CHAPTER NINE
Z
The Do-Not-Disturb sign at the counsellor's door kept me waiting my entire lunch break. A minutes before having to return to work, I approached the front desk lady and requested to make an appointment for the following day but she told me to just walk in as Mrs. Hayse was not busy at all. I casually pointed to the sign at the door and the bored looking receptionist gasped and place both her hands on her mouth. "That sign was....so sorry. We should've moved it after the other client left"
Annoyed, I left without having made an appointment. What kind of unprofessionalism is this? There might not be anything wrong with me anyway. Everybody's probably forgotten where they parked their car more than once. Eight times in the last two weeks for me, but still. I admit the last time I looked for it, I ended up involving the police and the security personnel of the mall.
*****
I was taken to the security control room where different screens were standing next to each other. My task was to simply search for my vehicle in all the parking spaces. No one believed a car could be stolen at a mall where coming in and out is highly scrutinized at all entrances and exits. I couldn't locate my BMW and my mind was already doing the extensive labour of reporting it missing, filling in paper work for the insurance company, replacing my bank cards and ID since I'd left everything inside my work bag inside.
Kelly called to find out what was taking so long to get cash and buy our tissue oils and I let her in on the incident. "Someone stole my car?!" she creamed in my ear. And only then did I remember we swapped cars and immediately spotted Kelly's Kia on the security screen. As I was about to explain the blunder to the security person who had just finished reporting the matter to the mall's manager, two police officials walked in, looking for me to make a statement.
Embarrassing is an understatement.
Following that, I absolutely had to do something drastic like therapy although I hadn't forgotten where I've parked since that day. I also haven't used Kelly's car since and yes, I've been parking my vehicle at more or less the same place.
That event left me frustrated and angry with myself but only for about ten minutes. As soon as I sat inside Kelly's car, Tendai called to say he's at the police station to report Asa missing. Mom was home with 'Father', crying and stressed. Naturally I began to stress about the entire situation and more. A lot of things could go wrong from just having to locate Asa. If this child doesn't show up, cops will have to go to mom's house to interview her about Asa's comings and goings. We can't have that. Ever since the 'Jesus' situation, we have done all we could to keep police away from anything we do. Mom doesn't really exist. She's Catherine now and Catherine doesn't have unique finger prints, an identity number or history.
Tendai was walking out of the station when I arrived and was a bit emotional. I was surprised and happy at the same time. He feels after all. Together we travelled to mom's house to figure a way forward and mostly comfort her. "Father' was there but somehow I could comprehend why he'd be the first to arrive. We were at work and mom had to reach out to someone she trusts. Someone who doesn't require an explanation as to why she waited two hours before reporting this. I still didn't pay 'father' much attention after the mandatory greeting.
*****
When Asa didn't walk out of his school gate where mom always picks him up from, she waited twenty minutes before walking inside the premises to try locate him. No teachers had seen him since the last bell rang and his last period teacher claimed to not have seen him at all in his class. He assumed the child was absent. We were relieved to hear all other teachers clearly recalled seeing him in their classes and promise he seemed well.
"We should check Ella's house" I suggest but Tendai wants to wait a while before worrying his new love interest. He already spoke to Ella but intentionally avoided letting her in on Asa's missing status
"She would've told me if our child was with them" he concluded.
Asa better show up from wherever he is lest I end up in prison for playing the disciple role.
T
"Asanda is street smart and clever. Nothing can happen to him. Relax, he'll show up when he's ready" The priest says passively, reminding me of Zanda's phone call days before. Why he's made himself available for my son's upbringing is beyond me. Frustrating even.
I suspect he wants to make up for missing out on raising Zanda and I but I genuinely don't give two sh*ts. It's taking a lot to not divert my emotions from worrying about my son to telling him to get lost. This is a family matter, I wanted to say but we all know Catherin will easily argue that.
I can't help but recall all the times he showed up with mom to our school concerts, games and random special occasions. Back then we loved it, thinking our spiritual father cared about his church people. Felt special even. I can't think about it now without getting pissed off. I hate talking about it, so let's stop here.
A part of me is linking Asanda's disappearance to his outburst at his tenth birthday. A fellow-learner could've bullied or tortured him to running away. I've seen how cruel school kids can be and it's the most disturbing thing to witness. To be fair, most of it is never local. It's commonly American news, stories, films and television shows. But still, I can't help but fear the worst. And as if on cue about the fear part, he starts talking again.
