About a week had passed and you still felt like you were in a haze. Everything Niall had landed on you felt so heavy on your shoulders, you could hardly straighten your spine enough to serve tables at the diner properly.
You couldn't stop it from replaying in your head. Over and over. All he'd said about Harry and how he's coping... Or not coping. The way he picks up random fights at bars just to... feel something. Especially considering his past with violence, it was breaking your heart all over again.
You still couldn't wrap your head around how this could have happened. You never once expected such an outcome, never even considered it. Sure, you knew Harry would be heartbroken, but he was a mature man that could understand your reasoning, surely? He must've known you ran so that he didn't have to make that awful choice between you and his daughter. Surely he knew that had you tried to talk to him about it, he would've been totally against it- and what would that have solved? Nothing. You did it for him, so that he didn't have to. Surely he knew that... right?
Apparently not, based on what Niall had told you. It sure didn't seem like Harry was at peace with your decision. In fact, it seemed like he didn't understand it one bit.
Did he hate you?
If he didn't hate you yet, he surely was going to when he'd lose the trial to your awful family. He had no way of knowing Niall had found you and pleaded for you to take the stand, but still, you were important to the outcome (as far as he was concerned, though you had your doubts), and you were the reason he was in this mess to begin with- you and your family. Niall had told you he'd not be telling Harry about meeting with you, but could you really trust him?
You heart skipped a beat at that, but not the good kind- the dreadful kind. Had he told Harry, he'd have ran to you in a heartbeat. But he wasn't there. So Niall must have indeed not told him...
...The alternative was too much to bear.
"YN?..."
You snapped out of it at your boss' tone of voice "Yes?"
"You gotta get your act together. I've been calling out to you for the past 2 minutes, made me come all the way over here just to find you daydreaming. How long does it even take to clean a coffee machine? I've already got people waiting, the fuck is the matter with you?!"
You nodded and hurriedly continued scrubbing, willing him away when you heard him order one of your colleagues in the back to help you out with what you were doing. Nancy came by your side and picked up the clean parts, drying them off. "Such a prick. No one's ordered coffee. It's freaking 11pm for fuck's sake..." she scoffed
"Well. Commuters always stop by around midnight just for coffee, so he's not wrong..."
Your co-worker turned to you and gave you a pointed look "Oh well excuse me, miss employee of the month" she then elbowed you and chuckled which made you smile faintly, just to be nice. Nancy was a good person, but you just couldn't get yourself to get close to anyone. You'd stopped talking to all your friends back home too, or at least, the very few you had. You just disappeared from their lives as you had from Harry's.
Except for Julianne, your best friend, but even her you kept at arm's length. She didn't make it a secret of what her opinion on all this was. She thought you were crazy, and wrong, and crazy wrong. Harry had visited the office, even got in touch with her and desperately pleased for her to tell him where you were. All she did was tell him you were alright, but that you didn't want him to keep trying to find you. Which, paradoxically- is exactly what you'd have wanted her to tell him, but you still felt hurt that she told him that. If that made any sense? To you it did. That was the truth of it.
"Ok, employee of the month. I got this. You can clock out before he finds something else for you to do" Nancy chimed, snapping you out of your reverie once more "You're really jumpy these days, aren't ya? Ever since that irish bloke came about here last week..."
You rolled your eyes, taking your apron off
"What? C'mon. You left with him all teary eyed... And ever since, you've been zoning out constantly. Did he break up with you? Is that what's been bugging you?"
You sighed "No. Nothing's bugging me"
"Oh, please. Girl, if it's any consolation. I've seen a car parked across the road for a few days now. I think he's working up his courage to come talk to you. It's always ever here when you're here, during my shifts I never see it. I only see it when we swap"
You froze at that "Wh... what? What kind of car?"
"It's not the one he came in last week, so maybe it's not him at all and it's just a coincidence, or maybe he's got a friend to keep an eye on you or something? Or maybe it's a stalker?" she laughed and you squinted at her not knowing what was so funny about the latter option "Oh shit, do you think it's a sick perv from the diner stalking you? I never really thought about it that way!"
"Nancy! What kind of car?"
"I don't know the make of it. All I know is it's not the same as the one the irish dude drove last week, it's not as nice as that one"
Your blood froze in your veins and you could feel yourself go all pale
"Shit, Y/N. Are you ok? I was only kidding about the stalker, I'm sure it's nothing! Look, I'll keep an eye on the car and tell you if I really think something suspicious is going on, ok?"
"Yeah, yeah... I'll, uhm" you cleared your throat "I'll just use the backdoor tonight, just to be safe, ok? See you tomorrow" you smiled awkwardly at Nancy, knowing full well you'd not be seeing her the next day, and grabbed your tote bag, leaving the way you said you would.
