The poetry night begins and no act seems to be impressing the "esteemed" gentleman sitting beside me. All of my attention is focused on him for most of the evening. Poetry is really not my thing, so it's not a bummer. I'm not missing out on much.
Keletso's face lights up when the (his) guest of honour graces the stage.
It's a girl. A very pretty girl. Of course it is a girl, why wouldn't it be. I'm sure they a have a thing going on between them and he only brought me here to embarrass me.
My eyes move back and forth between the both of them. It's like nothing else is here. It's just both of them.tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
I block out my subconscious before she can say anything. I already know what she's going to say and no, I'm not paranoid. I know what I'm feeling and my female intuition is never wrong.
I look at Keletso and he's in awe. I try to compose myself. I don't want to say anything that will sabotage me because he has more stuff to use against me and I won't give him that satisfaction.
"Isn't she a beauty?" he asks me and I notice that he hasn't stopped looking at her.
"Yeah she is." At this point I'm annoyed by him.
"How would you know when you're not looking at her?" He uses an accusatory tone when he speaks and I roll my eyes and mimic him in my head.
"You don't have to be jealous of her, you have a boyfriend remember?" he says to me and my blood boils.
"I'm not jealous. I just don't understand what is so special about her... and can we please not talk about him, I'm here with you and that's all that matters" I cave in. Of course I cave in. Why am I putty in his hands?
He seems pleased by the tiny bit of information I added on at the end. The smile on his face confirms it and I'm pleased. I don't want to think about the guilt I should be feeling right now.
"Now if you want your mystery to be solved, listen" He looks at her and I have no choice but to do the same.
"hello" she whispers into the mic and the crowd explodes.
I hate her voice. It's beautiful but I hate it still.
"It is the weird kiid and I'm sorry for making you wait this long." she continues to whisper.
Why is she flirting? Why on earth is she flirting?
"We forgive you!" Keletso screams and it takes everything in me to hold on to the tiny bit of patience I have left.
"Okay...here goes..." She whispers and the idiot next to me and the rest of everyone cheers for her.
"...Choice is a double edged sword.
love is a fraud.
life is hard
and the path is draped with mud.
*loud cheers *
I want to get lost in someone.
I want to touch each and every inch of their skin.
I want to breathe them in.
I want to breathe out their name.
The beast within is for them to tame.
I want to look into their eyes and get lost in their mind.
I want to be in their subconscious and be consciously present in their presence.
but each and every time I'm so close to being happy,
The bright light is quickly dimmed out.
Will we ever get what we truly desire?
Or
Will we burn in the fire?
*More cheering and whistling*
I'm a sentimental being.
Put your hands on my waist,
Hold me into place.
I am yours to embrace.
Fill me with your grace.
lips on lips;
Hands on hips,
Take the final sip...
and come undone.
Passionately.
Sincerely.
Unconditionally.
Please, make me yours.
I am yours to have.
You are mine to take.
Of whatever may come,
What matters is what we make.
*Applauding and cheering*
Clandestine.
Secrets unfold.
Stories untold.
Lying on a bed of lies.
Silent truths...
We swallow these bitter fruits.
Reaping our sowings.
Weaving entanglements that tie us all together.
We're all hypocrites one way or the other,
Doing what we said we would never.
We are only human after all."
She takes a bow and the crowd explodes. I sit there in astonishment, hoping and praying that I could say it was a bleak and dull use of words. I can't. I feel like a deer in headlights. A little scared rabbit trapped in a snare. I'm full of emotions and yet I am not supposed to feel anything.
This woman has undressed me. She has woven my fears and wishes into beautiful metaphors and stanzas. I am naked. This woman has seen inside of me. She has seen me at my most vulnerable moment.
"Snap out of it okay. I only have eyes for you." Keletso playfully assures me but he has the wrong end of the stick.
"She's amazing." I say absentmindedly and I think I notice a look of...jealousy? on his face.
"Can we go?" I literally drag him but he follows willingly.
"O-kay?" The poor soul follows me with the very fast pace I'm moving with.
We reach the parking and I notice the poet (whose name I've already conveniently forgotten) standing next to a car that is parked two cars away from ours.
I run to her, dragging him along. I greet her and she jumps.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you" I say to her.
"it's okay. It's just that I had an incident a week ago and I've been a bit jumpy since then" she explains nervously.
"I just wanted to tell you that you were amazing back there. I might even convert to the poetry religion because of you" She gets my joke and she laughs warmly. "... and I also wanted you to meet this guy" I add on. I don't know what to call him. Calling him a friend would insinuate "benefits".
"here's my number one fan" She says to him.
This setting between the three of us is quite platonic. The theatrics I displayed earlier on seem like those of an insecure and hysterical woman right now. I guess I was just paranoid.
Keletso confuses me by wrapping his arm around my waist and opting for a handshake instead of the hug I was anticipating.
"Nice to finally and officially meet you" He is very casual for someone who was gushing a minute ago.
They share a knowing look and I'm like what?. What the actual fu*k is going on?
There's an awkward silence in the car and I keep looking over to him for an explanation.
"She's a lesbian, okay." He says finally.
I smile to myself and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing but end up bursting out in laughter.
"What's so funny?"
"So the mighty Keletso also gets jealous..." I laugh until my tummy hurts.
"I'm not jealous"
"you are and It's because of a girl" at this point I'm besides myself and I'm crying.
I tease him all the way. He looks at me when he takes the turn that leads to his place. I don't protest and he relaxes.