"Naturally, our minds will think of the worst because that's how a human mind is wired. Our brains are designed to give us the worst case scenario because the brain wants to protect you. That's all your mind is doing; protecting you by making you fear so you can run or avoid danger. It's a wonderful but bad human trait that can be traced back to our ancestry"
Does he have an off button?
"Wow Archie that is so insightful. Where'd you learn that?" Catherine's embellished with caramel voice heightens my discomfort. I also catch Zanda's eyes rolling and find solace in having someone who shares my sentiments in this situation.
"I enrolled myself in a lot of trainings in my early years of priesthood. I had bigger dreams of becoming an academic although I knew I had the responsibility of becoming a man of the cloth. The study of human behaviour fascinated me from a very young age so I immersed myself in all classes that touched on the subject...."
"Can I please have a private moment with you, Zanda." I say making my way to the dining room.
"Sure" he responds already on his feet.
"Yes, Archie you were saying you immersed yourself...."
Gosh, Catherine. I can't. I really can't.
*****
Sitting next to Asanda's messy table of puzzles, Zanda and I decide to not waste time talking about Mom and him. I see Asanda has managed to put together two pictures of the puzzle but I'm too worried to pay attention to that. We discuss all possible places a child could be at. We travel back to our early years and discuss what we were involved in at his age. I know it's a long shot seeing as so many things have changed since then but we have to try. Try every possible scenario.
The child already suffered public humiliation on his birthday and spreading his missing status on social media was going to be our last resort. It's been four hours and we'd given each other a five-hour deadline and I could hear my heart beat rate increasing with each minute that passed. He'll be back. He has to. I just found him and his mother and losing them is not an option. Asa's presence is also the bait I'm using to try convince Ella to consider becoming my woman. If anything happens to him...
"Asanda!" Mom's scream startles me back from my deep worried thoughts. Zanda runs ahead and I follow with the same urgency. "I knew it" he proclaims in a more jovial voice I think I was hearing come out of him for the very first time since I've known him. Mom is squeezing the life out of Asanda's body and I've finally snapped out of being sad and scared. I'm flippin' mad! This child got us sitting here worried sick then he casually walks in then gets crazy affection from Catherin and him. I'll be damned.
"Asanda, where the hell have you been?!"
My voice booms across the room and everybody stops and stares at me.
"I asked you a question, boy! Why are you so bloody late?"
"Language" Archie says to me.
"Excuse me" I shoot back at him, my raised eyebrow punctuating my sour face.
"Asanda, your father and I would like to talk to you in private please" peace-maker Zanda jumps in, effectively stopping me from telling this nuisance of a man exactly what I think of him.
"Okay" Asanda says then turns to him before looking our way again.
"But, can I talk to Khulu first" he requests - shocking even Catherine.
"Of course, boy-boy. Let's go sit at your dining table" His gentle voice working on my last nerve.
Somebody shoot him.
Z
I can take a lot of things in this family but having 'Father' share secretes with a child I know is mine biologically, is not one of them.
So while Tendai fumed, paced, breathed loud and cursed underneath his breath; I calmly waited for the secret meeting to be over. Mom got on the phone with Cookie, informing her Asa's back. I didn't even know she had told her but then again, that's never a surprise.
Moments later, I hear Tendai talking on the phone too. He's telling the police that Asa is back. Good idea. Things almost got messy. I'm standing right in front of him when he finishes.
"Asa is ours and we are not letting him be a star in his life" My statement softens Tendai's angry face which quickly alters to serious. He offers me his fist and I pump it as expected.
*****
Thirty minutes later, 'Father' appears from the puzzle table room and tells us Asa is on his way to bath. I don't know where mom is but her disappearance works in my favour.
"You better tell us what's happening with my son if you know what's good for you" Tendai begins sounding his usual insensitive self.
Surprisingly 'Father' sits on the ottoman right in front of us and confesses he's just as confused as we are.
Tendai and I steal looks from each other then refocus on him while taking our seat. Nonchalantly, he tells us how he had expected the boy to share a heart breaking story about bullies or loneliness or past abuse but nothing of that nature came.
Asanda asked him about his life as a servant of god. Why he chose it and what he does with his time when he's not preaching, listening to confessions or praying. He asked about the temple and how the members could afford to build such a structure.
As if that wasn't confusing enough, 'Father' further explained how Asa dove deep into the details of the structure of the church building, wanting to know why it requires so many rooms to just praise the Lord. "Why the extravagance?" 'Father' says he asked.
"Yeah, but where has he been?" Tendai asks, disturbing father's obvious plan to continue talking.
