Oh.My.Gosh.
I. Am. Inlove. With. Jace. Angelo. Montezalde!
I. Kissed. Him. On. New. Years. Eve!
What.the.f*ck!?
Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa din maprocess sa isip ko sa pangyayaring iyon!Its been one week and class has now started, which means I'm gonna see him!Wait!I'm gonna see him!
Anong gagawin ko?Are we still friends after the kiss?Friends don't kiss. So,ano kami?Wala, tao pa din sa mundo.
As I was getting ready for school, I started looking for my bracelet that Damon have given me. As I looked around my desk, it wasn't there. My brows furrowed. Strange. I know that I have put it here. Lahat ng valuables ko ay dito ko nilalagay.
I started looking around my room, hoping that maybe I have drop it or I have misplaced it. Pero wala talaga. My breath started to became heavy as I continue to look around.
What the f*ck?! Nasan ba iyon?
I felt myself getting guilty. Ang sama ko talaga. Bracelet iyon na binigay ni Damon and I have the f*cking audacity to lose it.
Calm down, Jewel. It couldn't be lost. I can still find it.
I looked at the time and my eyes widen when I saw that I'm almost late. Sakto din na sumigaw si Amber sa labas.
"Jewel, let's go!Mala-late na tayo!"
"Coming!"I shouted. I sighed and grabbed my bag and head down to the living room. I can still look for it tonight. Don't worry, Jewel. I clutch on my bag as I feel myself getting guilter every minute. I have the sudden urge to touch my necklace, but I know that if I touch it, I would set an alarm to Jace which I don't want to do. The last thing I want for him is to get worried for me.
"Anong nangyari sayo?Bakit ang bagal mo ngayon?"nag-alalang tanong ni Amber.
"Wala, may hinahanap lang."I smiled at her. She shrugged her shoulders and we started walking to Montezalde University. Pagdating namin doon ay ang daming nagkagulo na mga students. Your first thought would be that there is fire, but somehow their faces doesn't match to the given scenario in my mind.
They seem panicking, excited, and a bit nervous.
"Ngayon daw ipopost ang pumasar sa exam. Hayy sana pumasar ako!"someone said as she passed towards us.
Oo nga pala, ngayon ilalabas ang results. I hope I passed.
"Sana pasar ako."Natasha uttered as she put her hand like she was praying.
"Ako din!"Sabi ni Sapphire."Magpakamatay talaga tayo kapag bumagsak tayo!"
"Ikaw lang bhe!Huwag kanang mangdamay ng iba."sabi ni Natasha at tinignan naman siya ng masama ni Natasha.
"Friendship goals tawag 'non!"sabi ni Sapphire. Tumawa ako sa mga pinagsasabi nila.
"Okay ka lang talaga, Jewel?"Napatingin ako kay Amber ng bigla siya magtanong.
"Yeah, I'm good."I smiled at her. When we arrive at our classroom, my brows furrowed when I didn't see Jace, but I didn't mind it. Baka dadating siya na ilang minuto.
But, he didn't come....
Nang dumating na ang proffesor namin, akala ko late lang siya, pero hanggang snack wala pa din. Nagsimula na ako mag-alala na baka may nangyari-or he's purposely avoiding him. Either way I feel uneasy.
But my friends and his doesn't seem to mind. Nandito kami ngayon sa cafeteria kumakain sa aming snacks.
"Nasan si Jace?"bigla kong tanong. Then, they sat there for a good minute looking shocked. May mali ba sinabi ko? Seconds later, their shocked face change to teasing looks.
"Bakit mo tinatanong, Jewel?"Kaizer teased and I rolled my eyes.
"Hinahanap mo boyfie mo?"Rigel asked and they all began to laugh.
"Hindi, may gusto ko lang sasabihin."
"May ginagawa kasama ang dean."August answered and I smiled at him as a thank you.
Nandito lang pala siya sa Monezalde University..
"May post na raw sa pumasa!"may biglang sumigaw na student kaya napatingin kami sa kanya lahat na ngayon ay humihingal dahil sa pagod ng pagtakbo. Bigla na lang tumayo lahat ng mga tao sa cafeteria at tumakbo palabas, pati mga kaibigan ko. Nang dumating na kami doon ay nag-effort talaga sumiksik ang mga kaibigan ko. Naghihintay lang ako dito na mawala na ang mga tao bago ko titingin sa results ko. Kumunot ang noo ko ng may umiba na nakatingin sa akin at bumubulong, hindi ko lang sila pinansin.
