Maybe getting into a new relationship was a mistake. Walker's been gone for almost a week now, I've been at home, bored out of my mind and every second I'm here, I worry.
I worry about what I've done to my roommate situation, I worry about the fact that my other friends don't know yet. I worry about the fact that this is so new and we're so far apart.
I miss him every single day that we're not together, the fact that I do scares me. I don't remember ever feeling this way before and I don't want to come across as needy and clingy. But I want to talk to him all the time, every time we hang up I feel sad.
How did I get myself into this? I started dating my roommate, who I swore hated my guts just a month and a bit ago. Now we were......together?
How does that make sense?
I guess nothing about us really does, it kind of never has. But it works and it feels special what the two of us have.
"Hey honey." Mom says, knocking quietly on my bedroom door. I'm laying in the middle of my bed, surrounded by a massacre of Lindor truffle wrappers. She leans against the door, crossing her arms and I sigh.
"Hi."
"You've been spending a lot of time in here over the past few days." She remarks, eyeing my messy room. "And talking a lot on the phone."
I feel my cheeks flush, I talked to Walker most nights, a lot of it was just us sitting on FaceTime. The only good part about the roommate, to enemy, to friend, to boyfriend transition, was that we were extremely comfortable with each other now.
"I guess so?" I shrug, sitting up.
"Anyone in particular?" She asks with a knowing mom smile.
I haven't talked to her about this, mostly because I don't want to get my hopes up. I can't let myself down like that and get all giddy about a messy long-distance relationship. Even if he did call me his girlfriend, I know what almost two months of distance will do to us.
"Just.....a friend."
"Oh a friend, huh?" She teases, raising her eyebrows and I feel my face get hot all over again. "You seem to blush a lot when we bring up this 'friend'." She sighs, walking over to my bed and sweeping the wrappers back so she can sit with me. "What's going on, honey? You can tell me."
"Nothing's going on, I just......" I shake my head. "You and I both know I'm talking to a boy, can we leave it at that?"
"I just wanted to check in." She sighs, putting her hand on my shoulder. "I know if you're interested in dating or....whatever it is you kids do these days," She chuckles, shaking her head. "That he must be incredible, you have such good instincts and I know whoever this guy is......he's great."
"Yeah." I nod and she nods.
"It....it's not Dane, is it?"
"No, of course not." I tell her, shaking my head. "Ew mom-"
"I'm sorry, I was worried." She sighs, rubbing her hand over my back quickly. "Well....that must mean whoever this is that you really like them."
"I do." I nod, leaning my head on her shoulder. "It's Walker, mom." I whisper, feeling my eyes sting.
"It's Walker?" She asks, looking amazed. "Oh Annie, he's fabulous. The two of you make such an incredible pair." I nod, too afraid that if I talk I'll cry. "What's wrong? Why the tears?"
"Because I really like him." I whisper, wiping away a tear from under my eye.
"Is he treating you well?"
"Yeah, he's great." I assure her and she furrows her eyebrows, as if to say, 'then what's this about?'. "I don't want this break to ruin what's barely started, I don't know what's wrong with me, I just miss him and I shouldn't because we only just started seeing each other-"
"Honey, you've known him for months." She sighs, pressing her lips to the top of my head. "You've probably liked him that long, that's all."
"This is just so hard, our roommates are pissed and I don't even want to think about what the rest of our friends will say."
"Sometimes it's hard to date people." She sighs. "When I met your father he lived in Chicago, I was living in Philly going to U Penn. He transferred down to do some research in one of our labs but he wasn't going to stay-"
"Mom you've told me this story, but he did stay and you fell in love." I sigh and she shakes her head.
"We broke up for a while actually." She whispers. "I couldn't handle the fact that he was always so far away all the time, he told me his life was in Chicago and he couldn't stay while I finished my degree. It broke my heart and I realized that not being with him was worse than having a complicated relationship."
I contemplate what she's saying, I know she's right and that's exactly how I feel about him.
"And here we are, almost thirty years later, married with two kids." She beams, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. "If Walker's the one, then you two will figure out the rest. That's all."
"But we come from such different backgrounds, his family's nothing like ours. I don't know if I'll fit in with that and I know he doesn't have a perfect relationship with his parents either."
