For the next two weeks, we focused on stopping the Blood Dawns from gathering any more supplies. It'd been a pretty demanding task, especially combined with having to get into their mainframe and keep us updated on their plans. Steve and I hadn't fought in nearly two weeks which was strange. We hadn't had much time to talk but we'd squeezed in a few walks here and there. I'd managed to not accidentally hold his hand again but there'd definitely been a time or two where we were too close and I'd thought about just kissing him. He had gotten more comfortable around me which meant he stood closer to me, touched me more, and talked to me a lot more. None of which I minded other than every time he touched me or stood too close to me, I'd lose my train of thought and act all dumb. We were on our way to another long day of terrorist prevention in a different country. I was partnered with Nat today and the boys were staying outside to catch any stragglers. We were there to get more data about their upcoming attacks and we all agreed Nat and I could get in and out the quickest. I led the way into the building like normal since I was a little more bulletproof than she was. We made quick work of everyone in the entryway and stopped just outside the door that would take us to their computers. I peaked around the corner and counted seven men. "There are seven people, easy work," I whispered to Nat
"Hold on, don't just run in there."
I ignored her and went into the room swinging, taking the first two men out flawlessly before turning to the other five. In my rush to get in here, I'd forgotten to take into account who was holding guns and who wasn't. Two men farthest from me were both pointing guns at me and I barely had time to dive and roll out of the way. I scrambled back to my feet and charged at the first one but they both fired off more shots, forcing me to dodge them again. Natasha was on the far side of the room taking out her own bad guy and I was trying to keep the two with guns distracted so they wouldn't shoot her. I managed to get to my knife and throw it into the first guy's arm which made him drop his gun. Right as I turned to face the second man with a gun I heard him fire the shot just as something hard made contact with me. It only took me a second to realize that it was Steve and I was immediately pushing him off of me. He grabbed me and pulled me back to prevent me from running at the man with the gun again but I broke his hold and took off. Unfortunately for me, just the few seconds of contact from Steve were enough to engulf me in his scent again and send my head spinning. I was too distracted and I waited for too long to dodge the next bullet and it made contact with my shoulder. Ignoring the searing pain in my shoulder I jumped at him, flipping so my legs were around his neck before twisting him to the ground and snapping his neck in the process. My feet hit the ground as I grabbed my shoulder in pain. "Ana," Steve yelled as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed his hand to my shoulder
"I'm fine, Steve. Let me finish what we came here to do."
"No, I'm taking you back to the jet right now and Nat can finish in here."
"He's right Ana, you should get back to the jet and take care of your shoulder."
"Why are you even in here? We agreed that you'd stay outside." I growled as I tried to pull away from him
"Nat told me you were in trouble, that you charged into the room without making sure it was safe."
"I was fine."
"Clearly not if you got shot."
"It was a graze." I protested as I felt my knees wobble underneath me
"Ana that bullet went clean through your shoulder, it's not a graze. Start walking or I'm carrying you to the jet."
I huffed but I handed Nat the drive and started walking out of the room with Steve hot on my trail. Sam was already on the jet by the time we stepped onto it in complete silence. I sat down at my desk, ignoring the gushing wound on my shoulder. "Is she bleeding?" Sam asked
"Yes, now get over here so I can stop you from bleeding out."
"Fuck off Steve."
"What'd I do?"
I whipped around in my chair to face him. "This is your fault, Steve. I had it under control and you stopped me from getting the guy. If you hadn't come in there and grabbed me I would've stopped him. But no, Steve Rogers had to save the day again even though you just fucked it up for me. Now I have a giant hole in my shoulder and I'm going to bleed out on a jet in the middle of nowhere." With each sentence, my voice got louder and louder until I was yelling
"I was trying to save you, if you hadn't charged him again then he wouldn't have shot you. Nat and I had a plan, you just needed to be out of the way for five seconds. That's your fault, Ana. I didn't get you shot, you're own inability to plan or listen or be patient got you shot."
