Do You Know Eva?
-Chapter Nine-
-Do You Know Jessica?–
-Jessica-
I stare at the keyhole, my head against my pillow, from my bed. The only thing I can see is the light shining through the hole. But even through this small hole, I can tell that he is there. I locked my door before getting into bed tonight but that never really holds him off. He lifts his hand to the circular door knob and twists it.
“Jessica. Why must you make this so difficult for me?” He says, with a hint of sarcasm as we both know that the locked door is nothing difficult for him to overcome. I pull the duvet over my head. My head and heart are throbbing. The door begins shaking and suddenly burst open slamming against the wall.
The wooden floor begins to creak as he makes his way over towards my bed. Through the sheet I can see his silhouette. So tall, well built, well fattened. A bear bottle hangs from his fingers of his left hand, a cigarette in the other.
“Come outta there Jessie Jane. Come on.”
I grip the blanket as tight as I can. Maybe he will walk away; maybe he will realize that what he is doing is wrong especially considering that I am only eleven years old. I begin to cry, the tears slide down my face and land on the mattress.
“Don’t cry honey.”
“Please… please leave me alone…”
Suddenly the blankets are pulled from me and I am revealed to him, crunched up in a ball. He stares at me, a grin spreading across his face. I jump from the bed and run into my closet. Through the cracks I watch him make his way over to the closet. He pulls open the wooden frame, I scream in fear, he grabs me…
I awake with a startle. I face the door, but not the same door. I escaped from that home years ago but unfortunately I had to endure his games for another three years. When the social services found out about him he was arrested and put into prison. You would think that would be enough justice, but its not. No amount of prison sentences will be justice for me or for any other child he…
The door opens and my foster mum peeks her head in.
“Oh you are awake darling! Someone is here to see you.”
“Who is it?” I ask, confused. Who would be looking for me at nine in the morning?
“She said her name was… oh what was it? Emma? Ella? No…” she trails off trying to remember her name.
“Eva?”
“Yes! That’s the one; Eva is downstairs in the living room.”
“Okay tell her I will be down in a minute. Thanks Liv.” She smiles but looks insulted that I still haven’t called her mum after two years. She nods and leaves. I jump out of bed; my head tells me that it was too fast. I run downstairs in my pajamas and enter the living room to find Eva sitting on the couch with her hands on her lap, a cup of tea in front of her.
“I see she got to you…” I say, smiling.
“What?” Eva replies.
“The tea… she’s a bit obsessed with… oh never mind. What's up?” I ask, noticing how jittery she looks.
“My father came back. He’s a bit angry that I never told him about Susan leaving and also about the stabbing. He is making me go to Boston with him for a week.”
“Oh… so when are you leaving?”
“Now actually. That’s why I came to say goodbye.”
“Well it’s not like your going to be gone for ages; it’s only a week Eva. Why do you look so upset?”
“Im freaking out Jessica because he said that he wants me to move to Boston. He says he can’t trust me to stay here on my own. I told him I won’t go, but he won’t listen to me Jess.”
“But you can’t… leave. I mean we just became official.” I whisper, Liv still doesn’t know that I am interested in girls and I am sure she is listening intensively in the next room.
“I know, but Jessica you must understand. It’s not safe for me here anymore. What if my mum comes back to finish me off?”
“Don’t be so ridiculous Eva. She is your mother, she’s not Carrie.”
“What? Who’s Carrie? Never mind that’s irrelevant. She tried once, what if she tries again?”
“I’ll live with you.” I say, realizing the obvious.
“What?” Eva asks, confused.
“When you get back, from your week in Boston, I will be waiting for you in your house. I will protect you Eva. Don’t you get it, we are supposed to be together, and you living in Boston would definitely destroy what we have. So go on your vacation, get it outta your system and then come back to me.” I pull her into a hug and then kiss her on the forehead.
“Okay. I love you Jess.”
“I love you too Eva.”
Eva smiles and walks out. As soon as the front door slams shut, Liv walks into the room.
“Oh didn’t know you were still here.” I laugh at how stupid she thinks I am. “Everything okay with Ella?”
“Everything's fine with Eva.” I correct her.
“That’s good then. Now, do you want a cup of tea?”
“No Liv, I don’t like tea.” I remind her for like the gazillionth time.
All though she can be incredibly annoying with all her tea and nosiness she is probably the best foster parent I have had yet. But I can’t say I am too fond of her husband Peter. He just sits in the other sitting room all day watching T.V. But on the other hand I can’t say I am fond of any man.
The therapist taps his pen impatiently against his pad. The paper is blank, as usual.
“Jessica, what is the point of you coming to see me if you never tell me anything?” He asks.
