➥𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:
This is a South Park reader insert based mostly, but not only, on ❛The Fractured But Whole❜ game, meaning this story will contain tons and tons of swears, sexual content, violence and an unhealthy dose of Eric Cartman. This is South Park, so it should be expected, but if this isn't your kind of content, please feel free to click off this story! Heads-up: main characters have been aged up to be 17/18 years old. Now, this being said...
➥𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄?
➤【𝒀𝑬𝑺】 『𝐍𝐎』
─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･
South Park was the strangest town in the entirety of Colorado, if not in the entire United States of America. It would not be an understatement to consider it the strangest town in the whole world. If you asked some of its residents, especially the younger ones, they'd be able to tell you all about the infinite number of strange things that had happened and continue happening in the small town.
Some people would tell you about aliens abducting citizens to give them anal probes, others would tell you about that time a mecha, Godzilla-like version of Barbra Streisand tried to destroy the town. There would even be people telling you all about that one time Jesus had a boxing match with Satan; it'd be more than understandable if you started thinking the town was full of psychos and people that are probably a bit too passionate about doing drugs.
Thing is, strangely enough not a single one of these stories would be false, and there was one person in town that knew better than anyone, even better than those who had witnessed all of these things with their own eyes, any and everything that had happened and is happening in the happy, little mountain town.
Known as Miss. Know-It-All, Y/N L/N was one of the most mysterious and scary people that attended South Park High School, even some of the teachers and most adults feared her - they didn't want their darkest secrets being revealed to everyone.
Her nickname was quite fitting and in no way ironic, for she quite literally knew everything, exception made for the few things she considered unimportant, that transpired in the cold town.
She had a 'small' habit of picking fights with certain people and she came out of said fights always basically unscathed, which contributed to the fear people felt towards her.
Most people were wrong about her, though. She wasn't as scary as most made her out to be. She was cunning and physically strong, and like all South Park residents a bit messed up in the head, but she wasn't, as some would put it, a 'crazy bitch that punched anyone she didn't like.'
Her closest friends, which weren't many, they were actually three people, knew her as she truly was. A funny, mischievous and affectionate person, who didn't mind scheming and causing trouble every once in a while and that would fight only if threatened or if one of the people she cared about was about to get hurt by someone else. The former being the reason she fought people a good 95% of the time.
To put it simply, she was quite misunderstood. Not completely, some things that were being said about her weren't wrong at all, but it was more likely for her to give you a pat on the head than it was for her to break every single bone in your body because she didn't like the way your hair was styled.
Honestly, where did the rumour she did that to a high school senior when she was in her first year of middle school start from? She didn't really care to know, but she liked how it made her feel like such a badass, although that wasn't like her at all.
Her three closest friends were people with very different personalities, it's a wonder how she managed to make friends with such different people. Nobody knew the details of their friendships, hell, most people didn't even know she had friends.
Her first close friend was a silent guy, nobody ever heard him speak, some wondered if he was mute or if he was just an asshole. His name was Dovahkiin, the town's 'New Kid', despite having moved there in fourth grade and now being in twelfth grade. He spent most of his time with her playing video games, talking mostly through texts as he wasn't that talkative with her either. She probably had heard him speak once, and it was in fifth grade. Despite that, they enjoyed each other's company a lot, even if most of the time they hung out it was just them being in the same room and each of them minding their own business.
Her second close friend was the school council's president, Wendy Testaburger. Popular, well-liked and always looking like the outgoing type, to anyone who didn't know Y/N she might've looked like her total opposite and like people who would've never gotten along. On the contrary, they were as close as friends could be. They texted all the time, helped each other when times were tough and always sided with each other.
Wendy truly appreciated and treasured the know-it-all's friendship. She was the one that made her realize her relationship with her on-and-off ex-boyfriend Stan Marsh was nothing short of toxic. It wasn't only hurting Wendy herself, but Stan too, and she was fed up with seeing her best friend because of a relationship that would go nowhere after high school. She was the one person who stuck by her side even when she treated her harshly and told her to fuck off with her talk about 'leaving Stan, for the sake of her mental health.
Thanks to her, she had bettered herself a lot as a person and was now a less aggressive and jealous person. She still had things she needed to improve about herself, but she knew her best friend was going to be there to help and guide her through it all.
Her last close friend, to everyone's surprise, because honestly, who in their right mind would consider themselves close friend with this person out of all the inhabitants of South Park, was Eric Cartman. That, Eric Cartman. The one that fed one kid his parents. That one.
Somehow, they seemed to tolerate each other's existence, though that guy would never be caught dead admitting it. They insulted each other a lot, as Cartman does with anyone and anything that breathes, but they never took each other's insults seriously. They knew they were just joking and didn't mean anything by it. Maybe.
Now, why would these two people be close friends? Well, first of all, they were both scheming assholes. They liked to annoy teachers and anyone that wronged them, even going a bit too far (mostly due to Cartman's terrible personality genius ideas) with their plans at times, but they had tons of fun doing it so they didn't care about the consequences of their actions, at least he didn't.