"If people couldn't find a way to accept each others' families, no one would ever fall in love." She tells me and I snort a bit. "If he likes you, that's what matters. You two have us, we'll always love you."
I love my mother. She always makes me feel better.
"When did the two of you......start seeing each other?" She asks.
"After New York."
"Ah." She smiles. "Romantic setting to figure yourselves out, hmm?"
"It didn't suck." I whisper and she chuckles. "I don't know, he just makes me laugh. He makes me feel like myself, he likes me the way I am."
"Then what a good reason to feel the way you do about him." She sighs. "Cheer up, this time apart is only for a few weeks. You're going to see each other before your trip to Northwestern, which by the way, is incredible and you should be proud of yourself for."
"I am proud of myself." I nod. "Just.....this feels like such complicated timing. Why couldn't this happen earlier or-"
"That's not how it works." She tells me, putting her hand on my knee. "Relationships in your life will come in so many ways, but the ones that mean the most......they're always when you least expect them."
"You should write greeting cards." I mumble and she laughs, dragging me into her side and giving me a big squeeze.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, it's only another five days and then the two of you will be back at school." She reminds me and I nod, knowing she's right. "Your Abuela goes home in three." She adds and I chuckle.
Oh Abuela, my mom's about to lose it having her here. I love her personally, but she does get to be a lot. She's an amazing cook, but follows mom around in the kitchen doing everything she does, but her way. She's a little badass though, and I love her.
"Sick of having her cook over you?"
"No, I'm just.....I'm her child when she's here." She whispers. "But that's what I mean, my family's insane and your father still insists Abuela and your grandfather come down for the holidays every year."
"Colleen!" I hear her high pitched voice from the living room and her sweet accent layered over it.
"Sí?" She yells back.
"You can't hide in there forever, your pot is boiling over!" She calls and I snort and mom shuts her eyes.
"I'm coming, I was just chatting with Annie!"
"Discover why she's always making that constipated face yet?" She calls back and I can hear the pots rattling around in the kitchen. I roll my eyes and mom kisses my forehead.
"I love you, everything will work out with Walker. Give it time and don't worry so much about the next time you'll see him." She whispers. "New relationships are hard, but if he makes you happy then that should help make it easier."
She grabs my hands, pulling me to my feet and I sigh, following her out to the kitchen. Abuela is standing in the kitchen doing approximately twenty-eight things at once, she's only five-foot-three but I wouldn't dare get in her way.
"Would you finish this up Mija? I have something for Annie." She says and I furrow my eyebrows. Mom gives me this look that sums up 'this was already my dinner that I started, mom', and takes the stove over.
Abuela comes out of the kitchen and takes my hand, leading me back to the couch where my grandfather and dad are watching football highlights. She goes into her knitting and I cringe.
I love her to death, but Abuela knits the ugliest things. And then me or Jesse always have to wear them to spare her feelings. She yanks out this rainbow monstrosity of a sweater and holds it up looking so proud.
It looks like it was knit from a ball of vibrant rainbow yarn, like she'd skinned all of The Muppets and turned them into a collective sweater. The collar and cuffs are black which somehow only adds to the loudness and it looks to be four sizes too big for me.
"I should have knit it smaller, I forgot that you'd lost all that weight." She mumbles. "I just finished sewing it together last night, let's have a look!"
My dad and Jesse are trying to hold in their laughter from across the living room and I give her a fake smile.
"Thank you Abuela, it's.....great."
"Well it's so cold here, I thought you could use a nice sweater."
I nod hesitantly and reluctantly take the garment from her. Mom smiles over her shoulder from the kitchen and I know my whole family thinks this is hilarious. I drag it over my head and the scent of mothballs, Ivory soap and her suffocating perfume coat me.
It's so big it almost reaches my knees and the sleeves more than pass my fingertips. It's massive and......a little itchy.
"Oh it's perfect, you'll be able to grow into it." She smiles, looking pleased.
"She's twenty-one mami, how much more do you think she'll grow?" Mom asks.
"She's shrinking these days." My grandfather cuts in and I roll my eyes.
"Thanks Abuela, it's awesome." I tell her and she gives me a big hug, pressing her lips to my cheek and I know she's left a massive lipstick print on me.