"Oh my gosh, Jewel!"biglang sigaw ni Sapphire,kaya mabilis akong sumisiksik sa nakumkumpulan na mga esudyante. When I arrived infront of them, they all stood there, looking proud.
"Congrats sa inyo dalawa ni Jace!"sabi ni Natasha.
"Huh?!Bakit?"taka kong tanong.
"Kayo ang top 1!"sabay na sigaw nila. I looked up the results and I saw my name and Jace at the top!What the heck?!Top 1 ako?!
"Congrats, Jewel!"ngiting sabi ni Amber. While Sapphire and Natasha continuously shake me while screaming out of joy. Habang ako ay may mga luha na tumutulo sa mga mata ko.
"Kaibigan ko iyan!"rinig kong sigaw ni Carter
After that, I immediately called my mom and told her the good news
"Wow!Congrats anak!"masayang sabi ni mama. Pinahid ko ang aking ulo na nagsimula naman ako umiiyak.
"Thanks mom!"
"Congrats little sis!"rinig kong sigaw ng mga kuya ko.
"Thank you!"
"Ang talino talaga ng anak ko!"Mom said."I'm gonna cook your favorite food, tonight!"
"Huwag na, ma. Sa weekends nalang marami pa kasi kami gagawin sa school, eh."
"Is that so?Well, wish you luck, and don't tire yourself. Bigyan mo din ng time ang sarili mo."Napangiti ako sa sinabi ni mama. Kahit hindi ako ma-top 1 ay proud pa din siya sa akin. Best mom of the world!
"Will do, mom."
"Love you, anak."
They never pressured me of anything and that's why I love them for that.
"Love you, mom."I smiled and ended the call. Nakangiti lang ako habang nilagay ang phone ko sa aking bag. When I looked up,I was shocked to see Damon smiling at me.
"Damon?Kanina ka pa?"
"Ngayon pa."He answered. Suddenly he grab my hand and gazed at my wrist. At first, I didn't understand it, but when I saw how his brows furrowed, I suddenly understood.
The bracelet.
"Sorry. Naiwan ko sa bahay."Damon smiled at me and immediately let go of my wrist.
"It's alright."He smiled.
"May ibibigay pala ako sayo."I said and immediately look into my bag. I grab a box wrapped in white and red ribbons. "A Christmas gift. Even though it's already late."I smiled and gave it to him.
He accepted it as his ears turned red. He scratched the back of his neck and looked to the side, looking flustered. "You didn't have to buy me anything."
"Well, I insist."
"Thank you. I'll open it at home."He smiled and put the gift inside his bag."Congrats nga pala."
"Thank you."I suddenly felt flustered.
"So, can I ask you on a fiendly date?A reward for the top 1."Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya. Date?Stupid! May Jace kana! I mean as friends lang naman diba?
"Hindi lang naman ako ang top 1 .Nandyan naman si Jace."I laughed.
"Right, but he's not a friend of mine, you are."ngiti niyang sabi. He said 'friend', nothing more or nothing less.
"Sure."I accepted. I mean, how bad can it be?As friends lang naman.
"Yes, thank you."he joyfully said. Hindi man lang niya napigilan ang sarili na yakapin ako. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya pero yumakap naman ako pabalik.
"You did what?!"sigaw ni Amber nang sinabi ko ang friendly date namin ni Damon. Not the reaction I was expecting,though. She looks mad.
"As friends lang naman, eh!"Amber rubbed her forehead by what I said. Habang si Sapphire at Natasha naman ay sumasang-ayon din kay Amber.
"Kahit na, Jewel! Halatang ginawa iyon ni Damon para makipag-date sayo."
I scoffed.
"So what?"
"So what?!You are clearly inlove with Jace and now you're going on a date with Damon!May plano kaba maging-"My eyes widen by what she's about to say.
"Hindi. Kahit kailan ay hindi ko gagawin sa kanila iyon."sabi ko at mukhang nainiwala naman sila. I sighed. Sana hindi nalang ako pumayag. "Kung may plano man na may gawin si Damon-"
"What is Damon planning?"Napatingin kami sa likd namin nang marinig namin magsalita si Jace.
"Jace!"gulat kong sambit ko sa kanyang pangalan. He then smiled at me. He looks tired, though. His hair is a bit messy and his glasses are a bit lopsided and the neck tie of his uniform is loose, and he's carrying lots of papers.
"Damon ask Jewel on a date."Jace smile faltered when Amber said it. Tumingin ako ng masama kay Amber sa sinabi niya.
"And you said no, right?"Jace asked while looking at me. I bit my lips when I couldn't answer. And it was an enough conclusion to Jace. "You said Yes."His expression immediately changed to stone cold."I better go to my office. I still have some business to finish."his voice sounded cold as ice that struck my heart. Pagkatapos niya sabihin iyon ay umalis na siya.