They were the perfect partners in crime. She had all the possible information anyone could dream about to get back at someone, and Cartman had the worst, yet most genius, ideas and plans.
Second thing second, he didn't consider her a complete bitch as he did with all the other girls. Probably because she actually listened to him, didn't make fun of his weight and wasn't a terrible human being. You could ask him for the reason why and he would tell you to just fuck off and that he hated her, so it's still a mystery why he doesn't hate it.
As hard as it would be to imagine, Cartman wasn't too much of an asshole towards the girl. She was the one girl in town he didn't consider a complete bitch. He was actually relatively nice if nobody was around. He still made fun of her, insulted her and said harsh things, but they both knew it was for jokes, never for real. He obviously was still Cartman, he said very Cartman-like things that if anyone else had said would probably land them in prison, but he wasn't that bad around her.
When it came to talking with her in public though, the few times people saw them interact, he was the usual mean, stand-offish Cartman. But she didn't mind. As long as he didn't try to kill her or make her eat her parents she didn't mind his personality.
To say it once again, they were the perfect partners in crime.
And why would this be important, you may ask? It was important. Very important. Because if she hadn't considered him a close friend of hers, she wouldn't be going along with his stupid request right about now.
･✧* :･ﾟ✧─────
[The one that tamed Cthulhu] sent a location.
[International SUPER SPYYY]:
what am I supposed to do with this?
you want me to bring you some cheesy poofs or smth? :0
[The one that tamed Cthulhu]:
no you stupid bitch you're supposed to come here and beat some [redacted] up with me
wait also bring the cheesy poofs
[International SUPER SPYYY]:
do you seriously want me to come there and beat some kids just because, jackass? (・・ )
also since when does stuff in this chat get censored?? wtf did you say to get it censored?
wait don't tell me I don't want to know
[The one that tamed Cthulhu]:
I don't know but whoever added the censoring feature is a [redacted]
I mean [redacted]
I CAN'T EVEN SUBSTITUTE LETTERS WITH NUMBERS, IT STILL GETS CENSORED
FUCK THIS
JUST COME HERE AND BEAT THESE [REDACTED]'S ASSES WILL YOU?
[International SUPER SPYYY]:
lmao
but okay fine I'll be there in five
do you have my stuff tho
[The one that tamed Cthulhu]:
YES
[International SUPER SPYYY]:
damn chill (×_×)
─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･
𝐏.𝐎.𝐕 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄
･✧* :･ﾟ✧─────
So there you were, making your way to South Park's Main Street to fight a group of people you didn't even know the name of, wearing the most comfortable outfit you could think of to punch someone, which consisted of a black hoodie, black leggings, a utility belt and sneakers. You just hoped Cartman didn't want you to fight people just for the sake of it and that there was a reason behind it, otherwise you'd just walk back home and sleep the whole afternoon.
Once you neared the main street, you heard some familiar voices speaking. You didn't know the people you were hearing well but you recognized some of the voices as the ones of some of your classmates.
Without much care, you barged into their conversation, directing your attention and words to Cartman who you noticed was wearing his 'Raccoon' costume. You started to understand the reason behind his request once you also saw the people he was screaming towards.
"Are those the ones you want to beat up?" You spoke, everyone's eyes turning to the newcomer who made her way to The Raccoon, a bag of Cheesy Poofs in hand. Some of the guys' eyes flashed in recognition as they seemed to realize quite fast who it was that joined their feud.
"Obviously, you stupid bitch," Cartman's voice was quite calm as he took the bag of snacks from your hands and fished out something from his utility belt, handing it to you. You looked at the item he gave you, a seemingly short and useless stick, but as the smile on your face grew the others started to think they might be underestimating the little gadget.
"Heh, nice." You shot the chubby guy a smirk, admiring the metal stick.
"Anyway, what did they do that made you want to beat them up?" You asked him, glancing at his supposed enemies. You noticed there was a guy in a wheelchair between them, and damn were you hoping you wouldn't have to fight him. Fighting people in wheelchairs? What were you, a heartless bastard?
"These traitors want to fight us!" He pointed to a blonde twitching kid you recognized as Tweek Tweak. Knowing who he was and what his parents did to him, you felt bad about having to fight him as well, but his group wanted to beat your friend up, so there wasn't much you could do about it, they asked for it. "That traitor, Wonder Storm, is in a group of super traitors and wants to fight us!"
'This is seriously going to be a fight over their damn hero game and their so-supposed but never-going-to-happen movie franchises, huh?' You couldn't help but think that was a stupid reason to fight his supposed 'friends' over.
"This was started by you! By people who thought there should be preferential treatment to certain heroes." A deep voice spoke against Cartman. The guy with the purple cloak, who you knew perfectly well was Kenny McCormick using his 'batman' voice, accusingly pointed a finger at your friend.
