200k Bitches! I gift y'all with an excessive amount of updates!
Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or the cult dies (Honestly I'm just attempting to force y'all to take care of yourselves)
Hot people
Cool kid is now online
Cool kid
Hey Kings, queens and everyone in
between ✌️
6 people are now online
Hisoka
Hello~
Shalnark
Hi
Cool kid
Hey queen 👑🤪💅✨
Shalnark
Yuhhhh🙄💅✨🛐
Mother
Day 156 or being concerned for your
mental health
Cool kid
Anyways what does me and McDonald's ice cream machine have in common??
Shalnark
Idk??
Cool kid
We're both broke
Cool kid
No seriously pls give me money
Shalnark
How-
Cool kid
I needed candy :/
Hisoka
I could get you some~
Cool kid
Hey Fei-
Feitan
no
Cool kid
</3
Feitan
❤️
Cool kid
Nvm- ❤️❤️
Feitan has deleted one message
Cool kid has deleted one message
Cool kid
Ah yes, didn't respond 🤐
Mother
I can't tell if I should be concerned for you
or just disappointed
Cool kid
I may be depressed, mentally unstable, suicidal, and belong in a mental hospital but I'm hot so it's fine
Hisoka
^^^
Cool kid
Have we ever talked about how Hisoka is
more suicidal than me??
Shalnark
Thought you were ignoring him??
Cool kid
I can still talk about him🙄
Feitan
i better than whoresoka
Cool kid
Yuhhhh 🤪💅✨❤️
Mother
Okay but Hisoka and suicidal?? There's no way-
Cool kid
Man wants to die but thinks suicide is
boring so he forces people who have potential to fight him to the death so he either loses
and dies or just has fun??
Cool kid
How did y'all not notice that????
Dad
No-
Mom
Absolutely not
Mother
I refuse to believe that Hisoka is suicidal
Shalnark
Those words don't even belong in the same sentence
Feitan
he should die
Cool kid
How to tell you have issues 101: when you
can tell when people around you wants to die and like to play a game called find the depressed bitch
Mother
Being genuinely concerned for the 100th
time today 😃
Cool kid
Anywhore Hisoka ain't important back to my trauma
Mother
Agreed
Cool kid
So I was fucking chilling in a wall as one does
Mom
Wha-
Shalnark
Shh let them speak
Cool kid
And then my dog jumped up onto the ceiling
Dad
I-
Cool kid
And then that bitch had the audacity to steal my lasagna
Cool kid
AND HE EVOLVED INTO A FUCKING GOLDFISH
Dad
Im going to stop questioning what you're
saying for my mental stability
Cool kid
The worst part is
Cool kid
I DON'T HAVE A HOUSE WHOSE WALL
AM I IN AND I DON'T HAVE A CEILING
Shalnark
Imagine being homeless🤪💅✨
Cool kid
I DON'T HAVE A DOG EITHER!??
Cool kid
Anygays hru all doin??
Shalnark
Pretty good but some rando is chillin in my wall so I sent my dog to jump on the ceiling, steal their lasagna and then evolve into a goldfish
Cool kid
That rando is a fucking bitch
Shalnark
Ikr 😒
Cool kid
Back to me tho- I was just eating lunch
and then when I went to go drink my porcupine it was gone 😭😭
Feitan
...
Feitan is now offline
Shalnark
My day was worse I stole someone's
porcupine but when I went to drink it I accidentally kicked the ceiling 😭😭
Dad is now offline
3 people are now offline
Cool kid
#Relatable
Shalnark
#Iwanttoyeetmyselfoffaroof
Cool kid
#Canijoinyou??
Shalnark
#Findyourownroofbitch
Cool kid
#Betrayal
Cool kid
That's toxic behavior this relationship is
over 💔
Shalnark
No pls take me backkkkk
Cool kid
Nope you toxic 😭
Shalnark
Nooo pls stay😭😭
Cool kid
Nah I'm leaving💔
Cool kid is now offline
Shalnark
😢
In real life
"Hi Y/n!" Shuko greeted.
"Hullo child that I adopted without permission." I replied, T-posing of course. I must assert dominance.
"And I was called weird." Harou muttered underneath his breath.
"Damn Illumi isn't here." Shuko complained. I'm starting to think Shuko has a favorite parent.
"So what have you all been doing?" I asked. Probably boring stuff. Losers.
"Worshiping Jinx." Anzai replied. As you should.
"Ignoring my issues." Shuko said. Doesn't sound healthy, I'm not really one to talk though.
"Fucking school. I hate school." Harou responded. Haha, sucks.
"One of the substitute teachers literally just had us 'learn' the alphabet." Urara added.
"No wait-"
"A stands for: About to kill myself." Shuko stated. Yes.
"Not again please." Harou cried.
"B stands for: Begging for someone to kill me."
"Shuko please." Urara begged. Never.
"C stands for: Can somebody please kill me?"
"God no."
"D stands for: (I) Don't want to live."
"Shut up."
"E stands for: Existing is difficult."
"There is no reason to do this."