"Jace!"sigaw ko pero hindi na siya lumingon pa...
Sapphire and Natasha touch my soulders to comfort me, but I seem empty inside.
I felt uneasy as I attended my classes without Jace beside me. I was already used to him bothering me when all I want is some peace and quiet. But now, I want him here beside me. I suddenly felt lonely.
Bakit ganon? Why am I hurt like this? Malakas naba talaga ang tama ko kay Jace? Seeing his face in my mind made my heart clench. It was a memory that I can never erase in my mind.
He was hurt. And I was the one who caused it. And why did I do it? Why did I agree to the date? Magkaibigan lang naman, pero kahit pa.
And now, I was walking home and alone. I told Sapphire that I want to be alone for a moment. I don't want to be KJ to them as they talk some nonsense, and I would just drop the mood by my bullsh*ts.
Suddenly I saw him. In the parking lot. He looks extremely tired. Hindi pa siya pumasok sa kotse niya. His arms were in his car door as his head leaned to it. He looked up and that's when he saw me. His jaws clenched and he was about to enter his car, but I screamed his name.
"JACE!"
He closed his eyes and I can feel him audibly cursed. Tinignan niya ako ng masama at hinintay na makalapit ako sa kanya.
My eyes widen when I saw a bruise on his jaw. It's not very visible when you're far away, but up close, you could visibly see it.
"What.. happened to you?"I asked, worriedly. He laughed, sarcastically.
"Why do you care?"
Why did we ever move to this progress?
"Did you get into a fight?"I asked. His eyes cold as ice immediately turned soft as it gazed at me. I felt my eyes widen. He gazed away.
"Jewel, go home."He didn't sound like he was commanding me. It felt like it was more of begging me.
"Si Damon ba?"I touch his bruise which he flinch away. Mabilis niya hinawakan ang kamay ko at pinalayo ito."Did you fight him?"
"Why? Are you defending him?"He glared at me and put my hand down, not gently. I grimaced.
"I'm not defending anything."
"Is this about the date?"I asked and he laughed, again. Sarcastically, I may add.
"Bold of you to conjure that topic."
"Jace."I said."It's just a friendly date. We're friends. Friends can go out together."
"And friends don't kiss other friends, Jewel."He snapped. My eyes widen. I felt my tongue retreating from my mouth and I found myself unable to speak. "Does that kiss mean anything to you? Does our kiss that we have shared in New Year's Eve nothing to you?"He coldly asked. Behind that every layer of ice he spoke, he was still in pain. And I know that from a moment I gazed at his eyes.
"And now, you're asking HIM on a date?! Why? Did I become boring to you, Miss Smith?"He asked sarcastically. "Or maybe, I was not worthy of your time, so you decided that maybe Damon is the right option for you!?"My heart shattered, instantly.
Jace
Is he accusing me of using men? A f*cking two timer b*tch?!
"Of course not! How lowly do you think of me!"I shouted."You were never tedious, but you have your bullsh*ts!"
"And what are you trying to say? That I'm a prat? That I'm self-centered? That I'm cold and heartless?"He sarcastically said. I scoffed and crossed my arms.
"That you're keeping secrets from me."
"I'm not."He coldly said.
"You are! You lying prick!"I hissed."You're my other bodyguard. You're Black."
"Black and I are completely different people."He calmly stated. And I f*cking hated it, because it felt like he is telling the truth.
F*ck him!
"Don't f*cking lie to me!"I spat."I saw the necklace! Only Black has that necklace."
"You mean this?"He said and showed me the necklace. His face didn't display any emotion anymore."Both of us have that necklace. If anyone is available to save you, it would be either of us."
"Jace."
"Black is not me. And Jace is not Black."He coldly stated."I stand what I said."he added."Let's go home."he said and went to his car. He opened the door of his car which is the shotgun seat. I gazed at him, perplexed.
After every argument we have shared, he still have the patience...to take me home?
He gazed at me, looking tired as he ever did the last time. I suddenly felt sorry.
"What?"
"Enter the car. Don't let me repeat it."He coldly said and enter his car. I don't have much of a choice so I enter his car. It was not a long drive and we arrive very shortly. But the silence was killing me. Tension was lingering for the both of us and even somehow no one have the courage to go through it.
I looked outside and sighed. I opened the door and I was about to step out, but Jace stopped me. I gazed at him, slightly hoping, but it shattered when I saw how cold and emotionless his expression is.
