"I'm 19 but I'm oooooold for my age, I'm just born to be bad" -Mimi Marquez
"Omg that literally fits u perfectly" I exclaimed to the woman who came out of her dressing room to look at herself in the bigger mirror "very slay," I add as she turns again, looking at herself.
"U think?" she asked, turning to look at herself from a different angle.
The Free People in the Garden State Plaza smelled like Coachella– but had Woodstock in its mind. But, I mean, it works, nostalgia sel— wait, no, ew im not about tb here defending some corporation. Aaaaanyways lol here on a Friday in March where it is sf dark outside but in the large hall of dressing rooms it's very warm and aggressively bright. I do feel like with my name being Hollis McCoy and working at FP im born in the wrong decade type situation in that: my name is Hollis but I work at a Free People when I clearly should be working somewhere that makes sense like HOLLISter– which yes that literally was my twitter handle in hs until it got hacked/I gave my password to my ex once and then she went legit insaaaane and went in and started liking commenting and posting insaaaanse stuff. So I just got rid of it all tg. Probably for the best now i just keep to my trinity of ig, tumblr, and snapchat (which... before u drag, it is just bc my phone does not have enough storage for all of my pics sooooooo.) But no yeah, tbh tho, working at a mall in the 21st century is lol. As in, I don't really shop here— because like honestly Goodwill has stuff that is way better, and I always just feel bad participating in fast fashion anyways. Buuuut, the people that do pay my rent do shop here, which I then pay to my mom who actually pays our rent (*holds back a Rent: The Musical reference*).
"Ooooooo yeah. yes. So good. U should get it fs." i insured her. She did actually look so good, but also like when working in a mall i am pro pro capitalism!
"I want something that really matches the... y'know vibe of the night." she explained, holding out her arms to look at the rayon floral pattered dress she is trying on.
"So important," says Leah, my coworker who is like a version of Jade West but in therapy, sitting next to me stifling a laugh "vibes are important always" nods emphatically "where are you doing?" she asked in a voice uninterested in the answer.
"We're going to dinner," she started.
"Love"
"Then to see a show!" she finished.
"O obsessed!" I exclaimed a little over enthusiastically, my theater kid self showing lmao "Which one?"
"Chicago!"
Oooooof course it's Chicago but, "Hahaha hellll yeahhhhh," correcting myself I say excitedly, "heck yes."
"Yes im excited, I've actually seen in 22 times," she notes
My mouth literally dropped, "Oh...mygod, that's insane."
"---but my husband never has" she finished.
"Well this fit is perfect then. It is giving fullll Roxy Heart." said Leah putting clothes on hangers that was left on the floor of a dressing room across the hall. I thiiiink she was being genuinely being positive, but also again, malls, corporate clothing stores. Pro pro capitalism. You buy and pay so we get paid.
Ik, it's sick, I agree.
"Mmm totally" I agreed, folding a nondescript oversized Henley. As Leah hung up some floral rayon dresses to be put back in the right place by the front near the crocheted bralettes and next to the fringe leather.
"Okay yes," said the woman looking at herself again from outside of the dressing room booking at herself in the mirror from there, "im gonna get it!" she responded smiling, which made me smile. I may be an Aquarius (And a February Aquarius), but sometimes I do feel joy. I was kind of not feeling it today because the commute sucked–which, i guess all/every commutes do-but honestly with this the vibe had been found tg. (Btw, it was a black dress with lace at the top btw.... she really, really was Chicago realness.)
"Ahhh yessss," I exclaim "U look so hot, mean it. Genuinely. Leah right," I vocally nudged her by changing the inflection of my voice and having my eyes look up at her. People want to be told they look good in the clothes they purposely buy.
Leah looked back was now sitting in the corner where she was charging her phone. She gave that smile of someone who is only saying anything to appease others, but she was doing her best. tbh I was surprised she knew who Roxy Hart was but I guess that's just iconography like Harry Potter or something. But, anyways the adult theater girlies and tourists for who hotels in New York were too expensive are my crowd. Leah's are the mean high school teenagers who thought they were slick stealing bralettes but little did they know the Leah is not scared of the people that thrived off never having faced consequences (I think the secret is black eyeliner but tbh I just cannot pull it off like Leah or Julia Fox). But my beautiful ring of women who felt safe at Free People but overwhelmed at Forever 21 and though H&M was too casj are my domain. Most also loved feeling like they could talk about Drag Race even if they have never seen it, so, in my mind, employing any vaguely related words meant higher sales. Ugh I guess I am a company girl after all. *face palm*
"Boots," agrees Leah on cue, but clothes on a rack.
