The air was chilly as the wind caressed our skin while we were walking back to our house.
When Perkyn had offered that he'd walk us home, we kept resisting but he wouldn't take no for an answer since it was dark and he wanted to make sure that we got home safe and sound.
So, here were we, walking under the street lights while Perkyn was taking our bags with no remorse. He had quickly grabbed a shirt and put it on but it was unbuttoned, so I still had the chance to check him out while we were walking.
"Can I just move here?" Emilia asked and we laughed.
"Sure thing, Em."
Emilia looked into my eyes, her gaze determined but also bright.
"I'm serious, Heddy," she said. "This place is awesome and I get to be far away from my parents who always control me. Sign me up then."
Perkyn clicked his tongue.
"I know it's hard when they always plan the next step you're about to take but I'm pretty sure they are only doing it because they love you and want the best for you," he said and we stayed in silence for a while as his words sunk in.
I understood completely where he was coming from but every coin had two sides.
When I looked at Emilia, she looked sympathetic and melancholic at the same time.
"I know but they've got to realize that controlling someone is not the right way to express their love for you," Emilia said. "They only push you away from them."
Perkyn nodded and exhaled.
"I know, that's why things like this are much more complicated than we'd expect them to be," he said.
"I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way," Emilia gave all of us a thankful smile.
Leigh furrowed her eyebrows. "You're thanking us for having shitty lives and families?"
"That's exactly what I'm doing, Leigh, thank you for spelling it out."
Perkyn and I laughed at their argument. There hasn't been a single day since we had become friends when Emilia and Leigh weren't arguing.
But the best things about their pointless and over-dramatic arguments were that they weren't anything serious.
Emilia just always liked to crawl under Leigh's skin because Leigh has always let her.
At first, Emilia even tried to pick up on me to keep herself entertained but when she realized that I wasn't that funny when I got irritated she quickly stopped and chose Leigh for her prey next.
In moments like this, I was really happy that Leigh has still been an entertaining argument partner for Emilia because I couldn't bear her way of saying things much longer.
"Perkyn, if you don't mind," Leigh walked around us so that she could be on Perkyn's right side.
Now that Perkyn has been stuck between us, he looked like a deer caught in headlights.
"Yes, Leigh?" his voice was small and curious.
"Take care of her tomorrow, would you?" Leigh asked and slapped his shoulder playfully.
Perkyn smiled and nodded a few times.
"I will."
I leaned forward so that I wouldn't be hidden by Perkyn's body while walking.
"I'm here, I hope you know that."
"Oh, hey," Perkyn acted like he hasn't seen me and I narrowed my eyes.
"Hilarious, seriously."
"I know, I always have been," he winked at me.
"I'm just looking out for you," Leigh said in an outraged tone. "You can't blame me for that."
"I wouldn't but I don't need a babysitter at work."
"But you are so small and skinny," Leigh furrowed her brows. "All you need is to trip on something and you would never get up."
"You're horrible," I laughed and reached out to pull her hair but she shrieked and híd behind Perkyn's shoulders.
"I don't think it was a good idea to walk us home, Perkyn," said Emilia in a flat tone. "You're never going to get rid of us from now on. Just be aware of that."
Perkyn laughed and scanned our faces with his eyes.
"I don't mind that at all."
I dropped my gaze and tried to hide my smile as we reached our house where the lights were – fortunately – off.
Good thing the boys weren't awake because they would just drag Perkyn into the house to make sure themselves that he was a good guy and I didn't need that.
Not after today.
"Thank you, Perkyn," Emilia said and took our bags from him.
"I should be the one thanking you for bearing the guys, they can be a real pain in the ass," he laughed.
"They were all right," I reassured him. "We had a great time."
"We definitely had," popped up in Emilia's head out of nowhere.
We laughed at her satisfied expression as we started to get ready to go inside.
"It was a real pleasure to meet you, Perkyn," Emilia rubbed his arm and Perkyn smiled at her.