I hear the doorbell ring and I pull back from my hug. "Could someone get that?" Mom asks, looking busy in the kitchen. "I have a package that's due and I don't want it sitting in the snow if that's the Amazon driver."
"I'll get it." I sigh, walking down the hall to the front door.
I unlock it and yank it back, expecting to see a box by itself. But when I look down I see a set of feet, when my eyes follow them up, the face I see nearly makes me pass out.
"Hey sweetheart." He says and I put my hand over my mouth.
"Walker?" I whisper, too excited to say anything louder.
"It's kind of cold out here, either let me in or come give me a hug." He teases and I jump up into his arms. He chuckles, catching me and letting me loop my arms around his neck. I press my lips to his and when I pull back I can't wipe the smile off my face.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, running my fingers through his hair.
"Visiting you early." He chuckles and then furrows his eyebrows. "Something you want to tell me?" He laughs, running his thumb over my cheek and I feel the lipstick mark smear. "If this new guy wears lipstick I can compete with that-"
"It's Abuela's." I sigh, shaking my head.
"Is that also who made you this hot outfit that smells like a retirement home?" He asks and I laugh.
"I missed you." I whisper, feeling a smile spread over my face. I hadn't felt this happy in over a week.
"I missed you more." He tells me, nudging my nose with his. Oh my god, more.
"Come inside, say hello." I whisper and he nods, giving me a quick kiss and letting me back down to my feet.
"Does your family know we're together?"
"Mom does, I'm sure my dad suspects it." I shrug, pulling him inside. "But my Abuela and grandfather don't, I don't think Jesse will care."
"Pressure to impress?"
"I think everyone's going to like you." I whisper, lacing my fingers through his.
"Annie?" Mom calls. "What took so long? Was it my package?"
"No mom!" I call, pulling him into the doorway of the kitchen. "It was actually for me."
"Hey Miss Cook." He smiles and mom grins, dropping her spoon.
"Walker, what a pleasant surprise." She beams. "Did Annie know you were on your way?"
"Nope, just thought I'd surprise her." He says, putting his hand on the small of my back.
"How exciting." She whispers, shaking her head like she couldn't be any happier if she tried. "You should bring him into the living room, introduce him properly."
"Way ahead of you."
"Would you like to stay for dinner, Walker?"
"I'd love to." He smiles and I grin like a little kid. I can't help myself, this is too exciting. The fact that he gets along with my mom makes me so happy too.
I bring him into the living room where the three men of the family are watching the same football highlights, all while Abuela yells about how little this game makes sense and asks endless questions about the players, completely based on headshot and not performance.
"Hey Annie, who was at the door?" Dad asks, glancing over and then he does a double-take standing up to come say hello.
"Walker came early to surprise me." I answer, trying not to flush.
"Oh so you two are......god, did I miss that much?" He asks, looking confused. My parents had met Walker a number of times, but we were always just friends at that point.
"Nice to see you again, sir." Walker says, shaking his hand and dad nods with a smile.
"You too, son. You watch football?" He asks and I laugh. Walker watches more than my father does.
"I do." He answers politely and dad smiles.
"Oh Mija, who's this?" Abuela asks, setting down her next ungodly knitting creation. She immediately tries to get up to say hello but Walker makes the walk over to her. I follow quickly and he helps her stand up. "Gracias, Mijo."
"I'm Walker ma'am, I'm seeing Annie." He says politely and I feel my stomach flip. He's so.....good at talking to people. He's smooth and confident, you can tell he was raised to be that way.
"Yes, I see her all the time too." She teases and he chuckles.
"We've been going out for a little over a month." I tell her and her small hands wrap around his one.
"Ah, un novio para Annie, y tan guapo." She beams, patting his hands. Walker shoots me a look and I laugh, clearly he doesn't know what that means. "I hope you're staying for dinner."
"Of course."
"Have you met my husband, Annie's grandfather?" She asks and Walker smiles.
Abuela proceeds to talk his ear off for the next fifteen minutes while mom gets dinner ready. Walker half listens while squeezing my hand and half watches the game with my dad and Jesse. My family can be intense, but Walker holds his own.
