"I'll call her."
Iniwan ko kaagad si Marco sa sala para puntahan si Aqeila. It was Jericho who went to help us from our stranded state.
"Kie, amore, Momma's home." I knocked on the door before going inside. As usual, like what happens when I'm home late, she was surrounded with pillows and hugging one close to her chest.
"Late, Ma." It was her usual line.
I bit my lower lip as I walked towards her. "I know. I'm sorry. Something happened on the road. I'm sorry..." I kissed her on the cheek. "But your dada's downstairs..."
"Really, Ma?" Ang bilis niyang lumingon sa akin. Lumuhod kaagad siya sa kama para maabot ako, getting excited.
"Really..." I let out a small laugh and poked her nose. "Let's go?"
"Can you arrange my hair first, Momma? I want Papa to like me!" she said with a cute smile.
"He already loves you so much, Qeila." I caressed her cheeks. She nodded. She trusts me and believes in my words. Inayos ko pa rin ang buhok niya para mapanatag siya.
Akala ko maglalakad siya pero nagpabuhat siya sa akin at sumiksik sa leeg ko. I don't know why she was giggling! I slowly walked down the stairs, holding on the railing. Magaan si Kie pero nahihirapan ako dahil iyong kabilang braso ko, hindi ko pa rin masyadong magamit.
"Down na, Kie." Binaba ko siya kaagad nang nakarating sa pinakababa na step.
Marco was leaning his head on the backrest of the sofa, staring at the ceiling. Hindi niya 'ata narinig ang pagbaba namin dahil dahil mukhang ang lalim ng iniisip niya pero wala akong balak alamin ang iniisip ng siraulong 'to.
I looked at Kie when she tugged my hand, smiling widely while jumping a little. Bigla siyang bumitaw sa akin at naglakad papunta kay Marco. She tapped his lap, which made him open his eyes.
"Hello, Dada!" Kie waved at Marco.
"Hello..." Mahinang tumawa si Marco. His eyes were filled with a mixture of amusement confusion, like he couldn't believe they were upclose. "Wow... Hello, my little girl."
I honestly do not understand how he seem to still be in shock when they literally had a long talk in the hospital. Ngayon pa lang ba nag-sink in sa kaniya?
"Hello!" bati ulit ni Kie kaya hindi ko napigilan matawa. Nagpapacute ba 'to sa tatay niya? "I'm Venice Aqeila but you can call me Ven... Kie... Nini..." she slowly introduced herself with the introduction I taught her. "Nice to meet you again!"
"Wow, that's a lot of names, huh? It's really nice to meet you..." Marco said softly and offered his hands to Kie. "Can I carry you?" Sumama kaagad si Kie sa kaniya.
"Are you not... busy... anymore?" Kie's voice suddenly went low. "You have time for... Kie now?"
Marco arranged her on his lap and hugged her a little... until he hugged her completely. "I'm sorry. I'm not busy anymore..." he said, closing his eyes.
"You will... not leave Kie... again?" She hugged him. Pakiramdam ko ngayon palang niya nararamdaman na totoo na 'to dahil nagiging emotional na siya.
I had to look away and scrunch my nose.
"Lali, I'm-" Natigilan si Dad sa paglabas ng elevator at unang nasaksihan ay ang pagyayakap ng mag-ama sa sofa.
"Good evening," mahinang bati ko.
"Good evening." Dad cleared his throat.
"Good evening po, Sir." Marco stood up, suddenly formal.
"Nonno!" Kie squealed and forces herself to go down before running to her grandpa. Dad laughed heartily and carried her.
"She's a lolo's girl," sambit ko kay Marco. He looked at me. "Mostly si Dad ang kasama niya every day."
"You weren't present most of the time?" He was looking at me warily.
"I had to work a lot back then in Italy, Marco. I still haven't took the BAR again that time and I quitted acting, so my income was really through directing my films. Paiba-iba ako ng lugar. I don't want to depend on Dad's money rin. Lahat ng kailangan ni Qeila, gusto kong galing sa paghihirap ko," paliwanag ko.