"He says he saw a former comrade walking past his school and followed him to make sure he wasn't on a mission of locating him and his mother" He said his mother was done with his step-father but he in turn tried to use him to get back with her. As a result, her mother exposed the truth to him about his biological father - to stop the ex from using him to force her to take him back. That was the only weapon she could use to win against a gangster like Zizo.
"And that's why Ella finally came clean to you about your child, Tendai. It was to save herself not because she cares about you. I think your mother's right about her being a selfish person"
*****
I'm not fond of 'Father' but I'd be lying if I said I didn't appreciate how he so easily sat with us and broke his secrete oath with Asa to ease us off worry. The manner in which he spoke to us also made me feel like I was talking to my father for the very first time. A big part of me wished we didn't have 'the history' so I could have more conversations like these with him. Tendai clearly didn't share the sentiment and left the meeting after 'Father' told him his love interest would've continued to keep his child away from him if her relationship with the ex-lover had ended amicably.
I get why that could be upsetting and I can't help but wonder what kind of woman Ella is. Show me your friends, the saying goes. I say show me who you're sleeping with and I'll tell you who you are. Ella put her child's life in danger, purely by engaging in a love relationship with a thug. Asa is a good child but something must have rubbed off if he thinks it's okay to lose his mind over a disjointed puzzle and worse, disappear without informing anyone of his whereabouts.
If only I could tell Tendai to relax and allow me, the real father, to get worked up about the situation. But this is what it is and I have to downplay my worry and anger. I can only hope my twin will confront Ella and tell her how much she messed up then demand full custody. That's what I want and I hope today's events got him furious enough to take such drastic measures.
I, on the other hand, can only sit and watch. Sit here with 'Father' and secretly enjoy a father-son moment.
T
After the private chat with Zanda and him, I waited for Asanda to finish his bath then encouraged him to never leave his phone at home ever again.
"The school doesn't allow..."
"I don't care. Tell them to call me if they have a problem"
"Okay"
I hugged him briefly and told him 'I love you' then left. I know I could've stayed and said more but my mind was full while my stomach was rumbling from being empty. I desperately wanted to smoke something that will knock me off to bed but the thought always takes me back to the very last time I smoked....best we leave the details unsaid.
Instead, I drove to a country club restaurant I know will have nobody I know. It's located inside a larney estate with people who seem to be living in their own exclusive world and it's the perfect escape. I allowed my mind to explore the details of how Ella could've used me to free herself from a relationship gone sour. Here I was, falling in love with this woman, and all I was to her was a solution to moving forward. I hated the feeling of being used in this manner. And the fact that this involved a child ; my child, deepened the hurt. I wasn't even aware that my eyes were red from tears that weren't spilling out, up until a tall man with a heavy presence stood next to me and asked if I needed to talk.
"Another club burger with caw-slow please, I said while motioning him to take a seat next to me.
"Club burger with caw-slow!" he shouted to someone at the counter then rested his arms on the table while leaning towards me.
"Apparently, I'm a good listener with the best advice in my area so bring it on" the man informed me holding my gaze.
"How would you feel if your mother was secretly dating the man of the cloth?" I asked, surprising myself because I had never had the courage to say this out loud even to myself. Even stranger, I didn't feel ashamed, scared or all those other nameless feeling that crept up at the thought of talking about my mother's situation.
"I don't know if this will help but I discovered that my own blood brother was secretly dating an ex-girlfriend of mine I was struggling to get over. And wait for it..." he says with his finger holding the 'wait' position. Both his eyebrows raised and a look on his face that's clearly to prepare me for a bomb.
"This all happened a day after our break up" He concludes with a satisfaction in his face and sitting back to observe my shock to his story.
One, I would kill Zanda. Two, I am greatly underwhelmed.
"That's messed up, man" I say, obviously faking a reaction.
I then allowed him to make himself feel good about having helped me feel better, which he kinda did. I laughed at the poor guy's confidence in himself about being the best advisor as soon as I sat inside my car. And for the rest of my drive home, I thought of him then laughed up until I reached the second last stop from my house. The thought of being alone with my musings tortured me to changing my route.
*****
Ella was on her way to work, judging by her outfit. She comfortably got into my car and buckled up - a clear instruction to drive her to work. "Yes, baby-daddy, what brings you by?" she said evidently in a good mood and oblivious of how her son had disappeared for hours earlier.
"I love you Ella" I blurted out. My mind failing to overpower my feelings for her again.
What's wrong with me? I came here to get answers and yet I've made myself look weak again by professing love.
"I want us together, Ella. Not like before. Not in secret.
I know. I'm a lost cause.