I stood out of my chair and quickly crossed the jet toward him as I pulled one of my swords out. He didn't react when I pushed him against the wall with a blade against his neck, he just stood there with his hands raised as he stared at me. "If you would've just let me be and trusted me then we would've been fine."
"Or you would've been dead."
"Sometimes I really hate you, Steven, I ought to push this blade clean through your neck."
"Go ahead and try, I dare you. You won't be able to."
He pressed forward, making the sword dig into his neck as he challenged me. I saw blood running down his neck and I pulled back from him. "You two are insane," Sam said as he looked back and forth between us
"Sit down before you bleed out, you can tell me how much you hate me and try to kill me later. That's assuming you live of course."
I huffed and put my sword away before I sat down on the medical cot and rested my head against the wall. "Just hurry up and get it over with." I groaned
"I need to be able to get to your shoulder."
I unzipped the front of my suit slightly more so I could put it down over my shoulder, careful not to let any of my scars show. The one I forgot about was the brand on the back of my shoulder, the same shoulder I'd just been shot in. I squeezed my eyes shut as Steve held pressure against my shoulder to stop the bleeding before he started cleaning the wound. "Holy shit that hurts," I whined as he cleaned the back side
"Hold still." he scolded
"I'm trying."
He stopped cleaning for a second and I was about to fuss at him to get it over with when I felt his finger brush over the brand mark. "What the hell?" he whispered softly as he pulled away to look at me
I didn't meet his eyes, I looked down at my lap. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing, is that a brand?" his voice was still hushed
"Yes, courtesy of Hydra."
"Ana." I hated how sad and sympathetic he sounded
"I don't want your pity." I snipped
"It's not pity, I'm sad that someone did that to you and I wish I could undo it and everything else done to you."
I didn't respond to him, I just closed my eyes again and focused on not punching him in the face as he cleaned the wound. Once I was all patched up I laid down and tried to take a nap but I was distracted by what Steve had said. He had left me to go talk to Sam and I didn't expect him to come back but he did. I pretended to be asleep when I saw him coming and only opened them when I heard him sit down on the floor next to my cot. He didn't say anything to me, he just sat on the ground next to me. I fell asleep shortly after he sat down and I woke up with him carrying me inside. "Why are you carrying me?" I grumbled
"You needed to sleep, you did get shot today. I was just trying to be nice, I'm sorry if I've upset you."
I didn't say anything else, I just closed my eyes and let myself snuggle further into his arms. He laid me down in my bed and sat down next to me. "Thanks," I mumbled
"Don't worry about it, just get some sleep."
"I'm sorry I cut you."
I reached my hand toward his throat and brushed the fresh cut from my sword. "Technically, I did it myself. It's not so bad, don't feel too bad. Just next time you threaten me do it while you're not bleeding out, it makes it hard to take you seriously."
"Don't be rude."
"Goodnight Ana, I'll talk to you in the morning."
"Night Steve."
He pushed a bit of hair out of my face before he stood up and left, turning the light off on the way. I fell asleep right after he left and I didn't wake up until Sam came in with food around midday. "Hey sleepy head, you should eat something," he told me as he softly shook my noon injured shoulder to wake me up
"What time is it?" I groaned as I sat up
"Almost 1 pm. Nat and Steve are out on a run right now and then we're probably going to do some training. You can referee if you want but Steve isn't going to let you participate."
"Steve's no fun."
"What's going on between you two?"
"Nothing, you and Nat need to get that thought out of your heads," I told him as I took the plate of food and started eating it
"It's hard not to wonder when for the last almost two months we've watched you two go from screaming matches to him sitting next to your cot while you sleep. That and all the walks, the late nights planning missions, and the weird bickering flirting thing you two do. How could we not think something of it? Steve's changing, he's a little less hard-headed and more willing to listen to reason, especially when it comes from you. You're also changing, you're more patient now, more willing to work as a team, and you've calmed down a lot with the threatening murder thing. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you two did get together." he shrugged at me but I could tell he was dead serious
"Yes, it would. We're not compatible."