"Nandito na ako," he uttered sincerely.
That night, I was able to sleep from all the exhaustion I was feeling. But the next day, I worked a lot. Marco, after his duty, usually visits in the penthouse for Kie. Hindi kami nag-uusap kung hindi tungkol kay Kie.
"The Regional Trial Court of Makati, Branch 137, found accused Benjamin Joachim Valmorida, guilty beyond reasonable doubt of the crime of rape of his cousin, Calista Eunice Mercader. Sentencing him to suffer the penalty reclusion perpetua."
My lips rose up in a triumphant smirk as I listened to the decision of the judge for Benjamin Valmorida. Patong-patong ang kaso niya, hindi lang iyong kay Cali. He wasn't the only Valmorida I sent to jail, but also Enzo due to his frustrated murder towards Magnus Fortalejo.
I did it...
But I'm sure they will be after me. May not be now, tomorrow... but they will be haunting me.
"You just got lucky on this one, Marquez. I always win my client's, Benjamin, cases. He's innocent." Attorney Reyes looked apoplectic.
"When will you change?" I gave him a disappointed smile before leaving, not wanting to use my remaining energy to argue with him. He's not worth it.
Pinalibutan kaagad ako ng sandamamak na bodyguards habang papalabas ako ng korte at nag-uunahan ang mga media. I kept a straight face and held my head up while walking to my car. Luckily, I did arrive at my car with no bullets flying in the air.
Simula nang naipanalo ko ang malaking kaso na iyon, hindi muna ako tumanggap ng maraming kliyente. It drained me mentally. And with the fight I had with Marco still playing in my mind, it caused me to be emotionally tired too. I needed to rest.
"It's okay, Dada! It's just a mistake! We can fix it!" Noong natabig ni Aqeila ang blender ay iyon kaagad ang sinabi niya kay Marco. They were making smoothies. Hindi ko alam kung ba't ako nagtagal dito sa condo niya. I was just supposed to drop Kie!
"Yes, Venice, we can fix it. Up. Up. Huwag mong hawakan iyan." Marco carried her to the chair because she was sitting on the counter and playing with the spilled shake.
"What?" Litong-lito si Kie.
"Don't touch that," Marco translated calmly.
I covered my mouth slightly with my hand to hide the obvious laugh I was about to escape. Umiwas ako ng tingin nang nagtama ang tingin namin ni Marco.
"Momma, voglio la pasta!" Kie gave me a cute smile, tugging my hand.
"Sure. Your dada will do it for you."
"Huh? Ano'ng gagawin ko? Pa-translate, please." Napahilot si Marco sa sentido niya saglit bago nagsimulang maglinis ng counter gamit ang basahan.
"She wants pasta," I rephrased Kie's words to him. "Amore, speak in english so your dada can understand you," I told Kie.
"Oh, okay! Sorry, Dada!" Kie apologized.
"It's okay. You can speak in any language you're comfortable with." Hinalikan siya ni Marco sa pisngi at may binulong kaya humagikgik siya. Then he glanced at me. "Mapapasubok naman ako rito. Accurate naman siguro ang Google translate?"
I gave him a shrug before standing up, dragging my bag with me. "I have to go to work," I informed before kissing Kie's head.
"Work? Bring me, Ma!" She raised her hands.
I laughed. "Stay here with Dada and learn to make drinks! Momma will come home early..." Kumunot ang noo ko nang unti-unti siyang sumimangot. "What's wrong?"
"You always promise you will come home early but you never do," she said in a small voice. "Always work. How about Kie, Ma?"
My brows raised in utter surprise as a part of my chest crushed. Hindi ako agad nakasagot sa bigla. Sa gilid ng mata ko, nakita kong natigilan si Marco sa ginagawa, gulat din.
