After a hot shower and getting into my pajamas, I open the door quietly, as not to wake josh in case he's asleep.
The lights on and joshua is sitting on my bed, scrolling on his phone.
I walk out brushing my hair and am surprised to watch josh put his phone down then motion for me to come towards him.
I oblige and sit on top of my covers, with my back pressed to his chest. I continue brushing my hair until josh takes the hair brush from me and resumes bushing my hair.
My head falls back in relaxation. When was the last time somebody other than myself brushed my hair? It has to have been when I was younger and my mom would brush my hair.
He finishes brushing my hair and sets the brush down. I'm about to get up but stop when his fingers return to my head. While I thought the feeling of to brush going through my hair felt good, it pales in comparison to the feeling of Josh's soft, but firm, fingers massaging my scalp.
I sigh and lean into him even more, my head hitting his chest. His hands move from my hair to my arms, lightly scratching them. I shiver at his touch and I feel him let out a small laugh.
For some reason, the action of being pressed against him and him running his hands up and down my arms feels more intimate than any kiss we've shared.
I should tell him to stop, at least until we talk things out and decide what our relationship is. After enjoying the physical touch for a few more minutes, I decide to tell him we need to stop. I'm confused enough as it is.
I angle my head up to tell him as such. I guess josh thought I was going for something else because the second my lips come closer to his face, they are enveloped by the warmth of his lips.
I melt into the kiss.
I caress his face and open my mouth. That sensual tongue of his dances in sync with mine, causing me to lose track of my surroundings and feeling as if his touch was the only thing keeping me grounded. Nothing else matters but his lips on mine.
I break away from the kiss much dinner than I'd like to, but I know it's for the best.
"We can't keep doing this," I tell josh.
"I know," he says, pressing his forehead to mine and breathing heavily.
"Josh..."
He lifts his head and looks at me.
"We need to talk about this. About us." I say.
He nods, "You're right," he takes a breath to begin the conversation, but I cut him off, suddenly full of anxiety.
"Wait," I say. "We should talk in the morning. It's really late and we should sleep."
He lets out a breath of... relief? Acceptance? Maybe annoyance?
"In the morning," he agrees. I don't detect any annoyance so I relax a bit, glad I didn't make him mad.
I face forward and lean back once again, and the steady rise and fall of his breaths lull me to sleep.
***
I don't stay that way for very long. I wake up with tears on my cheeks and my chest rising and falling rapidly.
Im so focused on the pounding in my head and chest that it takes me a minute to realize josh is still holding me, whispering in my ear, "it's okay. You're okay."
I quickly wipe off the tears. "I'm fine."
After a few bests of silence, josh asks, "do you want to talk about it?"
I immediately shake my head. "There's nothing to talk about. I don't even remember the whole dream."
"Has this happened before?" He questions softly.
I don't say anything. I don't want him to know that these nightmares are a constant in my life. That Im lucky if I get a full nights rest. That on those rare nights that I sleep though the night, it's because he's with me.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it's not a big deal. Everyone has bad dreams once in a while."
"Katie." Josh says, turning me around so I face him. "You crying and shouting in your sleep is a big deal."
"It really isn't." I insist.
"It is to me." He says, eyes locking on mine. "When did they start?"
"After the attack. They went away for a while, but came back a month and a half ago."
"You could've come to me," he tells me.
I huff out a laugh. "We weren't exactly talking when they started back up again."
"You still could've talked to me, Katie."
"No, josh, I couldn't have." I say more sternly. "I couldn't have just called you and told you I was having nightmares that keep me up almost every night because even thinking about you hurt too much."
An awkward stillness fills the room with neither of us speaking. I've never heard silence quite this loud.
I clear my throat. "I'm going back to bed."
Instead of leaning back on him, I sit up fully and get out of the bed.
"Where are you going?" Josh asks.
"The other bed, I don't want to squish you." I tell him. And that's true, but the main reason I'm leaving the comfort of him is because I'm embarrassed. I let him know just how much I was hurting when we weren't together, and I don't know if he felt the same way.
"You're not squishing me, come back."
I look towards him and the pitying look on his face, directed at the tear stains on my own.
I'm about to decline and I think he can tell because he opens his mouth and softly says, "please, Katie."
I walk back to the bed, slightly grateful he still wants to be by me. That thought warms my heart and I climb back into bed, this time laying down next to him, squished but still so comfortable. We lay facing each other, not saying anything. I bring my hand up and gingerly touch his curls and brush them out of his face. My hand rests on his cheek and I fall back asleep, this time without any nightmares.
***
I wake up the next morning, surprised to see I've waken up a little before my alarm. I get out of bed and grab my clothes, deciding to let my alarm wake up Joshua.
As I close the bathroom door, I hear my phone alarm ring, followed by a groan, then it turning off. I smile to myself.
After last night, we established that we're going to talk about our relationship, but I can't help feel that it's going to go well and we'll get back together. Everything in the past is forgotten and we both have been working on ourselves.
I hum to myself as I get ready. 5 minutes later, a knock sounds at the door.
"Come in," I say, brushing my hair.
Josh walks in looking disheveled, his hair a curly mess, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
He sees me brushing my hair and his eyes light up. "Hey, that's my job," he says, taking the brush out of my hand and resuming the motions.
I smile and rub sunscreen on my face, not wanting to look like a tomato later in the day.
Josh lowers his head and places a kiss on my neck, cashing the smile on my face to grow even bigger.
"What are you up to mr. Bassett?" I ask, spinning around and looping my arms over his head and above his shoulders. He places the hairbrush on the counter and grabs me by the waist. He pulls me closer and kisses me softly.
Luckily I brushed my teeth earlier, and for some reason, josh doesn't seem to have morning breath.
I ket him kiss me for a little longer before I say, "We have to go down soon, we don't want to be late."
"What if we just skip today? We don't need to go to California adventure, we can just spend the day here, in this room."
I roll my eyes. "Come on, don't you want to go on all the rides?"
He shrugs.
"We'll I do," I tell him. I give him a quick kiss then turn back around and grab my mascara.
He groans. "How are you so awake? We got, what? 3, maybe 3 and a half hours of sleep?"
Now it's my turn to shrug.
"Are you showering right now or later?" I ask him.
"Now," he says, removing his shirt, and I blush.
"I'll go get some clothes for you from your room, you shower. Fast." I tell him.
I leave the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
I open the door to the hallway and there, standing there, is Matt, holding clean clothes for josh.
********************
Sorry it's been a hot second. The books kinda near the end and I really need to finish updating ahhhh
-kb