"Aaaah u girls are so supportive" said the woman walking back into the dressing room. "How old are you," she closed the thick quilted curtain.
"19" I told her. Not a lie. I am :)
"24" Leah said, getting up to wipe the woman's name off her changing room door.
"O I got married at 24" the woman exclaimed (whose name was Patricia because lol ofc it was), Leah and i looked at each other with our eyes wide and our chins pulled back. Gag. Married before your quarter life crisis, could not imagine.
Patricia walked out of the dressing room holding her Roxy-Hart-Realness dress "Okay, thank you! I appreciate you ladies," she smiled.
"Of couuuurse! My name is Hollis by the way, have a great night! That dress is gonna Razzle Dazzle," I added, yeah..... Ik..... but I couldn't help myself
"Thank you!" she laughed
Leah looked at me rolling her eyes "you're so annoying"
I turned to Leah "well, you're 24 are you getting married soon?" I asked seriously sarcastically as I went into the dressing room to take out the other discarded clothing my girl Patty left.
"O yeah, didn't y'know, look at my ring" she said just as dryly holding out her hand.
"So beautiful, is it Watermelon or Strawberry flavored," I asked mockingly, handing her the clothes (I did genuinely hand her the clothes, but I mockingly responded to her).
Putting clothing back on hangers, "but I've also never seen Chicago, so maybe that's why I'm not married," Leah responded.
"That's on you," I said, helping her. There were a lot of clothes after cleaning out the room, and we worked very slowly and incompitently because we care about our jobs! "Chicago is fierce... musical and movie, both puhfect. But tbh the movie gives more to me."
"O wait no, i have seen that!" she responded almost excitedly (well, exciting to me to ever get her to ever care about something enough to talk out of one octave) "Catherine zeta jones is in it right"
"Lol yes! Im p sure she won her Oscar for that." she totally did win an Oscar for it, but sometimes I don't want to fully show how much I know about things no one else in the conversation cares about.
"Yo, ngl i love her, she posts some weird ass instagram videos and im obsessed," she laughed. We were kinda just standing there at this point, but it was a week day so the crowds were not there anyways "Casa zeta jones though," she continued "also important to her brand"
Okay, now that she seemed to like it, I felt more comfortable liking it too. Yeah, I know it's embarrassing but sometimes I need to start slow. "O, ofc r u catherine zeta kidding me?" I responded assuredly to Leah as she looked back down at her phone. Unclear how she never got caught doing that, she must be some Free People nepo-baby because she sat on her phone all day in the dressing room with eyes various degrees of red, and never got reprimanded. Which like tbh, respect. I am very jealous.
"Hollis!" our manager Chris came in over our earpiece "there are some.... Young women who need rooms," ugh, these were the Alexis Neiers wannabes that came through here after 3pm. Either from high school or home from freshman year of high school trying to relive the glory days, but either way, it was obvious by the aversion of their eyes what they were trying to do. The girls walked into the dressing room area
"Meeee?" I said back, looking at the awaiting clinetns, and then at Leah with fear. This was not my crowd. This is not how it was supposed tb.
"Babes," she said, putting her arms on my shoulders and looking me in the eye, "you can take them, remember as a married woman I need to move on to different responsibilities."
"U can do it HollisQueens" responded Chris over the walkie like an impression of someone doing an impression of a motivational speaker. "I believe in you!"
I exhaled, walking over the girls with very straight hair, "Hey! Want me to put these in a dressing room for you? What's your name," I said very quickly.
One of the ones with the very straight hair looked at me, "Claire," she responds, and walks into the dressing room and closes the thick quilted curtain, with purpose.
With the highest level of cheer in my voice I continue, "and feel free to ask for anything if you need," I can feel them laughing from behind the curtain. Like, idgaf tho tbh, i knew exactly what they were planning on doing... not because i had done it myself..... But because I know the game... I've studied their ways.
No response from "Claire", obvi. Like lol whatever tho as if they think they're at all original. Yes, i realize i sound old, but that is only because in this situation I am. It's like watching Lady Bird after graduating and already siding with the mom and not Lady Bird because college is expensive, and being too honest to others is just harder than lying to yourself, and it takes real maturity and life experience to be able to balance doing both. Buuuut, I am a youngest child so I am old for age like all youngest children are for better or worse.