Aqeila tried to go down the chair. Agad siyang inalalayan ni Marco. Then she made a dramatic exit by walking away.
"Hindi ko ugali iyan. Hindi ako nagwo-walkout," sinubukan magbiro ni Marco.
"Ugali mo kaya," mahinang sabi ko at pinunasan ang pisngi ko nang may tumulong luha sa kaliwang mata ko. I... cannot believe I just got slapped in the face with my daughter's words. Was I really too busy? Like her dad... did she feel I was not doing enough?
"I'll talk to her. You feeling fine though?"
"Don't act like you care," I said flatly.
"I do care." Marco sounded offended. I looked at him coldly. Kumunot ang noo niya at biglang nag-walkout din! Mag-ama nga!
Instead of going to the firm, I rescheduled all my meetings with my clients so I can spend the day here. Maybe I was lacking in showing affection to Kie. I cannot afford her to hate me.
"Ayaw niyang lumabas tapos nakatulog na lang bigla," Marco said in a monotone when he came back to the kitchen, putting a new shirt on.
I just gave him a nod, looking around. His unit was a loft type. High ceiling, long curtains and spacious, especially because up until now, hindi pa rin siya mahilig maglagay ng madaming furnitures and vases, unlike me.
Just beside his kitchen was a bar set up with uncountable alcohols in the shelf. May ibang nabawasan na, iyong iba sarado pa. The breathtaking view of the whole city and sky from the window assured me that the sight here during daylight is always going to be beautiful, as well as the night.
Hindi na ako nagulat kung isang factor niya iyon sa pagpili ng unit na 'to. He loves sunrise. I remembered him watching it daily. Does he still do that?
"Nanunuod ka pa rin ng sunrise?" I tried asking.
"Daily," maikling sagot niya.
Naupo ako sa carpet, hindi pa rin tinatanggal ang mga mata sa view. "I visited Ares," I admitted. Naghintay ako ng sagot niya pero hindi dumating kaya nilingon ko siya. He was just busy cutting blueberries.
"Kung pipilitin mo akong patawarin iyon, hindi ko gagawin," matigas na sambit niya makalipas ang ilang segundong paninitig ko sa kaniya.
I exhaled heavily. Forgiving was difficult for him. Isang pagkakamali mo, tatatak talaga sa kaniya.
"Some people deserves a second chance."
"Second chance?" He scoffed but he still didn't look at me and just threw the blueberries on the blender. "What he did, no matter the reason why he had done it, still does not justify it. Kasi may ibang paraan kaya bakit sa ganoon humantong? You should know that. You're a prosecutor," inatake pa niya ako.
"What he did was indeed unjustifiable. I know that but he admitted and he's repenting on it. Sometimes we make little mistakes, Marco." Dahil doon, dumapo ang tingin niya sa 'kin.
"Little mistake?" Tumawa siya nang sarkastiko sabay turo sa kitchen counter. "Little mistake iyong nagawa ni Venice kanina. Kaya natin solusyunan kaagad. Walang naapektuhan. That's little mistake. Iyong ginawa ng kapatid ko, hindi iyon little."
Natahimik ako. Kalmado ang tono niya pero dama ko ang galit niya.
"Sabi ko magpapahinga ako saglit tapos sunod na alam ko, nanakawan na best friend ko. Saglit lang ang hiningi ko... bakit ba sobrang hirap para sa inyong ibigay iyon? Palagi kayong nagmamadali. Why can't you give me the little time I'm asking of you?" Dinamay na niya ako sa mga sinasabi niya.
"If I help him out, will you get angry?" I was stern, which made his brow raise.
"Bakit mo siya tutulungan?"
"I believe in second chances," simpleng sabi ko.
"Kung sa 'yo ginawa, papatawarin mo ba?"
"Yes," I answered truthfully.
He scoffed sarcastically and said, "I don't believe you."
"You always don't, Beaumont," seryosong bato ko pabalik. He equalled my serious gaze before licking his lips and pressing the blender, not wanting to talk to me anymore.
