I'm wondering, why it's so hard for me, to do like what everyone does. Why I feel so blue, whenever I go. Why I can't breathe normally like human actually do. I can't do anything right like before. My mind distract me. This heavy feelings, I carried everyday. I'm glad. I thought I would faint, I thought I would fall.
This broken heart can't be the same anymore.
I can't believe anyone. It's hard for me to believe again. Mom, Dad,
I'm sorry I can't do what you told, it's hard, it's hurt. It's not like I won't tell you, I don't want to burden you anymore. Your words hurt me deeply at the bottom of my heart. You told me to forget about it, but it just keep flashing and running through my mind. Whether it's for monts or years maybe a decade, it won't leave. Memories stay, people go. I'm not smart, like the old me. It's gone. I know you would say I should have focused or doing practice daily. But I can't. When you see me in my earphones, I tell you, that's the way I calmed myself. I cry everyday. I'm tired. I know you feel the same. I'm sorry for you to feel that. That time when you said I'm too dramatic for crying. I want to stop immediately, but this heart, just so much chaos so my tears just keep falling. Crying is so hard, it feels like your heart's stabbed.
I know you'll never really accept my interest. Even you said you are, I knew it, I knew it all. I cried, crying, cry everyday at school. I don't feel safe here. It's hard for me. Every human are the same. How they ignored. how they teased. I don't believe them all.
I tried to be normal now. But my heart still wonder,
Should I apologize for being like this? Should I apologize for being monster they created?
I'm dying everyday. I need no sympathy from anyone. I fu*cked up. I wrote this here, even my heart won't be enough, every words I wrote, and I knew that it came from my heart. You can believe this as a lie. I don't want to be friend to anyone. Maybe just one, but still I'll get hurt 'till the end. I don't trust or believe the words promise or friend. It is the lies human so and tell. I've gone through this every single day. Words kill me mentally.
Hate me now. I never being normal. Anymore.