You rushed through the backalley, patting yourself on the back for never driving in to work (mainly for financial reasons) making sure you couldn't be spotted from the front and took a considerable detour to your apartment complex that reminded you of cheap motels you'd only previously seen in movies. You fumbled with your keys unlocking your flat with shaky hands and immediately fished out your suitcase from underneath the bed, tossing it open over your bedding.
You pushed your hair out of your face and tried to calm down a bit, but you just couldn't stop shaking.
You couldn't risk it, you couldn't let this all go to waste for nothing. Darn it to hell, and darn Niall for being a lying piece of shit and telling Harry where you were!
Before you knew it, you were grabbing what little clothes you had out of the dresser and throwing them in the suitcase, hangers and all. You threw all your lingerie over top, making sure to fish out of a sock all the cash you'd saved up and hide it in your bra. It wasn't much, unfortunately, with the lousy jobs you'd had there were never any means to save up much, but it should be enough to get you to wherever you'd land next and buy you a few days at a cheap motel until you find another waitressing job.
This was not your first rodeo.
Next, you threw all your toiletries into a pouch in the bathroom, and you just tossed all your pairs of shoes into a backpack.
No time to nitpick. You'd just have to leave all the non-essentials behind. Again, this was not the first time you'd done this. And for much less of a hunch. This time, you were certain you had good reason to flee. You knew it was a long stretch, but something in the pit of your stomach just told you it was him. You could just feel it. You could just feel him. His proximity. You knew it was only a matter of time before he figured out you'd left through the back at the diner. Nancy said the car had been there a few days before, so he most likely already knew where you lived.
It gave you pause, though. Why did he not try and confront you, then? Why was he just... observing you from afar? The more you thought about it, the more it sounded more and more like the stalker scenario your co-worker had brought up, but you'd already made up your mind, you were fleeing and that was that.
You'd been already contemplating it, not trusting Niall to keep his mouth shut about your whereabouts. Turns out you'd been right. You should've never trusted him. The cocky bastard did this for a living, after all.
You opened the door and inspected the parking lot. Nothing looked amiss. But then again, this was a place where people came and left all the time. You had no idea which of those cars didn't belong there. Nancy could've at least told you the colour of the car she'd seen, but part of you doubted Harry would be doing this using the car you'd have recognized from a mile away.
The coast was clear, and you had to get a move on it. You rolled your suitcase out, swung the backpack over your shoulder and locked the door behind you, making your way downstairs where you pushed the keys into the mailbox.
You made your way to your car, and although all you could afford was to paint it a different colour, you knew Harry would recognize it if it ever came down to it, especially since you hadn't changed the licence plates and it stuck out like a sore thumb in another state.
After tossing your bags into the truck you carefully looked around again. Nothing looked suspicious, so you hopped in and drove off.
There wasn't any time to make a deliberate plan or be picky. You just headed out west, and hoped for the best. If you had to do this a few more times, you'd end up on the west coast soon, just like you and Harry had been planning to before all hell broke loose.
You shook your head, trying to clear it. It was dark and late, and you were tired, last thing you needed was to daydream while driving under such conditions.
At a stop sign you opened up google maps and tried to at least gauge where you'd be going. Unfortunately it looked like it'd be a long drive to the nearest town. Longer than it was doable considering how tired you already were after a workday.
You'd have to sleep at one point, and motels were out of the question. You were on a tight budget. You'd have to find a safe enough parking lot to park and sleep for a few hours before driving again. Like you always did.
You tried to take note of the drivers behind you in the rearview mirror, but you couldn't make out much, or if any of them were tailing you.
You drove for about 3 hours before your eyes just couldn't focus on the road anymore. You began looking for parking spots. Anything that looked decent enough (although you knew that was just wishful thinking- had anyone wanted to harm you, they could've, easily).
When you finally picked one, you carefully turned off your headlights, and as stealthily as you could manage parked your car, making sure once again that no car had followed you there. It was quite a big lot, and you realized it was a hotel's private property destined for their customers, but you hoped upon hope that security wouldn't be coming with a flashlight shooing you away like they would a homeless person.
It wouldn't be the first time that happened.
You already had your kit in the truck for such situations- a pillow, a blanket, and some sunshields to block out your windows with. Everything in place, you cracked the front windows slightly so that fresh air could get in and then nestled in the back seat, trying to fall right to sleep and not begin thinking about what all of this meant.
Just before sleep stole you away though, a soft voice made your ears prick up. You weren't even sure you'd really heard it, or dreamt it. It was your name you'd heard, and the voice was one you could never forget, no matter how hard you tried.
"Please... I can't let you sleep out here. I thought you'd rent a room and I could find you again in the morning so we could talk... Please. It's not safe, Y/N..."
His voice was but a whisper, and you held your breath listening to it. You wanted to drink it all in, anything he'd have to say to you. In spite of how much you'd ran away from this very moment, you now wanted to revel in it.
You couldn't see him, not with the sunshields up on every window, but he was right there, next to the door you were resting your pillow up against.
He was right there.
So close.
He gently tapped with the pad of his finger on the window "Y/N... can you hear me? Are you awake?..."