"But you like him right?"
"I don't know, Sam. It's been over 20 years since I've had feelings for someone, like true feelings. I'm not sure what it even feels like to like someone anymore and I wouldn't even know where to begin if I did."
"You do like him."
"No, yes, maybe, I don't know."
"Well I think the answer is yes and I think you should talk to him about it."
"I can't, it would ruin everything if I did."
We heard the front door close and Steve call for Sam. "Finish eating and then come get some fresh air okay?"
"Yeah, thanks, Sam."
For the next couple of days, we all took it easy and I did my best to not mess up my shoulder more. By day three it was healed enough that I could use my arm again but it still hurt. I was having a serious case of cabin fever by the end of day four after being trapped inside. It was late enough that I thought everyone would be asleep so I crept through the living room and slowly opened the door. "I really hope you're not planning on going somewhere," Steve said loudly causing me to jump
"Shit, Steve." I pressed my hand to my chest as I tried to steady my heartbeat from him scaring me
"Where do you think you're going?"
"For a walk, I'm going insane in here."
"Alone?"
"Well that was the plan but I guess not anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh come on, save me the time and just get your jacket." I rolled my eyes at him
"Yes ma'am." he chuckled as he grabbed his jacket before he pulled the door open for me
We took off on our walk in comfortable silence for a while before I decided we might as well talk to each other if I'm forced to spend time with him. "What was it like when you became a super soldier, the super soldier?" I asked softly
"It was thrilling, a total rush. I mean someone died immediately after and I went on a foot chase but it was like I had all this energy coursing through me. I went into that chamber as a 110lbs boy and came out like this just a few minutes later. It hurt but it wasn't so bad. Everything I'd ever wanted to do, I could do now. It was strange and for a while, I felt like I was living in someone else's body but I settled in. Then I became America's greatest dancing monkey and sure the recognition and applause were nice but it wasn't what I wanted. When I heard that Buck's unit was captured I decided that was my opportunity to be who I wanted to be. To be more than someone selling war bonds. That was when I became a hero when I saved them and we formed the Howling Commandos. All of us became heroes. Buck was a hero."
"He still is a hero, he just can't see that right now."
"What was it like when you became a super soldier?"
"A lot less heroic."
"You don't have to tell me but I do genuinely want to know."
"It was scary. I was pulled from training one day and put through a bunch of tests with several other widows. When we completed them they took us from the Red Room and we were brought to the Hydra base. It was dark and dingy, likely a basement. No one told us what was happening and we were too drugged up to fight back. I remember being strapped down to a table while they put in an IV. Then I just remember the pain. My guess is the chamber they put you in sped up the process. All of us were in the same room together and I remember watching each one of them die. I listened to my friends, my sisters screaming in agony before they eventually just stopped breathing. For two days I waited and watched. My entire body felt like it was on fire, each nerve ending functioning on overdrive and I just wanted to die but I never did. All of them died. All of them. I was the only one left and I don't know why. Did they give me a different serum or was I just that unlucky? Once they realized I wasn't going to live they conducted endless tests on me before they started programming her into my head. From there the rest you kinda know."
"That's awful. I'm sorry that you went through that, you didn't deserve that. Did they ever try again to make more widow's into super soldiers?"
"Two more times that I know of. Both were epic failures and they stopped because they'd already killed over 20 widows with me as their only success. Drakov wanted me back but Hydra had already brainwashed me and froze me."
"Does that part hurt?"
"No, not really. I mean being frozen isn't the most comfortable feeling ever but it hurt less than going on missions."
"If I'd have known what would've happened to you, to any of you then I would've never taken the serum. I would've begged them to destroy it."