"Let's not...talk ever again. It...would be b-best for us."My eyes widen. I thought our argument was the last straw. But this. Broke everything inside me. Beyond repair.
"What?"
"Go inside."He said before gazing back at the road. He didn't look at me anymore as I step out. I closed the door, he didn't look. I walk towards my house and opened the door, he didn't look. Just how he would usually do with a smile on his lips. But he didn't. It was gone.
Tears started forming in my eyes as I saw how him leave without sparing a glance and even an indication that he is leaving. For the first time in so many years, I have cried because of a man. Aside from my ex and aside from my father. I cried for what we could have.
Its been few days, since Jace last talked to me. Even Amber stopped talking to me. Jace was back to being cold, and he wouldn't even looked at me. Even his friends won't talked to me, when I gazed at them, they looked away. I know they are having a hard time and I understand that they will always side with Jace, because he is their best friend. While I'm close to nothing to them.
Sapphire and Natasha is more affected. Nag-alala sila sa akin at gusto din pumunta sa mga kanilang mga nobyo, pero ayaw nila ako iwan mag-isa. I know they are more worried for me and cared for me deeply , but I shouldn't deprive them of their happiness. Si Amber naman ay nandon kasama ang boyfriend niya.
"Iwan niyo na ako."Napatingin ang dalawa sa akin sa aking sinabi.
"But Jewel-"
"Sige na!I'm okay."I smiled at them. They sighed and grabbed their things and go to their table. Jace wasn't there. Mukhang may ginagawa naman.
I looked up when someone suddenly sat by my side and it was Carter, smiling at me. "Dapat hindi ka iwan mag-isa dito."
"Carter."
"What happened?"alala niyang tanong na makitang wala akong kasama at sa ibang table sila umupo. I sighed and explained to him what happened.
"Kasalanan ko 'to."Umiling ito sa sinabi ko.
"It's not your fault, though." he said and I looked at him, tearyed."Well, you're a bit dense to not know that he likes you."tawa niyang sabi.
"Still."
"Well, para sa akin wala namang mali sa friendly date niyo, but si Jace-"
"I am inlove with Jace."Nagulat siya sa sinabi ko habang ako naman ay nakangiti sa kanya.
"Umamin kana talaga sa sarili mo."
"Yeah, took me long enough"I laughed.
Nagulat ako ng bigla niya hinawakan ang aking kamay."Umamin ka na sa kanya, para maayos na ito-"
"Hindi pa ako ready."putol ko sa kanyang sasabihin.
"When will you ever be? Kahit kailan ay walang perfect moment to confess."He has a point, though.
"Basta. Hindi muna ngayon."I said and smiled at him. I then proceeded to hug him which he stiffened. But he relaxed a second later."Thank you for being here for me."
"Anytime."he said and hugged me back. Pagkatapos namin mag-lunch ni Carter ay pumunta na kami sa aming classroom. While reading my books, my phone suddenly beeped. I opened my phone and it was Damon who texted.
Damon:How about Saturday 10 am?
I replied.
Me:Okay lang sa akin.
Damon:Great.
I looked at my side when suddenly Jace sat at his seat. He was just looking at the front and won't even looked at me. I looked at my phone when it beeped again.
Damon:Sorry, I can't come to you right now. Busy kasi ako.
I repied:Okay lang.
I scrolled through my phone and go to my contacts. I saw my bodyguard's number and looked at Jace. If this is him, there might be signs of a phone messae if I text this number.
Let's meet tonight.
I sent this message. I paid attention vey carefully for any signs,buthe didn't seem to flinch. I pouted. He isn't Black. Which means he was telling the truth all along.
"Staring is rude."he said coldly and looked at me, emotionless.
"Uhm i w-was actually looking at t-the....the wall!"I sid and pointed the wall. He pursed his lips and looked at the wall and shook his head.
D*mn!Why did I say wall?!
When going home, Amber still didn't talk to me and I was hurt about it. I know she means we'll and I understand why she's mad. Nandito lang ako nagmukmok sa aking kwarto at hindi lumalabas. I didn't even eat dinner. Nawalan kasi ako ng gana.
I decided to read a book, but stopped when I realized that this was the book Jace read to me in Christmas Eve. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili na umiyak. I miss him so so much.
If I wasn't so stubborn and confess to him how I felt, maybe just maybe he would be here reading to me the very last pages of this book while we smiled and laughed together. It would be a precious moment for the both of us.
How dense could I possibly be. How stupid of me to not see what the person is doing Infront of me.
As I reminisced those moments together, my tears started falling and falling. And no amount of force that I could control it. My head hurts. My heart hurts. As I tried to wipe it away, more tears would come.