Totoo naman na kung sa akin ginawa iyon, papatawarin ko pa rin because at the end if the day, I will try to understand. I was never closed-minded to people's reasons. As long as they are repenting... maybe they do deserve a chance.
Napatingin ako sa lamesa nang naglapag si Marco ng coaster at pinatong doon ang blueberry smoothie na ginawa niya.
"It's delicious," I complimented after taking one sip.
"Glad you liked it." Marco licked his lips, looking away. No one attempted to speak after because we knew, we would end up in a fight again.
Pagkatapos uminom, I just sat on the sofa and closed my eyes. Hindi ko namalayan nakatulog na ako. I woke up hearing murmurs. Nagmulat ako at nakitang nakahiga ako sa sofa at may blanket. The clip I was wearing was removed from my hair.
"You should say sorry to Momma when she wakes up, okay? It's not good to talk to her that way."
"But it's true, Dada..."
"Even so, you should be careful with your words." Ang hipokrito ng siraulong 'to. Tinuturo pero 'di ma-apply sa sarili.
Aqeila did say sorry to me. She even gave me a strawberry cupcake as an apology, which was supposedly hers since Marco bought it for her. Just like that, I was already smiling from ear-to-ear.
"You went out pala while I was asleep," I stated while soaping the plate. Kakatapos lang namin maghapunan.
"Pumunta kami sa café ni Esme. Nga pala, andiyan invitation mo sa kasal. Pinapabigay. Pero finally, matutuloy na! Tagal nang pangarap iyon ni pare! High school pa!" He laughed so loud, happy.
"They were sensitive enough to not push through the wedding with Manu's state." I smiled. Such pure souls.
"Kaya nga. Sunod buwan naman kasal na ni Cali," imporma niya. Nahulog ko ang plato sa sink dahil sa gulat. Agad niyang tiningnan ang plato. "Gagi! Mahal ito! Baka akala mo!"
"Oh my gosh! Kasal na nila?!" Hindi ko pa alam iyon!
"Kanina ko lang din nalaman. Excited yata si Manu, eh. Buti na lang talaga nagising na." He looked at me with an arrogant look. "Sabi sa 'yo gigising iyon, eh!"
"Wow, you're God's favorite! I'm happy for you!" I held my chest, acting emotional. Napairap kaagad siya.
"May bridal shower si Esme sa bahay nila."
"Huh? Hindi ba tapos na sila noon?" Naalala ko kasing inimbita ako noon pero busy ako sa kaso kaya hindi ako nakapunta. "Oh, wait. Was it the bachelorette party? I forgot!"
"Bachelorette."
"Binigyan n'yo na ba si Echo ng bachelor party?" curious kong tanong.
Bigla siyang natawa at napahawak sa bibig niya, mukhang may naalala. "Hmm... Tapos na."
"You organized it?" I guessed.
"Naman!" He clicked his tongue against his teeth, looking proud.
"I don't even want to know what happened." Siraulo 'to, eh. Baka kung ano-ano ang hinanda. Obvious pa lang sa tawa niya kanina.
"Walang babae, ah." Natigilan ako sa pagbabanlaw ng plato dahil sa sinabi niya.
"So what? I didn't ask."
"I'm just saying." Nagkibit siya ng balikat.
"Wala naman akong paki," I said with full honesty. "Wala akong paki kung may babae ka."
He smirked. "I don't have one."
"Sure." Hindi ako naniniwala.
"I told you, I don't have one."
"I honestly don't care. It's your life..." I continued washing the dishes.
"I never had one after you," he seriously said, making my hands stop from removing the soap on the plate.
Bumalik ako sa ulirat nang naramdaman ang kamay niya sa gilid ng sink kaya para siyang nakayakap sa akin dahil katabi ko siya. Bumaling ako sa kaniya. We were inches apart but no one moved away.