I stopped walking and he turned to look at me with a confused expression on his face. "Steve, you know it's not your fault, right? I blamed you for a long time but you didn't turn me into a super soldier, you didn't hold Bucky and me captive, and you didn't mean for any of this to happen. You did what you thought was the best thing and I think it was. I blamed you because I was mad and I needed someone to focus all the hatred on. Hydra was careful about letting us know who they were so I had no one to aim that anger toward. I'm sorry I blamed you."
"You don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything." He started to walk again but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to face me
"But I do. I joined Tony not because I believed in the accords but because I hated you. I'm sorry for the part I played in all of it. You should hate me, I've been sort of awful to you since I met you."
"I don't hate you, Ana."
"But you should and I wouldn't blame you. Why am I even here, Steve? Honestly, why keep me around? Nat and Sam could do enough with technology to get you by, you don't need me. I've been nothing but a liability since I hunted down Natasha."
"You're so painfully oblivious." He groaned
"What?"
"You've saved all of our lives, you've made missions easier, and we all want you here. How do you not see it? Sam and Nat both swear it's blatantly obvious."
"What are you talking about Steve?"
Seriously, what the hell is he going on about right now? I watched his face closely as he stared at the ground, considering his next words. He looked up at me and when our eyes met I felt my stance soften. His eyes were so beautiful and I hated that I wanted to stare at them all day. "You know what, fine. Fuck it."
I squinted my eyes at him and cocked an eyebrow as I tried to figure out what in all of holy hell he was talking about. Then as he was moving toward me, it hit me like a shit ton of bricks. He didn't hesitate a single second. His hand grabbed my head in one swift motion before his lips crashed into mine. For a moment I let myself melt into him, I let my lips mold against his, and I let my body fold into him. I was overwhelmed by his scent, by him. We'd been close enough to each many times but this was different. My brain screamed no but my body and my heart screamed yes. Unfortunately for my heart, my brain won and I pulled away. I looked up at him in shock and he slowly pulled away from me. "Oh god," I whispered as I started to process that Steve just kissed me and that for even a split second I kissed him back
"Ana, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just couldn't help it anymore. Since the first time I saw you, I was attracted to you, and yes you drive me nuts but I don't care. I've kept you on a short leash because I couldn't watch you get hurt and I didn't understand why for a while."
"No, stop." I was barely able to get any words out my voice was shaking so bad
"Please just let me say this."
"You can't."
I didn't even realize I'd made the decision to literally run away until I was already in a dead sprint away from him. He didn't run after me thankfully and I made my way to Nat and I's room. Luckily she wasn't here. She and Sam must've gone somewhere because the house was silent. Rather than try and ignore Steve for the rest of the evening, I decided to go to sleep. I changed into shorts and grabbed a tank top since Nat is the only one who ever comes into our room. Just as I pulled off my hoodie the door to our room opened but it wasn't Nat. "Steve? What are you doing?" I yelled
He didn't answer, he was looking at me standing there with all of my scars revealed. I quickly covered my torso with the hoodie I still held. "I uh...I'm sorry. I just."
"Get out, right now. Get out."
"Ana, your scars."
"I swear to God Rogers I'm going to finally make my threat to kill you a promise. Get out."
He pulled the door shut and I started considering about 100 different ways to kill him but settled for just going to sleep. I laid awake for a long time just replaying the way he kissed me over and over again in my head. Maybe I should've heard him out. But it didn't matter. He's Captain America, Steve Rogers, the ultimate perfect soldier and I'm a trained assassin turned mass murderer. There's no reality where he wants me for me. Maybe he thinks he can fix me or change me. I'm not his precious Peggy who probably followed the rules and who probably never threatened his life or pulled a weapon on him. It could just be that he's physically attracted to me and that's all he was after. What kind of life could a hero and a villain have together? In what world does that work out? All I know is I couldn't deny it to myself anymore, I'd fallen for Captain America.