Leah and I sat there waiting and guessing which was gonna be the first to come out, and how good their cover up would be. Yes, we did have other work to do, but the Garden State Plaza can be v boring, and after all like..... We were technically doing our jobs soooo.
One of the girls walked out, clearly a first timer. She had the new purple tank on under her shirt "O i love that purple tank under ur shirt, great use of layering! Very in right now." said Leah in her perfect vocal fry the way cool people do it, so the girl would recognize her as her own.
She looked at us, "oh, thanks" she responded sheepishly and then turned directly around and went back into the changing room. Leah and I looked at each other, fuh-king amateur.
"Isn't it bizarre that they're like...ur age"
"Stop lol, they literally are not, im 19,"
"Yeah, and they're like 17'"
"Being older than someone is different from being younger though it's like getting carded after your 21 is annoying until you turn 40 and then they say it becomes a compliment," I saw Leah's eyebrows concede to my reasoning of defense "so, like I feel like I'm close to ur age but u probs dont feel like ur close to my age."
"But like, what, don't want to be 17 again?" she asked
"Nooooot unless Zac Efron is there," I responded
"Right answer," she snapped her fingers and did a finger point. Argument over.
But she was right, it is bizarre. I looked at the same closed stalls that Leah was looking at, I have genuinely never thought about it. Like, I knew I was young and wasn't in college. I do register and understand that the high schoolers stealing clothing from this Free People are almost the same age as me, but I have never realized it. But, no matter what age I am, or how far in life I am, at least I'm not attempting to steal from the Garden State Plaza. It is so pathetic and basic and if I wanted to be that I would go to an American Apparel.
I mean, I guess I kinda get it because exerting the small amount of power that is given to the young is fun, especially as an act of retaliation against those older who are withholding the rest of it.
As I'm drifting into space, I hear the distinct sound of the patchwork heavy wool curtain open very slowly which is never the right way to do it because it just becomes louder and longer and I knew exactly what was happening so I turned around to her and "Ohmigod, is that bralette neon?" I turned to ask Claire, who was walking out of a dressing room, sounding like Elle Woods asking if it was a half-loop stitch on China silk.
Claire looked at me with a really red nervous face, but more likely saw Leah with her Julia Fox eyeliner behind me, and walked right back in to her dressing room, "I may make a man out of you after all Holli," Leah said to me, coming from behind and putting a hand on my shoulder encouragingly.
As I was basked in my glory of success, one of the other girls who I was "helping" got away. Leah and I looked at each other, it was gonna be me to do it. She gave me the look, imperceptibly a nod like we were a part of a sting operation like in Charlie's Angels. I followed after her, as I walked through the clothing that was much more expensive and worthy of stealing, I spiraled out of nerves. Like, tbh whatever, it isn't that deep, like it is just a bralette, but, unfortunately, if I knowingly see that bralette "go missing" it is gonna be a whole thing that I didn't do anything to stop it. So whatever, I need to get it back. The girl has the audacity to continue to walk around the store, making herself visible to all cameras and the manager, which again, not only stoopid like also a fuh-king amateur... but I digress because like I said I don't care.
"Hey, sorry," I called to her, sounding like the quintessential Mom-friend and my voice going into a spoken whisper. Like ugggghh why am I doing that, trying to seem cool even though I don't actually care for her well-being and am annoyed about this whole interaction? "So this is annoying but I know the bralette you're wearing rn is store property and you haven't paid for it yet. So you need to pay for it, or like, return it." I finished with a little less conviction than how I started.
"I don't know what you're talking about?" she said in the form of a question and looking around at anything but me *eye roll* Okayyy, Anna Delvey.
"Bruh, listen," I exhaled, I felt like a narc, "I know you stole it, you know that I know. Just take it off in the dressing room and pay for it or leave."
The girl looked at me, and I looked back feeling blessed to be blessed to have really big eyes. When she saw I wasn't moving but my eyes were getting mean, she rolled her eyes and walked back to the dressing room.
I rolled my eyes too...again, and walked over to Chris at the register.
Chris, at the register, watched the whole thing. I flopped my body on top of the counter, and groaned "sometimes I feel like i gotta get out of here" I breathed out.
