CHAPTER ELEVEN
Z
Asa's fifth puzzle picture is almost half way though and I'm happy to find him alone on his table. I can't remember the last time I came home and didn't find 'Father'. And although I'm secretly starting to warm up to him, I'd rather continue limiting his presence from Tendai and I.
"Looking good" I say taking a sit across Asa and he says nothing. I begin searching for pieces who's colours resemble the part that's done. There aren't many in the smaller piles so I dive into the heaped pile with at least a hundred pieces.
"Which comrade liked picture puzzles?" I probe not expecting to get a name. I simply used the puzzle to bring in the comrade conversation seeing as we both had an encounter with one in the past week.
"Bob" he says. Obviously taking me by surprise. "Oh really?" I continue encouragingly. He gets the hint and shares a little more.
"Bob is the brain. Like the intelligence in every government he has to see things coming but he doesn't always do."
"Does he get into trouble with boss when he fails"
"He will eventually"
The pieces I've been isolating from all piles seem to be moving Asa at a high speed and this makes me happy and sad at the same time. I can clearly get this child to talk about anything so long as he's building these picture puzzles. What will I use when he's completed them? I can't help but think this is also therapy for him. Having heard and witnessed so much, he must be using this game as an escape.
"Do you have bad memories about the gang?"
"Organisation" he corrects, then proceeds to explain it was not possible for him to have regrets since he was never actively involved in anything the organisation did.
I then ask if he ever witnessed anything that disturbed his spirit. He keeps quiet for a while, flipping and turning two pieces he obviously thinks belong together.
"I saw them hitting a distraction once but I was scared for a little while. My mother's car drove in then boss told the comrades to stop. They told the destruction they'll do worse to him if he breaths a word then had him leave through the back so that my mother wouldn't see"
"How come your mother couldn't see?"
"Zizo promised her no business will be conducted in our house but he was lying all the time. When mom found out the truth, she dumped their relationship"
I feel better about Ella's parenting just from hearing this. A big part of me gravitated to mom's opinion about her but I can feel my mindset shift a little.
Not knowing how to ask about him following a former comrade and bringing in my personal experience; I end up sitting in silence and occasionally helping with the picture that's coming together almost too quickly. I can already make out some parts of it, like the tires piled up on top of each other next to a broken down bus. And with only the bottom left corner of about twenty pieces missing, Asa stops and stares at the almost complete photo. Then from nowhere, he gets up, slaps the picture - breaking apart a few pieces then walks away frustrated.
"Asanda!" I call after him and he stops and looks back at me.
"What happened now?" I ask with a frown and a little annoyance at this child's on and off moods when it comes to these puzzles.
"I already figured that one out" He says deadpan.
"This picture?"
"Yeah" he says then continues on his tracks, leaving me confused and planning a meeting with all the family elders.
T
After six days of ignoring mom's attempts to fix things between us, I concluded that forgiving her will put me at an advantage. Announcing my now official love relationship while mom's at my mercy will force her to make peace and respect Ella's position in my life. And to be honest, I shortened my anger period after she hinted on showing up to my house again.... possibly with him. Her text didn't say but I can't leave that to chance. My response included the time and day of the week in which I'll be coming and it was replied to almost as soon as I hit the send button.
There's a progress report meeting at Asanda's school which Catherine is attending and since bae will be working, I decided to make myself available. Besides, this will also give me an opportunity to see my son.
*****
I expected to find Asanda with mom seeing as we have no child minder at home but she was waiting alone when I parked next to her jaguar. The thought of my ten-year-old child spending two to three hours of the evening alone in that big house unsettles me but mom is quick to remind me how much Tendai and I loved being left unsupervised with the television and snack cardboard.
Mrs. Attridge leads us to a front desk in her classroom and we sit side-by-side facing her. She hands Asanda's progress report to me already explaining how well the kid has adjusted in the very short time of his schooling there.
The exclusive private learning institution conducts random cognitive tests when learners least expect them and Mrs. Attridge expressed her joy at Asanda's clean scores so far.
She then handed us three cognitive test papers Asanda scored a hundred percent.
"The purpose of these assessments is to check how well a child's brain functions. They involve answering simple questions and performing simple tests to reveal their reasoning abilities, general thinking and IQ intelligence" the proud teacher explains.
I recall taking one in my early years of high school and though I don't recall my score; I know for a fact I didn't score a hundred percent.
His subject marks are average, though, but Attridge encourages us to not panic, stating how the results are not bad given the circumstances. "What circumstances?" mom asks sounding like she took offense to the statement.