"You, too," he said. "We should play another match sometime if you are free for the day."
Leigh clicked her tongue and grabbed her bag.
"We definitely will," she nodded then looked at me. "Heddy will be our contact person between us."
I scoffed and lowered my eyebrows.
"I thought I've had better intentions than being an owl to you, guys," I scolded and Emilia gave me a half hug.
"Of course you are," she said pressing her cheek against mine. "You're a beautiful owl."
I couldn't help but join the others' laughter while I was letting go of all of my worries. Today was a great day. It was even more than great.
I didn't remember when was the last time when we had this much fun outside.
The door opened and we turned toward the noise that Seeley caused as he walked down the stairs, hugging his torso in the cold while wearing a black shirt and shorts.
"Could you either bring this party inside or lower it? Some people are trying to sleep," he narrowed his eyes, his voice husky. He must have just woken up to our loudness.
"And that would be our cue to go inside and sleep," Leigh grimaced as she turned away. "See you then, Perkyn."
Perkyn waved as Leigh and Emilia started to walk up the stairs with stuffed giggles. They must have been a little drunk from all the beer we have had on the beach.
Seeley rolled his eyes and followed them but when he glanced over his shoulders and saw me standing still next to Perkyn, he narrowed his eyes and turned back to me.
"You too, Mrs. Lopez," he snarred and I exhaled.
"Don't mind him," I turned to Perkyn who gave me an understanding look. "He is a nice guy but can be like a mother when someone wakes him up."
Perkyn laughed as Seeley walked out to the street where we have been standing.
"I'm here, in case you haven't noticed," Seeley kept his gaze on me while I kept looking at Perkyn with a forced smile.
This took an awkward turn quickly.
Thankfully my awkwardness flew away because the alcohol was still somewhat burning my veins in a good way.
"I pretty much have, that's why I said it," I whispered.
Seeley scoffed and rubbed the back of his neck while he yawned.
"You weren't this hostile with me this morning," he said and my eyes gulped out of their place.
Perkyn must have noticed the change in my body language because he gave me a questioning look that I couldn't comprehend at the moment.
I couldn't believe he had the nerve to say something like that.
The only thing I was able to do was hope that Perkyn wouldn't think of the most intimate thing according to Seeley's manifestation.
"That's because you weren't all grumpy this morning," I lowered my tone, avoiding Perkyn's gaze while Seeley just didn't give a crap about him.
When I cleared my throat, Seeley tore his gaze away and looked at Perkyn who was still watching us.
"And you are?" Seeley asked.
Perkyn lifted his jaw and reached his hand out for a handshake.
"Perkyn Adaway," he said gently. "Heddy's co-worker."
Seeley was eyeing Perkyn's hand, so I nudged his arm slightly and he finally accepted it for a proper introduction.
"Seeley Drewitt." my friend said.
When Seeley gave me a side glance, I could see the words forming inside his head without saying them out loud. Co-worker? That co-worker Casen was bragging about?
I tried to beg him through my eyes to behave and not let me down which could either be a promising thing or a lost cause.
It has been up to Seeley, and Seeley only.
"I hope it's not a problem that I was holding them up a little," Perkyn smiled and Seeley hummed.
"We all had a great time, don't apologize for that," I said honestly and touched his arm.
I could see from the corner of my eyes that Seeley was intensely looking at my hand touching his arm, probably piercing through them.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Perkyn said goodbye, ignoring Seeley's deadly glare. "Is it okay if I wait for you at the entrance of the hotel?"
I was about to answer when Seeley cleared his throat, pushing the words back inside my mouth.
"I think she can do things for herself."
"Such as answering questions, huh?" Perkyn fired back and I bit my tongue.
The surprise on Seeley's face was permanent and amusing at the same time. The poor boy had just woken up to us and had a guy talking back to him.
He probably was half asleep still.
"I'll text you in the morning, Perkyn," I turned to my co-worker who just nodded as an answer. "Good night."