"What are you doing?" Nagtaas ako ng kilay, hindi nagpapasindak sa titig niya. I even moved closer. One wrong move our lips would brush. Bumaba saglit ang mga mata niya.
"Papatayin lang ang tubig." Ngumisi siya at tinaas iyong switch gamit ang isang daliri para masara tapos hinawakan niya iyong platong hinuhugasan ko. Lumipat pa iyong isang kamay niya sa gilid ng baywang ko.
"At bakit nandiyan iyan? Required bang humawak?" sarkastikong tanong ko.
"Baka bitawan mo na naman, eh..." He smirked before faking a groan because I nudged him on his sides. "Ouch. You love hurting me. Don't you, babe?"
I smiled fakely because I felt that he mean it differently. "Unggoy ka. Walang connect." Then I looked away and continued washing the plates.
Naging abala ako sa paghahanap ng damit para sa bridal shower ni Esme since sage green ang theme and I don't have dresses of that color. Bumili na rin ako ng gift since nasa mall naman na ako. I bought vanilla scented candles, and a luggage set since I noticed from her IG account that she loves to travel.
Around five o'clock, I drove to a restaurant since nag-aaya sila Paige at Sab ng snack. We haven't seen each other lately. May kaniya-kaniya kaming ganap. Lawyers.
"Paige, curious, wala ka nang balak mag boyfriend?" Sabrina asked. Basta 'to talaga ang kausap mo, may usapang lovelife!
"Masaya maging single in fairness! More time and love for myself. I mean, I hope for people to stay in love but love is not for me. First boyfriend, niloko ako. Second, trauma napala ko!" She shook her head in fear.
"I still don't know why you and Alonzo broke up," malungkot na sabi ko. "Sister-in-law sana kita!"
"I honestly don't know." Her eyes looked so sad. "But point is it failed, it tainted my heart, and I just don't want to try again because I almost lost myself. But boom... I've never been happier!" She even smiled widely to prove her words.
"Good job protecting your heart and choosing yourself," I appreciated. Ako rin kaya? Protektahan ko na rin ang sarili ko?
"Ikaw ba, Ica? Ano ganap kay baby daddy? Baka may comeback na diyan, ah!" Sabrina teased me, poking my tummy. "Baby number two?!"
My jaw hang opened. "Knock on wood, Sabrina!" Kumatok kaagad ako sa lamesa, pati si Paige, pero nakangisi siya. "I don't mind being single as long as I have my baby Kie, okay? Top priority."
Love is not the only thing that should keep me going... pero minsan hindi ko mapigilan maramdaman na napag-iiwan ako ng tao, ng oras. It sometimes scares me to think that... what if I can never find the love I craved? Oh, 'di kaya, kailan ulit ako makakaranas ng saya sa pag-ibig? May makakapagbigay pa ba sa akin noon?
Paano kung... walang dumating?
I felt a hint of pain... pero okay na rin siguro. Hindi naman ako magaling magmahal.
"Ulan pala sa labas?" Marco was holding a magazine when he opened the door of his unit. Paniguradong mukha akong basang-sisiw.
"Yes." Hindi ko na siya binara tulad ng usual at sumagot nang maayos.
"Okay ka lang ba?" Bigla niyang kinapa ang noo ko kaya.
"What are you doing?" nagtatakang tanong ko at tinampal ang kamay niya. "Kie?"
"Sleeping." Nakapako ang tingin niya sa akin. I couldn't understand what his expression was trying to say.
"You should've texted me so I didn't have to come here. Payag naman akong dito siya matulog." Binaba ko ang bag sa lamesa bago hinubad ang suot kong cardigan. Sinuklay ko ang mga daliri sa buhok kong naging malagkit.
"Nag-text kaya ako. Hindi mo napansin?" Kumunot ang noo niya. Umiling ako. "Lakas pa ng ulan. Mamaya ka na umuwi dahil baka mapaano ka sa daan. Tsaka bakit ka nabasa, eh may kotse ma? Maligo ka nga muna. Baka magkasakit ka pa."