"Hollis aren't you forgetting we are simply too hot to have any skills, this is how pseudo-luxury brands keep us in retail forevahhhh," she trailed off ominously and a customer came up behind me to check out. I got off the counter and waited to the side giving a soft smile with nothing behind the eyes as they checked out. Chris is right though, himbos and bimbos all around the world hold up the retail market. We look too good in the clothes that we get on the employee discount for but aren't smart enough to realize the discount actually is not that good for how much we are working. But that is math, which is something I can't do, so once again proving the point. But, I mean, who else was going to sit, hungover, in a dressing room selling overpriced clothing to midwestern fans of Chicago, while hyping them up with the dialect of someone who has seen 1 episode of Drag Race season 10. For reference, I do not know if she is from the midwest, I just heard out of town and unfortunately my character flaw is immediately assigning anyone from out of town from the Midwest for no reason other than idk what counts as the Midwest, so to me it counts as everything that isn't Florida or California.
The second the customer left I turned to Chris melodramatically. "I have skills though!!! I am a certified Cosmetologist" I complained using the nasal voice to downplay my very real achievement.
"Babes, I love Sex and the City just as much as the next toxic single woman in her 30s. But, I wouldn't say I'm an ologist in it," she responded genuinely.
Is this bitch talking about Cosmopolitans? I am screaming! "No," I explain, already laughing "like, I have a certification in cosmetology. Like hair and makeup. Not the drink you idiot," I laughed.
Unphased, she looked at me asking, "Wait lol do u actually?"
"No i literally do," I responded. Because, I literally do.
"Yeah lol then leave, you're too smort to be here.... go on get"
"Ha ha kk bye," I got off the counter, and turned to mock leave, then turned back around, "besides I am not too smart the school I went to is Bloomfield not like, Harvard or Montclair or something."
She chuckled, "wait, wut are you doing tn."
"Uuuuuum," I fakingly thought for a long second, "definitely nothing, wudaboutu?"
"Should we do city," she asked enticingly. Putting her chin down and looking at me "employee bonding night, we invite Leah and go out"
"Wait, yes, I can text a promoter," I said, pulling out my phone.
"Perf,"
"What's going on?" asked Leah as she came up to the counter with clothing from the dressing room.
"Club tn?" asked Chris, taking the clothing with disdain.
"Ooo yesss," Leah responded "girls night!"
"Aaahh yesss, I am gonna text the promoter now!"
"Just not Marquee" Leah said to me seriously.
"No literally, please not Marquee," Chris seconded putting her hand to her head as if the thought was already giving her a migraine.
The promoter texted me back quickly with options... I looked up from my phone, "It's probably gonna be Marquee," I responded with the same sincerity as when Bethanney told LuAnn 'It's Tom' on RHONY.
They both groaned, and in their defense they are right, I mean like, it's Marquee. Vom.
"Nooo it is literally always Marquee," complained Chris.
"I knooww, but I'm still not 21 so Marquee is all I got please. Please," I said in mock begging, I know I am holding them back but I swear my fake is good and works like 90% of the time! "it'll be fun. We will have fun!"
"Okay Marnie Michaels. Is that statement 'we will have fun' said with a period or exclamation point?" Leah mocked, noting the very real desperation in my voice to be included. I absolutely always need to be included, even when I am the one that is causing everyone to not have fun.
They looked at each other and then looked at me, as if stealing themselves for the vodka-crans they were gonna have to drink and shitty EDM which I mean like..... get over it lol "okay fine, I can deal. I just need to get out," said Chris finally, "we will have fun.. With an exclamation point." "Yessss" I said excitedly "FP corporate would be so proud of us doing some employee booonding." I said putting out my arms sarcastically.
"Omg for a second I thought you were gonna say employee bondage and I was finally excited," said Leah. She is such a fucking Scorpio.
"Ooooo, could be hot," I responded, looking at time on my phone. It was 4:45 pm.
"Hype, okay, get off ur phone, and we will coordinate later" Chris said, walking away to another customer that had come in with the same energy as my dearly beloved Patricia. "Yes, hunny that. Thhaaat" I heard Chris say.
"I'm excited," I said to Leah.
"Me too," said Leah with a small smile which, in Leah meant a big smile with teeth.
"Wait lol also I was complaining to Chris because... I'm me. And was telling her that I'm a certified cosmetologist. And she thought it meant I was like certified in like making cosmopolitans.... Like the drink from Sex and the City," I laughed.
Leah smiled "What a fucking idiot, that called mixologist not cosmetologist," she said rolling her eyes and walking back to work.