The door revealed a drunk Serenity.
A drunk, hurt, angry, and vulnerable Serenity.
"Serenity anak! Jusko where have you been?!" Irene said as she approached her daughter. Serenity just looked at her and avoided Irene's touch.
"Anak amoy alak ka! You are a minor! You are not yet even a teenager, anak ko naman." Irene said. Serenity laughed sarcastically.
"Anak ko? Anak mo ako? Hahaha! Joker ka pala." she tipsily said.
"Anak."
"Shush! I'm not your daughter remember?! And stop acting like you really care because we all know you don't!"
"Anak, I care! I am your mother!"
"Mother? You call yourself a mother? Eh you can't even be a mother to me. You can't even introduce me as your daughter. Mother ka? Hahahaha baka mother fucker." she said.
"Serenity!" Luis said. He knew that it was the alcohol that makes his sister be this person. He can't blame her. She was hurt.
"Totoo naman! Ang saya saya niyo nga kanina diba? Sana all. Sana all happy family tapos ako wala. Nga nga. Hahahahaha! Ang saya saya talaga ng buhay ko oh! Nagkanda leche leche." She smiled.
"Buti pa si Mama Imee kahit hindi ako ipakilalang pamangkin sa kapatid kaya akong ipakilala as pamangkin sa kaibigan. Buti pa si Mama Imee hindi ako sinasaktan ng ganito. Bakit hindi nalang si Mama Imee naging Mommy ko no?" she directly asked Irene.
Irene knew then that this isn't her daughter anymore. It was a different person.
There are times when I'm lying in my bed
How I bellow and cry from this stupid game
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed-down, swelling
As I keep on dipping my face in these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how embittered I am
"Baby, magpahinga ka na? Halika anak tatabihan ka ni Mommy. Mag sleep ikaw." Irene said as she tried to accompany her daughter.
"Bakit? Para makatakas ka nanaman sa ginawa mong problema? Diyan ka magaling! Kapag nakasakit ka na pababayaan mo na!" Serenity said and hardly pushed Irene away.
"Totoo naman mga sinasabi ko eh. Bakit, nasasaktan ego mo? Tama yan! Para masaktan ka din hindi yung puro ako palagi nasasaktan mo!"
"Anak, tama na ha? Napadami ata ang inom mo eh."
"Natatakot ka sa kung anong pwede kong sabihin no?" Serene smirked.
"Bakit mo ba ako ginaganito? Hah?!" She shouted.
Serenity means peace and calmness. But Serenity herself can't even find peace and calmness in her heart.
"This isn't the first time you've denied me. Eh kung ideny din kita? Ha? Ang sama mo alam mo? Napaka sama mo!" Serenity bursted while pushing Irene away.
"Hear me out naman baby."
"Para ano? Para bolahin mo nanaman ako? Ang sama mo! I hate you!"
"You of all people! You of all people will hurt me? Imagine, your own daughter is in front of you! You had the chance! You had the chance to introduce me but what? Wala! Negosyo parin! Lintik na negosyo yan!" Serene lashed out. She is tired enough to argue with her Mom. Tired with everything.
"Hindi anak. Hindi ganoon. Humahanap si Mommy ng tiyempo."
"Bullshit! Tyempo? Mommy since birth you can simply tell the world that I am your daughter! Ang sabihin mo wala kang balak ipakilala ako kasi mas mahalaga negosyo mo! Wala kang kwentang nanay!" She shouted. Irene's mind went black as she slap her daughter.
'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine for all eternity
"Yan natututunan mo sa friends mo?! Ang sagut-sagutin ako? Ha?! Hindi kita pinalaking ganyan, Serenity."
"Totoo naman eh! Hindi mo ko mahal. Mas mahalaga sayo yung pangalan mo. Yang kasikatan mo." Serene said and stood up. Redness can be seen in her face.
"Hindi rin naman ikaw ang nagpalaki saakin eh. Si Mama Imee." She added. Every word Serene was throwing was like knives, stabbing Irene's heart.
Now, this angel has flown away from me
Thought I had the strength to set her free
Did what I did because I love her so
Will she ever find her way back home to me?
"J-just tell me if you don't like me as your daughter, I-i can just kill myself or leave you." Serene said. No emotion is seen in her face, but tears are falling in her eyes.
"M-my love i-it's not like that." Irene tried to hold her daughter but she againd avoided her Mom's touch.
"Then what, Mom? My safety parin? Lintik na safety yan Mommy! Mas nauna mo pang ipakilala bago mong mga business kesa saakin na anak mo eh!"
"Anak naman this is all for you. Nabigla ako anak. I'm sorry. Please anak para sayo to."
"I don't care about my safety Mommy. Ang gusto ko lang naman makilala ako bilang anak mo hindi bilang isang stranger! Hindi bilang isang no one! Ang unfair unfair mo eh! Ang unfair niyong lahat! Pasuko na ako Mommy. Pagod na akong maging tagong anak mo. Kaya ko naman pagtanggol sarili ko Mommy. Gusto ko rin naman maranasan na kasama kayo sa labas."