Sinuot ko iyong oversized shirt at boxers na binigay niya pagkatapos kong maligo. May blower siya so I used that while judging his bathroom with squinted eyes. There was nothing to judge. It was clean and all bottles were organized.
"Tulog na rin ba siya?" parang tanga na tinanong ko ang sarili ko. I was barefoot and I can feel the coldness of the tiles but I didn't bother looking for slippers.
Sumilip ako sa kwarto. Nakita ko si Kie sa kama at masarap ang tulog. She was sleeping like a flat wood. Natawa ako at lumapit para itagilid siya. She got my face, alright, but she's really too much like her dad. Mannerism and attitude.
Bumukas ang pinto sa kanan kaya napalingon ako. Papalabas si Marco at nagbabalot ng tuwalya sa baywang niya. Tumutulo pa ang tubig sa buhok niya. Our eyes met but I slowly looked away.
"Can I open a bottle of wine later?" I sat down the bed and started removing Kie's braids. He braided her hair? Marunong pala siya?
"Sure. The wines are in the second layer of the shelf," Marco replied huskily.
I stole a glance at him. Nakatalikod siya sa akin at may kinukuha sa cabinet. My eyes turned round when he suddenly let go of the towel, revealing all of his lower back profile.
What the hell?!
"It's almost Venice's birthday. Mag plano na tayo. Ano'ng gusto niya?" he asked me while putting his boxers on.
I quickly looked away as my cheeks heat up. Tumikhim ako at pinagpatuloy ang pagtanggal sa braids ni Kie, kinakalimutan ang nakita.
"I have an idea na for her day," I informed him.
I felt him walking towards me kaya tumayo kaagad ako. Muntikan na ako mabangga sa dibdib niya pero sabay kaming huminto sa paglalakad. Because of our closeness, his body wash filled my nose. Pareho lang kami ng amoy.
"Sorry," I apologized, pushing his chest so he'd take a step back.
"No problem..." He was looking down on me. Dumapo ang tingin niya saglit sa labi ko pero agad din umiwas ng tingin. "What's your idea?"
I cleared my throat and push my hair out of my face. "Sofia the First themed. She keeps on talking about it. She likes the gown so..." I laughed a bit.
"Okay. Kahit anong gusto niya." He took the remote of the aircon, increasing the temperature. "Gastos ko lahat, ah."
Umiling ako. "Ako na."
"Ako na," pag-agaw naman niya.
"Half?" I suggested. That's fair, right?"
He shook his head. "On me. It's my turn to provide for us," he said before looking back at the air-con. Kumunot ang noo niya dahil ayaw mag-iba ng temperature. "Ano na namang kalokohan 'to..."
"Akin na nga." Lumapit kaagad ako at inagaw ang remote sa kaniya dahil baka mairita na naman 'to. "Seriously, Marquenzo. Tumanda ka, nawala patience mo. Mahigh-blood ka diyan, eh."
"Concerned ka?" He raised a brow, a hint of smirk on his lips.
"As if." I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him.
"Oh? As if? Sureness." Hindi siya naniwala. Medyo makapal din 'to.
Nauna na akong bumaba. I wasn't even waiting for him in the first place. I got the wine from the shelf he was pertaining to and got a glass before pouring the liquid in it. Halos pinuno ko iyon.
"Ay!" Pinunasan ko kaagad ang kumalat na wine sa lamesa bago naglakad papuntang sala.
I played my Kenny Rogers playlist on my phone and placed it on the coffee table before dimming the lights out. The city lights were making the lighting of the living room better.
I started swaying to the music with my eyes closed. It gave me a magical feeling. I probably looked stupid dancing alone... even more stupid when I started pretending that I was dancing with someone.
It was the only thing I could do... Pretend.
Never have I been the oblivious type. So when I felt someone else's presence inside the living room, I stopped and slowly opened my eyes.