"We aren't the ones who walked out of the fucking franchise, Mysterion!" You almost let out a laugh as you listened by, leaning against a building's wall. That was... a very weird name for a superhero. Not that 'Super Dude', the name of Craig's superhero persona, was any better. Honestly, their hero franchises had a lot of weird hero names in them.
"Uh... Betrayal. That's rough, buddy." You said, very much uninterested in their superhero wars, crossing your arms in front of your chest.
"Well, yeah!" Cartman looked at you, "So, are you going to help us fight them or not?!"
He was angry, that much was easy to tell. His anger wasn't directed towards you but towards these 'traitors' in front of you, but you still found it a bit scary how he looked like he was about to pounce on anyone at any given moment.
"Duh. I told you I would help, didn't I?" You smirked and he gave you a smirk back. You felt everyone's stares on you two. They most likely were asking themselves why you of all people seemed to be so close to Cartman. Close enough that he would ask you to fight by his side, despite you being a girl, and if anyone knew the brunet they'd know he didn't allow girls to play his games, he considered them all bitches and was quite sexist at times.
"Good, n-" He started, but stopped himself before he could complete his sentence. You all looked at him weirdly, waiting for him to speak again.
Things kept silent for a few seconds, and you almost thought the fight wasn't going to start and you could leave peacefully, but that wasn't the case.
"Get out of my head, Timmy," Cartman spoke and you looked at him, confused. What did he mean by that?
"He just called us douchebags, in my mind." He said, staring at the kid in the wheelchair, eyes full of rage.
"He did?!" One of his teammates, Kyle Broflovski, exclaimed.
That must've made Cartman snap, cause he didn't waste time in launching himself at the guy that insulted him, metal claws ready to hurt the boy.
"Alright, you son of a bitch! Argh!" You heard Cartman shout, but before he could touch him, Timmy somehow teleported to the end of the street and 'ran' away.
"Motherfucker! Y/N, Raccoon Friends, deal with these assholes!" You watched him run after the runaway hero, leaving you all standing in the middle of the road.
Which left things rather awkward, honestly.
There they were, two opposite 'superhero factions', ready to fight, until a random girl popped up out of nowhere, got something handed to her by one of the groups' leaders and got told to fight in his place. That wasn't weird at all, nope.
"Wait aren't you that (Y/-" Tolkien Black from the other team started speaking, but you didn't pay him any attention as someone placed a hand on your left shoulder.
You turned around, eyes widening when you recognized the brown eye of your friend.
"Dovah, you're actually in that guy's team?" You smiled at him, getting a nod in response. He didn't look like it, but he was actually really happy to see you there on their side for the fight.
He glanced towards your enemies, then looked back to you, nudging his head towards their direction. It was an unspoken message, but it was clear to you: he was ready to fight, and so were you. Knowing he was there was reassuring, in a way.
You both got in your fighting stances, one of your hands clenching into a fist, while the other pressed a button on the item still in your other hand. The item got longer and revealed that it was a collapsible bo staff.
The others got in their fighting stances too, deciding to leave questions for later, especially the ones about you knowing Cartman and 'Douchebag'. They seemed to be hesitant though, both about fighting against and with you. But it really didn't matter, as the fight soon started and there was no time to think about it.
Despite that, Dovahkiin still found himself thinking a lot as the fight started. As happy as he was to have you on their side, he was also quite worried for your safety. You were fighting people with powers and were fighting alongside people that also had powers. Sure, you were physically strong, probably good as hell with that staff and could pack a punch, but could you really do much against people with real superpowers?
He was scared.
Little did he know, he had nothing to worry about. You had some aces up your sleeve if things got difficult.
You had real powers too, after all.
─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･
╔═══━━━━ • ━━━━═══╗
𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄?
➤【𝒀𝑬𝑺】 『𝐍𝐎』
╚═══━━━━ • ━━━━═══╝
╔═══━━━━ • ━━━━═══╗
𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃
╚═══━━━━ • ━━━━═══╝
･✧* :･ﾟ✧─────
𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 ⌧
✎ this is my first sp fanfic, so I'm sorry if it's not good! english isn't my first language so I also apologize for any mistake i might make!
✎ I'm also sorry if any of the characters seem OOC, despite how much I love the series and games, I don't know if I'll be able to portray the characters correctly!!
✎ this story was made mostly using quotev formatting/writing features that made everything more aesthetically pleasing + made it easy to copy and paste images so if this looks bad here on wattpad i'm so sorry lmao- (i wont put any images in here-)
✎ I really wanted to make a fanfic for this though,, it'll mostly follow the plot of tfbw but with some changes. obviously, there will be stuff not in the game, such as the school time... which I'll be honest, I don't know how American schools work so this is gonna be fun... it took me 68873 years to figure out what grade they'd be in at 17/18 y.o, and honestly I still understand nothing about grades??