I'm so tired, I feel like catching 40 winks
Being up all night in this elbow room
That puts me in a trance
Where hopes and dreams come true
"Do you know that my friends just betrayed me? Mommy niloko nila akong lahat! Pinag mukha nila akong tanga! Lagi nalang akong niloloko! Mommy nung graduation ko ako lang mag isa. Every recognition ko ako lang po magisa. Kahit anong galing ko, kahit anong award ko, kahit anong rank ko mukha akong loser kasi ako lang walang magulang." She ranted.
"Mommy mukha akong ok pero binubully ako kasi wala akong mga magulang na maipakita. Wala akong pamilyang maiharap. Ang hirap hirap pong maging anak niyo. Kaya ko naman po protektahan sarili ko eh, hindi niyo naman po ako kailangan itago na para akong isang pagkakamali sa mundong ito. Mommy anak niyo po ako. Anak niyo din naman po ako katulad nina Kuya pero bakit ako lang po ang sinasaktan niyo ng ganito?" she cried.
"Mommy, nakakapagod po kayong intindihin. Gusto ko lang naman pong maging normal eh. Aanhin ko yung freedom ko Mommy? Aanhin ko yung freedom ko kung parang isang stranger lang ako sainyong lahat? Mas gugustuhin ko pa ngang protestahin kesa itago eh. Kasi mommy ang sakit sakit. You can nonchalantly say that you don't have a daughter to everyone. Ako? I can tell them I have a mother pero sinong ipapakita ko? Sinong pamilya ang ipapakita ko?! Ma! Please! Simula bata ako parang isa akong taong may nakakahawang sakit kung itanggi mo." She hardly said. She was having a hard time breathing.
Now, my lips are burning
And my eyes are hurting
From these fumes I make, still, I light another cigarette
Just to pass my time, oh
Heaven knows how embittered I am
"Anak nahihirapan din naman si Mommy." Irene said crying.
"Ano pong tingin niyo saakin? Natutuwa? Paano naman po akong buong buhay niyong tinatago? Mommy I just want to be known as you daughter like Kuya. Gusto ko rin po maranasan na matawag niyo akong anak sa public. Mas malapit ka pa nga sa trabaho mo at sa mga bata sa PYSB kesa saakin eh. Hindi mo po napansing lumayo loob ko sainyo?"
"Napansin ko anak kaya bumabaw-"
"Bumabawi? Mommy?! Naririnig niyo sarili niyo?! Bumabawi? Eh parang babawian ako ng buhay sa galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko eh! At dahil yon sayo!" She shouted.
"I wish you were never my mother, Ma. I wish I was never your daughter."
"Anak wag naman ganyan oh. You were a blessing remember? Anak you were Mommy's answered prayer."
"But why am I experiencing hell?! Iexplain mo naman sakin kasi mababaliw na ako kakaisip oh! Mababaliw na ako kakaisip bakit kailangan mo akong pahirapan ng ganito!" She cried.
'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine for all eternity
"You know what? I'm done with your bullshit. Hindi mo ako anak? Fine, then hindi kita nanay. I will leave Manila, and will never return until needed. You will regret everything. I've been so nice to you and your fucking reasons. It's time to choose myself." Serene said and ran upstairs to get her things. With less than five minutes she went down and was about to leave when she looked at her dad.
"I was expecting you to do someting. Akala ko ikaw kakampi ko. You've disappointed me so much. I've expected a lot from you, Mr. Araneta. Pare-pareho kayong lahat!" She said and ran away again from home.
......
"G-greggy malalim na ang gabi. K-kailangan ko sundan si Serene. Baka mapaano siya." Irene said as she weakly walked.
Alfonso and Luis hugged their mother.
"Give her some space, Ma. Hayaan niyo muna huminga si Serene." Alfy said.
"I-I'm so sorry. I'm sorry this is all my fault. I'm so sorry." Irene cried.
"Lahat tayo may kasalanan, Mom." Luis said.
"Pero ganoon ba talaga? Kung kelan nasaktan ang isang tao, kung kelan umalis ang tao dun tayo mag reregret? She just wanted to be known as your daughter, Ma. Kung kami masusunod ipapakilala na namin siya eh kaso ayaw namin kayo pangunahan." Luis said. Irene froze.
Bakit nga ba? Why do people starts to regret when the person is already hurt or gone?
"I'll try calling her again tomorrow. Let's all take a rest na ok. Alam ko naman kung saan siya pupunta. Pahinga na po tayo." Alfy said as he went away. Luis hugged his mother and went to his room. Irene was just crying when Greggy hugged her.
"Babalik siya. Babalik din ang anak natin."
"Hindi ko kakayanin kung mawawala na siyang tuluyan saakin, Dear." She cried.
"We lost her. We already lost her. What we need is to bring her back to us." He said with assurance. He assisted his wife in going up.
"Balik ka kay Mommy anak. Balik ka kay Mommy." Irene said before closing her eyes.
Now, this angel has flown away from me
Thought I had the strength to set her free
Did what I did because I love her so
Will she ever find her way back home to me?
Author's Note:
Bawi na ako ha? Sorry ang lame. Happy Holidays! Hope you enjoyed my gift!
- Rie