"If only I knew you loved to dance then we would've done it every night." Marco was watching me with a soft gaze.
"We didn't know each other that well then..." My voice almost left me.
Then I started feeling it again... The ache in my heart. Binaba ko ang tingin sa baso ko at tinitigan ang pulang kulay noon.
Red. Red was always attached to love. Why? Because it makes you bleed? Was that all love could give? Pain?
Because that's all I got when I loved. I do not understand how I get to experience both sides, being left and being the one to leave... but still feel pain.
I was hurting... I was hurting up until now. But I had a question... Why exactly was I hurting?
Gusto ko lang bang paniwalaan niya? Maging maayos kami? Mawala ang guilt? Mahal... ko pa ba siya? Closure? Pwede ba akong manghingi ng closure... kahit ako ang nang-iwan?
"I never got the chance to dance with you... Do you mind dancing with me now?" Marco invited, hopeful.
My heart doubled in beat because it was unexpected but still, I replied, "I don't mind." With a smile as I put my glass down on the table.
Marco placed my hands on his shoulder, then he held on the sides of my waist. "Ano ba namang song choice iyan. Pambihira," reklamo niya, pabiro.
The song currently playing was "Through the years." Nothing was funny, but we both shook our heads with small sad smiles on our lips. Hindi bagay sa amin iyong kanta. That's my thought.
"Ganda mo talaga." Marquenzo poked my nose with his finger.
Pabirong tinulak ko ang mukha niya. He playfully groaned and took my hand before twirling me around on the spot for several times. I giggled and relished the sensation until I found myself facing him again, his hand wrapping around my waist.
"I'm so dizzy!" Pumikit ako nang naramdaman na parang masusuka na ako.
"Oh?" Inikot niya ako ulit bilang pang-aasar.
Nang naharap ulit ako sa kaniya ay hinampas ko kaagad siya sa dibdib niya, na nagpatawa sa kaniya at hinila ako lalo palapit. Sobrang lapit na ng mga mukha naming dalawa. I was panting a little as my laugh slowly faded.
We must have looked ridiculous dancing to a song that didn't suit us. With him in joggers and shirtless, while I was just wearing his oversized shirt. But we managed to savored the dance... Slowly... We weren't rushing our steps... until it ended.
"Suot mo pa pala," pansin niya sa promise ring sa daliri ko nang kinuha ko ang wine glass bago naupo sa sofa. Tumabi siya sa 'kin at sumandal.
"Hindi ko kayang tanggalin. Bigay mo, eh." I gave him a smile that didn't show my teeth.
I saw a hint of pain flashed in his eyes. He averted his gaze to hide his true emotions.
"I love this ring you gave me so much. You gave me this when we went to Bataan. It was a magical moment for me... Do you remember?"
"Of course, I remembered." He reached for something on the table. It was our polaroid that Kie loved. "Ito."
"Yes, that day. We look so young!" Sumimsim ako sa baso habang tumatawa. We looked happy.
"Panget naman ng buhok ko rito! Anong mukha ito? Tapos ito pa paborito ng anak natin. Parang hindi ko tanggap." He scrunched his nose as he frown.
"Hindi, ah! Okay lang naman! Cute!" pampalubag-loob ko.
"Cute lang?" choosy pa siya.
Natatawang niyakap ko ang mga binti ko at pinagpahinga ang baba sa tuhod. "When you gave this ring to me, I got the wrong thought. That was so embarrassing but you laughed it out." Napangiti ako, inaalala iyong eksena na iyon. "I remembered what you promise me... Do you?"
"Promise... pakakasalan kita," he uttered the words he said before breathlessly, as if he was struggling.
"I believed it..." Tumawa ako nang marahan pero nagsisimula na ang pagbuo ng luha sa mata ko. "I really hoped for it..."
"Naalala mo rin na... doon iyong unang beses na sinabi mong mahal mo ako..." Marco let out a small painful laugh.
It was so vivid in my mind. It still felt like it happened yesterday.