You'd never heard his voice like this before. It sounded so... defeated. So worn out. You knew that if you faced him you'd not be able to endure what he probably looked like, to match the tone of his voice.
"...yes" was all you could coax out of your dry throat and you heard his shuddering breath at your reply. You squeezed your eyes shut and felt tears roll down your cheeks.
You'd wanted to talk to him for so long, so, so long. You'd fought against it for so long. Ran for so long. But he found you. And he was there.
He was right there.
"We don't have to do this tonight, okay?.... I know you're tired. Please let me get you a room. Please? I just want to talk. But not right now, we should both sleep, and-- separately! I swear, I'll not try anything... just want to talk..."
You tried stifflign your tears "I don't know that I can do that... I don't... I don't know..."
You could hear him sniffle and his voice got even closer, as if he was leaning his forehead against the window "You don't have to... I'm not... I'd never force you, you know that... If you wanna get up in the morning and just leave... I won't follow you further. You can go back. Or even back home. I won't..." he swallowed audibly "I'll never try again. I promise. But sleep on it... and if you feel like we deserve to talk about it... that what we had deserves closure... Please, Y/N... Just think about it. I'm..." he exhaled profusely "I'm begging you"
Hearing him talk about closure just about did you in. This wasn't him trying to get you to come back. This was him trying to get closure. And you knew you deserved it, but you couldn't stop it from breaking your heart all over again.
And, well... if it meant not having to run anymore. If it meant finally putting an end to this life of hiding... He was right. And seemed calm enough to just have a talk... for closure. That concept should have brought you respite but it felt like a stab to the heart.
You nodded even though he couldn't see you and finally you spoke up "Alright... I'll... I'll sleep on it"
"Good. Good... I'll..." he cleared his throat "I'll go and book us rooms and then... I'll wait for you downstairs for breakfast in the morning... at the hotel's restaurant. If you want to talk. Okay?"
You felt relieved that you didn't have to face him then and there. You needed to compose yourself, otherwise you didn't trust yourself not to jump right into his arms "Yes. Ok. Yes..."
"Ok. Good" you heard him take a step back "They'll let you know which room, ok? I'll run ahead... Y/N? Please come talk in the morning... please"
And with that, you heard his footsteps rush away from the car. For a moment you contemplated whether all that had really happened or you'd just imagined it all in the darkness of your car. Or dreamt it.
But his cologne was still lingering. And taking the sunshields off you could see his handprint on the window. You placed yours against it on the opposite side and teared up again. You were so thankful you got to make up your mind until the morning, there was no way you could ever go through any talking in the state you were in.
After waiting for a good 5 minutes leaving him time to book the hotel rooms, you fished out of your suitcase some stuff to put into your tote bag for the night and trekked your way through the parking lot and into the hotel, which was quite nice actually. A 4 star one, much like the one Niall had brought you to a week prior.
After giving his name at the lobby, the receptionist gave you the key to your room and smiled at you wishing you a nice stay. The concierge called the elevator for you, which surprised you, as your room was 9. How many rooms were there per floor? Or had the ground floor no suites but just a restaurant, bar and lobby?
You made your way to your room and went to unlock it, but the key wasn't working. You huffed, trying again. Maybe this was just the universe's way of telling you you shouldn't be here, that you shouldn't talk to him.
But when the door opened from the inside and your eyes zeroed in on Harry's butterfly tattoo, you knew the universe was trying to tell you something else entirely.
You stammered, taken aback, your eyes carefully going up his naked torso. You felt like you were experiencing this in slow motion. You lingered on every square inch of his body until your gaze reached his beautiful eyes. Those intense eyes of his that you could never really decide what shade of green they really were. He was smiling, but his eyes were sad. So, so sad.
He took a small step further while you were trying to muster a sentence out "Oh, god. Isn't this 9? I must've...." your eyes darted back confusedly to the key you were holding and Harry's hand gently reached out, turning the keychain and thumbing at the dot there.
His hand was so close to yours, you could feel its warmth radiating off it and onto the skin of yours next to it. Your heart was hammering inside your ribcage, desperate to be free. Free of all this entrapment you'd created around it, free to leap out of your chest and go be next to Harry's. Where it belonged.
Your eyes braved another glance at him, he was looking at the keychain, his deep dimple on display. You wanted to nestle in it and never have to be alone again. "The dot is placed behind the numeral... This is 6, not 9, darling"
All at once, you felt your limbs go weak at the use of that petname. And you knew it was just a british thing, he had had others he used especially for you, but still it made you wanna bask in it, the sweetness of his tone, the playful note he'd used reminiscent of the way he'd tease you. It was like a pavlovian response, your visceral reaction to his voice.
He looked at you then from under his lashes, almost as if realizing how he'd spoken to you, a moment too late, and his gaze became hooded instantaneously taking your own in.
Yes, the universe was plotting loud and clear.
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A/N: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
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