 𝙽𝚘 , 𝚗𝚘 , 𝙸'𝚖 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙿𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚖𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚅𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚢 . " Maison seemed annoyed at the very notion of these...pests...but now you were interested.
"Oh? I haven't. Care to explain?" You lied on your stomach and began kicking your feet back and forth behind you like a child, fascinated in where this was leading.
" 𝙰𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 , 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚗𝚞𝚒𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜 . " He continued to explain as you made a questioning noise. " 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚁𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝙶𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚖𝚙𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚛 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 ' 𝙼𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝙱𝚊𝚕𝚕 ' - 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗-𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢."
This was a lot of information to take in so suddenly- your hairball came from a bigger hairball? Doe Jr. could make himself a physical body? What else didn't you know about your adorable little pet?
What you didn't know was that Maison's main goal was to sow doubt into your mind- the more distanced you felt from John Doe, the closer he could get to you. He continued telling you about their physical states, explaining that they created their bodies and clothes using eaten materials. Maison also mentioned that the hairballs themselves could asexually reproduce at the cost of their own mass.
He could make MORE of himself? This was giving you too many ideas.
Before he could explain anything further, a loud 'BANG!' resounded from the kitchen.
You knew exactly what was happening before you even walked into the room, fully expecting to see the escaped prisoners causing chaos. What you didn't expect, though, was for your Regular Guy companion to be tied up by the escaped convict rats. You glared at them- this was clearly a grab for power you weren't going to let them have, even if their hostage was your favorite hairball.
With a sigh you approached the rats while they struggled with their wriggling hostage, reaching out quickly to pick them all up by the tails. You took them into another room, giving them a long lecture about democracy and the importance of power balance in your household before returning them to their mother who waited with a tiny rat shoe in hand.
Going back into the kitchen, you untied the tiny binds that kept little Doe strapped to the counter. He gazed up at you in admiration; you had no idea how much he love love loved you.
You thought back to what Maison had told you and got an idea.
Picking Doe up, you held him at eye level.
"Make a baby." You demanded with the intensity of a thousand fiery suns, staring straight into the hairball's eye. Doe began to sweat.
He began chittering in denial, refusing to look at you. You laughed, 100% trying to mess with him (although a tiny hairball would've been great and adorable too, just saying).
"Oh don't take things so seriously, I'm just teasing you," you grinned at his pout and invisible blush, finding it endearing.
"Although...you've never tried making a human form around me, have you?" You were curious, thinking that you might be able to convince him to do so if you asked enough.
Doe got serious, genuinely panicking this time. You raised a suspicious eyebrow at his fear, about to question him further until he suddenly latched onto your torso and pressed his little 'face' into your abdomen with a cacophony of dismayed squeaks and chitters.
Luckily for him, distractions of cuteness worked on you.
You switched into concerned mother mode and began running your fingers through his hair to calm him down, cooing little reassurances until he began to quiet down. Now you were intrigued- what would your little munchkin look like as a human anyways?
Maison's scoff broke you out of your thoughts.
" 𝙳𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 , 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚗 , " Maison advised, annoyed by the attention you were giving the pathetic creature.
"This little guy? I'm pretty sure he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal, to be honest." Doe deadpanned and immediately revoked his acts of affection.
You heard Maison laugh-scoff through the walls. Suddenly the sound of the front door opening reached your ears and you turned your attention to Maison's lure who was just now walking into the house. He seemed a little ruffled, quickly straightening out his lapel and brushing his hair back into place with a hand before finally turning to you.
" 𝚆𝚑𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 , 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎 , " he teased, voice still reverberating through the walls of the house.
You laughed and walked up to him, helping to straighten out the rest of his suit.
"Rough day? Surprised you managed to survive without me," You said cheekily, taking pleasure in the sarcastic roll of his eyes.
" 𝙾𝚑 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 , 𝙸 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚐𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 , " he shot back, giving you a crooked grin. He wasn't entirely joking, but you didn't need to know that.
You both continued the conversation for a few hours longer, listening to his misadventures of trying to find a female REALTOR and ignoring the way his gaze became dark and sultry each time you kept his attention for too long.