“Because I don’t know you. Why would I just tell you all about my past, good or bad, when I don’t even know your first name? And besides its not like you actually give a crap about me or my messed up past, you were just assigned to me as I was to you. To you, I am just another number, another case.”
“I think that’s the most progress we’ve ever had.” He pulls off his glasses and places his pad on the table next to him.
“How about we just talk off the record then? Would you trust me then?” he asks, never has he had a patient who wouldn’t open up to him. Usually he had trouble in people opening too much to him.
“I will never trust you doctor.” I say contempt in my voice.
“And why is that Jess?”
“Because you’re a man,” I stand up, grabbing my coat from the back of the chair, “and its Jessica to you.”
I begin to walk away.
“See you next Thursday, Jess.” He calls as I leave.
“Benny?”
“Yes doll?” his hollow voice replies.
“I need more.” I plead on the phone to my dealer. I promise myself that this will be the last time I call him, the last time I do this to myself. I just need to get through this week. But how will I feel next week? Will I be saying the same thing?
“More! All ready?”
“Yes, I gave some to my friend.”
“Sure. Okay meet me at the usual spot.”
“Thanks Benny.” I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders.
I can tell he is concerned for me, even though the money I give him supports him he would rather me not be doing this to myself, I would rather not be doing this to myself. I know I need help.
“No problem doll. Still haven’t forgot then?” he asks, trying to get information out of me.
“For me to forget, you would be a very rich man.” I joke, but deep down it is no joke.
He laughs.
“Say no more, say no more. Later Jess.”
“Goodbye Benny.”
I lay in bed the night before Eva is set to return. I toss and turn and think of what will happen if Eva doesn’t return. What would I live for? What meaning would my life have? I mean I have no parents so to speak, I have one friend besides Eva and he is a dude. My thoughts are interrupted by my cell phone ringing. Huh, speaking of the devil.
“Jason? What do you want?”
“Sorry, did I wake you?” he asks, panting.
“No, I was awake. What’s up?”
“I’m outside. Can we talk?” I jump out of bed and tip toe to my window. I peek through the curtain and see Jason standing outside of my house. I open the window.
“What is so important that you need to get me out of bed at twenty past one, Jason?” I ask, still on the phone even though I could just say it to him from the window.
“I just have something to tell you, I need to get it off my chest.” He pleads. “Please Jessica.”
“All right, all right. Let me get my shoes on.”
Jason sits against the wall, biting his lip. I walk up to him, my hands wrapped around my waist because of the coldness.
“What's up Jason?”
“Okay before I tell you I need your word that you won’t tell Eva.”
“Jason what the hell is…?” I start to worry.
“Do I have your word?” he interrupts.
“Yes, yes you have my word.” I shout.
“Okay… phuh… okay… ehm. You know Eva’s brother?”
“Eh yeah… Scott.”
“Okay well when he was, murdered,” he stutters on the last word, “oh god… when he was murdered, I was there. I was there Jessica and I could have stopped it.” He breaks down, puts his hands over his face. I can tell how shaken up he is about it, I decide not to pry him just yet. Let him calm down. I put my hand to his shoulder.
“Jason, look at me that was not your fault. What's done is done.”
“And what about Eva? This could destroy our relationship.” I ponder on the word relationship; I never knew Jason and her were in any way involved in any sort of relationship, childhood friend’s maybe?
“What Eva doesn’t know, won’t hurt her.” Jason closes his eyes in relief. Finally he does not have to keep this secret to himself. What's being eating him up like a disease is finally relinquished. He can sleep. But I can’t.
I stand in the living room in Eva’s house, staring out of the window waiting for the car to pull up. I begin to pace and start to think that maybe she is not going to come back. What if she stays there and I never see her again. Surely she would contact me to tell me if she was staying or not. But just as quickly as the thoughts of loneliness had crept in they were banished as I hear the sound of a car door slamming and I run over to the window to see Eva, in all her beauty, walking up to the door lugging her suitcase along. She unlocks the door and walks into the living room. She smiles when she sees me waiting for her.
“I’ll never leave you again!” she drops her bags and runs over to me, pulling me into a kiss. The only word I could use to describe this moment would be Love.
“I missed you so much Eva.”
“Boston really sucked.” She says. Suddenly the door bell rings.
“That’s probably dad, I must have forgotten something. Could you get that Jessica?”
“No problem.”
I walk out into the hall and smiling with pure happiness I open the door to find a blonde woman standing before me with her back facing me. Who is she? She turns around, looks me up and down and smiles.
“Susan!” I exclaim.
“Hello Jessica. Is my daughter around by any chance?”
Chapter Ten
The Prodigal Mother
Coming April 18th