"Come," he calls me so i go there with my weak heart, my shivering tongue and i put my knees up on the bed to move nearer to him. Mister jeon turns back to glance at me, but he smiles, "what's wrong?"
How can he sense it? Is my heart making a lot of noise, or am i radiating the heat outside my body, or what is it?
"Nothing...I just- i cannot think of how to sit so it'd be easy to do this..." i stutter like an imbecile in front of the man who can sense my emotions easily, but he manages to find this funny, "just stay on your knees behind me, would that be fine?"
"Yes," he made it so simple that i doubt myself twice. I stay in my position but look down at his muscular torso, the scene slowly making me lack air and hurt my chest.
I take the bottle to pour out a little onto my palm and i drop my hand on his bare skin. "Over here," he grabs my hand to slide up to his nape and i follow his command, pressing my hand on his gentle skin to cover it with the shiny oil which does not have a pleasing fragrance but it will be for the good. "Is this good, mister jeon?"
I hold the back of his neck with both my hands to press my thumb over the sides of it, and i rub it down till his spine, he hums roughly in a low way, lost in the pleasurable pain. I don't know how to express it, but this feeling i feel connecting with him is drying up my throat.
"You're doing so well, sweetheart," his whisper shivers me from the core, and i swallow but keep on massaging this particular area as he's liking it, and i take my own time to observe the tattoos on his chest and arms and behind his ear. This one which is behind his nape seems like some birthday, and i recognize it. It's hanuel's date, month and year of birth.
And the one down behind his ear is his initial of the last name, a 'J' written in italic. "Did you have a good dinner?" He breaks the soft silence but takes his lighter and cigarettes from the sheets to have one. "I did, i ate well. How about you?"
He lights up his cigarette, but blows off the flame, "i ate well too. But i shouldn't have drank so much after it." He chuckles, exhaling out the smoke which fades up into the air and creates the smell of burning nicotine all around in the air, toxic air mixing into the atmosphere and i simply do my job but now feel hot, or maybe it's the heat which his skin seems to be giving off.
"That's okay, you'll sleep better now." I try to show him a positive side, he holds the stick between his fingers but hangs his head low to allow me more access, "right."
He glances beside him but his eyes meet mine, "you aren't bothered by the smoke, are you?" I shake my head, "no, it's fine, mister jeon." I tell him the truth and focus on doing this long and well to make him feel good and kill his physical pain, the only pain which i can heal.
. . .
I almost pant now, and i slide down the bed, feeling every inch of my chest covered in hot sweat, i cannot see properly but i think it's okay, i got to be so close to him, and heal his pain, this is nothing compared to the little pain i'm feeling which will go away soon. "Oh gosh," he cracks his neck but gets off the bed, his spread legs offered me a view which curses my sanity and i gulp thickly. This is normal, it's not anything bad or weird.
Men often get a little relaxed during a time like this, i'll have to let it go. It's fine. My heart is just overreacting.
"Wait," he stops me before i escape this way and not show him what kind of a red mess i am currently, but i have to swallow the fire and stay here now. He stubs his cigarette and comes to me, his face sharper and hotter in some way, he stands before me. I try to look up in his eyes but lose focus and my eyes land on his lips, "what happened...?"
I whisper but lose my breath and hitch as he takes a step forward and bends down to wrap a side of my neck with his veiny hand and kiss my cheek on which the wound is. He pulls my body closer and i close my eyes, the bliss taking over me as i feel his heavy torso brush mine.
It's better because he has no shirt on, and i feel his heart thumping on mine with the same passion as my own one is doing. "Thank you so much, you really have no idea how much you can help me feel better." His breaths hit my neck, but i smile, accepting his thankfulness this time, "you're welcome. I'm happy to know that i can." He kisses my jawline, and moves back, making sure to maintain a gap between our lower bodies so he does not make me uncomfortable by rubbing his boner on me.
I nuzzle my face on his head, and he exhales softly and he leaves my waist to take his strong manly hands off it, he gazes down at me with a tender profound hidden feeling, and his rosy lips softly curve up like a bright crescent in the dark night, "have a good night, sleep tight, sweetheart."
"I will," i look back into his dark eyes and he glances down at my lips shortly before he looks up at me. "You too sleep tight, good night." I avert his strong gaze which is just drawing me into him the more my eyes keep being stuck on them. I step out his bedroom and go into mine.
I smile at the scene of hanuel's head almost hanging down the edge; i go hurry to place her properly on this bed and i tuck her in again.