Doe noticed. Oh, he definitely noticed. It was clear to him that his competitor meant to steal his soulmate away- again, actually. He'd already come to terms with the fact that You just wasn't the right person for him, but you were a different story. He needed to have you, and no REALTOR was going to get in his way.
The hairball became territorial as soon as you left the room, off to go bathe your rat children somewhere. A low hissing noise escaped his near-invisible mouth as his form changed at a rapid pace, growing back into his usual 'John Doe' body.
Maison watched him with a raised eyebrow, unfazed by the aggressive display in front of him. He felt no genuine threat from this pest, knowing that he truly had the power over Doe and his secrets, but was still annoyed that this little creature would even think about threatening him.
Doe would go to any length to make sure you remained his. Deep in his mind there lay a yearning, an itch that couldn't be scratched until he had you; your love, your attention, your heart and soul, EᐯEᖇYTᕼIᑎG. It was overpowering and all-consuming, but what made it worse was your decision to stop pursuing him as John Doe for your 'mental health'. Didn't matter what it was for, he didn't like it.
Maison simply appreciated your company. No, that was a lie. Maison needed your company; a life in solitude had made him desperate for the familiar contact you so generously offered him on the daily. It was something that could never be replaced and his goal was to make sure you couldn't replace him either- it wasn't a coincidence that he had begun giving you jobs and paying you when you'd first moved to the Valley a few years ago. The more you depended on him, the better.
The Regular Guy's near-perpetual grin grew crooked and more unhinged, his mood reflecting in the center of his dark t-shirt. Without warning, he lunged towards Maison's lure.
...only to be sprayed in the face with water.
Ratticus and Ratricia worked together to spray both Maison and John Doe with their homemade water spritzer in an 'if we go down, you're going down with us' fashion. Maison just grimaced after being soaked in water, corn-silk-like hair drooping over his face. Doe wasn't as unfazed.
The previously 5'8" creature was reduced to a shivering hairball once again, body disintegrated by the water. He was clearly fighting a mental battle, the suddenness of the water reminding him of his youth and leading to a bit of an episode. He wasn't usually so caught off guard by his fear of water but he was already feeling unstable today and this was just the cherry on top.
You ran in a moment later, quickly scooping up the mischievous little rats and running back to the bathroom to throw them into the tub. You were, like your other two human-resembling counterparts, absolutely soaked from head to toe. The rats had succeeded in going out in a blaze of glory.
Wiping the dripping water from your eyes, you walked back into the kitchen to apologize only to find a soaking, shivering, terrified little hairball on the floor. Maison watched with a raised brow as you quickly retrieved the little pest, heading back into the bathroom for a towel you could dry him off with and trying your best to snap him out of his terrified daze.
Your efforts finally paid off and the little hairball fell asleep in your arms, worn out from his own panic.
" 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝙸 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 , 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 ? " Maison asked, feigning genuine concern over Doe's wellbeing.
"Thanks for the offer but I think I'm just gonna put everyone to bed, it's a little earlier than usual but I think we've had enough adventure today- from the ongoing rat war to this whole situation." You sounded and looked tired but at least you hadn't mentioned any other 'hallucinations' today, Maison noted.
The lure simply smiled and helped you gather all the little creatures into what was your makeshift bedroom, watching as you grabbed a blanket and wrapped them all up into a horrible burrito monstrosity.
You collapsed next to them as soon as everyone was settled in, immediately falling asleep. Maison just watched you fondly, tucking you in under your own blanket and taking a moment to appreciate the closeness.
An eye stared at him from under another blanket, pupil constricted and watching his every move just in case he tried to pull anything with the little hairball's dearly beloved. Maison disappeared from the room a few minutes later, apparently satisfied, but the eye did not close.
No, it stayed open for the remainder of the night, keeping an eye on you and your surroundings. The little creature still experienced small tremors every few minutes, a common occurrence after his episodes. He didn't let this deter him, instead focusing on the task at hand- watching you like a hawk in order to make sure you were safe.
ᕼE ᗯᗩᔕ ᑭᗩᖇᗩᑎOIᗪ