1:34 a.m.
"i got y/n." suna lifted y/n up bridal style and carried her to her room. "do you need to change?" he mumbled as he set her into her bed.
"rintarou, you're so pretty." her words were slurred as she stroked his face.
he gently smiled and kissed her forehead. he tucked her in and began to leave.
"wait. where are you going?" she sat up and curled into the blanket.
"i'll be right back." suna smiled at her.
as he left, she felt horrified. she was in a dark room alone with her thoughts. drunk ones she couldn't control. the thoughts she avoided while being sober were rushing to her now since she was alone.
she hated this part of being under the influence. whether it was alcohol or marijuana. there was always a part where you would be left alone in your head.
a never ending spiral staircase that takes you deeper and deeper as you try and find an exit.
a truck that comes zooming out of nowhere. the train you want to jump out of the way of but your body forces you to stay.
she felt her eyes burn, heart ache, and nostrils flare. a tear slipped down her cheek as she slid herself under the blanket. she quietly began sobbing, not hearing the sound of the door creaking.
"y/n?" suna made his way over with a bottle of water after turning the light on and softly pulled the blanket from over her head.
his heart shattered seeing her so broken looking. "what's wrong, baby?" as she sat up, he immediately pulled her towards him, wiping a few of her tears.
y/n wanted to say everything. from the incident to the arguments to the attempt, but felt like she would make suna uncomfortable.
unfortunately for her, she was drunk. she couldn't stop herself from speaking, especially when he said, "talk to me, y/n. i'll listen." suna caressed her cheek.
"promise me you wont view me differently if i tell you?" his eyes softed seeing the sincerity in her eyes.
suna nodded swiftly.
y/n took a deep breath before beginning the story of just about everything.
flashback
y/n was a first year in middle school. she was quite popular around this time, being one of the girls who went through puberty a little faster than most. meaning some areas on her body were more defined than other girls this age.
it being summer, there were so many birthday parties she had been invited too.
mishiko toshiro.
an older boy who was close with both y/n and nachimi.
so when his birthday approached it was only naturally that they were invited to his birthday party. y/n was beyond excited. toshiro was turning 15.
the day of the party, nachimi and y/n planned to go for a few hours and go back to nachimi's for the night. the mishiko residency was only two blocks from nachimi's, so they walked.
as they approached the house they realized it was an actual party. like high school party.
y/n felt uneasy, since she wasn't a fan of too big of crowds, but nachimi insisted. claiming it would be fun, they are growing up. nachimi pulled y/n into the house as the girls laughed. it was a beautiful home.
after about 4 minutes, they found toshiro, with boys who looked way older than middle schoolers.
"y/n, nachimi! i'm so glad you could make it." toshiro gave both girls a hug, both catching onto how he reeked of alcohol and weed. "please have a drink! make yourselves at home!" he gestured them towards the kitchen.
the girls nodded and walked to the kitchen anyways. "should we?" nachimi looked to the girl to her left. they had their arms linked.
"fuck it." y/n poured the cups and a gave one to nachimi.
five cups in and the girls were dancing. y/n had accidentally wandered from nachimi and found herself upstairs.
"y/n?" a classmate named inei kurai recognized y/n. "are you joining the sesh?" he smirked.
y/n was quite a good girl so this was funny to him. y/n knew what he meant and said once again fuck it.
she followed him to a room with three others. one being toshiro. the sesh was great. the one thing that wasnt was the fact y/n didnt know what being crossfaded was. so when the high hit her and mixed with the alcohol it wasn't good. she was new to this so she was an automatic lightweight.
"y/n? you good?" toshiro laughed.
"uh.. yeah." y/n giggled.
it had just come to her realization that she didnt know where nachimi was and she was alone with toshiro. there was nothing wrong with him, she just didnt know him like that.
"have a seat. i dont bite." toshiro patted the spot next to him as he joked with her.
y/n did as he said and sat down. she need to have a seat because everytime she stood it felt like someone was pulling the floor like a carpet from under her.
"i didn't think you'd be the type to be into this typa stuff." toshiro broke the silence.
"what do you mean?" y/n laid back.
"into parties, smoking and drinking. you seemed like a goody two shoes." he explained.
"you too, to be honest. i didnt expect you to be into this stuff either." she sat back up, not being able to sit still.
toshiro stared into y/n's eyes. y/n felt uncomfortable, but just laughed and smiled at him. as she calmed down she looked to see he was still looking at her.
⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE⚠️⚠️
(if you are uncomfortable with reading any of the following content, skip until you see‼️END‼️ or click off the story. whichever you prefer.)
next thing you know his lips were on hers. her eyes widen and she pushed him off.
"oh come on, don't be a tease." he murmured before kissing her neck.
"woah, dude. back up." she went to push him once more, but he was quicker. he pushed her back and climbed on top of her. "toshiro, get off of me." y/n pleaded, squirming around to try and loosen his grip on her.
"no. you don't know what you want, y/n." he slowly began unbuckling her pants, sliding his hand into her panties.
"toshiro, i said to get off. please, dude."
at this point she had tears flowing down her faces going into her ears.
"no. you're naive, y/n. you're confused." toshiro smirked.
‼️END‼️
nachimi was looking for her friend. she needed to find her. she had a bad gut feeling and wanted to go home. the one place she hadn't looked was upstairs. she finished her scan around every perimeter downstairs and began her way upstairs.
as she walked up the stairs toshiro was walking down. "have you seen y/n?" nachimi asked, hoping he had.