"Sleep tight."
I watched him walk away and disappear into the streets while grabbing his phone and texting someone.
I sighed in exhaustion and walked into the house, not even looking at Seeley.
I heard him following me into the house and closing the door as I dropped myself down on the couch. I rested my head on my palm as I watched him turning to me with intensity in his eyes.
"Who was this guy?" he asked.
I sighed and adjusted my dress.
"Parkyn, my co-worker but you already heard that," I answered in a sassy way.
Seeley grunted and leaned his back and head against the door behind him. He looked both tired and done with everything.
"So, is this where you've been?" he asked. "Being out with a complete stranger?"
I furrowed my eyebrows and let out a forced laugh.
"He is not a stranger."
"Is he?" he asked. "How long have you known him for? Two days? That's not fucking much, Heds."
I slammed my palm against the back of the couch, thankful that the sound of it was more muffled than loud. I didn't want or need to wake the others up too.
"What is your problem now?"
He pushed himself away from the door, into my direction so suddenly that I could barely apprehend what he had just done.
"My problem?" he echoed. "My problem is that you spend your day with someone whom you only knew for two days and don't even try to be responsible about it."
Maybe it was the alcohol that consumed my brain but I couldn't get a hold of a single thing he had said to me so far.
That or maybe he was just talking fast.
"Responsible?"
"Are you drunk?" he asked sharply and I shrugged.
"Maybe a little but it's nothing I can't control," I answered.
"I don't even want to hear it," he frowned as if I have been fully drunk.
"It's ironic how you're the one to tell me about being drunk when the basketball team was getting wasted almost every single day after practice," I lowered my tone and crossed my legs.
I didn't understand where his sudden paranoia came from but it felt like I'd been listening to him for hours while in reality there have only been maybe three minutes.
"I never told you that you should do what we had," Seeley argued.
"I never even wanted to," I fired back. "All I did was have fun. Am I not allowed to do that?"
"Not when each of you gets drunk. What if something happened?"
Maybe he had a point about us not being ready for the worst kind of things but I didn't think it was as bad as he has painted down to me.
"Perkyn would have protected us," I shrugged just to annoy him even more.
He scoffed and took a seat beside me. For a moment his face softened before he turned his head away.
"Who is this guy anyway that you trust him so much?" he asked quietly.
It startled me how gentle and soft his voice just became. After all the negotiations I've just been dragged to, this wasn't something that I would have expected him to do.
"I have a good feeling about him," I said with a small smile. "He is awkward in the best way possible but also funny and handsome at the same time. A real three packages, if you ask me."
Seeley rubbed his hands together while resting his elbows on his knees. When he looked back at me, his eyes mirrored his tenderness.
"And you don't about me."
It was more of a statement than a question.
It felt like cold fingers were wrapping themselves around my throat as I stared into his eyes. What could I say to this?
I used to only have good feelings about Seeley when we became friends.
Now that Clara has cut her claws into his mind and heart, he gave me sometimes bad vibes too. Which was a real unfortunate compared this Seeley to the old one who used to be my lab partner.
"I want to, Seeley."
He sniffed and rubbed the side of his jaw in frustration.
"What's stopping you then?" he asked, his voice small.
I sighed and leaned forward to mirror his body language. His eyes never left me even for a second.
"Everything that happened over the last six months," I whispered and he turned his head away.
I could tell memories – painful ones – sieged his head as he cracked his knuckles.
"I thought we were passed that," he said and I tilted my head to the side.
"To be honest, I never knew we were until you picked me up to give me a ride."
Seeley didn't answer, so I continued in a soft tone.
"You've been avoiding me ever since then, how was I supposed to know that we left that behind us?" I asked tenderly. "You hadn't said a word to me and suddenly you asked me to be your one-night stand from time to time."
He rubbed his head, ruffling his dark hair up. I liked to see him messy, it just gave me different vibes that I'd gotten from him so far because he had always tried to be balanced.
