"I don't know if I want to go in there. This door's worth more than my house."
Steve chuckles, clapping his friend on the back. "Come on, it'll be fine."
Sam scoffs. "Man, if I break something, I'm never gonna be able to pay it off."
"We'll make Tony pay for it," Steve says, leading him into the building. "We do it with the groceries; when we want new movies; Nat just made him buy a new bean bag chair for her room last month; he pays for the cat food—"
"You guys have a cat?" Sam interrupts.
"Oh, yeah, we have a cat," Steve says. He forgot to mention her when he was listing off the residents of the building — and yet he included Pepper, Rhodey, and Jane, despite them only coming by once in a blue moon. Oops. "Loki shares her with Tony's girlfriend."
Sam stares at him. "Loki has a cat?"
"Yeah, Loki has a cat," Steve says. "Her name's Snowflake. I think she's two years old now?" She was one year old last New Years, right? So she'd be two now? He has no idea. He pays far more attention to Loki than he does to Loki's cat.
"Wow," Sam says. "Everything I learn about this guy is against my own will."
Steve sighs. Yeah, that probably sounds weird. "He's really not that bad," he says. "I know it sounds like he would be—"
"Hey, man, it's cool," Sam assures him. "If you trust him, I trust him. I'm not gonna argue with Captain America on morality."
That puts a small smile on his face. That's nice. One less thing he has to worry about. "Sometimes he can be a little much," Steve warns hin. "If he tries acting all threatening, you can humor him if you want, but don't believe a word he says. He's just being..." Well, he's being him.
"It's a dick-measuring contest," Sam substitutes. "Yeah, I get it. I know the type."
"Yeah, pretty much," Steve says. It's one thing he and Tony have in common, but if he said it aloud, he'd definitely end up with either a knife to the back or an Iron Man-sponsored blast to the chest — or both.
"So, who am I gonna meet today?" Sam asks as they step into the elevator.
"No idea," Steve says. "Loki's either in his room, the kitchen, or watching TV; Stark and Banner are probably in their labs but they'll come out eventually; Nat's in DC and Clint might've gone with her, I'm not sure; and Thor comes in and out, so you never know when he's gonna be here."
Sam raises his brows. "You got everyone's business memorized like that?"
"Well, when you live with them for as long as I have..." Steve shrugs. Yeah, he pays attention. He knows their business and he's sure they know his. That's just how it is.
"Huh," Sam says. "Well, hey, whatever works."
They don't find anybody when they step out of the elevator. That's not too surprising; people don't spend too much time there. Steve's next bet is the kitchen. There's usually somebody eating something at all times. But when they reach the kitchen, they're greeted with nothing but dirty dishes piling up in the sink.
Great.
He'll take care of that later.
"Want to check out the man cave?" Steve asks. They might find somebody in there, and if not, at least it's a comfortable room to hang out in.
Sam snorts. "You guys have a man cave?"
Steve sighs. He's gotten so used to calling it that, he forgot how ridiculous it sounds. "Yeah, Tony named it. We thought it was stupid, too."
"Hey, man, as long as you know," Sam says, amused. As they're making their way to said man cave, he asks, "So how much of a man cave is it? Is Romanoff not allowed in it?"
"No, she is," Steve says. "And Tony's girlfriend. And Thor's girlfriend. I really don't know why he calls it the man cave."
"That is so weird," Sam says.
"Take it up with Tony," Steve says with a shrug.
The man cave is also empty.
That's not surprising, either, but it is annoying.
"That's the problem with living in a 200-story building," Sam remarks. "How do you ever know where to find anybody?"
"Like this," Steve says. "JARVIS, where is everyone?"
"Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, and Loki are in Mr. Stark's lab," JARVIS says. "Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton are in Washington, DC, and Thor is in London."
Sam looks around. "What the...?"
"JARVIS," Steve explains. "Tony's AI."
"He knows where everyone is all the time?" Sam asks in disbelief.
"I think he only knows what he sees and hears," Steve says. "I don't know. I don't know how it works. It's a little ahead of my time."
Sam cracks a smile at that. "Yeah, I guess you've got a point."
"It sounds like everyone's in Stark's lab if you want to meet them," Steve tells him. There's no reason to rush the introductions, but there's not much else to do, either. They've spent half the day traveling together anyway. They could use some other company.
"Man, if I break something in a lab, I'm gonna have to sell both my kidneys."
"You won't have to pay for anything," Steve insists. "Stark makes money faster than he can spend it. You could burn the whole tower down and he'd probably thank you for giving him something to do."
"God, I wish I had those problems," Sam mutters.
"Yeah, I hear that," Steve says. Growing up poor and now living with a billionaire, he's seen both sides of the coin, and he definitely prefers this one. "You want to go meet everyone?"