I hate this feeling. I hate how it is eating me alive. I would be gladly dead than to live like this. I have ruined what Jace and I could have. I have ruined my friendship with Amber and I have ruined the friendship that we have form with Kaizer, Rigel, and August. Now, they are suffering because of my decisions. We could not communicate properly and I don't think we could ever patch this up.
Why do I have to be so stubborn?
I lay in my bed as I let myself cry. I could not even scream how I feel, because I'm scared to wake the girls. I could not burden them more for that. I tried to stifle my sobs. I tried to scream silently, but it's all weighing me down like quicksand. It's slowly killing me in the insides.
I f*cking hate it. And yet, I feel like I deserve it.
I stop midway from crying when I saw a figure outside who is knocking at my sliding door. I already knew who it was. It was Black. He look worried as he continued to tap on my sliding door.
I slowly got out of bed and open the door. Before I could open it fully, Black initiated it and immediately embraced me in a hug. I was shock by his move, but I let myself find solace in his arms.
"J-Jace."I felt him stiffened from the name I called. He continued to brush my hair in comfort as I continued calling for Jace's name.
"Shh...cry. Let it all out. I'm here. I'm here."He said. Patuloy Ako umiiyak at nilabas lahat ng sakit ng nararamdaman ko. I found ourselves sitting on the floor as I continuousl cried.
"I'm sorry, Jace. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to break your heart. I'm sorry!" I know that Black is having a hard time as I keep calling another man's name while I'm in his arms. But I want Jace. I need Jace. And it's killing me that we are not talking. My heart is already in shambles just because we stop talking.
Minutes later or maybe hours, Black continued to brush my hair and hugged me tightly as I cried. And when I stop crying, he still didn't stop.
I let go from the hug and back away from him. His brows furrowed asking me why I did that. I didn't answer.
"Did he hurt you?"His voice sounding demanding.
"No. He did not."I sighed. I put my arms around my stomach and avoided Black's gaze."I was the one who hurt him. I was cruel to him."
"I don't think you were."
"I was."I said."I saw how it broke him and I didn't even do anything to fix that. I broke his heart and I deserve everything that is happening to me."
My mind went back to Jace looking at me coldly and it felt sick on the stomach. I tried to breathe and force myself to not break down for another second.
"Jewel, you don't deserve this."Black said and touch my shoulder. Hindi ko man lang napansin na nakalapit na pala siya sa akin. I push his hands away from my shoulder. I don't deserve comfort.
"I deserve this, Black."I said."Don't think of it as otherwise."
"Jewel."I know that he wants to talk more and try to convince me the latter, but I was beyond of seeing reason. I shake my head, stopping him.
There was a reason why I called him to be here. Jace would not tell me and certainly my brothers. I know that he is not Jace and if he were, he would never tell me about what happened. But I know he will.
"I also want to know why you texted me that night. On Christmas Eve."
"It wasn't me. You should have known that."He calmly stated."It was a different number."
"You texted m'lady. I'm pretty sure that you are the only one who calls me that and we're the only one who knows the calling."
"Huwag mo nang tanungin kung anong nangyari sa gabing iyon."he said and looked away.
"I have the right to know!"I was almost close to shouting. "Napagalitan si Jace!"inis kong sigaw. He looked at me shocked at what I uttered. He sighed and I know that he will now tell me what happened that night.
"We were... spied."He began."Jewel, I have enemies and so is Jace. We both have that and we can never erase that. And they know, they can't hurt us, physically, so they decided to hurt you instead."He continued. Enemies? I know my brothers have that and they have tried their best to protect me from it. So far, there have been only mild instances. "I care about you and so is Jace. And they think that you're my girlfriend."He scoffed.My eyes widened. Girlfriend? "Given that, we have always been together."He said."Do you see why I have tried so hard to protect you?"He asked me and I slowly nodded. I understand now. "And that mistake was mine. There was a tracker and it recorded every conservation we ever had."He sounded stressed. "But it's done now, I have erase it."
"Who are these enemies?"
"You don't have to know. It's more safer."
"And how does that keep me safe?"I hissed."If I don't know this..this person, how am I sure that I'm talking to someone who could potentially kill me?"
He sighed. "You don't know him and I don't plan you on knowing him."He gazed at me, begging. I don't have to see his face to know that he means well and is genuinely worried for me. Only his eyes reflected it all. Just as I could read Jace."I just want you to promise me that you would keep yourself safe."
"I promise."
His eyes wrinkled indicating that he is smiling and I just found myself wrap in his arms. He put his head in my shoulders as he continued to hug me.