Some days later
5 pm
I run outside my room to go and say this to mister jeon.
This is breaking my heart, and I hate this but I have no choice. That's what I had been waiting for since so long and now that I'm finally getting it, I cannot let my emotions fill me and make me change my mind. I walk to his bedroom and knock on the door, taking a glimpse of my wristwatch which shows the time around which he usually rests.
After some seconds only, the door opens and he smiles at me with his red lips, his jaw freshly shaved and his cologne hitting off really good. "Hey, what happened?"
I look away from his soft gaze but slowly bring my hands up and he looks down at the letter in them, his eyes scrutinizing it closely. "I...I got the letter from the landlord." My voice lowers and he licks his lips in a kind of nervous manner but grabs the envelope gently, "the letter for the apartment....?" Mister jeon steps outside and opens it to read the document.
"Yes," I swallow down this uneasiness in my head, and I stare up at his face which tenses a little as he reads the paper, but he's pretending hard to not let me know about how he feels towards this. "Oh," he folds the paper and keeps it away inside, raising his upset eyes at me but he smiles faintly.
"So you're finally getting that dorm, uh?" I nod, turning to the side to blink away the burning sensation in my eyes, "yeah"
I stretch an artificial smile to him and mister jeon smiles too, "that's good." He sighs but licks his lips and gazes into my eyes, "now that you'll not stay or work here anymore, it'd be kind of weird because....anyways, I'm glad you got what you wanted, sweetheart." He gives me this letter back which ruined everything that was slowly getting better and his eyes gleam into mine, "have you started packing?" He scratches his forehead, and pushes his hands in his pockets, breathing out and probably very helpless. But he needs to know that I am too. This career wasn't permanent.
I cannot stay here for long even if I wanted to, this wouldn't be fair only this way because it's not my house after all, in the end.
"I haven't, but I will go now." I gaze at his lips and he smiles once more, "will you have a roommate or you will live in a single room, not shared." I blink my eyes but a tear falls down and I hate that moment, "I'll be sharing with one girl." My voice quivers, and he chuckles but steps closer to cup my face and wipe the water with his thumb gently, "hey, why are you crying, darling? Don't be sad, if you be like this, I'll get sad too."
He takes me in his warm embrace and cuddles me tight, his soft hug making my tears sprawl out even more and I sniffle as quietly as I could.
"I don't know, I'll miss you and hanuel a lot, mister jeon." He flattens his hand on my back and runs a big circle to pacify me. "Shh," he kisses my head, "it'd be okay, we'll come to meet you every weekend, I promise you that."
His words ignite some hope in my painful chest, he gives several kisses to me and I keep holding onto him tight, knowing I'm gonna be missing all of this very soon. "Tell me if you need my help with packing or anything, even in future, okay?"
I nod, holding the cloth of his t-shirt and drenching it with my salty tears, "okay." I accept my fate and just sob. I don't even want to know what will happen when hanuel would be acknowledged of this.
I'm not ready and as strong to face her.
7 pm
I rub my eyes to not have them stinging with the dried tears anymore and I answer to the person outside the door, "come in." I sniffle away any discomfort in my nose and I turn around, staying on the ground, "hey." I smile at hanuel who walks here and her dad follows her from the back, his own face lacking the colour and sharp eyes being dull like those days when we didn't become so close to each other, I hate that I'm the cause.
"Where are you going, miss song?" She stares at the suitcases cluelessly with her doe big eyes of innocence and shatters my heart into a million pieces, I clench my fist and not let this smile die, "i-" I lick my lips but glance up at mister jeon, my hands toy with the zip of the suitcase.
"I'm going to my house, sweetheart." Not sugarcoating anything to break her heart tomorrow when she'll find out that I had left, I say it straightforwardly. She stops looking deeper into my things and turns her head at me, seeming to be paused. "Your house?" I nod, going towards the nightstand to take out the books and keep them inside the bag too. "But this is your house."
I don't even know what to say to her sentence so pure and so sweet that it's ruining my eyesight and making it blurry for me to focus on the things I unwillingly have to.
"Please don't leave, miss song." She looks at me but understands that something is wrong by the way my eyes break down and I scoot closer to her to pull her into a hug. Mister jeon gets down to us and he wraps his arms around us, "it's okay, hanuel, we'll go see her around as much as possible." He kisses her but calms me down with his soft voice and rubs his warm hand over my back to then whisper into my ears, "don't cry, we'll keep seeing you."
Hanuel stays close to my chest and I don't think I can stop the tears, it's making me sick.
I just want to not feel confused.
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