"It felt so nice to hear that... kasi never naman akong nakaranas na mahalin, kahit masabihan man lang, pero ikaw sinabi mo..." Yumuko siya at napatitig sa hawak niya. "Kaso kung gaano kasarap sa pakiramdam na masabihan, grabe rin iyon sakit noong sinabi mong wala na..."
Kagat ko na ang loob ng pisngi ko para pigilan ang hikbi na nais tumakas sa labi ko. Why were we even reminiscing?
"Nawala nga ba o wala talaga?" Napalunok siya. Kuminang ang mga mata niya.
"Do you really think my love for you wasn't real, Marco? Did you not feel it at all?" My voice broke so I stopped for a moment. "Alam kong nagsinungaling ako at iniwan kita... pero nagkulang ba ako sa buong relasyon natin? Kulang ba iyong... pinapakita ko at ibinigay ko para pagdudahan mo pati ang pagmamahal ko sa 'yo?"
I saw how he swallowed hard while trying to stop his tears, not knowing what to say. Tumingin siya saglit sa taas.
"Kasi lahat para sa 'kin ay totoo. And yes... no lies, no secrets, we promised that but I did both. Hindi ako tumupad sa sarili kong sinabi sa 'yo. I needed to make you my secret even when God knows how much I wanted to flaunt you to everybody... I lied about Kie... because for me it was necessary..."
"Ginawa mo akong sekreto pero pumayag ako roon. Iyong pangalawa... hindi. Kahit ano pa'ng sabihin mo, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mo pinangunahan ang desisyon ko..." He was emotional already but he controlled his voice. "Hindi kasi dapat, eh. Dalawa tayo sa relasyon at magdedesisyon."
I rested my forehead on his shoulder while I keep on wiping my cheeks because they were tears falling non-stop. Later on, I felt his shoulder shaking too.
"Where did I go wrong for you to hurt me this bad, Ica?" Bumiyak ang boses niya.
"You did nothing wrong... It was all on me."
"I told you, I won't buy that." Hindi niya tanggap iyon. "Pero kung pipilitin mo na hindi ako ang mali, eh, 'di aminin mong nagkamali ka. Na hindi mo pinag-isipan iyong ginawa mo sa akin. Na natakot ka at ginawa mo ang una mong naisip... Because... I can accept those than all the nonsense reasons you give me..."
"I was just saving you," I whispered.
"And I told you, I didn't need to be saved by somebody else," he whispered back. "Not even by you."
Everything lands properly in my mind now and it pained me... but maybe I deserved it. I decided out of impulse and fear. I ran away, I lied. If I was punished... will that make him feel better? Will that change a thing?
I don't know. But I know that I deserved the pain for causing him pain... And maybe I deserved more of it.
"Do you love me?" I asked bravely. I didn't know what answer I wanted to hear.
"Sa ating dalawa, ikaw lang naman ang nawalan ng pagmamahal... I love you," he said with a hurtful laugh. "I still fucking do... A lot..."
As if the time stop ticking for me, I was frozen there not knowing what to react as I felt everything blur out.
"I love you so damn much... but I don't want us to be together..." His words were almost whispers. "I cannot be that close to you again... You always have a way of hurting me with your lies..."
My eyes shut tight as I take all his words in. It was a blow to me to hear those words come out of his mouth.
"All these years, even when you hurt me, left me, lied to me, made me hope... Even..." Hindi siya makasalita nang maayos. "Even when you gave up your love for me just that easy as if you never had it... I still love you."
When I lifted my head, he was so close to me. His eyes were filled with pain as he caressed my cheek. Slowly, he leaned in for a kiss. It was so light, almost like a feather has passed by. I shut my eyes and savored it, along with the stinging pain in my chest.
"I cannot give my love up like what you wanted me to do," he whispered when he rested his forehead on mine. "I do not want to give my love up... because I'm not you, Zy..."
"You always... have a way of hurting me with your words..." But he was right.