"Am I gonna be interrupting anything if I do?" Sam asks. "I don't know what kind of sciencey shit you guys get up to here."
"Trust me, if all three of them are in there together, I doubt they're getting anything done right now," Steve says. Interrupting them will be a blessing for everyone.
"Oh, yeah, I guess Loki's probably not much help in the science department, huh?" Sam jokes.
"No, he is, actually," Steve says. "But he and Tony don't always get along, so I'm pretty sure there's more fighting going on than actual work."
Sam snorts. "Oh, that sounds great. Sounds like you guys have a lot of fun here."
"We do, actually," Steve says. "You'll see. It's a lot better than it sounds."
"With six super-people living in a building together?" Sam scoffs. "Yeah, no, I believe it. You don't have to try that hard to convince me that this is a whole big party every day."
Steve sucks in a breath through his teeth. "Yeah, it's not that fun."
Sam does agree, once Steve assures him that they won't be interrupting anything, that he would like to meet the other Avengers, so Steve leads him up to Tony's lab. He can hear the yelling from down the hall – Tony's "Hey! Stop it!" followed by Loki's "Well, somebody has to do it!" that assures him that he isn't missing out on any fun by not being as science-oriented as these three – and Sam raises an eyebrow. Steve just shakes his head. It is what it is.
As soon as they step into the lab, Bruce says, "Oh, thank god. A distraction."
When Tony notices them in the doorway, whatever presumably petty argument he had been having with Loki ceases. "Hey, Cap, you're back."
Steve fights the urge to laugh. "Yeah, I am." He glances between Tony and Loki, trying to gauge the seriousness of this argument they were having, but he's met with a very deadpan-looking Loki. He furrows his brows. What's that about?
Loki answers his unspoken question. "I'm surprised to see you," he says. "When your last attempt didn't work, I'd been so sure you'd find a new way to commit suicide."
Steve heaves a sigh. "Can we not do this right now?"
"Would you prefer to do it when we talk about Bucky?" Loki asks. "Because I have many questions and many grievances to air out now that you've finally returned."
Steve lolls his head back, exasperated. "Look, I told you I'd explain everything later, right? Just give me a minute to get in the building, will you?"
"I expect an explanation today," Loki says. His gaze drifts to Sam, who's still awkwardly standing in the doorway by Steve's side. "And I see you brought the man from the helicopter."
Sam raises his hand in a small wave. "Hey."
Loki raises his brows, looking him up and down with apparent disapproval.
Sam puts his hands in his pockets, nodding awkwardly. He looks up at Steve. "Nice guy."
"Don't worry about him," Tony says. "He's just jealous that Cap's got a new best friend."
"Funny," Loki deadpans, "I'd always assumed Romanoff held that title."
Steve rolls his eyes. He's right, but it's still a ridiculous thing to say. "Guys, this is Sam Wilson. He's a new friend of mine."
"Hey, Sam, make yourself at home," Tony says. "Because apparently everyone else has. I'm beginning to think this isn't even my tower anymore."
Steve rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "I mean, it does now say it belongs to all the Avengers."
"Actually, I believe that if you check the lease, it says it belongs to me," Tony says.
"Ignore him," Bruce says to Sam. "He's always like this."
"In my defense," Tony says, "nobody ever tells me anyone's coming over. You guys just show up with more people."
Loki scoffs. "Who is 'you guys'? Thor and Jane Foster? I would hardly call that a recurring problem."
"All of you!" Tony says. "I'm pretty sure the only person who's ever actually asked to be here was Banner. The rest of you just kinda showed up and decided you live here now."
"I never had the choice," Loki mutters under his breath.
"Do you really have to do this now?" Steve asks, exasperated.
"Yep." Tony flashes him a smile.
Sam looks between them all uncomfortably, but he doesn't say anything about it. Steve doesn't blame him. This isn't necessarily the best first impression.
"Jokes aside," Tony says, "make yourself at home. I don't know how long you're planning on staying, but the tower's big enough for everyone."
"Thanks," Sam says. "I think I'll head back tonight. Got shit to do tomorrow, you know?"
Tony lets out a low whistle. "Just took down a whole government agency, but you got 'shit to do.'" He nods approvingly. "I respect it. I respect the hustle."
"I really do not see this as a hustle," Loki remarks. "I think you all forget that some people have to work for a living."
"Oh, great," Tony says sarcastically. "Now the resident prince is going to preach to us about capitalism."
Sam smiles, almost looking as though he's trying not to laugh. "Are you guys always like this?"
"Like what?"
"You guys bicker like me and my sister," Sam tells them, amused.
Loki makes a face at that.
"I rescind my invitation," Tony says. He points to the door. "Out. Leave."
Sam huffs a laugh. "Just like that?"
"Just like that," Tony says, but the small smile on his lips says otherwise.
Steve finds himself smiling, too. It looks like he's going to get along just fine here.