"no." he rushed down the stairs and disappeared into the crowd.
nachimi thought it was weird, but shrugged it off. she went from room to room, until she aas beginning to lose hope. she went to the last bedroom at the very end of the hall.
she opened the door and stuck her head in. she saw a figure on the bed. it was dark, so she couldn't tell who nor what it was. she felt around the wall for a light switch and soon enough she found it and switched the light on.
her heart dropped to her stomach and shattered on the impact.
she saw y/n laying on the bed. her hair was messy, her shirt was slightly lifted but stretched out, her pants were barely pulled back up and she had dried mascara streams on her face.
nachimi didnt need her to speak. she fixed the girls shirt and pants. she helped her up and leaned her onto herself.
y/n was in a daze. tears still making their way down her face.
nachimi limped with y/n. all the way back to her house. she took her to her room and got a bath going. she gently stripped y/n and got her in. washing her hair, conditioning it, and then washed her body like five times. when she got y/n dried, lotioned up and dressed. she softly placed her into her bed and tucked her in. she got in next to her and held her.
nachimi was bawling. she couldn't believe it, she was to blame. she wanted to go and insisted y/n went. she told y/n to loosen up a bit.
she held y/n and stroked her hair. telling her it was all over and she was okay now. y/n didn't speak at all, she couldn't bring herself to. nachimi didnt force her to, didn't even ask any questions. she knew who did it. she knew what happened.
days passed and y/n was barely eating, talking, or leaving nachimi's room. she was staying at nachimi's since her parents were gone on a family issue out of the country and she couldn't face nachimi's.
"y/n, you need to eat." nachimi ushered the fork of eggs towards y/n's mouth.
"i'm not hungry." she pushed the fork away from her.
"y/n." nachimi sighed. they had argued multiple times.
"nachimi. i can't eat. i can barely sleep, nor even leave this room. the images and the memory keep replaying in my mind. its so fucking disgusting and pathetic." y/n's vision was blurry but she could tell nachimi was crying too. "i should have fought harder. i shouldnt have let him take advantage of me that quickly. i could have—"
"no. shut the fuck up. it is not your fucking fault. you're not disgusting nor pathetic. he is. he is beyond fucking disgusting and pathetic. you are brave. you are not at fault for some dumbass who took advantage of you. whether you feel like you could have done something or not. you are not at fault." and with that, nachimi left the room.
y/n was sobbing. she felt dead, like dying. that everything leading up to that moment and after was her fault. she could have told him no louder and more authoritatively. she could have gotten up and left, but she stayed. like she wanted it to happen or something.
weeks had passed and she was back home. she was alone in her room, crying for the billionth time that day. she had come to the conclusion she was fed up.
she had argued with her mother about her apparently laziness, and her father about how she needs to be more feminine and take care of herself. her brother said he hated her and wished she wasn't his sister.
nachimi was the only one there, but y/n felt like she was burdening her with something so avoidable.
she wiped her tears and went to the bathroom. she stared at herself for what felt like forever. seeing herself make her feel nauseated, she was revolted against the image she saw in the mirror.
⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: OVERDOSE⚠️⚠️
( as said before, if you are uncomfortable with reading any of the following content, skip until you see ‼️END‼️ or click off the story. whichever you prefer.)
she opened the mirror cabinet and grabbed her father's xanax. she opened it and dumped it into her hand. she stared at the pills then herself. she was tired of looking at the repulsive thing she saw looking back at her.
the moment went in slow motion. she shoved all the pills into her mouth and tossed her head back as she swallowed.
she pitifully smiled at her reflection and rushed back to her room, slamming the door. locking it. she jumped into her bed.
the digital clock on her phone read 2:46 a.m. she sent an i love you forever and always to nachimi and felt herself bwcoming drowsy. she sent her phone down and fell asleep.
‼️END‼️
that morning when nachimi read the message, she felt off. she called y/n, but recieved no answer. it was only 11:23 a.m. so she was most likely sleeping. nachimi got up and went downstairs.
her mother was on the house phone and was crying. nachimi frantically rushed over and repeatedly asked what was wrong. her mother hung up and looked to nachimi with pity eyes, which she hated.
as the words of y/n's overdose left her mother's mouth, nachimi moved on instinct. she rushed upstairs. she didn't want to believe it but she has a terrible gut feeling about it. she put shoes on and grabbed her phone.
she quickly stormed out the front door and hopped on her bike. she pedaled as fast as a 14 year old girl could. she rode her bike all the way to the hospital. she asked around for y/n and eventually found her room.
y/n was in there for two months. nachimi was with her the entire time. the first month was for recovery and the second was suicide watch. she had the option of going to an impatient mental facility, but her mother declined.
nachimi spent the entire summer at the l/n residency, from the time y/n came home to the time school started. she was there for y/n's every beck and call.
y/n was beyond thankful, she survived. once she fell asleep, she was in the darkness of her mind. pitch dark. that's when she began thinking about everything. from the incident to arguments to the pills she took.
then nachimi. she couldn't leave her. she didn't want to. whether she was a burden to nachimi or not. nachimi is gonna have to suck it up because nachimi was y/n's everything.
she realized it's not that she wanted to die, but for her pain and suffering to go away.