"It's not that I didn't want to talk with you..."
"Then why the cold shoulder?"
He sniffed and licked his dry lips.
"Clara wasn't very fond of you, so I decided to avoid so..."
I sighed and placed my palm against my forehead. Of course, it was all Clara, I should have known. I might have hurt his feelings with the card I had pulled with him but it was Clara all along.
A part of me had a thought about that but I had decided to torment myself with the guilt as a consequence of my actions.
"And we shall do anything to please the queen of gaslighting," I commented and his eyes landed on me.
"Are you done?"
"Done with what?" I asked.
"Badmouthing my girlfriend?" he asked back.
I almost laughed at his attempt to call Clara his girlfriend seriously.
"Sure, if you can call Clara your girlfriend really," I put my hands up.
Seeley cleared his throat and shook his head while his eyes dropped to my hands.
"Funny how you were the one to tell me that I changed," he furrowed his eyebrows and I stood up. I couldn't bear another second being that close to him.
"Really now?"
"You sure as hell changed too," he pushed himself up and walked around the couch. "You used to be level-headed and sympathetic about people. The old Heddy would have never said anything like that about my relationship like that."
I spun around and kept my anger within myself when in reality all I wanted to do was scream his head off.
Why did he keep defending Clara?
I mean, if almost every friend and even your family had an issue with our partner then they must have had a good reason for it, right? We didn't hate on her for entertainment.
"That was before you decided to be in a 'relationship' with someone who harassed us for the majority of high school!" I answered harshly. "If you can call her ordering you around like a pet a relationship."
I knew that it must have been hard or problematic to leave a toxic relationship like that but that didn't mean that I had to handle him like a little kid.
He had to hear what he never wanted it to hear.
"You always let Emilia or Leigh decide you to choose who are you allowed to be in a relationship with?" he asked and I didn't have words.
I hated how in one moment I felt like I was in the right and have him turn it against me in the next second was irritable.
"No, and I paid for that relationship too," I crossed my arms, my voice almost cracking.
I turned away so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes and grabbed a glass from the cabinet as a distraction.
I hated how weak I had become whenever my first relationship was even mentioned. I just kept wondering how much time did I need to finally recover from him?
If not months then what? Years or decades?
I didn't have time for that, I wanted to explore my options and leave a full life without worrying about my past all the time.
I filled the glass with cold water and took a long sip. The coolness almost hurt my throat but I didn't care.
I heard him coming after me and stopping right behind me. His hot breath hit the back of my head as my breath got stung in my lungs.
He raised his hands and cleared my vision from my locks. My perfect braid made by Leigh had gotten ruined over the match, so my hair was pretty much all over the place.
I could barely focus on the glass in my hands as he slowly dragged his hand across my back in a smooth way and finally, he put them on either side of me on the counter, trapping me.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and I could feel my bones shaking by the tenderness of his tone.
I put the glass down and leaned my torso against the counter to steady myself as Seeley's presence became almost suffocating.
And I couldn't decide if it was a good or bad way.
"I was just worried about you."
I sniffed and licked my cold lips.
"I was worried about you for six months." I slowly turned so that I could see his reaction.
He didn't even try to hide his sadness washing over his handsome features.
"I'm here now," he said. I was glad that he acknowledged non-verbally that now Clara has been finally out of the picture for a while so that would mean that he would be here.
I dropped my gaze to the little distance we had between us while chewing on my bottom lip.
I froze in my place as he leaned closer but didn't pull away. He softly pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, not daring to look into his eyes.
"People can diverge from each other," he broke the silence. "But that doesn't mean that they won't find each other ever again."
My fears slowly faded away and opened my eyes. Seeley's eyes were closed as he let out a shaky exhale and that was when I realized that our friends with benefits relationship would be much more complicated than it should be.
We've done a few things now that were inappropriate between friends so there was no point turning back now.
From all the physical and emotional intimacy that we have shared, we already stepped over the line. And I had no idea how did it happen.