Dinner's great, both of my parents expand on how long we've been seeing each other and what our plans are. They don't seem to understand that this visit was just as much a surprise for me.
Once it's done, mom releases us and makes Jesse and dad help with drying the dishes. Abuela stands by my mother, offering 'advice' while she washes and my grandfather falls asleep on the couch with his tea beside him.
"Can I see your room?" Walker asks, appearing behind me and I smirk.
"My room?" I tease. "How old are we? Thirteen?"
"And a half." He retorts. "Let me see it, you saw mine at Thanksgiving."
I roll my eyes, bringing him down the hall to see it. I flip on the lights and then immediately bolt to the mess of chocolate wrappers on my bed. I pick them up, cursing myself for being messy.
"Hungry?"
"You know I like chocolate." I mumble. "And I eat when I'm stressed." I add, tossing them all into my trash beneath my desk.
"What were you stressed about?" He asks and I walk to my nightstand, getting out a makeup remover wipe and rubbing it over my cheek to remove Abuela's lipstick.
"I don't know." I sigh, looking in the small mirror that used to hang over my dresser. My dresser was in our apartment now, so now it was just a mirror on a blank wall. I finish wiping it off and I feel a set of hands clasp my waist, then they move over my stomach and a set of arms wrap around me.
"Annie, what is it?"
"I've been stressed about our distance, that's all." I admit quietly.
"Why?"
"Because.....I really like you, I don't want to be so far apart." I sigh, tossing the dirty wipe onto my nightstand. "I just don't want to miss things, I originally was thankful about the opportunity because it was hard to be near you all the time......but what made it hard was that I had feelings for you and we couldn't come around for each other."
"I don't want you to think this won't work because of distance." He whispers, shaking his head. "It's not long, you've told me that so many times."
"I know." I nod and he nods too. "I just don't want.....I don't want you to have to take the brunt of everyone hating us alone." I add and he smiles, I can see him in the mirror as his lips press to my cheek.
"That's really what you're upset about, isn't it?" He asks and I nod. The thought of everyone taking this out on him while I wouldn't be there to back him up upset me. "I'm an adult, baby. The people in our lives will come around, I can handle Mark's bitchy comments, Abby being pissed, Chase crying about the one who got away and Piper trying to carry out pathetic revenge. You are what I care about, not anyone else. We've got this."
I look back at him in the mirror again and I smile weakly. "We've got this."
"That's better." He whispers. "Part of why I feel the way I do about you Annie, is because you care about other people. But our relationship isn't about other people, it's about you. I swear for the month you're away, I'll find some way to keep making you happy."
I turn around and wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek into his chest and he wraps his arms around me.
"I can't believe you're here." I mumble and he chuckles.
"I wanted to see you, it's not hard to get from the Hamptons to here." He whispers, cupping my face in his hands. "I was sick of seeing you on the other side of a screen, I didn't need to be home anymore so.....I thought maybe I'd give us a bit more time together. Make the distance shorter."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You didn't like being surprised?" He asks and I smile.
"I did."
"I thought......well, I have my Christmas present for you if that's alright?"
"I......oh fuck, I didn't know we were doing presents." I sigh, shaking my head. "I don't have yours-"
"That's alright, I'll get mine when I watch you open yours." He whispers, going into the pocket of his jeans and passing me a white envelope. I furrow my eyebrows and he grins as I take it from him.
I peel up the top flap and pull out a few pieces of paper, one of them is a boarding pass. It's for LaGuardia airport.
"I thought I'd take you to New York for New Year's." He says quietly. "I got invited to a really cool party, I thought we could go." My jaw falls open and he grins. "It's at the Hilton near Central Park, the party's in the ballroom......I booked a room in the same hotel."
"You....you're taking me back to New York?" I ask, almost unable to believe it. "Oh my god, you didn't have to-"
"I wanted to." He says. "Somewhere free of families and roommates and.....people looking at us. Tell me you'll go."
"I'll go." I whisper and he smiles. "Of course I'll go." I lean up to press a kiss to his lips. He pulls back and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.
"That's some sweater." He chuckles. "The smell of it could be the funniest part."
"My Abuela knit this, you watch it." I tease and he laughs.
"What did she say earlier when you told her we were together?" He asks, seeming to remember that suddenly.