"One, he's new and still adjusting to a new learning environment. Secondly, he contended with a lot of bullying which didn't seem to affect him at all, thankfully."
"What kind of bullying?" I ask getting emotional and a lil' angry.
"Events at his party kind of put an undesirable spot light on him but like I said; he appeared to handle it better than any child I'd ever seen. His reaction to the mockery was so matured, it made the whole thing lose its sensation very quickly"
"Of course" mom interjects delightfully. "I told Tendai and Zanda that Asa was a strong young man like his granny and that he needed no protection"
"Oh, yes" Attridge joined immediately after that. "Asanda even embraced his new nick name from day one!"
"What nick name?" I ask from genuine interest.
"Puzzles"
Great. The teasing name stuck.
*****
Asanda was sleeping when we arrived, but I selfishly woke him up because I wanted us to face-time his mother. The conversation was short because Ella had to return to dialing at the Call-Centre but we made her day. I didn't even know she refers to us as 'my boys. I kind'a like that.
Following that, I was ready to make my exit but it was Asanda's turn to inconvenience me. He was in the mood to talk and the conversation began with him asking why he's never seen me at church. I had never thought of this before but now I wonder if I will ever let my son in on the fact that he is my rea.....
"Don't you wanna tell me about your time at school? Your teacher seems to be pleased with you"
"You don't like talking about church, do you? he switches on me like I just tried to on him.
To prepare myself to give him an explanation that won't have follow up questions, I pause and breath but then he continues talking.
"Zizo is also touchy feely about spiritual matters and many other things like getting married"
Can't believe I'm being compared to a car stealing gangster.
I think that's what he does....not sure.
"I take it you love church?" I try to move the conversation from my lover's ex.
"It's got its benefits. Khulu allowed me to spend the entire afternoon there today. I accomplished quite a lot"
The conversation seemed to be getting worse by the minute. Finally, I tried one last topic I hoped would not make me want to strangle Zizo or the priest.
"How do you feel about kids at school calling you...names? Names that aren't your name"
"They don't call me names but they nick named me Puzzles. It's kind of cool don't you think"
I don't but saying that might make him feel terrible the next time someone addresses him using it, so I lie and tell him it works because he likes puzzles.
I then get on my feet and explain I need to head back because of work tomorrow.
*****
There are now four completed pictures of the puzzle on the dining room table. Three look boring but I love the gas station one. The place even looks familiar but then again, all petrol stations look similar.
"Talented isn't he?" mom says showing up from I don't know where.
Again, I lie because I honestly don't think talent is required to sit and figure a puzzle out.
"Mom, why's my son spending afternoons at church with him?"
"Him is your father and his grandfather. And what was I supposed to say when Asa pleaded I leave him there for a while again?"
"Again?!"
"You can't tell that child who to love and not love"
"Just like you can't tell me to not love his mother?"
To that she says abso-freaken-lutely nothing and just folds her arms and breaths slowly.
"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you"
"I won't"
Mission accomplished!
Z
For many years, my brother and I shared no friends or similar interests so it came as an uncomfortable surprise when his friend, Gugu, called requesting my presence at a mini celebration they're organizing for Mr. famous television advert. Even stranger is that he pleaded that I show up with both Kelly and Khumo.
I know we enjoyed hanging out at mom's house the other day but I never would've imagined getting a personal invite for another social gathering subsequent to that. I'm also still adjusting to frequently seeing Tendai in person off lately - since the discovery of Asa to be precise.
Ella will also be in attendance for sure and since Kelly gets on well with her, I accepted the invite on both our behalf. I then got Kelly to communicate the party plan and invite to her sister while texting mom and requesting to leave Notho in her care on Friday.
The ever so doting granny surprises me by texting back almost immediately stating that even Asa will need to visit his father on that particular night because she's just finalized her plans with Archie. She doesn't say what those plans are and even though I wondered, I'm glad she didn't share.
*****
I'm working on my mental health issues following my decision to see a therapist again. This time, her door wasn't on Do-Not-Disturb and she called me in as soon as I arrived. We spoke a little about Tendai and I's evil decision to fool a girl, subsequently leading us to this complicated consequence then addressed my mental state at length.
She then transferred me to a psychologist I met up with the very next day. After explaining that, no matter how hard I try, my mind just won't stop worrying and overthinking; the Psychologist told me to close my eyes and find my mind. "I don't understand" I told him.
"Keep your eyes closed, breath slowly then try to find where your mind is in your body" He instructed slowly.
Inherently, my first thought was, my mind is in my head then I decided that's my brain. Is it the same thing?