"F stands for: Finding a reason to live is impossible."
"Please stop."
"G stands for: God I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up."
"Just stop. Please. I'm literally begging."
"H stands for: Hundreds of reasons to die right now."
"I'm losing braincells listening to you."
"I stands for: I actually want to die."
"You're making me want to die."
"J stands for: Just kill me."
"Just shut the fuck up."
"K stands for: Killing me is an amazing idea."
"I agree."
"L stands for: Literally wanting to die every second of my life."
"I'm going to go find a good corner to cry in."
"M stands for: My life is meaningless."
"N stands for: No seriously, kill me."
"O stands for: Overthinking everyday."
"P stands for: Paying someone to kill me."
"Q stands for: Quitting life sounds like fun."
"R stands for: Really wanting to die right now."
"S stands for: School makes we want to die."
"T stands for: Throwing a toaster in the bath is a great idea." Ah yes, the forbidden bath bomb.
"U stands for: U should kill me."
"V stands for: Very few reasons to live."
"W stands for: Wanting to die every second of the day."
"X stands for: We're pretending this letter doesn't exist."
"Y stands for: Yeeting myself of a roof sounds really fun."
"Z stands for: Zero will to live."
"It's finally over." Harou muttered, still regretting his life decisions in the corner.
"Thank Jinx." Urara added.
"Anyways what do you all want to do?" Shuko asked, completely ignoring the traumatized children. What is it with all my children being traumatized?
"Truth or dare I guess." Anzai replied. Ooo, we're going to create chaos.
"Truth or dare, Harou?" Shuko asked. I'm not sure if he is currently mentally stable enough to respond.
"Dare." Harou muttered, still traumatized.
"Hmmm.. Jump out of the window."
How to tell if someone is depressed 101: When they don't hesitate to jump out of a window while on the third floor.
"Anzai, truth or dare?" Harou asked.
"Dare." Anzai replied. Man just wants as much chaos as possible.
"Wear a maid dress." Harou said. ...That's kinda gay.
"Is this one of your weird sexual fantasies?" Anzai questioned after changing into the maid dress. Do not ask where they got the maid dress, it's not important to the plot.
"I- no it's not like that!" Harou denied. Oh no, he's in denial.
"Whatever you say."
Harou proceeded to attempt to convince Anzai that this wasn't a 'Weird sexual fantasy' for the next five minutes. Key word: Attempt.
"Y/n truth or dare?" Anzai asked while Harou cried in the corner.
"Dare." I replied. I ain't no pussy.
"Tell us who your favorite child is."
"Kalluto." I stated. I don't have a favorite guys, trust.
"Kalluto?" Shuko questioned.
"Anyways Urara truth or dare?" I asked.
"Truth." Urara said, completely tired of our bullshit.
"Who's your favorite-"
"Jinx." Urara cut off.
"Valid answer."
"Truth or dare Harou?"
"Dare."
"Admit that Jinx is superior to everyone and everything else." Urara replied.
"Fine, Jinx is superior to everyone and everything else." Harou stated. Exactly. Completely true.
"Yes. Praise Jinx, our lord and savior." Anzai added.
"Truth or dare Anzai?" Harou asked.
"Dare, what weird sexual fantasies do you have this time?" Anzai questioned. Yes, we love the chaos.
"Admit that this isn't a 'Weird sexual fantasy'." Harou replied. Sure, you just really wanted to see Anzai in a maid dress. Completely normal, nothing to see here. At this point you could just stop reading. Why not close Wattpad while you're at it? Maybe do something healthy for once in your life.
"This totally isn't a weird sexual fantasy." Anzai stated.
"It's not!"
"Mhm, whatever you want to believe."
"It's not a 'Weird sexual fantasy'!"
And then Harou attempted to convince Anzai it wasn't a 'Weird sexual fantasy' for another 5 minutes.
"Shuko, truth or dare?" Anzai asked, while Harou cried in the corner again. This is the third time today.
"Truth." Shuko replied.
"Who's your favorite parent?"
"Il- I mean I don't have a favorite." Shuko stated. Wow, how rude. I shall let Illumi train you.
"Mhm, it's totally not Illumi."
"Y/n truth or dare?" Shuko asked, attempting to change the topic.
"Dare." What chaos will go on this time?
"Let us go through your phone for two minutes!" Fuck.
I handed Shuko my phone, allowing her to go through it. Please do not look at my messages with Shalnark.
"What's 'Hot people groupchat'?"
Word count: 1632
Fun Facts:
• Urara and Anzai cause chaos, Shuko does random impulse things, and Harou cries in corners. That's just the family dynamic.
• Ok, what if I write a book, and it's just Illumi, Y/n and all the illegally adopted children living in the same house? Sometimes Hisoka the pedophile shows up. Sometimes Machi, Paku, or Chrollo shows up
WAIT- THEY'D BE THE COOLEST FUCKING GRANDPARENTS- and they're also not old and look hot asf
• Imagine being single couldn't be me-
Wait never mind- I is now single 😔😔