"She said, 'a boyfriend for Annie' and then called you handsome." I tell him, feeling a smile tug at my mouth. "Which I agree with."
"Annie!" I hear mom call from down the hall and we step back a bit, making our interaction look more friendly. Mom pokes her head around the corner and I cross my arms.
"Hi mom." I answer and she smiles.
"I just wanted to know what your plans were for the evening." She says quietly and I sigh.
"I actually haven't discussed them yet." I admit and she nods.
"Well Walker, you're welcome to stay the night. We'll just blow up an air mattress in the basement-"
"Jeez mom, way to sell it." I tell her, rolling my eyes. "We could put it in here." I remind her, gesturing to my mostly empty room.
"No way." I hear dad add, walking past my room with a basket of laundry. "You know the rules."
Dad might like Walker but that won't stop him from being my dad. Separate rooms are always going to be his M.O.
"Henry!" Abuela calls from the living room. "They're adults!"
"You know what? I'll just stay at the apartment." Walker says, clearly not wanting to get in the middle of my family's weird need to always be involved in every part of my life.
"No." I mumble, shaking my head. I need him somewhere close tonight.
"What do you think they do when they're alone? They sleep together like any normal couple, they won't be having sex!" Abuela chimes in and I bring my hands up to cover my eyes.
"Dios mío, Mami! Do you have to say things like that?" My mom shouts. "Mind your business!"
"I'll-um.....I'll leave it up to your mother." Dad says, turning red and walking the laundry down the hall to their room.
"Um.....alright, I suppose you're a grown up." Mom mumbles, shaking her head. "Pardon my mother, she's old and not known for her subtlety." I sigh, looking anywhere but at her. "I'll put the air mattress in here if you want, but with the intention that Walker's the only one sleeping on it."
She then shakes out her hands, walking back down the hall to shout at my Abuela, some of it in English, some in Spanish.
"Oh my god." I sigh, shaking my head. "I don't know what's wrong with everyone, your parents didn't care that we slept in the same room."
"Your family's a lot closer." He whispers.
"You don't have to stay, I'll go with you-"
"No, you love your family and I know this time is important for you, I'll stay." He whispers, pressing a kiss to my temple and I smile weakly. Bless him for putting up with my weird-ass relatives.
Walker gets his stuff from his car, the two of us each taking turns to foot-pump the air mattress while the other gets ready for bed across the hall. Honestly, my twin bed probably wouldn't accommodate the two of us comfortably anyway.
Once we're both ready, I help Walker get his bed ready and I laugh as I turn out the lights. What a random moment.
I try to drift off but it's impossible, I'm too excited that he's close. I twist over to look at him and I feel a smile spread over my face.
"Walker." I whisper. "Are you asleep?"
"Nope." He mumbles. "I'm pretty sure this thing deflates every time I breathe."
"Oh shit, how much air's left?"
"I'm pretty much on the floor." He answers quietly. I press my lips together and I chew the inside of my cheek.
"Come up with me." I suggest and he shakes his head.
"No, your mom was pretty clear." He answers. "I'll be alright in my taco, go to bed sweetheart."
"Trade with me then, you had a big flight."
"No chance." He whispers. "Night Annie."
I frown and he rolls onto his side, closing his eyes. Who cares what my mom said? She's not actually going to come in here and I know she doesn't really care. It's about principle.
I quietly pull off my blankets and take the two steps to get over to his mattress. I crawl onto it and his eyes shoot open, clearly my weight was helping to distribute some air and not have him be on the ground.
"Annie-"
"Shush." I answer and he sighs. I lay down beside him and he rolls his eyes, putting his arm around me.
"This is bullshit." He mumbles a second later and I sigh, worried he means me being near him. "If we're doing this then we're laying in the bed." I smile a bit at his response and the two of us sit up, he pulls me down into my bed and the two of us curl up together. "I can't say no to you."
"Did you really want to stay down there?" I ask, laying my face on his chest and he cracks a smile.
"Not really."
"Thought so." I whisper and he leans in to give me one quick kiss.
"Night." He mumbles, wrapping his arms around me.
"Night Walker." I answer and for the first time in a week, I manage to have a good night of sleep.