"Find your mind and watch these thoughts that won't give you rest" He repeated encouragingly in a low tone.
Instead of finding 'my mind' I simply saw all the events that have transpired since meeting Asanda, then his mother. I watched through the lances of my memory, the day I first saw Ella, the second and last time as well. I saw myself sitting with Asanda, listening to stories about comrades then lastly I recalled all the times I've made stupid and disturbing blunders.
"I can't find it" I confessed. "I can't find my mind"
"What are you finding?"
"Thoughts about my life"
"Exactly. The mind that won't give you rest doesn't exist. It's thoughts driven by your emotions stemming from fear, worry and stress"
I opened my eyes and one tear drop fell.
"So, it's all me?"
"It's mostly self-generated. The next time you feel like 'your mind' is full of thoughts you can't control; stop, close your eyes and watch all the events that caused your worry like you're watching cars at a busy intersection - coming and going. Don't ever run from the thoughts that worry or stress you"
*****
Now thinking clearer, I got into my car without having tried to actively locate it and thought about the possibility of Asa being mine again. I reached a number of conclusions one of which was, if Ella discovers the truth, she'll have every right to open a case on both Tendai and I. She could even press rape charges since she didn't consent to sleeping with me, but Tendai. So with that in mind, I instantly lost the desire to get a DNA test done. I do want to raise Asa as my own but I'm not going to make Notho lose her father for something that can be ignored.
Children needing to know who their real parents are to avoid them dating their siblings is a non-issue in this situation. Notho and Asa are under the impression that they are blood cousins so I'm not telling another soul about Asa being mine.
I plan on continuing seeing a mind doctor for the sake of my sanity. The therapist was right about the importance of taking care of one's mental health. I almost lost my natural ability to function just by neglecting to mind my mind which I now know is just thoughts generated by me mostly.
I then reached for my phone and set another appointment with Dr. Druler before turning the ignition key. Anything to help myself heal quickly.
T
The last time I walked in here, I vowed it would be the very last time but here I am, sneaking in like a thief. Everyone seems occupied by other customers so I head straight to the far back but don't find what I'm looking for. I can't believe it but this ticks me off big time.
It's Ella's fault, really. On the morning of her first sleep over at my place, we took a shower together and after we dried ourselves, she excitedly reached for the funny looking purple bottles of tissue oil. I quickly offered the J&J one but she enthusiastically explained how wonderful the Pep ones are. "A colleague of mine introduced me to them and I haven't been able to stop myself from stocking them ever since!"
She then proceeded to use the lavender oil on me and I'm a lil' ashamed to say I'm now hooked on the smell and feel of it.
"Haaaaaw Zanda! You're back after just a week?" The touchy-feely lady from the last time is back. "Yeah, I'm getting more for my twin" I respond not knowing where that came from. Naturally, I get the shocked face accompanied by the usual 'I didn't know you were a twin, how does he look like? And you should bring him by soon' statements. I give the usual obvious answers then ask when stock for the oils will arrive again
"Oh, we keep them at the front now. People are so in love with them, they've been stealing them and getting us into trouble"
"Wow" I say feeling less ashamed for getting taken in by the moisturizing oil.
"So, is your twin single and handsome like you, Mr. Faithful?"
"Faithful?"
"Why else have you not acted on any of our advances? And we know you turned Zo down"
"Zo?"
"The girl from the cosmetic store next door. She told us you said no to going on a date"
Had I come across this situation, eleven months ago, I would've messed things up for my brother. The store manager did a great job selecting the ladies behind the counter. They must have more male customers than females. And had I not met Ella again, I wouldn't understand why Zanda hadn't taken advantage of this situation.
"Notho's mother must be a bombshell" the lady continues bringing me back from my thoughts
"It's like you said; I'm Mr. Faithful"
"Well, then. You have my number if you ever change your mind" she says before walking ahead of me to the oils that now sit behind the cashiers at the front.
I don't even want to imagine how Zanda ended up with this pretty thing's number but I won't ask. Not her, at least
I've always known that Zanda was upright but I can't help and feel envious of him this time. Jealous because I'm not confident he would've gotten a warm welcome from people who know me but have no idea I'm a twin. I wonder if he has ever walked into a place where people thought he was me and what kind of testimony he got about my life. Had the tables been turned, Zanda would've found himself right in the middle of a former concubine situation because there is no way the old me would've left all of these hunnies go.
Asanda would've been lucky to have him as a father but then again, Ella wouldn't be mine. So the little boy will just have to make the most of the situation.